


Caught on fire

by wilwarindi



Series: Caught on Fire [1]
Category: Borderlands (Video Games)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, And Happy Ending, Angst, Canon-Typical Violence, Depression, Fluff, Friendship, M/M, More angst, Now with Fanart OMG :D, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Smut, Strangers to Friends to Lovers, Warnings made at the beginning of chapters, background Roland/Lilith, colorblind Mordecai (deuteranopia), it’s a mixed bag honestly
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-19
Updated: 2018-01-24
Packaged: 2018-10-20 23:58:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 123,238
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10673433
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wilwarindi/pseuds/wilwarindi
Summary: Mordecai’s first impression of Brick was that he was just another mean brute with jackshit going upstairs. Brick’s first impression of Mordecai was that he wouldn’t last 5 minutes off the bus without dying or leaving.They were both wrong.





	1. Fresh off the bus (AKA: Successive Approximations)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Featuring: awkward first impressions, Brick trying to make friends, the easiest way to become Mordecai's friend is to make him yell at you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not 100% certain about the title, but, oh, well. 
> 
> Warnings: some violence.

Brick laughed as he punched through bandits.

After a loud “what the hell?” and a slightly less loud swear directed at him, Roland, the soldier guy, ordered him to get back. Brick ignored him; he knew what he was doing. Lilith, the woman, on the other hand, laughed: a full, belly deep laugh in her surprisingly deep voice. Brick decided he liked her.

“Brick!” Roland called again, this time with more alarm than annoyance, and that was the only reason Brick payed attention and turned around to watch his back.

One of the bandits had been sneaking behind him, with his cheap assault rifle ready. Brick grabbed the bandit by the collar with one hand and raised the other to punch him. The bandit’s eyes widened behind his mask.

Before his fist could connect with the bandit’s throat, though, his head exploded, splattering Brick with bone and brain matter.

Brick let go of the dead man’s body and looked quickly around. Roland was crouching behind a dumpster and threw him a surprised look. Lilith was nowhere to be seen, and then she was; she materialized behind one of the bandits who was closest to them and promptly filled his head with bullets from her SMG.

 _Stray shot_ , Brick decided, unconcerned.

When Mordecai reunited with them Brick was honestly surprised to see him. Mordecai had disappeared as soon the first shots had been fired, so Brick could only assume he was long gone or dead. The bird Brick had noticed on the bus was perched on his shoulder again, now covered in fresh blood. As he saw it again, Brick realized he had seen it diving here and there during their fight to kill the bandits that had taken over Fyrestone.

“You trained that thing to fight?” Brick said.

Mordecai turned to look at him. His goggles and mask obscured most of his face, but he seemed surprised.

“Yeah. Something like that,” he replied. “His name’s Bloodwing.”

Brick laughed. He had seen attack dogs, but never attack birds. It seemed like too much trouble, seeing at birds were much more fragile than dogs. But he had to admit that, if nothing else, Bloodwing had been a good distraction for the bandits.

“Good name.”

“You’re a sniper?” Roland asked Mordecai, eyeing his rifle.

Mordecai smirked. “Yep.” He paused for a second. “What, you like what you see?”

Roland blinked. Then he coughed.

“That's, uh, it’s just a nice rifle.”

Lilith snorted to herself.

* * *

After the four of them realized they were after the Vault, they established a tentative alliance. They’d been on that bus for the most past of a day and the long, long Pandoran night was falling soon, so they claimed a few of the empty houses in Fyrestone for the time being.

Lilith declared one of the houses was only hers.

“You gon’ be alright on your own?” Brick wondered.

Lilith gave him a look. “Aw, are you offering to keep me company?” she asked in a caustic tone. “Protect the helpless damsel in distress?”

Mordecai snorted and Roland gave Brick a wary look.

Brick just shrugged. “Just askin’.”

“She’s a siren,” Roland pointed out. “She can take care of herself. Right?” he added, looking at Lilith.

“ _She_ can also stand up for herself.”

Roland held up his hands and dropped it.

* * *

It took them longer to scavenge enough food for the four of them than it took them to kill the bandits on Fyrestone.

“So, why are you in Fyrestone, anyway?” Roland asked Brick.

Mordecai was sure he didn’t imagine the tension that followed that question, emanating from Lilith and Roland and himself. Reasons were complicated, and not something you gave to anyone.

Brick shrugged as he kept shoveling food into his mouth.

“I got an ECHO message from some woman. Said to get off the bus here.”

There was a long silence. Mordecai, Roland and Lilith shared a look.

“What?” Brick asked, getting defensive.

“Uh, well…” Roland trailed off.

“That’s why I’m here, too,” Lilith admitted.

“Me too. But she said not to tell anyone,” Mordecai pointed out. “To me, anyway.”

Brick shrugged again. “We all got down at the same time. Figured y'all had heard her too.”

And it sounded so obvious when put like that. Of course they’d all been contacted by the same person (or whatever she was). Mordecai had no idea why, but they had.

Still, he and Roland and Lilith hadn’t mentioned it before. They must have suspected, all of them but they refused to tell, because… because they didn’t trust the others yet. Because giving out secrets was usually fatal when you were on Pandora.

Brick didn’t care. Why exactly, Mordecai wasn’t sure.

* * *

Their second day had them meeting T.K. Baha, who was honestly too nice for someone who lived on Pandora. It also saw them getting ambushed right outside Fyrestone by yet more bandits who weren’t too happy about them killing their way through the Badlands.

As soon as they killed the last psycho, Mordecai stomped over to Brick.

“You need to stop doing that! Who the hell charges like that?” Mordecai shouted.

“I do. And I’m damn good at it,” Brick replied.

Mordecai stared at him for a few more seconds, his mouth opening and closing.

“Look… Fine. Do your thing. Whatever. But I can’t cover you if you go berserk like that.”

“I don’t need cover. I’ve got my shield.”

Mordecai’s forehead creased and he let out a long suffering sigh.

“Man. Look, I’ve gotten a lot of bandits who were sneaking behind you - or behind Roland, or Lilith. A _lot_. But just now I was this close to also blowing your head off, or at least your ear.” Mordecai rubbed his temple. “Maybe we need a system?”

Brick laughed. “A system? When I punch them, don’t shoot them; how’s that?”

Mordecai groaned in annoyance.

“Fine. Whatever, just don’t complain when you get stabbed in the kidney by a psycho,” he said before turning around and going to check on his bird.

* * *

Brick could feel the smugness radiating from the other side of the fire.

“At least it wasn’t a kidney,” Mordecai said, a shit-eating grin clear on his face.

“Ok, fine. You were right. We need a system,” he admitted.

Mordecai shook his head.

“And here I was getting ready to say 'I told you so'.”

Roland pressed harder on his wound Brick hissed in pain and clenched his fists.

“I’m almost done,” Roland said.

Much like Mordecai had predicted, a psycho had gotten too close with his buzz axe and given Brick a nasty cut on his thigh. Roland had the most experience treating wounds, and he was cleaning it before they could apply on of Dr. Zed’s Insta-Healths. Brick didn’t much like the itchy feeling they gave as they reconstructed his flesh, but it was better than getting stitches and fighting with them for days.

“Got any ideas?” Brick wondered.

“How about you shout 'RAAGH! KILL!' really loud?” Lilith suggested

Mordecai snorted and Roland shook his head, but he was fighting back a smile.

“Nah, that’s just dumb,” Brick countered.

There was a brief silence.

“You already say that, man!” Mordecai said and burst out laughing.

Brick blinked. “I do?”

Lilith nodded. “Oh, yeah you do. Sometimes. Maybe do that all the time?”

Roland’s hand were shaking. He stepped back and started laughing too.

Brick could feel himself blushing and his temper start to rise at the familiar burn of embarrassment. He had been laughed at and called stupid all his life, and it never failed to make him feel like a pit was opening at his feet.

“ _You’re not bright, but you’re strong,_ ” his momma had told him a few times. “ _If you hit them hard and hit them fast, it won’t matter._ ”

Brick’s fists itched to do that: punch the daylights out of the three assholes who were laughing at him. He could even take them out, too.

Roland put a hand on his shoulder.

“Sorry, Brick.” He wiped his eyes and sobered up a little. “I thought you noticed you shout that. It’s terrifying. A lot of the bandits turn tail and run away when you do.”

Brick narrowed his eyes, trying to decide if Roland was just lying to keep him from flying off the handle.

“Makes it easier to pick them out,” Mordecai chimed in.

“I kinda feel bad for them,” Lilith said, and then shrugged. “But not really.”

Brick made himself unclench his firsts. He couldn’t say he believed them - childhood memories of being picked on and mocked were always hard to let go off. But they had managed to defuse the tension quickly, so killing them now would be anticlimactic. Besides, Brick was starting to like them.

He would try to pay attention to make sure what they were saying was true, though. If it wasn’t, then… well, he’d had to punch them. Although not hard enough to kill them. Probably.

* * *

They arrived to New Haven in the middle of the day cicle, enveloped by sweltering heat and covered in motor oil thanks to their recent battle with Mad Mel. No one was in sight when they parked their cars, not even guards. Judging by the hour, most people were probably asleep.

Brick grimaced when he peeled himself from the car seat; the faux leather had stuck to every exposed bit of skin on his arms and the small of his back. Mordecai seemed to be in a similar situation, judging by his annoyed grunt as he left the driver’s seat.

Lilith, who was still limping a little, stood with a hand shading her eyes, looking in the direction their ECHOs directed them to.

“Great, another ghost town,” she commented. “Think we can actually get air conditioning here?”

“I wouldn’t keep my hopes up,” Roland said, awkwardness in every line of his body. “We should go see Helena Pierce.”

Honestly, Brick was still surprised it had taken Roland this long to realize Lilith had been flirting with him - she hadn’t even tried to be subtle. And yet, the shocked look on Roland’s face when Lilith told him that if they survived Mad Mel’s ambush she’d be taking him out for a drink had been proof enough that he hadn’t noticed at all.

Roland had agreed, stammering a little, and now seemed like he was ready to trip over his own feet at any moment.

They followed the waypoint marker in their ECHOs into a squat, ugly building that seemed only marginally more resistant than the rest of the town.

Brick noticed Mordecai hanging back and felt a little sorry for him. Mordecai had kept to himself, for the most part, even as the rest of them started getting more comfortable around each other - but Brick had seen him talking to Roland, making a joke in a dry tone, and he’d caught Mordecai’s smile when Roland had laughed. It had been the first time he’d seen Mordecai smile at all; the guy was taciturn as hell.

That had been a while back, but seeing Mordecai keeping some distance from the rest of them, Brick thought maybe it had been more serious than he'd thought. And maybe Brick thought Mordecai was kind of an asshole with everyone except his bird, but he knew how it felt to have a crush on the wrong guy.

Helena Pierce gave them a harsh welcome, asked them to do a few menial tasks, and then directed them towards the closest tenement house where they could rent some rooms for as long as they were staying in New Haven.

“Alright, I owe you a drink,” Lilith told Roland as soon as they left Pierce’s office. “Where can we find a bar in this place?”

Roland shifted his weight. “Lilith…”

Lilith crossed her arms. “What?”

“Uh… don’t you wanna get some sleep first? It’s been a long day.”

“And give you the chance to change your mind? I don’t think so.”

Brick saw Mordecai smirking to himself and looking away.

“Have fun with that,” Mordecai said, his tone amused. “I’m gonna go check the bounty board.”

Brick looked at him, somewhat surprised, then he looked at the others. Roland was looking flustered and Lilith was still staring him down, and Brick decided to follow Mordecai. He wasn’t needed here.

“Hey, wait up!” he called.

Mordecai turned his head and slowed down until Brick caught up with him.

“Didn’t wanna play third wheel?” Mordecai asked him with a snort.

“Not really.”

“Dorks,” Mordecai muttered with a huff. “Can’t believe it’s taken them so long.”

Brick made a noncommittal noise.

The bounty board had a few jobs posted. They checked them out in a bit of an awkward silence - the two of them hadn’t spent too much time together so far, and it was suddenly glaringly obvious. Brick had taken a liking to Lilith in particular, she was fun and she was tough (much like his little sister), and Mordecai and Roland seemed to have a form of quiet understanding - one-sided crushes aside.

“ _King Wee Wee_?” Mordecai said with a snort. “What the fuck?”

“What?”

“There’s a bounty to kill a _King Wee Wee_ ,” Mordecai said. “Who the fuck calls himself that?” He selected the bounty and added the info to his ECHO. “Well, seems like I could do this one and the crystal one in one go, at least.”

He turned and headed towards the north exit.

“Wait, where are you going?”

“The Tetanus Warren,” Mordecai said over his shoulder without even slowing down.

“You’re going alone?” Brick asked, stunned.

Mordecai finally turned around. “What, you wanna come, too?”

Brick shrugged. “Sure.”

Mordecai smirked. It wasn’t a friendly gesture, it was sharp and a bit mocking.

“I got it.” He turned around again and left.

Brick frowned. That was the sort of thing that made him think Mordecai was kind of an asshole. It was hard to talk to him without getting the brush-off, or an unexpected quip that sounded close to an insult. If he thought it was cool, Brick could certainly tell him it wasn’t.

* * *

Brick went looking for Mordecai late in the next day. Lilith and Roland were up and about (and, predictably, still being weird around each other), and they were debating leaving to find Tannis.

Mordecai took a little while to open the door, and when he did he looked like he’d been asleep. His hair was loose and he wasn’t wearing his mask or his goggles.

“What?” he asked gruffly, rubbing one with the heel of his hand.

Brick’s words died in his mouth. He’d never actually seen Mordecai’s whole face like that, he was always at least wearing the goggles. His eyes were dark, and he had surprisingly thick eyelashes. Brick wasn’t sure if it was just that, or the fact that he’d never seen his eyes before, but he found himself staring, trying to memorize their exact shape and color.

Mordecai stopped rubbing his eye and glared at him.

“Just, uh, just checking if you’re still alive,” Brick heard himself say.

“I am,” Mordecai said dryly.

Brick tried to shake himself. “We’re thinking of leaving soon. Go look for that Tannis lady.” He noticed a bandage around Mordecai’s right arm. “You ok?”

Mordecai followed Brick’s eyes. “Oh, yeah. Turns out King Wee Wee had a weird Eridian artifact. It fried my shield.” He shrugged. “The whole fucking thing was weird. He was a midget and had a weird mustache for some reason.”

“So, you killed him?”

Mordecai gave him a look. “Of course I did. Told you I had it,” he said, and the harsh note in his voice betrayed more defensiveness than bravado.

Brick blinked.

“Oh. No, that wasn’t - I thought you might want some company,” Brick said, and regretted his choice of words almost immediately. “I mean, no reason to go alone. I had nothing else to do.”

Mordecai quirked an eyebrow, skeptical, and it was strange to see how expressive his eyes were after so long of having to read his face through what wasn’t covered by the goggles and the mask.

“Sure,” Mordecai said, not sounding convinced at all. “Anyway, he’s dead. I also got us some Eridian artifacts. Are Lilith and Roland visible yet?”

“Yeah, they’re up.”

“How awkward is it?” Mordecai asked with a mischievous look and smile.

“The same,” Brick said with a shrug, suddenly not interested in talking about them.

Mordecai snorted. “Figures. Anyway, I got an SMG for killing that guy. Thought Lilith might want it.” He scratched his bandaged arm absently. “Let me get my things, I’ll meet you guys.”

“Ok,” Brick said with a nod, and tried to look for a reason to stall him, something to say. Once Mordecai closed the door, Brick probably would never get to see his whole face again like this. “Why’d you think I wanted to go with you?”

Mordecai gave him a sardonic look. “Cause you thought I couldn’t handle it? I’m just the sniper with the bird.”

Brick blinked. “I mean…” He’d be lying if he said he hadn’t thought of that.

Mordecai huffed. “Go to hell,” he said, and shut the door in Brick’s face.

Brick stared at the door for a few seconds before heaving a deep sigh and rubbing the back of his neck.

That could have gone better.

Brick left quickly, suddenly very aware of how nervous he’d gotten and trying to outrun the feeling.

Ok, so maybe Mordecai wasn’t such an asshole after all. He thought they were looking down on him, and… Brick guessed he’d done that. He wasn’t sure what Lilith and Roland thought, though.

But Mordecai had gotten them all part of the reward and he was thinking of giving his SMG to Lilith just because. It was more than Brick would have given him credit for, so maybe he’d been wrong about the guy. Quiet people had always been a little hard for Brick to understand.

Mordecai kept them all at arm’s length, but he hadn’t left. He _was_ working with them, he was part of the team. It was hard to tell if Mordecai thought of them as friends, but if he didn’t, why would he stick around?

Maybe Brick just hadn’t found the right way to approach him.

* * *

Mordecai was startled when he heard heavy footsteps very, very close. A second later he recognized them as Brick’s, even before seeing him. Spending time with people meant you learnt too much about them. But it had taken him too long to notice someone approaching, and that was bad - that was how you got killed.

Brick stopped, his head raised to one side, like a hound listening for the rustle of prey. Then he turned his eyes in the general direction of Mordecai, who almost flinched. Damn, but that huge bulk of a man had good instincts.

Brick walked in his direction, unhurried, seeming more relaxed than any (relatively) sane  human had any right to be while in close proximity of one of the many bandit enclaves that filled the Rust Commons. After a moment it became evident Brick hadn’t located him yet, even if he was on the right track, and Mordecai considered letting him walk past - but knowing Brick, if he was looking for Mordecai, he would end up finding him anyway.

“You’re loud,” Mordecai said. Brick startled a little and looked up into Mordecai’s perch. “Could have killed you several times over.”

Brick, as always, seemed to find that funny. Mordecai wasn’t sure if he was crazy, unafraid of death or maybe considered himself invincible.

“There you are!” Brick beckoned for Mordecai to get down. Mordecai ignored him. “Should have known you were somewhere high up.”

Mordecai looked away and sighed. He slipped away because he was in need of some quiet time, and Brick was just so… big; his body, his voice, his presence were all so huge. Mordecai could already feel his proximity like that of a planet, massive, inescapable. Brick had a gravitational pull of his own, and it was exhausting.

“Well, you found me. Anything you need?” Mordecai’s voice was dry.

Brick hesitated. He peered up at Mordecai, assessing him, before looking around. “Bloodwing around?”

“Nah. He’s hunting.”

“Oh.”

There was a short silence.

“What do you want, Brick?”

Brick frowned. “You’re not leaving, are you?”

That wasn’t what Mordecai had expected. He huffed out a laugh.

“Nope. Why?”

Brick didn't reply right away, and Mordecai finally turned to look at him fully. Brick was squirming - actually squirming. Oh, man, this was either really good or really bad.

“Just wonderin’,” Brick said quietly.

Mordecai wasn’t going to let it go that easily.

“Why you ask? You worried about me or somethin’?” He had meant it as a joke, but the silence that followed spoke volumes.

“No, that’s-”

“Wait, you are!” Mordecai exclaimed, annoyance flaring.

“Not _worried_ -” Brick tried again.

“What, you think I’m gonna steal the Vault key piece and disappear or somethin’? Is that it?” Mordecai demanded. “Did Roland send you?”

Brick stared at him blankly for a long moment.

“What? What are you talkin’ about? Roland didn’t send me.”

Mordecai snorted. “Then why the hell are you following me?”

Brick frowned and shook his head, seeming very confused. “Not _following_ you. Just… wanted to find you.”

“That’s the same thing, Brick.”

“Nuh-uh. You disappeared, I was trying to find you.” Brick shrugged his massive shoulders awkwardly. “Just curious. You always disappear. I wanted to know - I was curious.”

Mordecai just looked at him for a moment, then decided he didn’t have the energy to figure out why Brick did the things he did.

“Curious about what?”

“About why you disappear. Like, are you leaving? Are you scouting ahead?”

“Just need some time alone,” Mordecai said, hoping (but not really expecting) Brick would take the hint and leave.

“Oh. Ok.” Brick nodded to himself.

Mordecai sighed and started climbing down from his seat atop the ruined tower.

“Why would I leave, anyway? Where would I go?” he wondered.

“I don’t know. Don’t know much about you.”

Mordecai’s mouth quirked up a bit. “I don’t know much about you either,” he pointed out.

“Not much to know,” Brick said with a shrug.

“Yeah. Not much to know about me neither,” Mordecai said as he sat on a rung from the ladder that left him on a similar eye level with Brick.

“I keep expecting you to leave. Since the first day,” Brick said.

“Why?”

“Don’t know. You look... “

“Like a coward?” Mordecai ventured in a bitter tone.

“Weak. Too scrawny.”

“Lilith is thinner than me,” Mordecai said dryly.

“No, she ain't. And she has magic. Or, whatever is she has. You always - poof!, disappear. Don’t see you until the end of the fight.”

Mordecai rolled his eyes. “Not all of us like punching every single bandit and skag that crosses our path. And did you just say ‘poof’?”

Brick gave him a wide grin and ignored the last part. “Punching feels good. Letting it out. Making people fear you.”

“I don’t need people to fear me in order to kill them.”

“It’s easier if they fear you. They leave you alone.”

Mordecai had to agree to that. He’d seen some bandits give Brick a wide berth, just because he looked like a tower of muscles and rage, while they tried to kill Mordecai on sight.

“Well, I’m not running away. Why are you asking anyway?”

Brick shrugged stiffly.

Mordecai chortled. “Aw! You _do_ care!”

Brick scowled at him, but it was ruined by the obvious embarrassed turn of his mouth.

“It was just - I -” he coughed. “I think they needed privacy.”

Understanding dawned on Mordecai. Of course: Roland and Lilith’s horribly awkward dance of fighting and flirting had been getting intolerable lately. That was one of the reasons he had sneaked away a while back.

“Oh, man, _finally_!”

Brick laughed too, looking somewhat relieved.

“Those two idiots. What, Lilith ambushed him, right?”

“Something like that.”

“Well, about fucking time. In a lot of ways.”

Brick huffed. “Yeah. I thought it best to get lost.”

“Think they’re gonna be all weird tomorrow?” Mordecai wondered.

“Probably,” Brick agreed.

“So much drama.”

* * *

There was less awkwardness than Mordecai expected. Roland and Lilith kept fighting most of the time, only their fights now mostly sounded uncomfortably close to foreplay. At least after the first night they had the decency of taking it into a tent - or a room when they were in New Haven - instead of forcing Mordecai and Brick to leave.

That, of course, meant he and Brick found themselves having a lot of time of mutual company, and ith just the two of them to keep watch it was harder to sneak out. Besides, it wasn’t like Mordecai was the most responsible person on Pandora, but even he knew that leaving only one person guarding the camp was a bad idea.

Brick was never completely quiet: he talked, he hummed, he drummed his fingers. Something, anything except complete silence. It had been unnerving during the first weeks of knowing each other, but by now Mordecai had learned to tune most of the noise out.

“Hey, I’ve been thinking about that Old Haven place Price mentioned. Roland and Lilith seem a bit… busy, but maybe we can go and check it out,” Brick mentioned during one of their watches.

Mordecai blinked and turned to look at him. It wasn’t the first time one of them had gone out on their own to do some odd job - collect pieces of guns, kill a few skags, pick up ECHO recordings - but this would mean a few days of travel, at least.

A few days of travel where they wouldn’t have to listen to stifled sex noises and try to pretend they didn’t see the looks Roland and Lilith kept giving each other.

Yep, that was enough for Mordecai.

“Sold.”

* * *

As far a bad ideas went, going to Old Haven with Brick wasn’t exactly the worst thing Mordecai had ever done… but not by much. It certainly wasn’t the best, but at the moment Mordecai was leaning to consider the trip a bad idea but not a defeat, which was _something_.

Another thing that came with spending too much time with people was you came to rely too much on them. Mordecai had lost practice with fighting in urban terrain, full of nooks and corners and back alleys and dead end streets - and he’d also lost practice with having to watch his back constantly.

Lilith always Phasewalked along the battlefield, annoying bandits, crippling defenses and keeping an eye on her team. Roland mostly fought on the defensive too, and directed movements on a clear, sensible way. As for Brick... he still charged, as he had always done, somewhat following Roland’s directions, and wrecked chaos into the enemy's forces.

Mordecai didn’t realize the obvious problem until they were already in Old Haven and Brick started punching his way through the Crimson Lance forces: the Lance soldiers were everywhere, and they were trained, armed and dangerous, so he’d had to do his best to keep up with Brick most of the time. Mordecai wouldn’t have a chance to pick a perch and clear the terrain as he usually would, both because the Lance troops kept coming and because Brick simply kept going, like a steamroller, and didn’t pay any attention to Mordecai’s barked directions.

Which was how he ended up nursing a bad cut on one arm and an acid burn on the other. He managed to herd Brick into an abandoned apartment and ordered him to keep watch while Mordecai tended his wounds.

Mordecai slumped against a wall, took off his goggles in irritation, and threw them at the floor.

“I’m blaming you,” he said, pointing at Brick.

Brick, who was peering out the window, turned at him with raised eyebrows.

“Me?”

“You keep charging! You just _go_!” Mordecai shouted. “If you don’t remember: I have handguns and a sniper rifle. I can’t take five guys at the same time who are firing shotguns point blank at my face!”

Brick pursed his lips.

“So, what you need?” Brick asked, and he sounded a little miffed but also almost remorseful.

“I need you to watch my back!” Mordecai yelled. He rummaged through his supplies looking for an Insta-health hypo for his wounds. “How hard is that to get? I watch you back, you watch mine. I take out guys long range, you take out guys close range. That clear enough for you?”

Mordecai could hear Brick shuffling, but he didn’t care if he was angry or offended right now. All Mordecai could care about right then were his arms, one bleeding and the other pulsing with pain from the burn.

Then Brick filled up his field of view and Mordecai’s stomach dropped. He might have pushed it too far, after all. Making Brick angry was a bad idea, as many dead bandits (and now Lance soldiers) could attest to.

Brick, though, pulled the bag away from Mordecai’s grasp.

“Here, let me,” he said, surprisingly quiet. He pulled two Insta-Health doses and an antiseptic kit from the bag. “This is gonna hurt,” he warned unnecessarily.

“I know! Just do it,” Mordecai replied through clenched teeth.

Brick’s massive fingers struggled with the antiseptic wet wipes and with the trigger in the Insta-Health syringes, but he kept complete focus on his task and tried to be as gentle as he could while cleaning the wounds and while injecting the serum.

After it was done, Mordecai let out a puff of breath and closed his eyes, willing the medication to work faster and wipe away the pain.

“I’m sorry,” Brick said then, quietly. Mordecai opened one eye and looked at him. “For, uh, charging? I’m not good at - I’ve always fought alone. Mostly. I’m not used to watch out for others.”

Mordecai glared at him for a little while, but then sighed and gave up. It was impossible to hold a grudge against a man who was so big and who looked so much like a kicked puppy when he apologized.

“Me too, man. But…” he hesitated and decided against any lectures. “Doesn’t matter. Just try to keep an eye out for your team. We’re in this together, right?”

Brick’s face lit up, and Mordecai held his breath. There was something almost awe-inspiring about seeing Brick’s rough, mean and huge face splitting in a smile.

“Got it, Mordy,” Brick said slapping him on the shoulder, and _Jesus that hurt_!

“Ow! Hey, I’m wounded, remember?” Mordecai cried. “Save your strength for the bad guys.”

“Sorry, sorry. Forgot you’re so delicate,” Brick said with a grin and stood up.

“Not _delicate_!” Mordecai sputtered. “Brick, you’ve torn off bandits jaws with one punch. Skag’s jaws!”

“That was just a love tap. You’d know if I was trying to hurt you, trust me.”

Mordecai opened his mouth, but then decided not to remark on the “love tap” part. He liked his jaw where it was.

* * *

Mordecai was dozing off with his feet up in the dashboard when Brick spoke.

“You ok with Roland and Lilith, right?”

Mordecai opened one eye and sighed internally. Here he was hoping he could nap for a while.

“I’m ok with them… how?” he wondered.

“You know. Hooking up.”

A chill filled Mordecai’s bones. “Why wouldn’t I be?” he asked, trying to sound casual and disinterested.

Brick mumbled something. “I don’t know. You seemed to have a thing for Roland.”

Mordecai stiffened. He tried really, really hard to keep from doing something too obvious - something like, say, dropping his feet from the dashboard and then bolting out of the moving vehicle.

It wasn’t easy to resist the temptation.

“I - That - I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he stammered and looked away, his mouth turning in disgust at his own unconvincing voice.

Brick shrugged. “Oh. My bad.”

Mordecai wanted to curl up in himself, hide and die. If Brick had noticed, then Lilith must have too. And if she decided to kill him, she’d make it last.

He let out an angry puff of breath.

“It- That’s over. It was stupid anyway.” He admitted begrudgingly, hating how his face burned under his mask. “It was maybe a week.” Mordecai squirmed in his seat. “I didn't think it was so obvious. Fuck.”

Brick threw his head back and laughed, and laughed.

“Rude,” Mordecai mumbled.

“It wasn’t that obvious. I don’t think Roland knows,” Brick said.

“Roland is an oblivious skaglick who didn’t realize Lilith was flirting with him until she spelled it out for him,” Mordecai pointed out dryly. “Not really my type. Glad Lil likes them dumb and oblivious.”

“Right.”

Mordecai frowned. “How d’you know, anyway? Does Lilith know? Is she gonna set me on fire while I’m sleeping?”

Brick hesitated, which didn’t make Mordecai any less nervous.

“Dunno. But she probably does - she’s smart .”

“Yes, she is,” Mordecai agreed dejectedly.

“Relax. If she had it out for you, she’d already killed you.”

“You are really, really bad at reassuring people, Brick. Just so you know,” Mordecai said.

Brick shrugged. “Still true.”

* * *

“Explain it to me again,” Brick said.

Mordecai sighed and took the bottle back from Brick’s hand.

He took a pull of rakk ale, wiped his mouth and then replied: “Like I said: _instead_ of punching, I prefer to keep my distance from the target, pick my moment, and kill them with a single well-placed shot.”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa.” Brick said, raising his hands. “You lost me at 'instead of punching'.”

Mordecai stared at him, just radiating annoyance and disbelief, and Brick couldn't hold his shit-eating grin anymore.

“Aw, fuck you, _pendejo_!” Mordecai said, but he cracked up a second later. He pushed Brick away, and ended up only pushing himself away from Brick.

Brick’s rumbling laughter shook the both of them and poured over the dying flames of the campfire.

“You should see your face!”

Mordecai rolled his eyes (or seemed to) and shook his head.

“I’m not a complete idiot, you know?” Brick said, to his own surprise. He hadn’t meant to say that. “No need to talk down to me.”

Brick’s grin fell and he looked away. He shouldn’t have said that. Too obvious.

Mordecai paused, then nodded. “I know. Never said you are.”

Brick snorted, still looking away.

He heard Mordecai taking a few more swigs from the bottle.

“I mean - yeah, sometimes you are,” Mordecai said thoughtfully. And it stung. “But honestly? Most of the time I think you fake it to ambush people.”

“Fake it?” Brick asked, more surprised than anything, and hated himself a second later.

Asking for clarification wasn’t helping his case, was it?

“You are scary observant sometimes, man,” Mordecai said with a tight smile.

“Uh-huh,” Brick muttered skeptically.

“Seriously! Even if most of your solutions are blowing stuff up.”

“Explosions are fun,” Brick said, trying to sound more enthusiastic than he felt.

Mordecai laughed. “Sometimes. But you are; and you’re good at findin’ things. And figuring how stuff works. And, I don’t know, other stuff. But you surprise me a lot of the time. You have good ideas.”

Brick shook his head.

“Shut up before you hurt yourself,” he said dryly.

“Hey, I’m trying to be nice here, you asshole!” Mordecai complained.

“Yeah, and you suck at it”

“Screw you,” Mordecai replied, though he couldn’t hide his grin. “I’m trying here. But fine, suit yourself.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Music mood: [Heartless Bastards - Only For You](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gmX-ceF-N1k)
> 
> You can find me on [Tumblr](http://www.wilwarindi.tumblr.com/)
> 
> Brick never did say how he knew Mordecai had a thing for Roland :P If anyone is interested, I'm in need of a beta for this fic. 
> 
> I hope you enjoyed it, please leave a comment :)
> 
>  
> 
> **Thoughts on the fact that Pandoran days last 90 hours:**
> 
>  
> 
> 1 cycle = 90 hours.  
> In common speech “one day” is half of a Pandoran day/night, so a cycle contains four (22.5 hour) days. In general, life is run as sleeping before dawn and after twilight, and once during the night cycle, and once during the day cycle - it also helps keep the notion of day cycle being two days.  
> 1 Standard week = 168 hours  
> 1 Pandoran week = 2 cycles = 180 hours  
> 1 month = 8 cycles = 720 hours = 30 standard day month  
> 1 standard year = 8760 hours = 97.33 Pandoran cycles → 97 cycles (with a leap year every 3 years )  
> (Pandora orbits its sun every 10 standard years, but that’s beside the point)


	2. One step forward, two steps back (AKA: It takes two to tango)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Featuring: emotionally stunted Mordecai (what else is new), Brick loving bear hugs, Lilith being done with everybody's bullshit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: some violence.
> 
> Don't expect all my updates to be as close together as this one, I'm just feeling eager :)

Getting the second piece to the Vault Key was unexpectedly easy. Mordecai credited the very hard-won team work they had been developing. The strategy was simple, but effective: the others kept Krom and his turret distracted and he sniped it, slowly but surely. A couple times, the turret managed to hit him and quickly depleted his shields, but Mordecai forced himself to be patient and not screw this up.

Brick was even louder than usual, and kept throwing bandits around to catch Krom’s attention. Roland threw grenades every so often. Lilith swatted Krom over the head a few times before phasewalking away again, and Mordecai had to struggle to keep his laughter from messing with his aiming.

In the end, they won. They had become good at that.

As soon as they finished the last remaining bandits, Brick started calling for him.

“Mordy?! Mordy!”

Mordecai winced. Since when was he “Mordy”, anyway? And since when did Brick call him that in front of the others?

He didn’t have time to formulate a protest, though, because he had stood up and Brick had seen him. Brick ran up to him and without warning hugged Mordecai tightly. His ribcage immediately protested.

“Wha-”

“WE DID IT!” Brick boomed. He started spinning around, and Mordecai, who was a head shorter, could feel his feet dangling helplessly in the air. His first reaction was looking around for Roland and Lilith with a surge of embarrassment, but he couldn’t see them with his face pressed tightly to Brick’s shoulder. “WE DID IT! WE DID IT!”

“Yeah, we did,” Mordecai struggled to say. “Brick, my ribs. You’re choking me.”

Brick loosened the strength of his embrace, but kept spinning for a few more seconds. Then he put Mordecai back on the ground, his hands firmly on Mordecai’s shoulders.

“That was AWESOME! WE ARE SO BADASS!” Brick punctuated his words squeezing Mordecai’s shoulders and shaking him a little.

Mordecai’s stomach felt tight and his heart was hammering, but he couldn’t help but laugh at Brick’s enthusiasm.

“Hell yeah, we are!” he agreed, then clutched his ribs. “Oh, Brick, man, I think you cracked one on my ribs.”

Brick laughed.

“Wow. That was… something,” Lilith’s amused voiced cut through the moment.

Mordecai’s head whipped around to where she and Roland were standing, both carrying a few looted weapons. Roland was smiling almost as broadly as Brick.

“LILITH!” Brick hollered, striding towards her.

“What? No-” she said, taking a step back.

“C'MERE!”

Brick wrapped one arm around her and lifted her off the ground, hugging her fiercely. Lilith sputtered and hit him with her fists.

“What are you _doing_?! Put me down, Brick!”

Roland snickered.

“ROLAND!” Brick said.

“Oh, no!” Roland said, his grin falling off his face to be replaced with a shocked expression.

Before he could get away, Brick wrapped his free arm around the former Lance commando and lifted him as effortlessly as he had taken Lilith.

“ _Brick_!”

“Put me down, you asshole!” Lilith demanded.

Brick ignored their cries and started spinning around and around again, and Lilith’s and Roland’s half-hearted protests soon turned into laughter.

Mordecai laughed too, despite his pained ribs, as stunned as the others but caught into the fierce joy of the moment. And seeing Brick holding up Roland and Lilith like ragdolls and spinning around was simply hysterical.

They had won. It wasn’t the first time, and yet… they had never worked so well before. There was something about it that made it feel like an even bigger victory.

Brick finally stopped and put the others down. Lilith and Brick were dizzy and they kept leaning against each other. Lilith was still giggling (and wow, Lilith could _giggle_ , who knew?). Roland patted Brick’s huge arm and tried to sober up. And Brick, he was grinning a huge grin right at Mordecai.

Mordecai blinked and his own smile froze in place.

He saw the world mostly in a shade of yellows and greens, a fact he’d never really noticed until he was a grown man. Blue was always the only color that stood out in the sea of yellow and green hues, bright as a beacon.

Brick’s eyes, he noticed for the first time, were really, _really_ blue. They were staring directly at his, filled of a savage kind of joy and a ferocious kind of fondness, and…

 _Oh, no_ , Mordecai thought, loud and clear, before he promptly squashed the rest of the thought that suddenly appeared in his mind, not even letting it finish taking form, refusing to even contemplate it.

 _Nope_.

* * *

The third Vault Key fragment involved fighting a Rakk Hive, which was probably the most badass thing Brick had ever done to date.

“No hugs!” Lilith told him sternly after the creature was dead and he went looking for the rest of his friends.

“Aw! But Lil! We just won! Against a _giant thing_!” Brick protested.

Lilith's resolve wavered.

“Oh, fine. Just don't make puppy dog eyes at me ever again, you sap.” Brick beamed. “But no spinning! Or I'm gonna phase blast you right in the face.”

“You’re so mean,” Brick said but hugged her tightly. As promised, he didn’t start spinning, but he did lift her feet off the ground for a few seconds.

“Ok, enough of that,” Lilith said when he let her go, but she was smiling. She liked to pretend she hated everybody, but Brick could see through her.

Roland called them, waving a hand to get their attention.

“Hey! This way!” He was pointing to a cave up ahead.

Brick and Lilith walked up to him. As soon as he was close enough, Brick slapped Roland’s back. Brick would have hugged him too, but Roland always got so flustered when he was shown affection.

Roland groaned in pain. “Good to see you in one piece, Brick.”

“You know me. Nothin’ can take me down.” Brick looked around for the highest shelves, squinting his eyes. “Where’s Mordy, anyway?”

Lilith gave Roland a knowing look which Brick pretended he didn’t see. Unless one of them ever actually said anything, he could continue to play dumb. He was good at that.

Roland cleared his throat.

“He’s at the cave,” Roland said and started walking. “Said he’d take a look around.”

The cave was huge, and filled with rakk. Some of them had fled, but some remained on their perches and threw warning looks at them as they entered. There was a large chest at the center of the cave and Mordecai was looking inside it.

“This is ridiculous,” Lilith said. “Who even put this fragment here? Why? It’s so dramatic it doesn’t make sense.”

Mordecai turned around and saw them approaching.

“Hey guys, look what I found!” He held up the fragment they were looking for.

“Well, at least we didn’t fight a Rakk Hive for nothing,” Lilith said. “I still think it doesn’t make sense.”

Roland said something to her in return, but Brick didn’t pay attention. He was busy trying to figure out what to do with his hands and trying to push down his sudden nervousness.

“Hey, you OK?” he asked Mordecai.

Mordecai lifted his gaze from the fragment he had been studying closely. “Uh, yeah. You?”

“Are you kidding? I’m great! We just killed a giant monster!”

Mordecai barely smiled in return, and Brick’s heart sank in disappointment. He wasn’t sure since when, or why, but Mordecai was avoiding him. He thought he might be imagining at first, but after a week he was pretty sure he was right.

It wasn’t too obvious, really. It wasn’t as simple as giving him the cold shoulder, it was little things: leaning away when they were talking, not paying full attention to what he was saying - never, ever touching him, not even when walking past each other.

Before Old Haven, Brick had tried to talk to Mordecai, tried to reach out to him, but Mordecai kept dodging, locking him out. They’d never had much in common, but they were probably friends since Mordecai yelled at him for not watching his back and Brick apologized and tried to work better with him. Brick wasn’t sure what had changed, why that had worked - but it had.

Brick wondered if maybe he had to get Mordecai to yell at him again to get over whatever had gone wrong this time. Or maybe it was him being stupid again. He had assumed they could be friends, finally, but why would Mordecai - sharp tongued and sharp minded Mordecai, prickly and elusive - want to be caught?

* * *

Going back to Old Haven, now with Roland and Lilith, was somewhat awkward. Lilith kept talking about “the time Brick and Mordecai ran away together”. After a while Mordecai couldn’t help but snark about how she and Roland couldn’t be bothered to keep their hands off each other and that was why he and Brick had to come without them.

“Easy, tiger. Just messing with you,” Lilith said, but it was obvious she was pissed.

She dropped it after that.

If they’d known they had to rescue that damn Claptrap when they’d first been here, they would have.  Mordecai remembered seeing it and thinking someone may want a reward for it, but Brick hadn’t paid much attention to him when he mentioned it. And anyway, the prospect of having a Claptrap yammering for hours on end wasn’t exactly appealing.

The Lance forces had dwindled a little, but not much. At least, this time Mordecai could snipe in peace without having to chase after Brick every two seconds.

“I think they’ve reinforced their patrols since you were here,” Roland said over the ECHO.

Mordecai felt a flare of irritation, but then realized Roland was just being Roland: assessing the situation, not trying to make fun of him.

“Nope. Actually, I’m pretty sure there were more when we were here.”

“More? Really?” Roland made an impressed sound. “That must've been fun.”

“It was!” Brick chimed in. “Til Mordy got hurt.”

Mordecai’s shot, which he had been carefully aligning for almost a full minute, went wild.

 _God fucking dammit, stop it with the damn “Mordy” thing!,_ he wanted to shout. He suspected he was blushing, but thankfully was well away from the rest in his perch.

“That was _your_ fault, you oaf,” he grumbled venomously. 

“I know,” Brick said immediately, his voice unusually subdued.

Mordecai closed his eyes tightly. _Goddammit. God fucking dammit, Brick, stop it!_

* * *

Mordecai had been sneaking away again, which was something he hadn’t really done in weeks, and Brick couldn’t help to wonder if maybe he was going to disappear for real this time. Simply vanish without warning. Knowing Mordecai, there wouldn’t be an explanation, only an empty spot where his tent had been.

And Brick still didn’t know enough about Mordecai to know where he would go.

By the time Mordecai came back, Brick was nodding off. Brick saw him hesitate, look towards his tent, and then turn around to go stand beside him.

“I can take watch now,” Mordecai offered.

Brick yawned and stretched until his shoulders joints popped.

“‘m fine, Just restin’ my eyes.”

Mordecai smiled at him for the first time in a while and crouched next to him.

“Go to sleep, Brick,” he said. He laid a hand on Brick’s shoulder - although Brick noticed he hesitated for a split second before making contact.

Bitterness bloomed in his chest. He still didn’t know why Mordecai was pulling away, why he hesitated when just a few weeks earlier he didn’t have a problem sharing a few drinks and swapping stories while huddling close to stave off the bitter chill of the Rust Commons at night.

He didn’t know, not for sure, but he had a hunch that his growing attachment hadn’t been well received. And, well, whatever; he could back off if that was the problem. Wouldn’t be the first time, either. But being pushed away like that, without any explanation, without being told what he had done wrong, it just hurt, and kept hurting each time.

“I don’t wanna,” Brick mumbled and looked away.

Mordecai sighed and took his hand away. Brick flinched inwardly, immediately regretting his words and knowing Mordecai would roll his eyes and tell him to stop being stupid, to stop being childish, to leave him alone.

“Suit yourself,” Mordecai said with a shrug. He sat on the ground next to Brick. “If you start drooling on me, I’m gonna punch you.”

A wave of relief that washed over Brick. Maybe it wasn’t his fault. Maybe whatever had happened, they might still be friends after all.

And then, because Brick was never good at not pushing his luck, he dropped his arm around Mordecai’s shoulders and leaned all his weight against him.

“Oof!” Mordecai complained and elbowed him, but not too hard. “Get off, you ass! You’re too heavy.”

“I'm a big guy,” Brick said and laughed. He moved some of his weight away, but not all of it.

“Yeah, no shit,” Mordecai huffed, but Brick could hear the smile in his voice. He grumbled a little more and tried to make himself comfortable, but didn’t move away or told Brick to take his arm off.

This was more like them, like their sudden, brittle friendship. Brick had missed it, missed the nudges and the playful shoves, their constant competition over who killed more bandits, and the feeling of Mordecai’s sharp elbows and shoulders by his side as they tried to keep themselves entertained or awake - something that had happened a lot since Roland and Lilith had hooked up and retired early most days.

It was so fragile and so dazzling. It was important to him, and Brick didn’t want to let go of it just yet .

* * *

Their last night on New Haven before leaving after the fourth Vault Key fragment, they got together to have some drinks. They were nervous and excited; the journey had been longer and more complicated than any of them expected, but it was coming to an end.

Or so they thought at the time.

Mordecai was somewhat surprised to find he and Brick could still do that thing where they talked, just the two of them, and left the others aside - which always made Lilith give them knowing looks. He wasn’t sure if it was a good or bad surprise, but he hated Lilith for looking at them, for making him feel awkward when all he wanted was to put the whole thing behind him.

Aaaand he better stop thinking about it too much, before things got all messy inside him again.

They discussed what each of them thought would be inside the Vault (they agreed there would be something they had to fight before it was all set and done, as there was always a fight waiting for them at each turn of the road), and what their plans were for the money. Roland had taken a liking to New Haven, and was considering staying and organizing a resistance against the Crimson Lance. Lilith, well, she didn’t exactly say, but it sounded like she meant to stay too. Brick mentioned he should go back to looking for his sister, Amanda.

Mordecai didn’t know what he would do. He craved money and recognition, and both were going to come his way when they found Vault. It made him uneasy, having it all so close, because he had no idea what came afterwards.

Only a couple hours later Roland was nodding off on his seat (he was an early bird, a trait none of the others shared), and Lilith had goaded Brick and Mordecai into some drinking game. Mordecai was getting tired, though. He got tired when he was around people for too long, and he had seen these people every day, all day, for a couple months straight.

When they ran out of booze and Lilith went to the apartment Helena Pierce had lent her and Roland (they were so domestic, it was hilarious) to get a bottle from her stash. Mordecai took that as his chance to leave.

“I think I’m gonna go,” he said before standing up. The world spun around him and Mordecai rushed to clutch the back of the chair he had been sitting on to keep his balance. “Yeah, I’m gonna go.”

“What? No!” Brick looked up at him. “It’s still early, c’mon.”

“I’m trashed,” Mordecai said. “Gotta get up early tomorrow, right?”

“Oh, please. We’re all too hammered to get up early. Just sit back down.”

Mordecai shook his head, once, then decided that was a bad idea.

“Nah, gonna pass out soon. Night, Brick.”

Brick stood up and wobbled on his feet. His hand enveloped Mordecai’s wrist, and through it Mordecai could feel just how much Brick was struggling for balance. His grip was firm but not painfully so.

“Aw, c’mon, Mordy. ‘S still early. You don’t have to leave.” He was pouting a little.

Mordecai’s stomach swooped in a way that was actually unpleasant. Brick was standing close, too close. He was still too big, still with a gravity pull of his own, and it almost didn’t leave any room to breathe.

 _He’s gonna ask me to stay_ , he thought with sudden certainty, and it filled him with dread. _No, no, no, don’t. Don’t do that, don’t_ , he thought and could feel a chill of fear numbing his hands and his legs. He needed to get out, right now, _right now_.

Brick let go of him so quickly Mordecai wondered for a moment if he had said that out loud.

Brick shifted a little. “Sorry,” he mumbled. There was a note of terrible sadness in his voice.

He had been like that since Mordecai had tried to push him away. Brick still took too much space, still called him “Mordy”, still touched him more than any of the others… but less than before, and he was quick to pull away. He was quick to back off from questions or physical contact, like he was scared he’d been pushing too much.

It had felt good to see him back off, in a petty way, but now it only made Mordecai sad. He missed the brief, but easy closeness they’d had. He knew he had been the one who ruined it, the one who broke it. Before he did, Brick wouldn’t have apologized like he had hurt him; before he did, Brick never sounded so sad.

“‘S fine. I gotta go,” Mordecai said, forcing down the surge of self-loathing that threatened to drown him.

Brick stepped aside without a word.

Lilith was standing at the door, looking at them with her mouth slightly ajar. Mordecai felt himself blushing and he hated her, for staring, for the look she gave them.

“I can leave,” Lilith said quickly.

Brick turned around, startled by her voice.

“Move,” Mordecai growled and pushed past her and into the hallway.

“Hey!” Lilith said. “Mordecai, wait!”

Mordecai didn’t. He walked as fast as he could, almost blindly. He hoped Lilith wouldn’t go after him, didn’t try to make him talk, because he really, really didn’t want to. He wouldn’t know what to tell her, anyway.

Lilith didn’t follow him.

It took Mordecai several minutes to orient himself and remember where his own apartment was. He walked to his building, and threw up behind a dumpster right outside.

When he finally, finally closed the door to his leant apartment, Mordecai leaned against it and put his head in his hands. Great, that had just been... great.

Something felt odd to him and it took him a few seconds to realize he wasn't wearing his goggles. He had taken them off at some point and completely forgot until now.

Oh, so that’s why Brick had backed off like that. Probably. He must have seen the fear on his face, clear as day. It made him feel even worse about it, about everything - because not only had he pushed Brick away so much that he was walking on eggshells around him, he now must think that Mordecai was afraid of him on top of that. Which he wasn’t. It wasn’t _Brick_ he was scared of, but Mordecai had no idea how to even begin to explain himself to Brick after all the shit that had been going on.

“Stupid, stupid, stupid,” Mordecai said to himself, hitting his forehead with the heel of his hand. “Just let it _go_. Let it go, man. Drop it. You said you would, now do it.”

* * *

“What was that?” Lilith asked Brick after Mordecai stormed off.

Brick shrugged defensively. “Nothin’.” He sat down in his chair and drowned what was left in his glass in one gulp.

“Didn’t look like 'nothing'.”

Brick sighed. Lilith never knew when to stay out of things. “Drop it, Lil.”

Lilith put the bottle she had brought with her on the table and she sat down on her chair. Brick looked at her and his heart throbbed with the look of pity she was giving him.

“Brick-”

“Don’t.”

“Whatever it is, it’s something! You’ve been weird for a while - both of you. And fine, maybe you don’t wanna tell me what it is, but you need to work it out.”

Brick slammed his glass back on the table, but couldn’t find it in him to yell at her. She was trying to help (and probably to get some details), because she was his friend.

“What happened?” Lilith asked softly, and it was that softness that finally broke his stubborn resolve to keep quiet.

“I don’t know. I’m not sure. He just…” Brick frowned. “Things got weird one day. Don’t know why.”

“Weird how?”

Brick shook his head. He knew exactly what he meant by “weird” but he just didn’t have the strength or the right words to say it out loud. When he tried, all he could muster was a feeling of pain and rejection so vast it threatened to consume him.

Lilith’s hand rested on top of his, the difference in size making hers look tiny and childlike.

“Brick.” She hesitated. “Look, I gotta ask.” Immediately he knew where she was going and he wished she didn’t. Not now. But he couldn’t push past the lump in his throat to tell her to stop. “Has something happened? Between you two?”

Brick smiled bitterly, because it wasn’t like her to talk around things like that. Lilith was as blunt as she could be, most of the time. She liked how it got a rise out of people.

Brick shook his head. “Nah. Ain’t like that.”

Lilith was looking at him intently, like she was trying to read his mind. Which, as far as Brick knew, wasn’t one of her Siren powers. Hopefully.

“Lilly, drop it,” he said before she could keep on questioning him. “It’s fine.”

“It’s not fine,” Lilith immediately argued.

“It is. It’s gonna be. Or it’s not, I dunno. Just… leave it be.”

Lilith snorted loudly. “Bullshit. You’re both being stupid.”

Brick grinned at her without any humor. “I’m good at that.”

Lilith’s expression softened.

“You’re _not_ stupid.” She paused, probably noticing how she had just contradicted herself. “But you’re acting stupid, yeah.”

* * *

“What the fuck is wrong with you?”

That was the first thing Lilith said to Mordecai the following day, when she went to knock on his door only seven hours after he'd gone home.

“Hello to you too, Lil,” Mordecai replied irritably.

“Seriously, what is wrong with you? What is going on with you two?”

Mordecai rubbed his eyes, trying to hide his grimace. He still had no desire to talk to anyone about this, but least of all with Lilith. She pried too much.

“Mind your own business, ok?” Mordecai frowned. “What time is it?”

“Two after sunrise. We’re leaving in an hour.”

Mordecai narrowed his eyes. That seemed like some petty vengeance move against him, considering how hungover he was.

How wasn’t _she_ hungover, anyway? Probably the power of anger and meddling.

“I’ll be there in three hours. Now leave me alone,” Mordecai said before shutting the door in her face.

She would make him pay for that, but it still felt good.

* * *

They were sitting around the Fast Travel station, looking bored, when Mordecai finally joined them. Mordecai did his best not to care; he had warned them he’d be late after all.

“Finally!” Lilith said loudly as soon as she spotted him.

Mordecai, shading his eyes with a hand, grunted. “Yeah, screw you. Any of you know where my goggles are?”

Brick offered them up without a word. He was also shading his eyes, which looked a bit watery.

“Thanks,” Mordecai said and put them on. His head still hurt, but he felt much better hiding from the sun and his friends’ gazes behind the lenses. “You hungover?”

“Like hell,” Brick replied. His voice was raspy and tired. “Don’t know why we’re here so early.”

“Me neither,” Mordecai said with a meaningful look towards Lilith.

Lilith was scowling at him with her arms crossed. Roland was looking away from them.

“You’re both idiots,” she snapped.

Mordecai shifted slightly away from Brick, and frowned at her. _Stay out of it, for fuck’s sake,_ he thought.

Lilith huffed and stood up. “We need to go to the Salt Flats,” she said acidly. “The closest Fast Travel is on the east of the Rust Commons.”

Roland gave them an apologetic look, but didn’t say anything. Mordecai shrugged at Brick, who shrugged back.

* * *

Of course, _of course_ , the Vault contained a monster. A monster that immediately tried to kill them, meanwhile their Guardian Angel basically went “Oops! I lied! Now go kill that thing!”.

Mordecai should have known it was going to go like this.

All of their training was paying off, though. Mordecai honestly couldn’t imagine trying to take on the monster back when they didn’t trust each other, or knew how to work together.

He kept at the rear, sniping the most vulnerable point of the Destroyer (and who even named that thing?), which seemed to be its eyes. Lilith was focused on figuring which elemental effect would cause most damage. Roland coordinated. And Brick… Brick punched every single tentacle that came too close to any of them.

If any person would ever punch a giant alien monster, it would be Brick.

Bloodwing was getting antsy. He had tried to join the freight, but Mordecai had kept him back. They were really fighting for their lives here, the Destroyer was way too powerful for him to just sic his bird at it. No matter how much Mordecai trusted Blood, he would never forgive himself if he got really hurt.

It was hard to know for sure if they were really doing any real damage. That is, until the monster tried to leave its prison inside the Vault by latching onto the pillars closest to it. It didn’t seem to be fucking around anymore.

They had either hurt it, or pissed it off. Hopefully, both.

Brick, obviously, took that chance to punch the tentacles enveloping the pillars.

“Brick, get away from that thing!” Mordecai yelled.

Lilith turned around.

“Brick?! What are you doing?!”

"I'm fine guys!” Brick replied, unconcerned. And he seemed to be alright, and to be doing damage. At least, where he was he was protected from being pushed around by the giant alien monster.

Damn it all to hell, Mordecai’s life sure was crazy.

It didn’t take long for the monster to react, though. After a few minutes it sprouted new tentacles to replace the ones they had managed to cut off (a fact that Mordecai honestly did not know how to begin to understand; the thought of it made him vaguely disgusted). The new tentacles forced Roland and Lilith to move back, since they had been close to the Vault - but not as close as Brick. The tentacles started wrapping around the pillars Brick was hiding behind, and after only a few moments he disappeared from view underneath a mass of pulsating alien monster appendages.

Mordecai’s mouth fell open in horror.

“No, Brick! Get him outta there!” he said to the others who were closer. Who could actually do something.

Roland and Lilith were struggling to reach Brick, but were unable to leave cover without being hit by the rest of the flailing tentacles and the death ray that the monster was firing from its giant eye.

“I can’t see him! Roland, can you move closer?” Lilith shouted.

“No.” Roland spied at the hulking mass of the Destroyer. “We need to cut out the new tentacles. Can’t make a safe approach.”

“Just do it!” Mordecai yelled. He took a deep breath and lined his rifle's sight. “I got the upper ones!”

There were soft spots, but it still took him several shots to damage a tentacle enough for it to fall off. He was running out of ammo.

“Damn it!” he cursed to himself.

That was when he noticed Bloodwing had finally escaped his watch and was flying around the tentacles, pecking and scratching here and there, but mostly trying to keep them moving.

“Blood!” Mordecai forgot about everything else. “No, Blood, come back!”

“Mordecai! Get down, stay put!” Roland said, but Mordecai ignored him.

“Blood! Get back here!”

Lilith materialized by his side and pulled him back to cover. “Get a grip! Shoot it or he won’t make it!” Lilith ordered him.

That made enough sense for Mordecai’s panicking mind to actually react. He scoped the tentacles, took a few breaths and muttered: “Hold on, Blood.”

Two tentacles were cut off in a few seconds.

“Yes! Keep it up,” Lilith said before phasewalking away again.

Mordecai didn’t have to be told twice.

When they finally got rid of all the monster’s flailing tentacles, there was still no sign of Brick. Meanwhile Blood had kept making swooping circles and had refused to come back to Mordecai’s side.

“We need to get to him,” Lilith said.

“We need to kill this thing. That’s the only way to help Brick.” Roland argued.

“Fuck that! He’s in there. I’m going in.”

With that, Lilith faded from view as she entered phasewalk. Roland called after her, but it was too late. Mordecai saw a blur of movement around the pillars where Brick had been (“ _where he still is_ ”, Mordecai corrected himself, his heart clenching in worry). Then Lilith was back on her spot.

“What-?” Roland began.

“Grenade,” Lilith said. A second later, the monster’s mass of remaining tentacles exploded with a sickening sound.

Its grip on the pillars loosened, it’s damaged limbs twitching and writhing violently.

“Brick!” Roland called. There was no reply. “Time to end this. Mordecai, get ready. Lil, time for more grenades.”

Lilith only nodded, and it was a testament of how exhausted she was that she didn’t come up with any witty retort.

Mordecai lined up his shot once again. Roland and Lilith sneaked closer to the Destroyer and in between shots started throwing their grenades towards the monster’s mouth.

Mordecai had gotten an entire magazine on the Destroyer's body when he heard Blood’s cry of pain. He looked up and saw him falling up ahead among the pillars.

“Blood!” he called, and was about to get up again, not caring about Roland’s orders, when Brick’s out of breath voice came over the ECHO.

“I got ‘im. Keep shootin’!”

“Brick!” Lilith said, relief plain in her voice. “You OK?”

“Just peachy,” Brick replied, still out of breath, and let out a pained grunt. “Got a little squeezed. Let’s just kill this thing!”.

Mordecai’s throat felt tight and raw. Relief hit him so hard it made his head spin.

_He’s OK. Thank God he’s OK._

* * *

The Destroyer was killed, and all Mordecai could think of was Bloodwing. He ran towards the front where he had seen his bird fall down.

“Blood! Blood, where are ya, boy?! “ he called.

“He’s here! He’s fine!” Brick said.

Mordecai followed his voice and found him slumped on the ground, his back against the pillar, looking ill and clutching one arm to his body.

“Brick! Man, are you OK?” Mordecai asked, rushing towards him. “You hurt your arm?”

Brick tried to smile, but it was hard to pretend everything was fine with bloodstained teeth. “I think it’s broken. And I got banged up pretty good. But I’m OK.”

Mordecai blinked and stared at him for a second. Only Brick would punch an alien monster, and only he would lie while he was so obviously in pain. He crouched next to Brick and shook his head.

“You’re not OK. You’re bleeding.” His hands hovered for a few seconds, not really knowing what to do. Then he settled his hand over one of Brick’s bent knees. “We need to get you back to Haven.”

“Aw, you _do_ care,” Brick said with a rueful grin.

Mordecai snorted. He knew he had said that to Brick at some point, but couldn't remember when. He had meant to mock him, back then, back when they were mostly just people who were working together towards the same goal - because, well, the thought that Brick cared had been ridiculous to him. Right now, though, he did care.

“‘Course I do, Brick. You’re my friend.”

The word tasted bittersweet to Mordecai. He had almost fucked it all beyond all repair, almost pushed Brick away past the point where there would have been no friendship to reclaim. By some miracle - probably, just because Brick knew how to forgive, unlike Mordecai, they had somehow mended things up. Even if he hadn’t really apologized or explained himself, Brick hadn’t questioned him. He had just let it slide.

Mordecai saw the expression on Brick’s face, a complicated mess of sadness and regret, and the little bubble of happiness and gratitude in his chest quivered and threatened to burst. But before he could even begin to decipher it or even think about asking Brick what was wrong, Bloodwing let out a disgruntled cry and Mordecai finally saw him, safe and sound, perched on a rock a little above his head.

“Blood!” he called. He got up and stretched his arms to reach him. Bloodwing gave him a smug look and snapped his beak, as if chiding him for not letting him join the fight earlier. “I know, I know. But you scared me!”

“He fell near me, on one of those pieces,” Brick said, pointing to the remains of a tentacle that was close by. “I think that’s why he’s still in one piece.”

Bloodwing puffed up his feathers and gave Brick a disdainful look.

“He’s tough. He can survive any alien monsters, right, _mi vida_?” Mordecai cooed, scratching Blood’s head. And taking the chance not to think on the strange look on Brick’s face just now.

Bloodwing narrowed his eyes, but let himself be touched, turning his head this way or that to direct him to the places he wanted to be petted.

Brick looked at them and felt a pang of sadness. There was plenty that he didn’t know about Mordecai, and that was alright by him; getting to know other people, really know them, was hard and that was just a fact of life. There was one thing, though, that he just couldn’t stop wondering about: why did Mordecai kept pushing him away, even when they clearly got along and had fun? When it was obvious there wasn’t anything Brick wouldn’t do for him?

And... yeah, he was officially screwed. He could deal with physical attraction not being returned, sure - that was just another thing that happened sometimes. It wasn’t a big deal. You got over it eventually and moved on, as with everything else. There was no need for making a fuss over it.

This, though, this was different. He cared. He cared a lot.

He had suspected for a while but tried to downplay it, ignore it, especially since Mordecai obviously had some problem he hadn’t bothered to explain. But there was no point anymore; Brick knew in that moment he had given away a piece of himself to Mordecai. The terrible part, though, was Mordecai probably didn’t even want it.

Brick sure knew how to pick them. But there was no picking, not really. His heart had always done what it wanted, ignoring any kind of good judgment.

So, basically, he was screwed.

It wasn’t going to simply go away, he knew that much. He’d have to try and figure what to do about it, and the sole thought of it exhausted him.

“Brick!” Lilith yelled, and he turned to look at her. She was running towards him, stopped a few steps away and gasped. “Are you ok?”

Her expression made it easy to push past the haze of melancholy.

“I'm fine, Lil. We did good.”

Lilith nodded and looked at his arm warily. “Damn, now I do want to hug you,” she complained.

Brick laughed as quietly as he could to avoid jostling his arm.

“You can. As long as you mind the arm.”

Lilith rolled her eyes, and just like that she was back to her tough self.

“Too late for that. We gotta take you to New Haven and pick up all the crap that monster dropped.”

“Nothin’ good, then?”

“Nope. It sucks. I’m pissed.” She crouched beside him. “All this work for nothing but tentacles and a few bucks.”

Mordecai and Lilith helped Brick to his feet, trying to disturb his arm as little as they could. It still sent a white flash of agony through all of Brick’s body that made him hiss and almost pass out.

“Shit, OK, I got you,” Mordecai said as he struggled to steady Brick on his feet. “Yo, Roland! Insta-Healts are no good for fractures, right?”

Roland who had been looking at the remains of the Destroyer and brooding (though he would no doubt call it “just thinking”) looked around and saw them for the first time.

“Brick, hey! Wow, can’t believe you survived that.”

Lilith scoffed. “I think he means to say he’s happy to see you alive and knew you’d make it.”

Roland blinked. Lilith had been doing that lately, trying to get him to realize how blunt and to the point he could be - which was funny coming from Lilith, really, who wasn’t known for her warm and cuddly personality. She was, however, much better at being a friend than Roland was - a lot less formal.

“Yeah, that.” Roland cleared his throat. “You broke your arm? Let me see.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Music Mood: [Of Monsters and Men - Sinking Man](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-6II3p7fxo8)
> 
> You can find me on [Tumblr](http://www.wilwarindi.tumblr.com/)
> 
> I know, I know. I hope you liked this chapter, though. Please leave a comment :)


	3. Stop, evaluate, restart (AKA: How violent hope is)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Featuring: falling, Brick being a cinnamon roll, self-sabotaging, alcohol, depression, and hope.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Alcohol abuse/Alcoholism, Depression
> 
> I know this ship is sadly a rarepair (for some reason I just can't grasp) and I wanted to say: if any of you has any prompts and you like my writing, you can send them to me though [Tumblr](http://wilwarindi.tumblr.com/). I can't promise to write all of them, but I'll try my best.
> 
> Posting earlier than anticipated because of the good replies this has gotten and also because it was a good weekend.
> 
> Music mood: [ Florence + The Machine - Falling ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PQt6RKbYTPI)

Moxxi sang praises for them (but especially for one of them) from high up in her tower at the end of their fight in the arena. Brick took what he considered to be his share of the loot and left without a word to anybody.

Roland saw Lilith’s worried glance in Brick’s direction, and he saw Mordecai’s obliviousness to it all. He wondered, once again, how much of that obliviousness was actually on purpose. With a brief look to Lilith, Roland left the arena after Brick.

Brick had already taken his things from the Bank Claptrap and was leaving the Underdome. Instead of going to the Fast Travel station, though, Brick stepped out the door and into the Deep Fathoms. Roland caught up with him outside. Brick was simply standing there, looking at the Fathoms without really seeing them.

“Hey,” Roland said quietly.

Brick startled, but didn’t turn around. “Hey. We headin’ for New Haven?” he said, sounding sad and tired.

Brick wore his heart on his sleeve and on his face. Mostly, he was grinning and shouting; he was riotously happy and radiating energy. It was almost painful to see him like this.

“Not yet,” Roland replied quietly, sidling up to him and looking at the Fathoms as well. “Brick, you don’t have to come here with us, you know?”

Brick went really, really still.

“Uh, that came out wrong,” Roland hurried to say. “I mean, you have no obligation to come to the Underdome. If you don’t want to be here, don’t do it.”

“I’m good at fighting,” Brick said. “I like fighting.”

“Yes, you are,” Roland agreed. “But you’re miserable when we’re here. Don’t do this to yourself, man.”

Brick smiled bitterly. “That obvious, huh?” It had to be if even Roland had noticed.

“You’re not good at hiding how you feel,” Roland said gently.

Brick frowned. “We agreed to fight.”

“So?” Roland shrugged. “If it’s about the reward, we’ll still split it with you.”

“No, it’s-” Brick looked away. “I‘m not just gonna drop y'all like that. I said I’d fight, and I will.”

Roland knew he would probably have said much the same: he wouldn’t have his personal feelings interfere with the things he’d agreed to do. Maybe that was the Crimson Lance soldier part of him.

And yet…

“You _can_ drop out,” he said. It was always easier to be forgiving of your friends than of yourself. “You’ll get no judgment from us.”

“No,” Brick said, more firmly. “Ain’t you guys' fault how I feel.”

Roland shook his head. “Not so sure.”

Brick laughed, brief and sad. “Not sure what Lilith has told you, but…” Brick took a deep breath to steel himself. This was the first time they actually talked about this. “Nothing ever happened between me and Mordy. This is all me.”

“I didn’t think it had, with the way you act around each other,” Roland admitted. There was no way they’d been so busy dancing around each other if something had come out of it. “Did you ever tell him?”

Brick shook his head.

“It may not be too late,” Roland suggested.

Brick shook his head again. “Nah, I'm not gonna be that guy. I’ll get over it.”

While that was a respectful decision, Roland had the feeling Brick might be giving up too early. Roland recognized he and Mordecai had a few things in common, and if he was right, Brick not saying anything might have only made things worse. 

Roland sighed. “Up to you. But... me and Lilith, we love you. You know that, right?”

Brick’s eyes welled up, and he hurriedly rubbed them dry. “I know. Not that you’ve ever said it.”

“I’m not good at talking, I know,” Roland admitted.

“Well, when you try you’re pretty good," Brick said, slapping him on the back.

Roland groaned in pain.

* * *

Falling for Moxxi was the easiest thing Mordecai had ever done. She flirted with him a couple times, and just like that, he knew there wasn’t a prize in the Underdome he wanted more than her. And, sure, she flirted with everybody as a rule, but she always had a wink and a smile just for Mordecai between talking to her patrons at her bar, and a whispered promise ready for him when he approached her.

He didn’t have to do much besides let himself forget about the past and not think about the future - with Moxxi all he had was the present. He closed his eyes and let himself fall, and fall, and fall. There was nothing easier than falling, all you had to do was let yourself go and let gravity do its work.

Falling was not the problem, though. The problem was the crash that always awaited you at the end.

Mordecai had continuously ignored all the warnings from strangers, acquaintances and friends alike about how Moxxi never took lovers for long. A stubborn disbelief and wilful blindness had overtaken him, and he ignored all the glaring warning signs, all the bored looks and the frustrated sighs and how Moxxi eventually stopped trying to get his attention.

And so, he was surprised when she dumped him for a Hyperion douchebag in a suit.

And then… there was nothing. Mordecai felt as if had been thrown out into the cold. For the months he had been dating Moxxi, he had left everything and everyone aside. Part of him knew it was a mistake, but most of him hadn’t cared.

He had always had a knack for addictive behavior, much like his parents before him. Such a proud family trait.

Mordecai never remembered much about the weeks following their breakup. Most of those days he spent drinking and avoiding Lilith and Roland whenever they tried to come and rescue him from himself. Screw them and their steady, beautiful relationship; if he wanted to wallow in self-pity and drink himself to death, he had every right to do so.

It was a free planet. He had found a Vault, killed the monster inside for some miserable loot, filled the planet with Eridium and helped kill an Atlas general. He was done.

Nobody wanted him for anything anymore, anyways. And why would them? He could barely walk straight, he could barely care about anything. He was a washed out has-been, is what he was.

* * *

Mordecai blinked a few times to make sure he was indeed seeing Brick sitting next to him.

Brick had barely spent any time in New Haven in months, too busy tracking down his sister, he said. That, and screwing Chuck Durden, if Scooter was to be believed - and the man was many things, but he was usually disturbingly well informed.

(Who even named their son _Chuck Durden_? What a stupid name. His parents must have hated him or something.)

But back in the present, Brick was talking.

“... said I’d find you here.”

When had he gotten there, anyway?

“Who did?” Mordecai asked, although he didn’t really care.

“Lilith. Said you’re here a lot.”

Man, Brick had never been and would never be a subtle person. That simple statement was so loaded in implications and judgments; it felt like a burden had been dropped on Mordecai’s shoulders.

“Yeah, so what?”

“Nothin’.”

Brick was drinking a beer. Mordecai wasn’t sure what he was drinking anymore.

There was an awkward silence. Mordecai tried to shrug it off, to forget it, and kept drinking quietly despite how his stomach felt suddenly heavy and churning.

“...been?”

“What?”

“I said how’ve you been?”

Aw, damn it. Small talk was bad enough, but it always was worse when coming from Brick; he just wasn’t cut out for it. And besides it was ridiculous since A) Brick must know he had been dumped by Moxxi and that’s why he had been drinking himself into an early grave, and B) even if Brick didn’t know everything, it was painfully obvious Mordecai was doing, basically, like shit.

“Well, how do ya think I've been? Can’t you see how good I am? Bushy tailed an’...” Mordecai searched for the right word to express the amount of bitterness that question gave him. “ _happy_.” He snorted. “Yep, that’s me, happy as a clam. Just fartin’ rainbows over here.”

“Was just a question,” Brick said quietly.

He was never quiet. Brick shouted constantly and had no concept of an “inside voice”. Mordecai blamed the fact he loved explosives so much - he must be at least partially deaf by now. But Brick had always been quieter around him - quieter than around most other people.

(Mordecai wondered distantly if Brick was quiet around Chuck Durden; then he decided he really, really didn’t want to know.)

“And I answered,” he pointed out dryly.

There wasn’t much left in his glass, but Mordecai wondered vaguely if he’d be able to drink it all. The nausea had started to get more serious.

Brick rolled his beer between his palms.

“Jus’ leave me alone, Brick.” Mordecai said wearily.

“I don’t wanna.”

Mordecai snorted. “Right, ‘cause I’m such good company. Happy and cheerful and…”  Mordecai swallowed thickly, trying to keep the bile down. He would have to make an exit soon, or he would finish embarrassing himself. “Whatever. Just go.”

“You _are_ good company,” Brick said with a shrug. “When you’re sober.”

Mordecai stood up, fighting to keep his stomach in check. “Yeah, yeah, save it. Keep the judgy attitude for when yer with Lilith and Roland.”

With that, Mordecai left quickly for the bathroom, trying to walk with as much dignity as he could muster (which wasn’t much).

“I ain’t cleaning after you again!” the bartender shouted.

Mordecai didn’t throw up often anymore - his body had mostly given up on trying to stave off the inevitable death by alcohol poisoning. But Brick’s presence and his judgment had upset his stomach more than he had any right to do.

When Mordecai finally came back to the bar, Brick was still there. His beer was now empty but he hadn’t ordered a new one. He was probably put off by Mordecai - as was most people these days - and Mordecai didn’t blame him. He knew he must be basically a walking warning on the perils of alcoholism these days: _stop drinking, or this is what you’re going to become_.

“Why are ya here, Brick?”

Mordecai felt like he had been asking that question since he met the man.

“I wanted to see you.”

“Right.”

“It’s been a while.”

“Has it? I hadn’t noticed,” said Mordecai acidly. He gestured the bartender for another drink.

“I think you’ve had enough,” Brick said.

Mordecai turned to face him fully. “If ya think you’re jus’ gonna drop by and I'll magically get better, I got news for ya: you’re like three weeks too late. Or more like years too late. I will do as I damn well please, so piss off, Brick. Find yerself another damsel to rescue.”

Mordecai expected Brick to get up and storm off. Lilith and Roland had done so around this time in their conversation, and Mordecai had watched them go with the twisted satisfaction of the people who wanted to prove to themselves just how awful they really were.

Brick stood up in that moment, yes, but then he grabbed Mordecai and threw him over his shoulder like a sack of flour. 

“What the - PUT ME DOWN YOU SONOFABITCH!” Mordecai yelled at the top of his lungs. Several heads turned in their direction, but no one moved to intervene.

“Hey, the tab!” the bartender said.

Brick threw a bill on the counter.

“That enough?” he asked, meanwhile Mordecai kept cursing him and kicking wildly.

“Uh… actually, no,” the bartender replied, eyeing them warily, almost like he was afraid Brick would pick him up and kidnap him next.

“Oh, well.” Brick threw another bill. “Now?”

“Yeah. Here’s your change.”

“Eh, keep it.”

Mordecai pushed and pulled and scratched like a wild beast, but Brick’s hold didn’t gave in the slightest.

“Put me _down_! PUT ME DOWN, _HIJO DE PUTA_! I’LL KILL YOU IN YOUR SLEEP!”

“You sound like a psycho,” Brick said, unperturbed, as he left the bar.

“You have no right! No fucking right! You just show up, out of nowhere, and ya think you’re, what, gonna _save_ me? Gonna kidnap me into sobriety?” Mordecai managed to hit Brick’s head with his elbow. Brick let out a pained grunt and finally put him down.

Mordecai tried to catch his breath for a moment. Brick clutched the spot where he had been hit.

“What the fuck! You haven’t even _been_ here! You’re _never_ here!” Mordecai was panting, but he couldn’t stop shouting, and he couldn’t care less that they were in the middle of the street now. “You have no fucking right to tell me what to do! Or to force me to do anything! So just fucking leave, ok? Again! Just go, leave me alone! Go fuck around and don’t you _ever_ put your hands on me again!”

Mordecai wiped his mouth distractedly. There, he finally said it. Hopefully Brick got the message now.

Brick had the decency to look ashamed, at least.

“I'm sorry.”

“Yeah, ya bet yer ass ya should be,” Mordecai hissed.

“Mordy-”

“ _Don’t._ Call me. That.”

The flash of pain in Brick’s face was bright and fierce, and it took him way too long to hide it.

 _Good_ , Mordecai thought.

“Mordecai,” Brick tried again, carefully. “I’m sorry. I just want to help.”

“I don’t _want_ yer help.” Mordecai walked past Brick, bumping him with his shoulder. “Just leave me alone.”

* * *

Lilith had insisted on going out to eat with Brick at the end of the day, saying they needed to catch up.

“I heard you talked to Mordecai,” she said as soon as they sat down, not even trying for subtle.

Brick paused chewing on his food for a second,  then nodded and shrugged.

“You heard ‘cause you were there or…?” he wondered.

Lilith gave him a rueful smirk. “I heard some shouting, but didn’t know it was you until I asked around.”

 _Fair enough_ , Brick thought.

“I told you he’s being difficult,” Lilith said. “He’s not letting anyone help.”

“Had to try anyway. Can’t just leave him alone.”

Brick had to see it for himself. Also, if he was honest, he had the small but stubborn hope he would be the one to get through to Mordecai.

“True.” Lilith sighed. “I’m open to ideas. I _was_ tempted to take him somewhere without any booze and leave him there for a while, but…” she paused and stabbed her food viciously. “He’d just leave himself to die, wouldn’t he?”

Brick looked away. Mordecai dying was was not a thing he even wanted to consider, no matter if it was meant as a joke.

“I don’t think it’s that bad,” he said. “But yeah, not taking him anywhere.”

“Just in case?” Lilith said.

Brick shrugged. He frowned as he chewed on some more of his food.

“He said I haven’t been here. He’s right,” he said after a few moments.

Lilith blinked. “What? Are you really gonna let the angry rant of an alcoholic get to you? This isn’t your fault.”

Brick shook his head.

“It’s not that. He’s right: I haven’t been around. You say it’s been weeks of this, and I just showed up now.” Brick scratched the back of his neck. “‘M thinking I need to be there.”

Lilith gave him a pitying look.

“Brick…” she hesitated. “Look, he’s not gonna let you help. He hasn’t let any of us help. He’s just gonna lash out and piss you off until you leave him alone.”

“He can try,” Brick said simply.

“Brick, that’s - that’s not the point. I know you care about him. I just... don’t want you to get hurt. Again.” Brick’s eyebrows shot up in surprise. “Don’t look at me like that, I was there, remember? Saw you moping around when he got together with Moxxi.”

“This has nothing to do with that,” Brick argued defensively. “I’m just trying to help-”

“Yeah, I know. Because you care. And if it doesn’t work, it will hurt.”

“Then I better make sure it works,” Brick said stubbornly.

Lilith smirked and finally gave in.

“Alright, fine. If you’re sure. Got something in mind?”

* * *

At first, it was food.

Brick knew Mordecai didn’t much like to eat - he never had - but he also knew Mordecai had a few old favorite dishes. He started bringing them to Mordecai’s apartment and to the bar when Mordecai was there. The first few times, Mordecai threw the food away.

Brick frowned.

“Wasting food is rude,” he said, but didn’t push it.

Mordecai thought, with that bitter resentment that filled most of his days lately, that it would be enough to get Brick to go away. He should have known it wouldn’t be.

The next day, Brick showed up again. And the next day. And the next day. Once a day, Brick would show up, or sometimes just break into his apartment and leave the food. No attempts at talking were made, thank God for small mercies.

Eventually, seeing as he liked the food Brick was bringing, and Brick was showing no signs of giving up, Mordecai started eating some of it. He didn’t thank Brick, though - he hadn’t asked for the food, after all.

That was, until a few days later he did.

“Here,” Brick said, shoving yet another throw away container at him. It was curry again. Mordecai was getting sick of curry.

“Yeah, thanks,” he said, rubbing his eyes distractedly. He opened the container and studied the food.

There was a short silence and he looked up to find Brick watching him.

“What?” Mordecai said gruffly.

“Nothin’.” Brick shrugged, a small smile tugging at his lips. “See ya around.”

Mordecai frowned. He was getting sick of Brick’s unwaveringly cheerful attitude in the few moments they spent together every day.

Then he realized he had thanked Brick, for the first time. Mostly a reflex. Only a slip of the tongue, but there it was.

“Bring something else tomorrow, ‘aight? Gettin’ sick of curry.” Mordecai said, before shutting the door firmly behind him.

Next, it was invitations. To go on missions, to go driving, to run errands, to watch films. Something, anything, that wasn’t hanging around his apartment drinking himself into a stupor and wanting to die.

They came once a day, every day, usually with the food. Mordecai rejected them for almost a week, but they kept coming, and if the food was any indication, Brick wasn’t going to stop.

When he finally gave in, he brought a flask of Rakk ale mostly out of spite. Brick made no comments about it: no questions, no looks, no hints. It was a calculated kind of indifference that wasn’t like Brick at all, and it bugged at Mordecai by the end of the short errand they had ran on the Rust Commons.

“So, we headin’ back or what?” Mordecai asked, walking straight to the driver’s seat.

Brick stopped him with a hand on his shoulder.

“You’re not driving.”

And there it was: the judgment, the disapproval.

“Really? I thought you wanted to hang out,” Mordecai drawled, raising his chin defiantly.

Brick nodded. “I do. But you don’t drink and drive.”

Mordecai snorted.

“Since when are _you_ being so responsible?”

There was a flash of annoyance in Brick’s eyes.

“I…” he trailed off and took a deep breath. “Look, them’s the rules. No drinkin’ and drivin’.”

“Since _when_? And who died and made you the boss of me?”

Brick didn't seem to pay attention to him.

“I’m driving. End of discussion. Now, you wanna get your skinny butt on the passenger seat or you wanna walk home?” Brick said as he took the driver’s seat.

Mordecai fumed. A renewed surge of self-loathing rose up his throat.

“What? Oh, wait, are you the mature adult now? Look at you, so grown up all of a sudden.” Mordecai scoffed. “Bullshit.”

Brick pinched the bridge of his nose and closed his eyes firmly.

“What, am I bothering ya now? Am I being too fucking immature for you right now?” Mordecai had lost control over his mouth, a handful of old resentments were spilling out, somehow made bigger and uglier. “Brick, you _punch_ people to death. You go berserk _all the time_. And you _love_ it.” Mordecai shook his head. “Give me a break. You’d rather punch me right now than ' _behave_ ' like yer doing.”

There was a long, heavy silence. Brick’s eyes were fixed straight ahead of him.

Then he blinked, unclenched his jaw and took a deep breath.

“Are you going to get in?” he finally asked. His voice was mostly just tired. “It gets dangerous around here at night.”

Mordecai wanted to shout at him, curse him, throw his flask at him. He wanted to get a rise out of Brick; he _needed_ to get a rise out of Brick. Why? To prove himself right? To prove he was smarter than Brick, more in control? To prove he wasn’t as fucked up as Brick?

But none of those things were true, and the realization hit him like a sledgehammer. Brick wasn’t taking the bait, and he was remaining calm, controlling his temper and his tongue. It wasn’t his usual behavior, not by a long mile, but he was showing he could keep his head when he chose to. Meanwhile, Mordecai was being, basically, his father: raving, shouting, provoking and just this close to smashing things.

Realizing this made Mordecai want to puke. It made him, once again, want to crawl away and die.

He swallowed the bile down and got in the car, his shoulders curled in and tense.

They rode back to New Haven in complete silence.

* * *

It was already night by the time Lilith found Brick. He had been busy demolishing every piece of broken machinery he could find, but it still wasn’t enough.

“Brick? You OK?” Lilith asked cautiously.

Brick put his fists down and wiped his forehead. He didn’t turn around.

“Yeah.”

“Wanna tell me what happened?”

Brick shrugged. “Not really.”

Lilith sighed and walked around Brick to see his face.

“Don’t make me beat it out of you,” she said, wagging a finger.

Brick chuckled, and it surprised him. He had been frowning ever since he'd returned to New Haven with Mordecai and the shift of expression felt oddly good.

“One day Imma take you up on that,” he warned as he took off his gloves and rotated his wrists.

“So? Why are have you been punching garbage all afternoon?” Lilith pressed.

Brick grimaced but didn’t answer. Lilith sighed.

“Alright, I’m gonna take next shift.”

“What? No,” Bick protested.

“Look, whatever he did or said, he upset you-”

“I’m not _upset_!” Brick sputtered.

“Yes, you are! And I told you, you can’t do this alone,” Lilith said and crossed her arms.

“I can!”

“You can’t! Brick, look at this! You have been here for _hours_!” Lilith made a gesture to indicate the entirety of the junkyard around them. Brick looked around and noticed for the first time how much trash he had demolished. That would explain the slowly pulsating pain on the knuckles of his left hand, though. “Look, Mordecai knows you; he knows how to push your buttons. And he’s gonna do it again. We’ve been over this; this is too much for one person to deal with.”

“But…” Brick trailed off. He didn’t want to drag Lilith into this.

“Brick,” Lilith said, quiet but serious. “you don’t have to do this alone. This is Mordecai’s fault, not yours.”

“I know that,” Brick said, but he looked away as he did.

“Mordecai is my friend too, OK? So let me help.”

* * *

Mordecai tried to gather the nerve to leave his apartment for a good hour. He’d hovered around the door, only to turn around and go back to brood in his ruined kitchen.

He was trying to convince himself to go to the door again, when there was a knock. He closed his eyes and tried to push down the panic - certain that it was most likely Lilith coming to kill him or at least shake some sense into him.

“Mordecai,” Brick said through the door. He knocked again.

Mordecai’s head whipped around, and he stood there, paralyzed by the equally strong impulses of running to the door and running away.

Brick sighed. “Mordecai, open up.”

Mordecai closed his eyes tightly, as if in pain. He really didn’t deserve this.

He opened the door with his gaze fixed down on his feet. Brick didn’t say anything right away. Lilith was just a few steps behind, with her arms crossed, and Mordecai didn’t have to look at her face to know she was glaring daggers at him.

Mordecai tried to say something casual and his brain refused to comply.

“Here,” Brick said, handing out the same kind of food he’d keep bringing every single day.

Mordecai took it without a word and cradled it close, as if it was precious. In a way, it was.

“I’m sorry,” he finally managed to say. He could feel his friend’s attention zeroing in him. “About yesterday. You’ve been trying to help, and…” he shrugged helplessly.

Brick exhaled slowly, as if controlling his temper. “I have. We have.”

“Thank you.” Mordecai took a deep breath. “I threw it away. The booze.” And he'd stabbed one of his kitchen counters repeatedly too, but they didn't need to know that.

A pause. Then Brick took a step closer.

“You wanna come with us to the Dust? There’s a race today,” he offered.

Mordecai nodded and smiled in relief at how easily Brick could let things go, or at least change the subject.

“Sure.”

* * *

Digging himself into a hole had taken Mordecai a few weeks. Digging himself out, though, took him months.  

Brick never stopped showing up, even after the mess Mordecai made of the first time they spent together in months. Sometimes Lilith showed up in his place, or both of them showed up, but mostly it was just Brick.

After a few months of this, Mordecai was able to keep his head on straight most of the time, and also get out of bed some days without wanting to set himself on fire and die. He wasn’t sure how that worked, other than having semi-regular meals and things to do stopped him from trying to drown himself in rakk ale every day.

Eventually Roland made it there too. It was so gradual, Mordecai could never remember when it stopped being just him and Brick, and it started being all of them, the four of them, meeting regularly for meals and weekly nights of movies or games, or simply hanging out.

Roland was a hardass, as usual, and the only one who gave Mordecai somewhat disapproving looks when he drank during their gatherings, but neither Lilith nor Brick ever said anything besides stressing the “no drinking and driving” rule, and later adding the “not drinking before combat” rule.

“You’re no fun,” Mordecai grumbled, mostly for effect, whenever the topic came up - which wasn’t often. All of them avoided mentioning Moxxi, the break up or the post-break up meltdown, and Mordecai was grateful for that.

He was certain of one thing, though: he wouldn’t have made it if not for Brick.

He might have come out of his stupor eventually, but it wouldn’t have been the same. He wouldn’t have had friends, for one, if not for Brick stubbornly making himself a place in Mordecai’s crumbling life; to make sure Mordecai was eating something, and to let him know he wanted to spend time with Mordecai.

He still had no idea what he had done to deserve someone who stuck up with him for so long, and who put up with him for so long. He had been an ass, many times, and Brick hadn’t left but he hadn’t put up with his shit either.

Probably as a result of this, Mordecai’s old crush for Brick was returning in full force, and this time there wasn’t much he could do to stop it. Most importantly, he didn’t want to stop it. Sure, he didn’t trust himself with a relationship right now, and it was probably going to backfire spectacularly anyway, but maybe…

And that “maybe”, for the first time, gave him hope instead of crippling terror.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Music Mood: [Portishead - Numb](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jKd30B1QE9w)
> 
> You can find me on [Tumblr](http://www.wilwarindi.tumblr.com/)
> 
> Ain't nobody gettin' magically cured by dick on my fic, son.
> 
> Chuck Durden is such a heavy reference, and such a stupid name, I just had to use it.


	4. It could be sweet (AKA: Like a long forgotten dream)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Featuring: Mordecai taking initiative, Mordecai is an awkward potato but he’s TRYING OK?, awkward beginnings of relationships are awkward (and that's fine), Brick is a cuddler (what else is new).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Mild spoilers for the Pre-Sequel (general plot), Alcoholism.
> 
> There are hovering boxes for the phrases in Spanish (move your mouse over them) and also translations in the end notes.
> 
> Music mood: [Portishead - It Could be Sweet](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y1A4cgPSGZ8)

It took Lilith months to convince Roland to go on vacation with her, so Brick guessed it made sense for her to decide to go to Elpis when he finally caved.

“Really? Elpis?” Mordecai said when Lilith told him and Brick of their plans. “What, couldn’t find a decent beach on Pandora or something?”

“I could. But I’m pretty sure if we stay on Pandora, Roland will find a way to get back to work. Or we’ll get attacked or something.”

“Hey, I need a break too,” Roland said. “I wouldn’t start organizing drills through the ECHO, Lilith. New Haven can get on without me.”

Lilith snorted. “Yeah, right. Anyway, that’s why we’re going to Elpis: outside Fast Travel range so even if Pierce wants to bother us, she can’t drag us back into business.”

She sat back on her chair and pulled up her feet on the railing of the balcony they were gathered in.

“So, I’m hoping you guys can keep New Haven up and running while we’re gone,” Roland said with a smile, but his tone was way too serious.

He was always too serious, about basically everything.

“Sure, dad, we won’t burn the house down,” Mordecai scoffed and rolled his eyes.

“I ain’t making any promises,” Brick chimed in.

Lilith waved a hand dismissively. “Just keep the place from getting nuked or something. Mostly intact. If you’re gonna burn stuff, do it _outside_.”

Brick thought about it. “I’m still not promising anything.”

“Brick, if you keep saying that, they’re never gonna leave,” Mordecai warned him.

Brick shrugged. “Just bein’ honest.”

Mordecai shook his head in resignation. “I know, man.”

Lilith snickered and Roland gave them a mostly amused look that couldn’t entirely hide his wariness.

“Look, you guys go on to the moon. We’re gonna be fine. I’ll make sure Brick doesn’t break too much stuff.” Mordecai made a hand gesture as if to shoo Lilith and Roland away.

“Oh yeah? Think you can do that?” Lilith wondered, with a mischievous glint in her eye.

Mordecai shifted a little.

“‘Course I can,” he said, a bit too quickly. “Just don’t cancel any plans and get outta here for a few weeks.”

“Don’t let strangers into the house,” Roland said, pointing at Mordecai with his beer bottle. “They always drink all the good stuff.”

Good, he had finally given up on worrying - for the time being, at least.

“Yes, _dad_ ,” Mordecai repeated, making an overly exasperated face, like sulky teenager.

“I ain’t promising that either."

“Oh, Brick c’mon!” Mordecai protested. “Work with me here!”

Brick chuckled.

* * *

After Roland and Lilith left for Elpis, it took Mordecai three whole days to find a good moment to talk to Brick. In the end, he decided it wasn’t a good moment he needed but the nerve to say his piece, and so he just dropped by Brick’s place after chugging a bottle of rakk ale but refraining from a second because with his stomach tying into knots as it was, then he would probably end up throwing up.

Brick wasn’t really surprised to see him. They saw each other almost every day, after all. But he did give Mordecai a reproving look when he noticed he’d been drinking.

“I think we did everything from the list Roland left us,” Brick said. Roland had left them with instructions for regular checkups on New Haven defenses. Mordecai had threatened him with shoving his rifle up his ass if he dared to call to ask for updates. “Wanna go check the bounty board or somethin’?”

“Nah.”

Mordecai’s palms were clammy and he feared he might throw up after all.

He had been running what he wanted to say in his head for weeks, and his mental monologues were clear and eloquent, and sometimes even a little poetic, but now he was drawing a blank. This always happened, and he hated it.

“Hey, you ok?” Brick asked, a frown creasing his forehead.

Mordecai took a deep breath and nodded. “Yeah.” He shook himself and decided, as he always did, that the best route was simply to go to the point. “Hey, you wanna go out with me?”

Brick blinked. “Where?”

Mordecai stared at him, just as confused. He had been prepared for most reactions, he thought, but not for that one. His brain sort of short circuited for a few seconds.

“ _Where_?” he repeated dumbly. “Really? Brick, I-” Mordecai made a frustrated sound. He closed his eyes for a second to regroup. “Fine, you wanna make out? With me?”

“Uh…” Brick blinked a few times, then looked away.

That was hardly an encouraging reaction, Mordecai felt. His heart was hammering in his chest, and he could feel a bubble of panic starting to rise from his stomach. Several seconds went by, each taking a bit of hope away from him and replacing it with dread.

He had sure fucked things up now.

Then, finally, Brick spoke.

“What about Moxxi?”

Mordecai stiffened. “What about her?”

Brick gave him a look. “She left you, and you started soaking in rakk ale like a sponge.”

“Your point is?” Mordecai said defensively, crossing his arms.

“Is this a rebound thing?”

That hurt, like a slap across the face. Mordecai opened his mouth, ready to reply something unpleasant and sarcastic.

“Hey, I need to know,” Brick said, looking more serious than Mordecai had ever seen him before.

Mordecai took a deep breath, trying to reel back his anger. He reminded himself he had wondered the same thing, several times. It was a valid concern.

Was how much a person could break you a measure of how much you loved them? Probably. And he had broken down so thoroughly after Moxxi had left him. But not all of it was because of her; Moxxi leaving him had been the first push down a slippery slope, but not the reason he kept sinking further and further down. It was more complicated than that, as it always was with him. His life was always a mess, always dangling precariously on the edge of losing sanity and meaning.

There were a thousand things involved, too many for him to begin listing, and none of which he had any desire to discuss right now. Or ever.

He didn’t miss Moxxi anymore so much as resented her, and himself. Mordecai had convinced himself, against all reason, that she was it, that what they had was the real deal, when looking back now their relationship had been doomed from the start.

“I don’t want her back, if that’s what you mean,” he replied in the end.

Brick hummed in consideration. “You sure?”

“Yes, I’m sure!” Mordecai snapped. “Brick, I wouldn’t come up and say this if I wasn’t.” He dug his nails into his palm to force himself to add: “I wouldn’t just mess around with this. Not with you.”

He was sure he wanted nothing to do with Moxxi anymore. But as far as Brick went, Mordecai had never been entirely sure about what he wanted - and that had always been the problem. He was probably going to fuck things up in a thousand ways and lose the one person who was willing to stick with him through his worst moments. He always fucked things up.

But, as he’d realized after Moxxi, he should have at least tried before giving up and latching on to the next person who flirted with him.

“Ok,” Brick said.

He stepped closer, carefully, as if he could spook Mordecai.

“‘ _Ok_ ’?” Mordecai repeated, confused.  “Wait, is that a ‘yes’?”

Brick smiled and replied slowly, like Mordecai was being purposefully obtuse. “Yeah, that’s a ‘yes’.”

He was only a step away now, towering over Mordecai. And there it was, the gravitational pull, inescapable, crushing, terrifying, not leaving room to breathe. Mordecai found he had missed it.

He felt himself shaking.

“Hey,” Brick said quietly, reaching up with a hand big enough to cover the entirety of Mordecai’s face and cupping his cheek.

It was a lifebuoy being thrown at him. It grounded him again, and Mordecai pressed back against Brick’s hand, grabbing his wrist with something too close to desperation.

“Ok, I’m sold now,” Brick said with a chuckle.

“Jerk,” Mordecai mumbled without any real bite.

Brick’s mouth closed over his with a certainty Mordecai envied. They stood like that for a moment, lips pressed together, breathing each other in.

As far as first kisses went, it was alright. First kisses were always rushed or awkward or both.

Next thing Mordecai knew, the hand on his face was tipping his head up, and Brick's other hand was pressing against his lower back and pulling him closer. Sometimes Mordecai forgot just how strong Brick was; there was no way he could have resisted, even if he had wanted to.

Mordecai's right hand went to Brick's face on its own accord. His thumb found and traced the scar over Brick's lip. It was softer than he expected.

Brick shuddered.

He started kissing harder now, a little sloppy and with too many teeth.

Mordecai's wondered vaguely if that's what Moxxi had thought about him the first few days. He promptly banished the thought - the last thing he wanted was to think of Moxxi right now. She was a very talented kisser, though (to no one's surprise), and had managed to influence him a little.

Mordecai pushed against Brick.

“Hey, hey,” he said with a smile he couldn't hide. “Brick? Not so rough.”

Brick looked a bit dazed (a fact that Mordecai internally relished in).

“What?”

Mordecai's smile widened. He couldn't help it.

“Not so rough. I'm not going anywhere, ok?”

(If that was exactly what Moxxi had told him, Mordecai chose to ignore it.)

He kissed Brick first this time. Brick remained still, as if waiting to see where this was going, letting Mordecai take the lead. Carefully, Mordecai traced his bottom lip with his tongue, then nipped at it and sucked gently.

Brick shuddered again, almost violently this time. A groan rumbled deep in his chest.

Mordecai pulled back, a smug grin on his face.

“More like that,” he said.

Brick’s expression was intense.

“I can do that,” he said eagerly.

A shrill voice cut through the ECHO before Mordecai could reply.

“Whoa, man! Tone it down with the man on man action would ya?! Some of us would like ta get some sleep tonight without gettin’ weird ass gay dreams, 'kay?”

Mordecai and Brick startled.

“What the-”

“Scooter!” Mordecai yelled. “I told you to stop hacking into my ECHO!”

“I didn't! I mean, I wasn't gonna. I was gonna tap into Laney's ECHO, see what she's been up to. Maybe catch her changin’ clothes, ya know. I opened your line by mistake, man, I swear! I think I went blind! Kinda wishin’ I was blind right now!”

Mordecai pinched his nose. Everything Scooter had just said was so wrong in so many ways, he didn't even know where to start.

“Stop peeping at your cousin! And at me!” He said. “I'm gonna tell her you’re being a complete creep.”

“No, hey man! There's no need for any of that,” Scooter said nervously.

“Oh, yeah, I am. And if you start spying on me again, I'm gonna let Bloodwing eat your face, we clear?”

There was some indistinct mumbling from Scooter's side of the line.

“I didn't mean ta insult ya guys! I was surprised, is all. I mean I've caught you doing worse than that, but it was an accident!”

“Accident, my ass,” Mordecai said.

“' _Worse than that_ '?” Brick repeated, confused. “What's that mean?”

Mordecai looked at him. Brick probably didn't know about Scooter's voyeuristic tendencies, and wasn’t gonna like it.

“I just check up on people, man. Didn't mean to see you and that Durden guy or nothin’! Wanted to bleach my brain clean after that.”

Brick's expression was oddly blank.

“Scooter, you might wanna leave New Haven for a few weeks,” Mordecai warned.

“But I jus’ said I'm sorry-”

“No, you're not. And Brick looks about ready to go and rip your arms off. And I'm kinda tempted to let him.”

Brick blinked and gave him a curious look. Mordecai shrugged. He might have exaggerated a bit, but Scooter didn't know that.

“Yeah, ok, I see your point.” Scooter sounded almost panicked. “Gonna leave you guys alone now. And leave town. Sorry again!”

“That guy’s weird,” Brick said, frowning.

“Yeah, you don't know half of it. He used to spy on me when, uh… Well, when I was with Moxxi.” Mordecai’s mouth twisted in disgust. “I figured it out when he repeated to me something she'd said.” He paused and scratched his neck. “I don't know, man, there's something seriously wrong with that guy.”

“Ew.”

“Yeah. I think I'm gonna turn off my ECHO, now.”

Brick shook his head, like he was trying to shake off the knowledge of Scooter's past time.

“He, uh, he mentioned that Durden guy,” Mordecai said, trying for casual. “Anything I should know about that?”

Brick shrugged. “Not really.”

“Ok.” If Brick thought he was going to get off the hook so easily after he’d grilled Mordecai about Moxxi, then he had another thing coming. “I’m just curious, ‘cause all that time you spent away from New Haven. I thought you might have something going on with someone.”

Brick’s eyebrows shot up.

“Really?” he said, looking honestly surprised. “That was because of you and Moxxi, Mordy. Didn’t feel like sticking around for that.”

The directness of that admission was what surprised Mordecai the most. It would have taken physical pain for him to admit something like that. Caring, especially when you cared more, was a weakness - and weaknesses were meant to be hidden.

Brick always wore his heart on his sleeve, though. He saw no need to hide, no shame in the things he felt, and Mordecai wondered how he did that without getting hurt every step of the way.

Also, Brick hadn’t called him “Mordy” since Mordecai had yelled at him and told him not to, months ago.

“Oh.”

“Yeah. The thing with Chuck sorta happened a couple times. That was it.”

That gave Mordecai a surge of jealousy, which he promptly stomped off. He had absolutely no right to be mad about what Brick did while he had been busy with his own ill-fated romance.

“Alright,” Mordecai said, deciding to drop it for the time being. He closed his hand around the collar of Brick’s t-shirt.

(And thoroughly enjoyed the fact that he was, somehow, for some reason, allowed to do that now.)

“I woulda dumped him for you, anyway,” Brick added, matter-of-factly, his hands wrapping around Mordecai’s hips.

Mordecai snorted. Was that Brick’s idea of wooing?

“What, really?”

Brick carefully leaned his forehead against Mordecai’s.

“Yeah. You’re important.” Brick didn’t add _to me_ , but he didn’t have to.

Mordecai froze. There it was again; saying something like that wasn’t supposed to be so easy, to roll off the tongue like a comment about the weather. It might have made Mordecai wonder if the person saying that was messing with him, except it was _Brick_ : it made sense for him to just blurt out something like it, like it had always been as simple as that.

Although, for Brick it might have always been as simple as that.

No one else had said those words to him before, either: _You’re important_. Just like that, no conditions, no “but” to cut the meaning of the word in halves.

Mordecai’s heart swelled. He wanted to say “ _I love you_ ”, but it was _way_ too soon to go for that. He wanted to say “ _I’m sorry it took me so long_ ” and “ _I should have done this last year instead of chasing after Moxxi_ ”, but going down that path would force him to talk about things he wasn’t ready to discuss right now.

He had to say something, though. He couldn’t leave an admission like that hanging in the air.

“You too,” he mumbled in the end. “You’re important too.”

“What was that? I didn’t catch that,” Brick said with a shit eating grin, cupping a hand behind his ear theatrically.

Mordecai snorted and punched him on the shoulder.

“Smartass,” he grumbled affectionately, before pulling Brick closer and kissing him again.

* * *

“That,” said Brick. “is really distracting.”

“I know.”

A beat.

Then another bell pepper seed hit Brick’s ear, exactly on the same spot as the previous five ones.

Brick grumbled and turned around. Mordecai grinned at him from his place sitting cross legged atop the kitchen counter, not even trying to look innocent.

“Why?” Brick asked, opening his hands in a helpless gesture.

“I’m bored.”

Brick stepped closer to Mordecai and rested his hands on the counter, one on each side of Mordecai’s hips.

“Well, I’m hungry,” Brick said in a low voice. “But if you give me five minutes, I can do something about the boredom.”

Mordecai tilted his head to one side and gave him an amused look. Brick’s breath caught a little - he wasn’t used to seeing Mordecai without his goggles. That and the look in his eyes, unafraid, bright with mirth and mischief, was enough to make Brick’s knees weak and his skin flush in a very distracting way.

“I thought you wanted to take it slow,” Mordecai said slyly, lifting his chin in a daring way that also put his lips even closer to Brick’s.

Brick had to force himself to tear his eyes from Mordecai’s mouth.

“I did. And I do. Never said _how_ I’d help with the boredom,” he pointed out.

“I can think of a few ways,” Mordecai said with a teasing smirk.

They had both agreed to take it slow, though. Despite how long Brick had thought about this, and how much he wanted to crawl inside Mordecai’s skin and stay there, he saw Mordecai’s hesitation and he grudgingly admitted his own reservations. Before Moxxi, he wouldn’t have doubted for a second before going head first into whatever the thing between them was. After Moxxi... well, he couldn’t help but want to be a little more careful.

When Mordecai looked at him like that, though, Brick wanted to throw caution to the wind.

Brick pursed his lips. “That wasn’t the deal,” he said, with more than a little regret.

Mordecai’s smirk softened into something a little sweeter. “I know,” he said, one hand rising up to Brick's cheek. Mordecai traced the scar over his lip again. “How slow is slow, anyway?” he wondered.

Brick didn’t know how to answer, so he kissed him. Well, he wanted to kiss Mordecai anyway, but it seemed like a good way to avoid giving a reply he didn’t have.

“Maybe a week?” Mordecai mumbled against his lips, then immediately added: “Fuck, no, too long.”

Brick chuckled and his heart swelled. There really wasn’t anything like hearing, seeing, _knowing_ that the person you wanted wanted you back. No matter if it wasn’t forever, living through those moments was what made it worth it.

“I dunno,” Brick finally admitted. “When it feels right?”

“Feels right about now.”

Brick grinned at him, but pulled back a little. He touched Mordecai’s cheek, then the scar at the corner of his left eye - a small weave of paler skin caused by the butt of a rifle, Mordecai had said.

“Yeah, it does.” Brick hesitated for a second, then added. “Look, I dunno. I just want this to work.”

Mordecai sighed and looked away. “Me too.”

Brick pushed away from the counter and went back to the stove.

“Give me five minutes, then we can-”

“That’s what you said twenty minutes ago,” Mordecai said.

“-then we can eat-”

“Not hungry.”

“You’re never hungry,” Brick countered.

“Nope.”

Brick rolled his eyes, but gave up on trying to convince Mordecai to be patient.

There was a knock on the door.

Brick looked at Mordecai, who stood up with a grumble and went to see who it was. He picked up one of his revolvers from a table and opened the door.

Helena Pierce was glaring, which was basically her default mood. She was one of the most intimidating people Mordecai had ever met (and not tried to kill), and the severity of her expression was as strong as ever.

“Oh, good! You’re here,” Pierce said, then stopped abruptly.

She raised one eyebrow (which was wildly expressive coming from her), then looked him up and down in a critical way. Mordecai couldn’t help but flinch at the scrutiny.

Mordecai looked down at himself on reflex and was startled to remember he wasn’t wearing much more than a tank top and a worn-out pair of cargo pants. Even his feet were bare. Not to mention his goggles were discarded somewhere around the couch.

(Whatever they'd decided “taking it slow” meant for them, and clearly none of them was entirely sure, it didn't leave out making out like horny teenagers on the couch.)

Mordecai could feel his ears start to burn. Barely anyone on Pandora had seen him without his goggles, and it made him feel naked. Well, that and the fact that he looked like he’d just crawled out of bed - in Brick’s apartment.

He squinted his eyes and lifted his chin.

“Yeah?” he said, daring Pierce to comment.

“Huh,” Pierce muttered. Then she continued, as if there had been no pause: “I’ve been trying to reach both you and Brick for an hour. There is a message addressed to you from Elpis.”

Mordecai’s defensiveness was immediately forgotten.

“What? From Roland and Lilith?”

“Yes. In case you haven’t looked up, something has been happening for the last couple of hours. It appears the Hyperion space station is trying to destroy the moon.”

Mordecai’s brain stuttered into a halt.

“What?” he asked, trying to wrap his head around the words.

 _Destroy the moon_. The same moon Roland and Lilith were on.

“The message I received says they are unharmed,” continued Pierce. “The destruction of a moon won’t happen in a matter of hours. So, they are alright - for now.”

Mordecai was still gaping at her. Pierce stared back with eyebrows raised, as if expecting a reaction of some sort, but when none came she handed him an ECHO recorder.

“Their message is there.”

Mordecai pulled himself back to the present.

“Uh, thanks. Thank you,” he mumbled.

Pierce’s expression softened up just a tiny bit. “They are fine.”

Mordecai nodded dumbly. “Thank you. For bringing this.”

“Turn your ECHOs on again, in case there are any more news,” Pierce admonished him. “Goodbye.” She turned around and left.

“Who’s that Mordy?” Brick called in from the kitchen, as Mordecai closed the door.

“Was Pierce. Roland and Lilith sent a message for us.”

“Really? Why didn’t she call us?”

“Our ECHOs are off, remember?” Mordecai said, resuming his position on the counter. He looked at the ECHO recorder and bit absently into his lip, thinking.

“So? What’s the message?”

Mordecai looked up at Brick, then back at the recorder. Then he decided he might as well just play the message and see what information it had, cause he sure as hell didn’t have much of it.

He pressed the play button.

“ _Heya, guys!_ ” came in Lilith’s voice. The bass of electronic music was coming faintly from the background. There was definitely some stress in her voice, but no actual urgency. “ _So, uh, we just wanted to call you to tell you we’re fine. I mean, in case we’re even in view of New Haven right now, which I have no idea._ ”

“ _We don’t know if you can see it from Pandora,_ ” Roland’s voice cut in, all business and to the point. “ _But there’s a giant laser firing at Elpis right now._ ”

“Huh?” said Brick, surprised. He turned around to give Mordecai a questioning look.

Mordecai shrugged.

“ _Yeah,_ ” Lilith said. “ _According to Athena - you remember her, right? - Dahl is trying to destroy Elpis. From the Hyperion station, for some reason. Look, I don’t know what’s going on, but so far the place is holding up._ ”

“ _We’re helping some Vault Hunters with this. Also we sped up our return trip, so we should be back within the next few days_.” Roland said. “ _Whatever is going on, Elpis is gonna hold out at least until then._ ” The way he said it, it sounded like he’d make the moon stand with the sheer power of his will if needed be.

It was just so much like him, and Mordecai smiled.

“ _So, yeah. We’ll let you know if anything changes_ ,” Lilith chimed in. “ _Bye!_ ”

The recording ended.

Mordecai kept frowning down at the recorder, trying to think of how those scattered bits of information fit together. Dahl? The Hyperion Station? Vault Hunters? Elpis? None of those things made much sense together, really. Why couldn’t Roland and Lilith have given just a few more details?

Brick on the other hand, turned off the stove and then made his way to the balcony.

“Huh! Well, damn. You can see it from here,” he said.

Mordecai kicked himself for not thinking of doing the same. He dropped off the counter and went to join him.

The sun had almost completely set, and the wind was already cold. It usually was cold around New Haven at night, seeing as it was a desert and the Pandoran night was ridiculously long. Up in the sky Elpis was almost completely visible, as was the Hyperion space station. It had taken Hyperion only a few months to build Helios. It wasn't yet completely finished, but it had already become a permanent fixture on the Pandoran sky.

It had always given Mordecai a bad feeling, seeing a company taking over the sky over the planet with no one seeming to be able to protest. Also, Helios definitely looked like it was continuously watching down on them, Big Brother style.

But when he looked up, he didn’t see any death rays.

“It was just there,” said Brick, pointing. “I don’t think I would have guessed what it is, but you could see it.”

“Got any sniper rifles?”

Brick gave him a questioning look. “You know I don’t use those much.”

“Right.”

“Whatchu want one for?”

“To get a better view,” Mordecai replied impatiently.

“Oh, right.”

Mordecai pressed himself closely to the railing on the balcony and squinted his eyes, studying Helios and Elpis carefully.

“There’s a fracture there,” he said.

“Where?”

“There. From this side to there.” Mordecai moved his hand from right to left to indicate the direction of the crack he was talking about. It was partially covered by Helios itself.

“But wasn’t that there before?”

“I don’t think so. Dahl cracked the moon once, but that one’s new. And it’s glowing, Brick.”

“Oh! Yeah, you’re right,” Brick agreed quietly.

Mordecai frowned as he tried to estimate how big the fracture really was. “They’ve done this in just a couple hours?”

“Apparently.”

“Then the moon is screwed.”

“Maybe. But Roland and Lilly are up there. They’re gonna stop it,” Brick said confidently. He put his hands in Mordecai’s arms and rubbed them. Brick’s skin was almost burning compared to the chilly night air.

“Hopefully. Cause if they don’t…” Mordecai trailed off.

“They’re gonna. You know them,” Brick insisted without hesitation, like there simply was no other possibility. He slid his arms around Mordecai’s waist and hugged him.

Mordecai’s stomach almost burst with the sudden rush of butterflies. He stiffened as a reflex at the contact, but then he carefully forced himself to lay back against Brick and relax. It was new and it was scary, but it was good.

And it definitely helped him forget a little about his concerns about Roland and Lilith’s safety.

Brick nuzzled against the spot above his right ear and hummed. Mordecai could not for the life of him hold back a smile. His chest felt like it was about to explode, all of a sudden.

“Should have guessed you’re a cuddler,” he muttered, and there was no way to hide the giddiness in his voice.

“Uh-huh,” Brick replied with a nod. “We cuddled plenty.”

“ _We_? When?”

“When we were after the Vault.”

“No we didn’t!” Mordecai argued.

“No? Then what do you call it when we kept watch and we fell asleep with you pokin’ me with your elbows?” Brick wondered.

“I - It was cold. And we were - we were just friends, back then,” Mordecai stammered before he could think about it. Then he realized a dangerous path lay in front of those words and he wished he could take them back.

“So? What, you never cuddle with friends?” Brick asked with a chuckle.

“No,” replied Mordecai immediately. He shook his head, but he felt relieved he had dodged a bullet there. Then he imagined trying to cuddle with Lilith or Roland and the image was so ridiculous he snorted. “Lilith would punch me. And Roland would be so _awkward_.”

Brick shrugged. “Well, I’m not gonna do any of those things,” he assured Mordecai.

“Yeah, hopefully. Cause if you punch me, I can’t see us lasting very long.”

“I’d never do that,” Brick said, in a suddenly deadly serious voice.

“I know,” Mordecai rushed to say, touching Brick’s arms. “Was just kidding.”

They stood quietly for a moment, swaying gently together. Then, Brick’s stomach made a loud grumble.

“Aw, shit, I’m hungry,” he complained loudly, untangling himself from Mordecai who immediately missed the contact. Brick took him by the hand and pulled him towards the apartment. “C’mon. Let’s go eat something.”

* * *

Mordecai kept playing with is food a long time after Brick had finished eating. It was hardly new for him, but he was frowning and his eyes were distant.

“What’s wrong?” Brick finally asked.

Mordecai startled and looked at him. “Huh?”

“You look like there’s something on your mind.”

“Yeah. Just thinking about the moon thing again,” Mordecai said, pushing the plate away. Brick looked at it, shrugged, and took it for himself. Mordecai didn’t seem to notice.

“Why? Roland and Lilith are on it,” Brick said between bites of food.

“That space station. It has the power to destroy the moon, Brick. And none of us knew. Just think, what if they’d decided to use it on Pandora?”

Brick finished the last scraps of food. The answer was pretty obvious, really.

“We’d be dead,” he replied.

“Yeah. No warning, just… one or two shots from that thing and New Haven’d be gone.”

Brick knew he was right, and didn’t much like the implications. “True. They’ve probably figured that out by now, too.”

“Hopefully, unless they’re too busy making doe eyes at each other,” Mordecai said sarcastically. Brick gave him an incredulous look that all but said _you’re one to talk_. Mordecai just grinned in return, but agreed: “Yeah, they probably have. I’m just wondering if they can destroy it somehow. Don’t want that thing hanging over my head.”

“Well, not like we can do much from here,” said Brick.

He stretched his arms over his head in a lazy way, then dropped a hand over one of Mordecai’s. Mordecai flinched as a reflex, and then twined their fingers a little, determined not to let his reluctant nature get in the way.

Brick gathered the empty plates. He leaned and kissed Mordecai on the temple before getting up and heading to the kitchen.

After hesitating for a second, Mordecai followed him.

“Should I help?” Mordecai asked awkwardly.

Brick left the dishes in the sink and considered it for a second. “Next time. I’m feeling like spoiling you a little,” he said with a warm look. “I’m not cleaning this now, anyway.”

Mordecai smiled. “Just a little?”

“Yeah. Or you’ll get used to it.”

Mordecai walked up to him and craned his neck to look at Brick. It was a strange feeling - Mordecai wasn’t short by any means, but Brick was just freaking huge.

“Would that be so bad?” he asked with a mischievous smile.

Brick smiled right back. “You’d be too smug.”

“ _You’re_ already too smug,” Mordecai said, his hands going up to rest on Brick’s neck.

“What?”

Mordecai laughed. “I don’t know. I don’t know what I’m talking about.”

“Good, me neither,” Brick admitted and kissed him.

Again, Mordecai thought “ _I love you_ ”, and again he swallowed the words. He was grateful and happy and terrified and excited, and those things were much more perfunctory than love actually was - he assumed.

Eventually they pulled appart. Mordecai leaned his forehead against Brick's chin for a moment.

“So, uh,” he said.

“Mh? What?”

“Uhm,” Mordecai tired again, pulling back from their loose embrace. “I should probably go now.”

Brick blinked. “Go? Where?”

“Well, it’s late. I should go home.”

“You’re not staying?” Brick wondered, unable to hide his disappointment.

Mordecai paused.

“I don’t wanna... impose.” he finally said begrudgingly.

“You’re not.”

“What about takin’ it slow?” Mordecai said with a smirk, although he sounded more nervous than teasing.

“We don’t have to do anything,” Brick said with a shrug. Mordecai flashed him another smirk, but he didn’t seem any more confident. “Look, I want you to stay, that’s all I know. But if you don’t wanna, that’s ok. Up to you.”

“Thanks for clearing that up,” Mordecai said with faint sarcasm.

Brick quirked an unimpressed eyebrow. He knew Mordecai turned his Little Shit Mode on when he was annoyed or nervous.

“It seemed like you needed me to say it,” he said dryly.

Mordecai ignored that. “Honestly, I don’t wanna leave,” he admitted.

“Then stay! My bed’s a mess, but it’s big enough. You don’t use much space anyway.”

* * *

Brick’s bed was, indeed, a mess composed mostly of sheets, blankets, clothes, bandoliers and more pillows Mordecai had ever seen in one bed. Brick threw most of it to the floor unceremoniously.

“How many pillows do you _need_?” Mordecai wondered.

Brick gave an embarrassed little shrug.

“I… I just like them.”

“You cuddle them, don’t you?” Mordecai realized suddenly.

Brick threw a pillow to his face.

“Shuddup.”

Mordecai snickered.

“I think I’m gonna suffocate under all of these,” he said, poking the pillow that had been thrown at him.

“We’ll see.”

“Well, that’s ominous.”

Brick finished somewhat rearranging the covers and flopped on the bed. Mordecai stood as if he was at the edge of a pool, trying to decide if the water was too deep.

“Oh, c’mon,” Brick said impatiently. He quickly grabbed a fistful of Mordecai’s tank-top and pulled him down.

“Brick!” Mordecai yelled in outrage. He stretched out his arms as a reflex and caught Brick on the face as he fell.

“Ouch! Sorry.”

“Why you gotta be such a clutz, damn it,” grumbled Mordecai. He pushed Brick away to make some space for himself.

“You were looking like you were ready to bolt. It's easier to just jump in,” Brick said as he scooted over.

“Yeah, I know that's how _you_ do things.”

Fitting together took them a little while. Mordecai felt he was all elbows and tense muscles, but eventually he found a mostly comfortable position tucked by Brick’s side.

“So, you got me into bed. Now what?” he quipped without really thinking.

Brick shrugged.

Mordecai fidgeted a little more. “I’m not really tired,” he realized.

Brick folded one arm behind his head and looked at him. “There’s a TV over there.” he pointed with his chin. “Should be something decent on the ECHOnet.”

* * *

As it turned out, their definitions of what constituted “something decent” on the ECHOnet were diametrically opposed. They spent more time bickering and trying to steal the remote from each other than actually watching anything.

Brick fell asleep after an hour or so, but Mordecai couldn’t have been more awake. It wasn’t just the fact that Brick snored like a foghorn, although that wasn’t exactly helpful. He had trouble falling asleep most days, and it had been one of the many reasons he’d started drinking so much after Moxxi.

His throat was parched and he was feeling restless. Just a couple bottles of rakk ale and he’d be welcoming unconsciousness like a warm blanket. He hadn’t brought any, though. He thought of going through Brick’s kitchen to see if he had any, but that was just wrong. Plus, most likely Brick didn’t; he basically didn’t drink at all lately - probably because of Mordecai.

After rolling around for the tenth time, Mordecai gave up and got up. Brick didn’t even stir, and his snores kept coming as steady as waves - though the sound was much less soothing.

Mordecai pawed around until he found his jacket in the corner where he’d dropped his things and put it on. It was cold outside of Brick’s orbit (the man was a walking furnace) and the piles of blankets. Mordecai spared Brick a mostly fond glance, before quietly leaving the room.

As soon as Mordecai closed the door behind him, he closed his eyes and took a deep breath. So, yeah. That had happened. Today had happened, and it all had gone much better than he could have expected - the situation up on Elpis notwithstanding. He actually trusted Roland and Lilith would find a solution for it, but well… worrying about them seemed easier than internally panicking about how he and Brick were now a thing.

He could see how it could go to hell, he could see himself saying or doing a thousand different things that would ruin it all. He could also picture how they could make it work - and honestly, he wasn’t sure which outcome was the most terrifying.

But, hell, he’d come out and said it. And it hadn’t blown up in his face. He should take comfort in that, and stop being so scared.

Mordecai heard a familiar caw and saw Bloodwing standing in the railing of the balcony. He was surprised to find he’d mostly forgotten about his bird today, and guiltily went to greet him.

“Blood,” he cooed. Bloodwing puffed up his feathers and snapped his beak. Mordecai still reached out to pet him. “ _Mi vida, perdón. Perdón que no te vi en todo el día. _ ”

Blood glared a little more, until Mordecai started scratching his neck. Then he just closed his eyes and enjoyed the attention.

" _¿Cómo estás? ¿Atrapaste algo grande hoy día? _ ” Blood screeched proudly. Mordecai sighed. “ _Tenemos que salir a cazar pronto, llevamos mucho tiempo encerrados en New Haven. _ ”

Bloodwing started grooming his wings. He stayed for a few more minutes, then took off again. Mordecai called after him, but then guessed he had it coming for having left Blood alone all day.

He searched the night sky for Elpis. When he found it, he was startled to see the Helios station firing at it for the first time. Brick was right: he wouldn’t have guessed it was as dangerous as it actually was just looking at it either. The cracks on the surface of moon looked the same, at least.

“C’mon guys, you can fix this,” he muttered.

The itch to get a drink came back with full force. Mordecai tried to ignore it and went to get a glass of water instead.

He stood there in the kitchen, barefoot and shivering slightly, and it took him a full two minutes to start opening cabinets looking for anything resembling alcohol - casually at first, then dropping all pretense. He didn’t find anything. He leaned on the counter, closed his eyes, and tried to push down the itching and the self-loathing.

He closed all the doors and drawers and stomped off to the couch. He hugged his knees and tucked his cold feet between the cushions.

“Don’t ruin it. Don’t ruin it,” he whispered to himself, wishing he could simply cut something off -a finger, a hand, an arm - and get rid of the need to drink with it. If it worked, he’d be down for it.

But he couldn’t. There was no easy way out of this, as there wasn’t for most of the things that happened to him. The fun part was, they always snuck on him and ruined whatever he had that was good.

Mordecai sighed.

* * *

Brick woke up after a few hours. He turned over, hugged one of the pillows and slipped back to sleep.

Or, he meant to, but a thought on the back of his mind started nagging at him. He scratched his ear and wondered vaguely what was it he had forgotten. As he pulled the pillow closer, it came back to him:

_You cuddle them, don’t you?_

Mordecai.

Brick’s eyes opened again. Mordecai wasn’t within sight, and for an awful moment, Brick wondered if he had dreamed the whole thing - it seemed like exactly the kind of shitty thing his subconscious would do to him. He sat up in bed and looked around, and he couldn’t hold back a relieved sigh when he saw Mordecai’s boots, goggles and handgun piled in a corner.

He guessed Mordecai could be in the bathroom, but the door was open and no one was inside. He stood up, still a bit groggy, and went to check the bathroom up close anyway. Nope, no one there.

“Mordy?” he called, stifling a yawn.

He found Mordecai asleep on the couch, curled up over himself and half-propped against one of the arm-rests. Why the hell was he here?

“Mordy,” called Brick again, touching the other man’s shoulder.

Mordecai practically jumped. He pressed himself against the couch to move away from Brick and swatted away wildly in his direction.

“Whoa! Hey, it’s me! Calm down,” said Brick, pulling his hands back.

Mordecai blinked hard a couple times and looked around.

“What?” he asked, sounding thoroughly confused.

“You were asleep on the couch.”

“What?” Mordecai repeated.

Brick crouched down next to him and carefully rubbed Mordecai’s arm. He didn’t flinch away this time.

“You were asleep on the couch. What happened?”

“I-” Mordecai rubbed his eyes. “I couldn’t sleep.”

Brick frowned. “So you came out here?”

“You were snoring.”

“Oh.” Brick smiled in embarrassment. “Sorry. I forgot I do that.”

Mordecai snorted. “Didn’t think it was on purpose.”

“You’re freezing,” said Brick. He stood up again and offered a hand. “C’mon.”

Mordecai hesitated for a long moment, then took his hand and let Brick pull him to his feet.

“I thought you were gonna carry me for a second,” he said.

Brick arched an eyebrow. “I could do that if you want,” he offered with a teasing grin.

“Don’t you dare,” replied Mordecai, though a smile crept on his face as he did. He cleared his throat and tried to adopt a serious expression.

“It wouldn’t be hard,” Brick said casually. “You don’t weight much. All you have to do is ask.”

Mordecai gave him a sideways look and huffed, but he was smiling again. With satisfaction, Brick filed away that fact for later.

Mordecai slipped under the covers without taking his jacket off and curled up again. Brick joined him and threw an arm over him and pulled him close. Mordecai was shivering a little.

“How did you manage to sleep there? You’re so cold.”

“I’ve slept in worse places.”

Mordecai uncurled a little and pressed his freezing cold feet against Brick’s legs. Brick jumped.

“Whoa!”

“You’re like a furnace,” said Mordecai with a wicked grin.

“And you’re colder than a bullymong’s ass!” Brick complained. “Lucky for you, you’re cute.”

“Am I now,” said Mordecai, amused.

“‘Course. I don’t let ugly ass guys into my bed, you know?”

Mordecai snorted. “So flattering. I’m swooning,” he said dryly.

Brick chuckled. He looked at Mordecai and when he looked back, Brick kissed him briefly.

“Sleep,” Brick said, pressing his forehead against Mordecai’s.

* * *

They couldn’t reach Roland or Lilith when they tried, which basically only meant they weren't in Concordia - Elpis’ biggest settlement. Communication between Elpis and Pandora wasn’t cheap or constant, as it depended on the position of satellites and the moon itself. If you didn’t happen to be made of money, the safest, most affordable bet was to make contact between settlements.

Mordecai wasn’t happy to leave it like that, but as Brick had said there wasn’t much else they could do. They didn’t leave a message, because it seemed pretty pointless: either Roland and Lilith helped stop the death laser, or they’d die.

“You know what would happen if the moon is destroyed?” he asked Pierce, in whose office New Haven’s comm center was located.

Pierce sighed. “I’ve consulted your friend Tannis -”

“Wouldn’t call her “friend _”_ , exactly,” Brick muttered.

Pierce barely acknowledged the interruption and continued: “Between her usual ramblings and tangents, what she said boils down to: we’d die. Helios, Elpis and most of Pandora would be destroyed.”

Mordecai stared at her. “Really?” he croaked.

“Yes.”

He looked at Brick, who seemed as stunned as him. Brick shrugged helplessly and put a hand on Mordecai’s back.

“How much longer they have to stop this?” Brick asked Pierce.

“That’s… We can’t tell for sure. We’d need information straight from Elpis, and so far, no one up there seems _remotely_ worried,” Pierce said with obvious disapproval. She shook her head. “I’m no happier about this than you are, but this is definitely out of our hands. We can only trust Roland and Lilith and hope for the best.”

Mordecai snorted. “When has that ever worked on Pandora?”

“Well, the four of you opened the Vault and killed the monster inside,” Pierce pointed out dryly. “Then killed an Atlas general.” She shook her head. “If anyone can sort this out, it’s them.”

Mordecai frowned.

“I must say, waiting here while you went to open the Vault was similar to this,” Pierce said. “Waiting in the sidelines and hoping for the best isn’t at all pleasant.”

“That’s why I like to punch things,” Brick replied with a wry grin.

Pierce actually smiled. “I can imagine. But not everybody can do what you do, and somebody needs to stay behind and organize. Not the most thrilling task, but it needs to be done.”

“If you say so,” Mordecai said. Like Brick, he hated sitting and waiting, and he wished he were on Elpis shooting people and doing something instead leaving his fate in the hands of others. “Thanks, Pierce.”

“Gentlemen,” she said as a goodbye.

“Ma’am,” said Brick. He was never entirely comfortable in front of her. She made him feel small - even if the top of her head only reached up to his chest.

Pierce’s mouth quirked up. “Brick,” she replied with an indulgent nod.

Mordecai laughed to himself.

“So,” he said when they exited the building. “the world might end. As usual. Got anything you’d like to do before that? Any bucket list item to cross off?”

Brick immediately grinned, although he didn’t look at Mordecai. “That’s -,” he coughed a little. “That question ain’t fair. But I can think of a few things.”

Mordecai pursed his lips, embarrassed. “I should have guessed you’d go there,” he grumbled.

“Hey, I ain’t saying anything-”

“You don’t have to.” Mordecai looked down at his feet. “Look -”

“No, don’t.”

“Not that I don’t wanna -”

“I know.”

Mordecai stopped and laughed.

“You know a lot, doncha?” he wondered fondly. Brick gave him a puzzled look. “Never mind.”

Mordecai stretched out a hand. Brick looked at it.

“That is a hand,” said Mordecai slowly after nothing happened.

“Yeah.”

Mordecai stared at him for another moment. “Take it,” he said.

Brick obeyed. He wasn’t entirely sure what Mordecai was going to do, though. Mordecai pulled him along until Brick started walking with him, and kept holding to his hand the entire time.

“Oh,” said Brick when he finally understood. He grinned.

“C’mon. Let’s see if we can find something fun in the bounty board,” said Mordecai in his usual gruff voice, but he was smiling too. “Even if Elpis doesn’t blow, I need to get out of this town for a little while.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can find me on [Tumblr](http://www.wilwarindi.tumblr.com/)
> 
> Fun fact: I only very recently remembered that their heights are listed in the Borderlands wikia, and after converting it to the metric system I freaked out cause Brick is STUPIDLY TALL WTF.
> 
> Also, it took me into chapter 7 to realize Pandora has a 90 hour long day, and after pulling at my own hair for a while I came up with a decent schedule for how people's lives work on Pandora.
> 
> Got any comments? Leave a comment!
> 
>   **Spanish translations:**
> 
>  _Mi vida, perdón. Perdón que no te vi en todo el día._ = My life*, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I didn't see you all day. (*endearment)
> 
>  _¿Cómo estás? ¿Atrapaste algo grande hoy día?_ = How are you? Did you catch anything big today?
> 
>  _Tenemos que salir a cazar pronto, llevamos mucho tiempo encerrados en New Haven._ = We need to go hunting soon, we've been cooped up in New Haven for too long.


	5. The best laid plans (AKA: Friendships)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Featuring: making amends, Lilith is the sister!friend everyone needs, Lilith & Mordecai’s friendship is based 90% in annoying each other and 10% in making fun of other people, Roland being quietly understanding and supportive of everyone, Helena Pierce being the only one who can command both Roland and Lilith _at the same time_ , Brick is the strongest man alive.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Moar spoilers for the Pre-Sequel (heavy spoilers for the ending).
> 
> Music mood: [Johnny Flynn - Einstein's Idea](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-oWB8f-Ov7k)

Roland and Lilith helped solve the crisis on Elpis somewhere along the following couple of days. While relieved, Mordecai and Brick weren’t paying that much attention to it anymore; they’d taken up a couple of bounties that kept them out of New Haven for the biggest part of those days.

Leaving the town had proved to be a good idea - even Bloodwing was a little less grouchy now he could stretch out his wings in a different sky after such a long time. It was familiar, it was fun, and also it gave them the chance to find their footing into whatever it was that they were doing.

It also meant Mordecai would get distracted by the look of Brick’s ass in his scope, and Brick would show off by doing even more reckless things than usual.

Somehow, they survived.

They’d been chasing a particularly elusive skag when Roland and Lilith contacted them through the ECHO to tell them they’d arrived back on Pandora.

“What, so soon?” Mordecai asked them. “Thought you guys wanted to stay for a couple weeks.”

“Elpis is a mess right now,” Lilith replied in a harsh tone. “It’s not exactly the best place to have a good time.”

“OK,” Mordecai said, giving Brick a surprised look about how angry Lilith seemed to be. Brick shrugged. “We’re in the Salt Flats, hunting for a bounty.”

“Alright. We’re heading back in the meantime.”

“See ya in a while!” Brick chimed in.

Mordecai could almosts see Lilith softening, as she always did when Brick was involved. “Yeah. Hopefully we can find somewhere else to go now, since Elpis is ruined. Any ideas?”

“How about Aquator?” said Mordecai snidely.

“If we could've afforded that, we wouldn’t have gone to Elpis in the first place,” replied Lilith in irritation, and hung up.

“What crawled up her ass?” wondered Mordecai.

Brick shrugged again. “Who knows. Probably it’s their vacation being ruined.”

“Maybe they didn’t get much loot out of it,” Mordecai mused. “Wouldn’t be the first time.”

“Yeah, that too.”

* * *

They returned to New Haven several hours later, after the damn skag took them all over the Rust Commons and through a bandit enclave. When they finally caught it, the skag hadn’t put that much of a fight, really. It was a little disappointing. But if Mordecai was honest, the main reason it had eluded them for so long was they weren’t as focused in the chase as they were in flirting.

He’d almost forgotten how beautiful the night sky looked from the desert, with his feet tucked close to a low campfire and Brick’s arm around his shoulders.

(Oh, hell, he was getting as bad as Lilith and Roland. Well… screw it, he had the right to be besotted.)

Their ECHOs pinged Roland and Lilith’s location as soon as they entered New Haven. They were in Helena Pierce’s office, probably talking about whatever happened on Elpis. Mordecai and Brick stopped on their way to the bounty board.

Roland and Pierce were in a deep conversation about New Haven’s defenses. Meanwhile, Lilith was leaning back in her chair with her feet propped up on the table, seeming bored.

“We need more hands on this. I’m thinking we need to recruit people,” Roland was saying, sounding even more tired than he did before he left on vacation.

Pierce thought about it.

“We’d need to expand the town, and there isn’t much available ground,” she pointed out.

“At first we’d be a little crowded, but the people who join us would help us with the expansions.” Roland scratched his chin. “Plus, we need utilitarian buildings, those shouldn’t take too much space.”

Mordecai looked between them, suddenly worried.

“Hey, guys!” said Brick with a smile.

“Hey!” Lilith dropped her feet and went to hug Brick. “You’re a sight for sore eyes. What took you guys so long?”

“Damn skag dragged us through bandit camps. We caught it in the end,” Brick summarized.

“Whatcha planning for?” Mordecai asked.

“You know Roland, he likes to worry,” Lilith said, trying to be dismissive but it came out harsh. She hugged Mordecai as well.

“Hey,” greeted Roland with a brief smile. “You saw what happened on Elpis. We’re thinking we may need to up our defense system.”

“Why? You shut the laser down, right?” Mordecai wondered, walking up to the table. On it was a map of New Haven with different small objects scattered all over.

“We did. As I said, he likes to worry,” Lilith said pointedly, crossing her arms.

“The laser might be gone, but we didn’t make friends with Hyperion when we shut it down,” Roland countered without looking at her. It was pretty obvious they were disagreeing on something, and knowing them, they’d given up on trying to convince each other. “Helios is staying and the construction is still going. We need to keep our guard up. Hyperion is still mining Eridium on Pandora and they don’t like us.”

“So, what’s your plan?” Brick asked, sidling up to Mordecai on the table.

“Turrets, for starters,” Roland replied, pointing at the objects on the map. “Scooter can help build them, but we need someone to help with the programing. We need to reinforce the walls, keep only one or two points of entry. Supplies are a bigger problem, though. We need to keep a reliable food and water supply, and we need it guarded. And guns, but that shouldn’t be much of a problem.”

“And you said more people. Got something in mind?” Mordecai wondered.

“The Lance has been a problem since they went rogue,” Roland said. “I’m thinking some of them will join us.”

“The Lance? They hate us,” Brick scoffed.

“They were abandoned by Atlas command. They’re lost. They’ll want something meaningful to do.”

“Something meaningful? We’re just a town,” Mordecai said, shaking his head. “And yeah, they do hate us. We killed Knoxx.”

Roland sighed. “I’m not saying it’ll be easy, but what else can they do? Knoxx put bounties on our heads, and they know that’s why we went after him. Atlas on the other hand, left them behind. Some of them have already joined us and I’m sure we can convince more. It’s either this, or be a bandit.”

“Says you,” Brick said. “You Crimson Lance folk are stubborn.”

Roland gave a rueful smile. “That’s why I think we can reason with them. They’re soldiers, not bandits. They’ll want something to do that’s better than following some Eridium-crazy bandit lord.”

“And if they do, we wipe them out,” Brick added. Everyone turned to look at him. “What? They’re trouble. The Lance in Old Haven are a gettin’ to be a pain in the ass, and if Hyperion is gonna be problem we don’t need the Lance joining with them.”

“Yeah. Yeah, you’re right,” Roland agreed reluctantly.

“So it’s just gonna be ' _come to New Haven and you’ll be fine_ '?” Mordecai asked skeptically. “You think anyone’s gonna listen to that?”

“Not all of them, but hopefully enough,” Roland said with finality. “That’s all we got for now.”

“I’ll see about the food and water supply. Marcus should be able to help with funds to improve our water system,” said Pierce.

“Will he, though?” Lilith wondered. Mordecai shared her skepticism: the one thing Marcus loved was money.

“I’ll convince him,” Pierce replied without hesitation. Mordecai almost wished he could witness that conversation, if only to see Marcus yield before someone for a change. “Roland, you’ll handle recruitment. And tomorrow we’ll discuss the fortifications and the expansions we’ll need.”

“Right,” Roland replied, with a nod.

Their orders were dished out, and none of them had anything more to add. They left Pierce’s office quietly.

“Hey, Roland, what happened on Elpis? You really think Hyperion has it in for us?” Mordecai asked once they were outside.

Roland sighed. “It’s a long story. But yeah. I mean, we destroyed their precious laser - obviously, they don’t like us.”

“Well, what else were we supposed to do?” Lilith snapped. “Leave it there, right over our heads so it could destroy us any second?”

A tense silence fell on them. Mordecai and Brick exchanged a look.

“I _know_. I agree with you, and I’m not arguing about this anymore,” Roland said tiredly.

Brick shifted in place and Mordecai looked between his friends, trying to figure out what their discussion was about exactly.

“So, uh,” Brick said awkwardly. “I’m gonna go look for our reward at the bounty board.”

Before Mordecai could join him, Brick leaned in and kissed him on the temple. Mordecai froze in place, like a deer in the headlights.

Brick turned and left the rest of his friends standing in shocked silence.

Lilith was the first to speak. “Wait, _what_?” she demanded.

“Uh,” Mordecai muttered, suddenly mesmerized by his own shoes. He guessed it was too much to hope that they hadn’t noticed that.

“Are you two sleeping together?” Lilith asked.

It was the indignation in her voice that prompted Mordecai to look up at her, dead in the eye. “None of your business,” he replied stiffly.

“Oh my God, you _are_!” Lilith yelled. “Are you kidding me?”

Roland was looking somewhat uncomfortable, but he tried to intervene: “Hey, Lilith. Back off a little.“

She ignored him.

“Seriously? Now?” Lilith pressed. “Couldn’t you just have done this last year?”

Mordecai’s eyebrows rose. “Lilith-”

“No,” she cut him off. “Did you even _see_ Brick after you hooked up with Moxxi? Before that?”

Mordecai looked away. Oh, he remembered Brick looking crestfallen, but he’d obstinately tried to ignore it. They were just friends, so it wasn’t like he was responsible for whatever Brick felt, right?

“I know, but-”

“No. If you hurt him, I will melt your face off.”

“What the fuck!” Mordecai shouted, mostly to get her to stop interrupting him. “Why am I the bad guy here?”

Lilith gave him a look. “Oh, c’mon. You knew how bad he had it for you.”

“I - _No_. What do you care? That’s between me and him.”

“He’s my friend.”

“Yeah, _he_ is. Go to hell, Lilith,” Mordecai spat before turning tail and leaving.

Lilith opened her mouth, but before she could speak Roland grabbed her by the arm.

“Lil, no,” he said. “You made your point.”

Lilith looked at him and then back at Mordecai, who was quickly disappearing around a corner.

“I fucked that up, didn’t I?” she muttered, deflating.

“... A little,” Roland agreed quietly. “You can go and apologize later.”

Lilith gave him a dirty look. “You’re no help.”

“Hey, I didn’t jump at the guy threatening to melt his face off.” Lilith made a face, but she admitted he had a point. “You went a little heavy on him.”

“Yeah. Maybe.” Lilith frowned. “I just…” She shook her head.

Brick was coming back now, and he frowned at them.

“Hey, where’d Mordy go?”

Lilith crossed her arms.

“I, uh, I think Lilith scared him off with a shovel talk,” Roland replied with a wry smile.

Brick blinked. “What?”

Lilith gave Roland another dirty look.

“Yeah,” she admitted, fidgeting a little. “I mean, you kissed him, so I asked if you guys are together now-”

“Asked?” chimed in Roland.

“I did! Sort of. Anyway, I said if he hurt you, I’d melt his face of.” Lilith shrugged. Brick kept staring at her. “Hey, I’m just lookin’ out for you! But yeah, I might have said some other stuff I’m already regretting.”

Brick gave her his most disappointed look.

“Oh, Lilly,” he said.

“I know! I know, OK? Stop looking at me like that,” Lilith exclaimed, throwing her arms up. “Just go after your boyfriend and tell him I’m sorry.”

“No, _you’re_ gonna tell him,” Brick said. Lilith wanted to argue, but the look on his face stopped her. “And he’s not my boyfriend. Not yet, anyway.”

* * *

Tracking Mordecai when he didn’t want to be found was near impossible. He switched off his ECHO and wasn’t in any of the places around New Haven Brick could think of - thankfully, that also included the bar. If he’d left New Haven, then it was anyone’s guess where he’d gone.

In the end, Brick figured Mordecai would turn up when he decided to.

Brick’s ECHO pinged with Mordecai’s location the next day when he was out with Roland studying the rustyards for materials to build new walls for New Haven. Brick saw it, felt some quiet relief, and kept hauling broken machinery around for another half hour. By then, even Roland decided it was time for a lunch break.

Mordecai caught up with them after they’d bought some food. He made a beeline for where they were sitting up on the roof near Scooter’s garage and climbed up to join them.

“Hey!” he greeted them. He sat down by Brick’s side and gave him a peck on the cheek.

“Lunch?” Brick asked with his mouth full.

“Nah, not hungry.” Brick gave him a look. “Alright, fine. But I’m not going _now_.”

“Good to see someone finally convinced you to eat something,” Roland commented.

“It’s an uphill battle,” Brick sighed dramatically.

Roland got up and dusted off his pants. “I’m gonna go see if I can catch Helena,” he said mildly.

“You don’t have to leave,” Mordecai said, mostly to be polite.

Roland smiled. “It’s alright, I do need to catch her. I’ll see you later.”

After he climbed down, they just sat there in silence for a moment.

“Sorry for disappearing,” Mordecai finally said.

“If you wanna be alone, you can just say so, you know?”

Mordecai scratched his neck. “Yeah. I’ll do that next time. I just needed to think.”

Brick just hummed. “You OK?”

“Yeah, yeah,” Mordecai replied. “You? I don’t think Lilith grilled you as much as me, but who knows with her.”

“She didn’t. And she’s sorry,” Brick replied. “I told her she should apologize to you, though.”

Mordecai snorted. “She was an asshole, but she had a point,” he admitted begrudgingly.

“What’d she say?” Brick asked.

Mordecai rubbed his arms absently as he thought. “She said I’d known how you felt about me - before. And that I hooked up with Moxxi anyway.”

Brick actually stopped eating and looked at Mordecai. “Did you?” he finally asked.

Mordecai took a deep breath. “I guess I did. I knew how I felt about _you_. But that’s not why… It’s… shit. It’s complicated.”

Brick mulled that over, wondering if he really wanted to hear the rest. Complicated stuff was usually hard to live with.

“You don’t have to explain,” he said, but his voice didn’t sound as certain as he would have liked. “You’re here now.”

“I am. But…” Mordecai trailed off. “I fucked up. I got scared, I pushed you away. I’m not proud of that.”

Brick had tried not to start this conversation, but they were in it anyway. He left his plate aside and looked up at the sky, leaning back a little.

“Why? Was it such a bad thing?” He tried, and failed, not to sound bitter about it.

Mordecai shook his head. “No. No, that’s not why.” He fidgeted with one of his gloves. “I know how this sounds, ok?, but it wasn’t about you. I... fuck things up. I always freak out when I like someone, and I hang back and don’t do anything.”

“That’s not what it looked like with Moxxi,” Brick said sarcastically.

“She started it,” Mordecai replied. “She flirted with me first. And she wasn’t my friend. I’ve screwed up friendships before, and it sucks. And we - we’re different, so I guessed it would most likely go wrong, and it would go _really_ wrong. With her it didn’t matter.”

Brick snorted. “And that’s why you fell off the wagon when she left you?”

Mordecai grimaced, but he knew it was true. And it was the most stupid part of it all. He’d run the whole disaster in his head a hundred times already, especially after Lilith had told him off, and he knew where his mistakes had been.

“I did. But it wasn’t so much about her. I know how this sounds, but I guess I was trying to get over you with her.” And there, he’d finally said it. “And then she dumped me, and you weren’t here anymore, and all I could think was that I’d screwed up so bad.”

Brick made a frustrated sound. “Why didn’t you just say something, then?”

“I told you: I freaked out. I realized I liked you, and I ran, ‘cause that’s what I do.”

“But why? How do you even get laid? At all?”

Mordecai laughed. “I wait for them make the first move. Like with Moxxi – they start it and I play along.” He shrugged. “Look, I’m bad at this. I’m bad at putting myself out there when I care about someone. And you never said anything either,” he added, knowing it was a bit of a shitty thing to say - but it was also true.

“Sure, go up to the guy who suddenly started ignoring me and never said why,” Brick said with sarcasm.

“Yeah, but you didn’t even try, you got scared too. It’s not that different.”

“No, it wasn’t… Fine,” Brick said begrudgingly. “I just thought it was obvious.”

“That’s why I stepped up now,” Mordecai said with a shrug. “Tried taking the first step for once. I guessed I owed you for all that mess.”

“Maybe,” Brick admitted. “I’m glad you did, though. I wasn’t sure what to do.”

“But I also owe you for how I was after Moxxi,” Mordecai said, rubbing his face. If he didn't say it all now, in just one go, he wouldn't say it at all. “I was an asshole to you, and you kept trying. I just - I was so angry, and I didn’t want you to see me like that. I just wanted you to leave me alone.”

“Think I remember that,” Brick said with a wry smile.

“I’m pretty sure I’d be dead in a ditch by this point if you hadn’t stuck around.” Mordecai kept going, or he’d never get the nerve to say it. “I owe you for that. Also, I’m pretty sure I love you.”

Brick sucked in a breath in surprise and looked at him, but Mordecai was still staring at some point ahead of him, fidgeting with his gloves, his mouth more a frown that anything. The image slid a knife into whatever happiness he felt rising in chest, and sent it crumbling away into uneasiness.

“Are you - You don’t-” Mordecai turned to look at him out the corner of his eye. “Can you take those off?” Brick asked impatiently, signaling towards his goggles.

“Oh, sure.”

Mordecai squinted when the direct sunlight hit him. He fumbled with the goggles for a second before steeling himself and meeting Brick’s searching eyes.

“I do. I love you, Brick,” he repeated, simple and fervent and fragile. “You’re my best friend, and I know it’s too soon and I fucked up before, but I think I do.”

If nothing else, he felt, it was worth it to see Brick’s expression shift from unsure to practically glowing in just a few seconds.

Brick struggled for words, gave up into a grin and dragged Mordecai in for a kiss. He laughed all the way through it. Eventually he gave up on the kiss as well and leaned his forehead against Mordecai’s.

“You mean that.” It wasn’t really a question.

Mordecai rolled his eyes, but he couldn't hold back a nervous smile. “Of course I do, you dork.”

“Just checkin’.”

“Oh, sure, that was my plan all along,” Mordecai said with sarcasm. Sarcasm was easy and familiar, and it helped him fight off the feeling of having exposed all his weak points in one swift blow. “I tell you I love you and get absolutely nothing in return.”

Brick’ grin widened. “I wouldn’t say ‘ _nothing_ ’…”

Mordecai laughed, open and loud.

“We’ll see, we’ll see.” His smile turned a little more self-conscious and his eyes drifted away from Brick’s. “Might just be worth it to see that look on your face.”

“Aw!”

“Don’t ' _aw_ ' me!” Mordecai protested.

“If you’re gonna to be a sap, I can ‘ _aw_ ’ all I want,” Brick countered.

“Then I’ll have to stop, won’t I?”

“Pfft, you won’t,” said Brick confidently.

“I don’t know…”

“Hey, Mordy?” said Brick. He awaited until Mordecai looked at him before continuing: “I love you, too.”

Mordecai went still for a moment. Then he smiled, timid and hopeful.

“You mean that?” This was an actual question.

“Yep.”

Mordecai ducked his head, grinning. He started to laugh quietly.

“I’m an idiot,” he muttered.

“Nah,” Brick said, pulling him close. Mordecai clung to him without hesitation. “Or - maybe. But, hey, I like ‘em dumb.”

Mordecai wanted to retort, but honestly couldn’t focus on what he would say; not when that would distract him from the bubble of happiness expanding inside him. He’d get Brick back eventually, but right now… right now he was happy and could let it slide.

* * *

Lilith’s grin when she saw Mordecai and Brick coming back to the junkyard all but promised they’d never hear the end of it. Mordecai tightened his grip on Brick’s hand and grinned right back at her.

Lilith actually seemed impressed for a second.

“You two look happy,” she commented.

“Maybe we are,” Mordecai shot right back, his grin never faltering.

Lilith raised her eyebrows and looked at Brick, who only shrugged.

“Wow. Already ditching work for a lunchtime quicky, huh?” she said.

That certainly dampened Mordecai’s cheer, but he tried to hide it as best he could. Brick snorted.

“I think y'all need to talk,” he said as he pushed Mordecai slightly towards Lilith. He gave her a meaningful look before turning to where Roland was and going to meet him.

Lilith crossed her arms, clearly uncomfortable. The sight gave Mordecai a twinge of satisfaction.

“So,” she began. “I might have... gone a little overboard yesterday. I mean, I _am_ happy for you guys, I just… uh, yeah. I’m sorry.”

“Wow, you _suck_ at apologizing.”

Lilith glared at him for a second.

“I shouldn't have started yelling at you right off the bat,” she said. “That’s true. But I meant what I said about Brick.”

“That you’d melt my face off?”

“Yeah.”

“Fair enough.”

Lilith uncrossed her arms. “It’s not that I don’t worry about you. You’re my friend too, but-”

“But you like Brick more,” Mordecai said, interrupting her. Lilith tried, badly, to pretend it wasn’t true. “Please, I know you do.”

“I guess. A little,” Lilith admitted.

“Hey, that’s fair. I like Roland more than you,” Mordecai countered with a smirk.

“Yeah, I know _that_ ,” Lilith said, giving him a meaningful look.

Mordecai shrugged. “Guy’s got a nice ass, what d’you want from me?” he argued dismissively. Lilith opened her mouth. “That was ages ago, anyway.”

“Yeah, I was gonna say that. You got your own boyfriend to ogle now,” Lilith said with a scoff.

“Not really my boyfriend, but yeah,” Mordecai agreed. He took a deep breath. “Look, Lil. Can’t say it was fun having you chewing me off like that, but as much as I hate to admit it, you had a point.”

Lilith looked surprised and then a little smug. “Really?”

“I talked to Brick, about Moxxi. About before. And I think I should apologize to you and Roland too.”

Mordecai kept looking down, not ready to face her as he said this.

“After Moxxi, I lost it. I was an asshole, and I’m sorry,” he gritted out. “I think that’s why you’re so worried about me hurting Brick. I’m worried too. But I’m trying, Lilly. I’m trying.”

Lilith put a hand on his shoulder and Mordecai flinched. She searched for his eyes, and Mordecai forced himself to meet her gaze.

“I believe you, OK?” she said softly. “I went too hard on you yesterday. You’re right, I am worried about you both, ‘cause hey, it’s taken you a while to get there. But I don’t want you to get hurt either. And I’m glad you’re doing better.”

Mordecai forced himself to smile. “Thanks. I think I owe a lot of that to Brick, to be honest.”

“Yeah,” she agreed. “But hey, we care about you too.”

“I know.”

They just stood there awkwardly for a moment.

“Hey, what's the whole deal about Brick not being your boyfriend, though?” Lilith wondered. “I mean, Brick said that too.”

“He did?”

“Yeah.”

“Huh,” Mordecai muttered. He shrugged. “Just haven’t had that talk yet.”

“Wait, so how long’s this been going on, then?” Lilith asked. Mordecai narrowed his eyes and didn’t reply. “Hey, c’mon. I’m curious.”

“Of course you are,” he scoffed.

“Why are you dodging the question?”

Mordecai shook his head. “Fine,” he grumbled, but his voice lacked any real bite. He didn’t mind telling her. Lilith gave him a triumphant look. “It started after you guys left for Elpis.”

“Oh,” Lilith said, realization and surprise on her face. “So… wait, like a week?”

“Yeah. Why, what did you think?” Mordecai asked suspiciously.

“I don’t know. With all the looks and the pent-up tension…” Lilith shrugged. “Could have been months.”

“Months? Without you noticing?” Mordecai said, incredulous. “You realize Brick has all the subtlety of a freight train, right?”

Lilith burst out laughing and Mordecai chuckled at the sight, feeling a little proud of himself. It wasn’t easy to surprise Lilith, after all.

“Good point,” she admitted. “What, he waited until he had you all to himself to sweep you off your feet?” she teased.

Mordecai paused. “Well…” He smirked and added: “You know me: I like to wait for the right moment.”

Lilith stared at him for a few seconds before it sunk. “What?” she said. Mordecai shrugged with feigned modesty and what he hoped was a winning smile. “You went after him? Wow, I’m lucky I didn’t have any money on this.”

“Hey!”

“Dude, no offense, but that’s not where smart money would have gone,” Lilith said matter-of-factly.

Mordecai crossed his arms and frowned. “I live to disappoint,” he said dryly.

Lilith rolled her eyes. “Don’t be so dramatic, it’s a good thing!” She punched him lightly on the arm.

Mordecai had to concede that at least.

“So, why now?” Lilith asked, a little quieter. “Why not last year?”

Mordecai squirmed and resisted the urge to bolt. Lilith’s curiosity was relentless and exhausting, but she wouldn’t let it go until she got an answer.

“I freaked,” Mordecai replied simply. “Ran for the hills.”

Lilith gave him a speculative look. “You’ve dated guys before, right? I mean, I just assumed...”

Mordecai snorted. “Yeah, I have. That wasn’t why.” He looked down at his feet for a second. “Dating friends can be messy. And he’s… pretty much my best friend.”

“That’s true,” Lilith said knowingly. She put up her fist. “Bi bros?”

Mordecai raised his eyebrows, but found he wasn’t all that surprised. He _had_ seen her flirting with Moxxi, after all. He fistbumped her, making an overly resigned face.

“Sure.”

“Life’s too short to be straight,” she added.

Mordecai shook his head, but couldn’t help to laugh.

“Cheesy,” he said. He hoped Lilith’s curiosity was sated for now. He looked at where Roland and Brick were busy trying to safely move part of a wrecked digger out of the way. “What are we doing now?”

“The guys are looking for material for the walls. We should look for materials for the turrets or for the new buildings,” Lilith said, a deep frown on her face.

“What's the deal with you two?” Mordecai said. “Why are you fighting now?”

Lilith pursed her lips and crossed her arms. “We didn't agree about how we dealt with Hyperion. I mean, he was in it from the start with - with the people who helped us,” Lilith said, tripping a little over her words, then continuing quickly: “We both agreed, the moment we saw that laser, that we needed to destroy it. But he still… he almost backtracked at the last minute. He felt _bad_ for them.”

“You're mad cause he felt bad about killing people?” Mordecai said, confused. They all knew Roland was the only one who still had some qualms with the violent life on Pandora. Surely, Lilith should have expected it.

“No. I - I'm angry because he kept it together, better than me, but in the end… he almost changed his mind. Even when we knew, when we both saw, what Jack could do-” Lilith stopped abruptly.

It was like a bucket of icy water had been dumped on Mordecai’s head.

“Jack?” he repeated. “The one building Helios?” Lilith gave him a regretful look. “Of course that fucker was involved. Goddammit, I should have known.”

Lilith’s mouth twisted into a rueful smile. “I was wondering if you'd figured it out already,” she said.

Mordecai shook his head. “No, I… I guess I've had other stuff in my mind,” he said with a bitter laugh. “But it was obvious. If Hyperion was involved, it had to be the guy Moxxi left me for.”

“He's a psychopath and we tried to kill him,” Lilith informed him. Mordecai smiled. “But even after Roland saw what he could do - how he murdered people in cold blood… he still hesitated. Maybe it was the Vault Hunters with him or maybe it was Jack, but still.”

Mordecai looked at Roland, who was trying to give directions and do most of the work himself at the same time.

Of course Roland's moral code would act out at the worst possible moment, he thought. Roland was honorable, and that was always his weakness - especially on Pandora, where honor was as pointless as it was hard to find.

“I assume Jack's alive,” Mordecai said.

“Yeah. He got lucky. Though he was a lot uglier, last time I saw him,” Lilith said smugly.

Mordecai wholeheartedly agreed with the sentiment.

“He's the one coming after us, then.”

“Yeah. Turns out psychopaths don't like it when you try to kill them and then disfigure their smug faces when you smash it against the Vault treasure they were after,” Lilith said casually.

Mordecai gave her an honestly impressed look. That sounded badass and hilarious, and he would have paid to see it.

He put his fist up and Lilith fistbumped him.

“Good,” Mordecai said, with deep satisfaction. “Well, I guess we better get to it. There were cars with gun turrets on that side of the rust yard.”

“That should help,” Lilith agreed and started walking.

* * *

Most of the gun turrets they found had been stripped of useful parts or were downright destroyed. The best one they had found so far was, of course, still well bolted into place in the back of a car that had its entire front sandwiched between other vehicles. Mordecai and Lilith studied the situation for a while, then tried prying it free in the best way they could find, but didn’t manage to move it an inch.

“Dammit!” Mordecai said, giving up on trying to move a girder that was embedded in the back of the car that held their turret. “Can’t Scooter just digistruct some turrets?”

“He said the ones he has in his system are too weak for this,” replied Lilith with a frustrated huff. “He needs better materials for digistructing.”

“Let’s try the bolts again,” Mordecai said stubbornly.

“They didn’t budge five minutes ago, and I don’t think they’ll budge now,” Lilith pointed out.

Mordecai ignored her and looked around for the toolbox they’d brought with them from New Haven.

Lilith rolled her eyes at him and opened a comm line in her ECHO.

“Hey guys? We need help over here,” she said to Brick and Roland. Mordecai turned to give her a look of betrayal. She replied with a look that told him to stop being stupid.

“You OK?” Roland asked, immediately worry.

“Yeah, we’re fine,” Lilith replied impatiently. “We’re a little out of muscle mass, though. I think we need the help of some strong men here.”

Mordecai stared at her, aghast, and mouthed “ _why?_ ”. Lilith gave him a smug look.

“Uh… sure?” Roland said, sounding thoroughly confused.

Mordecai threw a fistful of dirt at Lilith. “Screw you,” he grumbled.

“Aw, did I make you feel inadequate?” she mocked him, kicking dirt at him in return. “We _can’t_ move it, Mordecai. Might as well call the muscleheads; that’s what they’re here for.”

“You’re letting Roland carry your stuff now? Since when are you such a damsel?” Mordecai shot back, knowing that would annoy her.

Lilith rubbed her ear as if to clear it. “I'm sorry, I couldn't hear that over the sound of your fragile male ego shattering.”

Mordecai glared and Lilith quirked an unimpressed brow. They sat in moody silence until they heard Roland and Brick approaching.

“Hey! So, what's the emergency?” Brick said. He looked as cheerful as ever, but Mordecai thought he could see a hint of teasing in his expression.

Mordecai crossed his arms.

“Lilith doesn't wanna lift heavy stuff,” he drawled. “Thinks she might break a nail.”

Lilith scoffed. “At least I'm not tripping over my own dick to try to uphold the expectation that men are always strong and self-reliant,” she retorted.

Mordecai gaped slightly. Brick looked at Roland who shrugged helplessly.

“Ok boys, we need to pry that car out to get that turret,” Lilith said. “Get on it.”

Mordecai moved to the side to make way for Roland and Brick to start climbing on the pile of cars, and brooded.

“You need to move that car first,” Lilith said, pointing up. “Can’t move anything else without it falling on you.”

She kept giving them directions from the ground. Mordecai watched in dismay how Roland and Brick made quick work of pushing aside the cars he and Lilith had been trying unsuccessfully to move for the past half hour. They made it look so easy, and it only soured his mood further.

“Dude, cheer up,” Lilith told him quietly. “You’re being ridiculous.” Mordecai wanted to argue, but couldn’t think of a single thing to say to that, so he refused to reply. “You’re acting like a baby.”

“We could’ve done this ourselves,” Mordecai mumbled.

“No, we couldn’t,” Lilith said with a snort. “ _Maybe_ we could have loosened the bolts eventually. But we got stuff to do and I don’t wanna sit here all day.” Mordecai looked away. “Honestly: why does it bother you so much to ask for help?”

She turned to the others and kept supervising.

Mordecai looked away and tried to shake the bad mood off. Lilith was right: there was (technically) nothing wrong with asking for help. But Mordecai hated having to rely on others as a rule since, much like Brick has said once, he was used to fighting alone - fending for his own, looking out for number one because no one else ever looked out for him.

He sighed and looked at Roland and Brick.

“Alright! Nice job, guys!” Lilith said, climbing up to join them. Roland and Brick looked sweaty but not all that tired. “Now, this car is stuck in this girder here. We need to lift it before we can move it.”

Brick wiped his forehead. “Sure, no problem,” he said. He crouched down and grabbed hold of the car.

“Wait, let me move around,” Roland said.

“Nah, I got it.”

Brick grunted and started to lift the car. There was a snap of old metal, and then it was rising slowly but surely off the ground.

“Holy shit,” Roland said, stunned. He got to the other side of the car and started helping as much as he could, though it didn’t seem to be all that much.

They freed the car from the girder and started moving it over it.

“Don’t drop it yet!” yelled Lilith as she climbed back down as fast as she could. “And don’t damage the turret!”

“Aye, aye,” Roland muttered with sarcasm.

“Ok! Drop it!” Lilith said as soon as her feet hit the ground.

With another grunt, Brick and Roland pushed the car forwards and down the pile of junk. It landed with a sound of twisting metal, then slid slowly downwards.

Lilith looked at Mordecai, but he barely even noticed. She paused and watched him closely.

“Wow, looks like you’re about to get a nosebleed,” Lilith said, amused. “Or pass out.”

Mordecai blinked and realized his face was slack, his mouth hanging slightly open. He shook himself and looked away from Brick, who was grinning like a madman at the car he’d almost single-handedly moved around like it didn’t weight anything at all and dusting off his hands on his jeans. Mordecai swallowed with some difficulty.

“Awesome!” Lilith told Roland and Brick. “Thanks for the help, guys. Drinks are on me when we get back.”

“They better be,” Brick said with a laugh as he climbed down. “What now? We need to get it to New Haven.”

“We’ll get a runner and we can drag it back to town,” Lilith said waving a hand. “You can go back to hauling other stuff around.”

“I’m not sure I can, after that,” Roland said rubbing his neck. “I’m beat.”

“We can load up a truck and go back to New Haven too,” Brick said. “We found enough stuff today.”

“Right.”

Roland looked at Lilith with a hesitant smile. She shook her head, grabbed him by the front of his shirt and kissed him, brief and firm.

“Stop looking so damn sheepish all the time,” she chided.

“I would if you’d stop getting mad at me,” he countered, his smile getting more confident.

“Not likely.”

Mordecai and Brick exchanged a knowing look. Those two fought all the time, but it never lasted for long.

“Some things never change,” Mordecai muttered.

Brick nodded sagely. He leaned in to kiss Mordecai.

“Anything else you need?” he asked, his deep voice like the rumble of the earth.

Mordecai tried to fight off the sudden wave of heat rising through his body. His mind was muddy and he fumbled for any coherent words among his scattered thoughts.

“Ask me that again later,” he said quietly in the end, trying to keep his voice even. “I’ll think of something.”

Brick sneaked an arm around his waist and laughed, low and private, right in his ear. Mordecai wondered distantly if Brick had caught sight of his reaction to that previous show of strength. He hoped, for his pride’s sake, it hadn’t been as obvious as Lilith seemed to think.

“Stop that,” Mordecai grumbled, embarrassed. He smacked Brick in the chest and untangled himself from Brick’s arm. “Get outta here and let me work.”

“What? I thought I was helping you work,” Brick drawled.

“Not right now, you’re not.”

Brick raised his hands in defeat. “Alright. Leaving.”

Mordecai resisted the urge to chase after him and kiss the smug smile off his face.

“Hey, lovebirds!” Lilith called, pretending to sound impatient instead of amused - and failing. “We got stuff to do.”

“You’re one to talk,” Mordecai shot back with a pointed look. Her intervention helped him move away from Brick, though. “You do remember we couldn’t pry you two away from each other for weeks, right?”

“Oh, sure. That’s why you sneaked away to Old Haven together, right?” she quipped, not at all chastised.

“It _was_. I could barely get any sleep those days.”

Lilith barked out a laugh. “Hah! Same here.”

That definitely helped Mordecai push past the haze in his mind and get some clarity back. He groaned loudly in disgust.

“Oh, ew! Lilith! I heard enough of it back then, don’t drag those memories back!”

* * *

Roland noticed Brick’s smug expression and light gait as they walked back to the place where they’d been working on previously.

“It’s a little scary to see you this happy,” he commented. Brick flashed him a toothy grin. “Yeah, definitely scary.”

Brick shrugged and laughed, unconcerned. Roland patted him in the back companionably.

* * *

Scooter received the gun turret with his usual unbridled enthusiasm, but determinedly not making eye contact with Mordecai, seemingly still a bit scared. It suited Mordecai just fine, to be honest.

“Yeah, this’ll work! I got a lotta spare parts that I can use with this, we’ll have us the best defense system in no time!” he said.

“Good. Well, let us know if you need anything else for them,” said Lilith. “You know anyone who could help us programming them after they’re built?”

“Oh, I gotsa couple ideas,” Scooter said with a nod. “Let me make some calls an’ I’ll get back to y’all.”

“Great. Thanks, Scooter.”

Scooter beamed at Lilith, practically glowing with eagerness to please.

“Yeah, thanks Scooter,” Mordecai repeated with a mocking edge.

Scooter’s smile dwindled. He nodded at Mordecai’s feet and scratched his neck. “No problem, man,” he mumbled.

Mordecai smirked and followed Lilith out of the garage.

“Pierce wanted us to go check out the expansion points,” said Lilith. “See what we can see.”

“I know absolutely nothing about building,” said Mordecai. He crossed his arms. “I can’t tell shit about terrains and stuff.”

“Me neither. But c’mon, how hard can it be? We can come back and say: _yes, it had ground in it_ ,” Lilith said.

“ _It definitely had ground at the bottom and sky on top_ ,” Mordecai added.

“ _Yeah, it looked perfect, Pierce! Who needs actual engineers to supervise!_ ” Lilith said, throwing her hands out in exasperation.

* * *

Pierce summoned them all to gather their reports. Mordecai couldn’t say he was too thrilled about it; the whole having to report to others was too military for him, and it kept cementing the feeling that the situation was really serious and desperate.

“Marcus has agreed to give out funds for improvements,” Pierce informed them. “That should help move things along.”

“Is he still alive?” Mordecai wondered, mostly to himself.

To his astonishment, Pierce smiled, the unscarred side of her mouth quirking up. “If you can call that living,” she replied.

Mordecai stared at her in bafflement.

“I can vouch for that. He was alive when we left,” Roland chimed in.

“You were there as backup?” Lilith asked.

“I was there to make sure Marcus left in one piece. Dead men don’t pay.”

“Not unless you seize their assets,” Pierce said, raising one eyebrow in what looked like amusement. Then it was gone. “But it didn’t come to that. Now, what can you tell me?”

“We found a lot of building materials and Scooter is working on the turrets,” Roland said.

“Mordecai and me looked around town for expansion points,” Lilith added. “We didn’t get much from it, really, but it looks clear enough.”

“Good. Most of the people who first worked on building New Haven are still alive,” Pierce said with a nod. “You’ll need to keep them safe while they do their work.”

“Not many skags out there, lately,” Mordecai commented.

“That will likely change when the work starts,” Pierce said with grim certainty. “Scythids and spiderants always come out of the woodwork when you try building on Pandora.” The mental image made Mordecai vaguely disgusted. “Anything else?”

“Not really. Most of what we did today was scavenge and haul cars around,” Lilith replied with a shrug.

“' _We_ '?” said Brick.

“Have you ever heard of the royal 'we'?” Lilith asked, undeterred.

"That's... that's not really what the royal 'we' is," Roland muttered.

“Alright. So tomorrow we start working on fortifications,” Pierce cut in. “We’ll need to work faster in the upcoming days.”

“Why?” asked Mordecai. “It’s not like most people even know where New Haven is.”

“Things seem calm, and that’s never good news,” Pierce replied immediately. “We need to bolster our defenses before you go to Old Haven.”

“About that,” Roland said, thoughtfully. “I’m thinking not all of us need to go to Old Haven. I don’t want to leave the town completely unprotected while we deal with the remaining Lance.”

Brick scoffed. “I thought that was what the turrets were for.”

“Turrets alone have never stopped us,” Roland pointed out. “What makes you think they’ll stop anything besides skags and spiderants?”

“Then why are we building those?”

“They’re the first line of defense, Brick,” Roland said in a long-suffering voice.

Brick rolled his eyes. “Then we better go to Old Haven soon. We need real people.”

“Actually, I was thinking Lilith and I take this one,” Roland said. “You guys can guard the town.”

“What? Why?” Mordecai argued immediately. “Why don’t you stay and we go?”

“You already took on Old Haven on your own, once. Time to return the favor.”

Mordecai frowned. That sounded like the biggest pile of bullshit Roland had ever fed them. “So, what? We didn’t do a good enough job?” he said, narrowing his eyes.

“No, you did,” Roland replied mildly. He crossed his arms and shifted his weight from foot to foot. “I just think you, uh, deserve to sit this one out.”

Mordecai kept staring at him, not really following.

Brick snorted. “You realize we were cooped up in here while y'all went to Elpis, right? How’s staying here for a vacation?” he said.

 _Oh_ , Mordecai though, beginning to understand.

“Better than getting gunned down while floating on the moon,” Roland said with a rueful smile.

“Roland, how long have you known us? You really think sitting here is gonna be more fun than killing stuff?” Mordecai asked.

Roland paused. “Fair point,” he conceded. “We’ll decide when we’re ready to go.”

“Maybe after we clear Old Haven you guys can book a getaway somewhere sunny,” Lilith chimed in.

“Why are you in on this?” Mordecai wondered suspiciously.

Lilith shrugged. “Maybe I think you’ll be too distracted by the view and get shotgunned in the face.”

Mordecai pursed his lips. She had a point and he hated it.

“Honestly, the one time we try to do something nice for you,” Lilith said with exaggerated disappointment.

“Exactly: _the one time_.”

Pierce cleared her throat. “As fascinating as this is,” she said testily. “Maybe you can continue this discussion somewhere else.” Lilith and Mordecai didn’t say anything else. “If there's nothing else, you can go.”

“There isn’t. Thank you, Helena,” Roland said respectfully.

Pierce nodded at him. It had been clear from the start to all of them that Roland was the Vault Hunter that Pierce tolerated the most.

The rest of them took that as their cue to leave.

“I think Lilith promised drinks when we got back,” Brick said loudly, throwing an arm over Mordecai’s shoulders.

Mordecai meanwhile, tried to hide his disappointment. He had been itching to steal Brick away all afternoon.

“I did. You guys definitely earned them - don’t you think, Mordy?” Lilith said in a sly tone.

“Yeah, they did,” Mordecai replied begrudgingly. He frowned. “Wait, since when do you call me that?”

“ _Mordy_? Eh, spend any time with Brick and all you’ll hear is ' _Mordy_ this' and ' _Mordy_ that',” Lilith said airily.

Brick smiled in embarrassment and scratched his neck, but didn’t deny it.

“Thanks for that,” Mordecai told him with a huff, but he pulled Brick closer at the same time. It was hard to be mad at the fact that Brick talked about him all the time.

“I was talking with Reiss today,” Roland said suddenly. “I told him yesterday that we plan on recruiting more ex Lance, and he said he and the rest of the Lance in New Haven think we should give ourselves a name.”

Reiss had been one of the first ex Lance members to join them after they’d killed Knoxx. Him and his fellow former Lance members worked hard into whatever they were ordered to do, but kept to themselves - mostly out of fear of reprisals for all the things Atlas had done to the people on Pandora, Mordecai though. They mostly only talked to Roland, too.

“A name?” Brick said with a laugh. “Like what?”

“They were thinking... 'The Crimson Raiders',” Roland said slowly.

“What? ‘ _Crimson_ ’? Can’t they just forget about the Lance for two seconds?” Lilith wondered, shaking her head.

Roland didn’t reply.

“You like it,” Brick realized suddenly. He stepped away from Mordecai and stared at Roland in confusion.

Roland fidgeted a little. “I - Well. I think it would be helpful,” he replied, carefully. “It would imply we’re not so far from what the Lance used to be.”

“But we _are_ ,” Lilith said, narrowing her eyes and with a clear threat in her voice. “We’re not the Lance. We won’t burn down entire villages for some mining operation.”

“That’s not what they see. When you work for them, they don’t tell you why and straight up lie to you. They say ' _this village is full of terrorists_ ' not ' _you’ll gun down innocent, unarmed people so Atlas can profit_ '.” Roland looked away, frowning. A deep, old anger was showing up in his voice, and, not for the first time, Mordecai wondered why exactly Roland had left the Lance. Roland had never talked about it much. “They see themselves as the good guys, bringing order. We can appeal to that.”

“Sure, we use the same name as the company that duped and abandoned them,” Lilith said with sarcasm.

“A name, though? Really? What are we, some bandit gang?” Mordecai pressed. “They’re the only ones who take stupid names.”

“No, private armies do that too,” Lilith pointed out acidly.

“If we want people to join us,” Roland said, slow and clear. “We’ll need an identity. We’ll need them to know who we are, what we do and what we stand for. Otherwise, we’re just another bandit fiefdom gathering people to do our bidding.”

He had that look on his face that meant he would not be deterred. Roland was convinced he was doing the right thing, that he was being a big damn hero on a mission.

“Aren’t we, though? I mean, is it that different?” Brick mused.

“No,” said Lilith firmly. She rubbed her forehead.  “No, it may be ridiculous, but we’re not bandits.”

“Do you see any psychos running around?” Roland asked, pointing around them with a hand.

Brick shrugged. “Was just a thought.”

“It _is_ a stupid name,” Mordecai chimed in. “But fine. If it works, I don’t care.”

Lilith nodded in agreement. “Yeah, hopefully we can think of a better name. Why ‘ _Raiders_ ’, anyway?”

Roland shrugged, his stance finally relaxing. “I don’t know. I didn’t come up with it.”

“You didn’t tell that to Pierce,” Brick noted.

“No,” Roland admitted, looking a bit sheepish. “But I _am_ in charge of recruitment.”

“And she’s scary,” Brick added.

Lilith looked between Brick and Roland, who clearly agreed with Brick’s assessment; then she gave Mordecai a despairing look.

“What, don’t you think she’s scary too?” Mordecai muttered, crossing his arms.

Lilith arched her eyebrows. “Wow.” She shook her head, giving up all of them. “So, drinks?”

“Uhm…” Mordecai said without meaning to. All three of his friends turned to look at him, and he could feel his cheeks heating up. He wanted to backtrack, but guessed it was too late for that now.  “Actually, how about a rain check?”

“What? A rain check on _drinks_?” Lilith wondered.

Mordecai’s jaw clenched for a second. “Yeah,” he said, trying for indifference. “What, ain’t that a good thing?”

“I guess,” Lilith admitted, even as she looked at him funny.

Mordecai looked at Brick. He hoped Brick didn’t decide to follow Lilith and Roland, or that would leave him alone and feeling like an idiot.

Brick looked between him and Lilith, clearly torn.

Mordecai sighed and chastised himself. He was being selfish. Brick had been stuck with him for the past several days - and knowing Brick, he needed to do something different and be with other people by now.

“I’ll go if you wanna go,” Mordecai said, resigned.

“Just a little while,” Brick bargained with a smile.

“Sure,” Mordecai said, a touch dryly. He knew better than to believe it would actually be a little while.

* * *

It wasn’t, as he had guessed, a little while. At least Mordecai had succeeded in fending off the temptation to drink, if only because he knew once he started he wouldn’t stop until he blacked out. Roland seemed to quietly approve and, for once, Mordecai made the effort of finding solace in it instead of annoyance.

Lilith and Roland finally got to tell the tale of what their vacation had been like. They didn’t talk much on the details of their dealings with Jack and his Vault Hunters, instead focusing on what Elpis was like and what they’d seen there.

“So, what the hell’s a 'tuckerbag'?” Brick asked.

Lilith shrugged. “Beats me. But that's all I remember from all the gibberish that guy said.”

Brick was sitting on the floor of Roland and Lilith's small living room, and he leaned back against the couch Mordecai was sitting on. With Brick being so tall, though, it didn't leave him much below everybody else's eye level.

“Shame we don’t have lasers,” Brick said with a small pout. “Those sound awesome.”

“Yeah, they were,” Lilith said wistfully.

“We were told never, ever to ask Marcus about lasers,” Roland recalled. “It sounded serious.”

“We’ve seen Marcus kill people over ten bucks,” Mordecai said, distractedly running his fingers in circles over Brick’s back. “I wouldn’t go pokin’ around for details.”

Brick craned his neck to look at him. “But lasers, Mordy.”

“Lasers don’t explode, Brick.”

“Mmm. Yeah, fair enough.”

All through their tales Roland and Lilith kept mentioning a bar in Concordia, yet carefully not dwelling on it much. It seemed to be one of the places they’d spent a lot of time in, so it was becoming increasingly obvious.

“I know you’re talking about the Up Over bar,” Mordecai eventually said, giving them a flat look. “Stop beating around the bush. It’s the biggest bar in Concordia.”

Lilith looked a little guilty and Roland looked apologetic.

“What’s that?” Brick asked.

“One of Moxxi’s bars,” Mordecai said with a shrug.

“We didn’t wanna, y’know…” Lilith trailed off.

“Talk about Moxxi?” Mordecai finished for her. He resisted the impulse to point squarely at Brick. “That’s kinda old news.”

Brick reached out and took his hand, but didn’t say anything.

“Well, we didn’t know that, did we?” Lilith pointed out with a smirk. “It’s a habit by now.”

“Yeah, and you’re _so_ subtle about it,” Mordecai said.

“How do you stand this guy?” Lilith asked Brick with mock annoyance.

Brick shrugged. “How does Roland stand _you_?” he shot back with a teasing grin.

Roland put up his hands. “I'm not getting involved here.”

Mordecai and Brick laughed.

“Bros before hoes, Brick,” Lilith said crossing her arms.

Mordecai snorted. “You did _not_ just say that.”

“Yeah, I hate that fucking line,” Lilith agreed, shuddering. She stood up. “Anyway, I see how it is now: you suck. More beer?”

Brick took his bottle and shook it slightly to get a feel of how full it was. “Nah, I’m fine.”

Lilith patted Brick’s head on her way to the kitchen.

“Don’t get _too_ drunk, though. I can’t carry you,” Mordecai said, careful not to speak too loud or too quiet, trying not to use any particular inflexion.

Brick turned his head and gave him a look out of the corner of his eye. It was brief, but so full of mischief Mordecai knew Brick hadn’t forgotten about their conversation that afternoon.

“I won’t,” Brick said simply.

Mordecai looked away, fighting back a smile. “Good.”

Mordecai thought he caught a glimpse of a smile on Roland’s face, but when he looked again Roland was looking in a different direction.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... who's ready to read my first ever attempt at smut?
> 
> You can find me on [Tumblr](http://www.wilwarindi.tumblr.com/)
> 
> Have a comment? Leave a comment!


	6. Love is friendship that has caught fire (AKA: NSFW intermission)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Featuring: Smut, Explicit consent, A little kink, Handjobs, Blowjobws, Sex is not a solemn occasion people (AKA: awkwardness and laughing in bed), Also sex doesn’t always go according to plan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I considered publishing this as a stand-alone, but I guess there are too many plot strands between this chapter and the rest of the fic.
> 
> This is my first ever attempt at explicit-ish smut. It turned unexpectedly emotional at the end, I don’t know what happened.
> 
> Happy mother's day!
> 
> Music mood: [Yuna - Come as You Are](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C0dwfRt8LcI) | [Rihanna ft. Mikky Ekko - Stay (Cover) by Daniela Andrade](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wJMN_uePN-s)

Roland looking tired was usually a good cue to leave, Mordecai had long since learned.

“Ha, is it bedtime already?” Mordecai said mockingly.

Roland flipped him off even as he stifled a yawn.

The exchange caught Brick’s attention back from where he and Lilith were busy comparing notes on ECHOnet shows Mordecai had never heard about.

“What?” he asked.

“Roland’s falling asleep in his seat. As usual.”

Roland ignored them. He said his goodbyes before slipping away in the direction of his and Lilith’s bedroom.

Mordecai stood up and walked up to Brick. “We should go,” he said, running his fingers through Brick’s short hair.

Brick gave him a slightly sleepy smile. “Yeah.”

Lilith sighed and mentioned something about left alone and being bored enough to watch some of those awful ECHOnet cooking shows. Mordecai said something about how Lilith couldn’t cook anyway, so why bother. Brick couldn’t say he understood how those two could never, ever get bored of bickering, but he laughed anyway through the whole discussion, which was followed by Lilith threatening to shove a burning foot up Mordecai’s ass if he wanted to find out if she knew how to cook or not.

“Night, Lilly,” Brick cut in.

Both Lilith and Mordecai smiled like they had won the argument.

“Why was it so hard to get you alone today?” Mordecai complained as they left the building where Lilith and Roland lived.

Brick gave him a slightly guilty smile. “I missed them. Sorry.”

Mordecai tried his best to let go of his petty annoyance. “Your loss,” he said.

Brick stopped walking, took Mordecai’s face between his hands and kissed him deeply.

“No loss. If you’re staying.”

Mordecai had to wrestle his thoughts back in order for the second time in the day.

“Of course I am. What the fuck did you think I was talking about today in the junkyard?” he said with a grin.

Brick grinned right back at him.

“Just checkin’.”

Brick took one of Mordecai’s hands and held it closely.

It was different, this. Sure, Mordecai had had actual relationships, but those weren’t the norm. After thoroughly screwing up a couple of brief friendships, he’d mostly stuck with sleeping with the people who flirted with him first, who made clear what they wanted and given nothing more than what was asked from him. Feeling drunk on excitement wasn’t part of those flings, and it had been so long since he’d indulged in it - it was a bit like being a teenager again.

Mordecai could barely stand still while he waited for Brick to open the door to his apartment, one foot bobbing up and down. Brick walked in through the door with a teasing look back in his direction and waited for him to join. Mordecai didn’t stop enough to think and talk himself out of it, he followed Brick and dragged him down for a searing kiss even before he heard the door closing behind them.

Brick laughed but didn’t broke the kiss. He let himself be pushed against the door, only holding Mordecai close as Mordecai pawed a bit desperately at him, dragging blunt fingernails against his scalp - though not hard enough to hurt.

“Fuck,” Mordecai said in a puff of breath. “I love you.”

Brick enjoyed it more and more each time he heard those words. They always sounded like they had bubbled up out from somewhere deep and private within Mordecai by the sheer force of emotion.

Brick cupped his cheek. “Love you too.”

He carefully took off Mordecai’s goggles. Mordecai unwrapped the bandana he had taken to wearing over his head in place of his old mask, leaving all of his face suddenly bare. Brick kissed his forehead, his temple, with unexpected tenderness.

“Don’t do that,” Mordecai muttered.

“Do what?”

Mordecai hesitated; he hadn’t meant to speak. “Be so… gentle,” he said, looking down.

“Why not?”

“... Not used to it.”

Brick nuzzled against him. “Nah,” he said simply.

He suspected, of course, that the reason Mordecai was the way he was - cynical and gruff and elusive - was because he’d been treated harshly most of his life. It made Brick wanna punch everyone who’d done that when he thought about it for too long.

Mordecai let himself be held for a moment. If he stopped fighting it, it was actually a relief. Brick’s arms were solid and warm, their weight felt like an anchor and a blanket.

He kissed Brick again, slipping his hands under Brick’s t-shirt and running them along his waist. He brushed scars he remembered having seen a few times and soft warm skin on Brick’s stomach. He could feel the strong muscles underneath when Brick pushed away from the door.

Brick led him by the hand towards the couch. He flopped down gracelessly and pulled Mordecai along. Again, Mordecai didn’t give himself enough time to hesitate; he simply went along and straddled Brick’s lap.

It was easier to just jump in, right?

Brick smiled at his boldness. Mordecai thought of snarking at him, but settled for a kiss instead - though he did bite Brick’s lower lip a bit harder than necessary.

Brick’s hands were rough and warm as they sneaked under his shirt, brushing against his sides. Mordecai squirmed.

“Sorry. Forgot you’re ticklish,” Brick said with a laugh.

“Sure, forgot,” Mordecai said sarcastically.

Brick tickled him a little more, but stopped when Mordecai flailed so violently he almost fell off of his lap.

“Alright, sorry,” Brick said, pulling his hands away. He didn’t sound at all like he regretted it.

Mordecai grumbled a little as a reply. He took Brick’s hands and placed them on his hips, far from his ticklish sides. Brick’s fingers slipped under his shirt again, and Mordecai decided to just take it off. The T-Shirt tangled on his ponytail, though - because of course it did. He pulled the shirt impatiently and discarded it somewhere without really looking, trying to make the gesture look more confident than it was.

“Huh.” Brick’s said mild surprise.

Mordecai’s treacherous mind whispered “ _he doesn’t like what he sees. Of course he doesn’t, doesn’t he always say you’re too skinny?_ ”. Anxiety pooled, cold and uncomfortable, in his stomach, but then Brick touched the tattoo on his left hip.

“Oh. I forget about that,” Mordecai said with a shrug. “I got it when I was a kid.”

The tattoo, all in black ink, depicted two crossed revolvers over a “#1”.

“Why?” asked Brick.

“Why?”

“Does it mean anything?”

Mordecai’s mouth twisted in a humorless smile. “It means I’m a fucking good shooter. Even if other people don’t wanna admit it*.” Brick frowned slightly, wondering what that meant. “I’ll tell you later, ok?”

“Got any more tats?” Brick wondered, his gaze curious - but also warm as warm, and it helped chase away the last shreds of anxiety.

Mordecai grinned. “You’ll have to find out.”

Brick hummed in consideration. “If you’re sure.”

“Seriously?” Mordecai said with a laugh. He pointed at himself, topless and sitting squarely on his lap. “Yes, I’m sure.”

Brick smiled and kissed Mordecai’s jaw.

“Wait,” said Mordecai suddenly. “You’re OK with this too, right?”

Brick chuckled, his breath hot against the skin of Mordecai’s throat. “Yeah, I am.”

“Good. Good to know,” Mordecai said, a little dizzy with the feeling of the deep rumble of Brick’s voice, the feeling of his lips on his throat and Brick’s hands cupping his ass. “You move fast.”

Brick’s hands moved up over his back, and Mordecai wanted to say that he had only been joking, but couldn’t muster the mental capacity to speak. His heart was beating fast and hard inside his chest, and his skin felt suddenly so hot it almost prickled. He gripped Brick’s shoulders, trying to find purchase, and ground down with his hips.

Brick grunted, low and wordless, and that was all the encouragement Mordecai needed to do it again. Brick spread out his legs a little further and breathed heavily against his chest as he kept moving, slow and languid.

Mordecai tipped Brick’s face upwards, towards his own, and kissed him. Brick shivered and melted against him, under him - and it was so good to feel Brick become undone by him.

Mordecai’s throat was dry, and he swallowed heavily. “Your shirt,” he said, tapping it lightly. “Wanna take it off?”

Brick splayed a hand against the small of Mordecai’s back to keep him steady and used the other to yank his shirt off.

“Oh, God,” Mordecai mumbled before he could stop himself.

He’d seen Brick shirtless before, but it had been _back then_ \- when they were friends, when he hadn’t even thought of him this way, when he hadn’t even payed much attention.

Sure, he’d thought it was a nice view, but men who looked like Brick and had short tempers also had the habit of trying to kick his teeth in while spitting insults when they noticed him looking. (Not that that stopped those same guys from trying to get a handjob or a blowjob around back alleys and men’s bathrooms. The ones Mordecai hadn’t shot, that was.)

Brick’s chest was the same extensive plane of muscle he remembered, and it was even more intimidating a sight up close. Some of the scars Mordecai remembered having seen, and some he remembered the origin of: Sledge’s hammer had spikes, and they had cut into Brick’s torso on several places during their fight, and that one must have been from their fight with Baron Flynt’s bodyguards.

“You always get the worst of it,” Mordecai muttered, running his fingers on a particularly long scar.

Brick shrugged. “I can take it.”

Mordecai gave him an unimpressed look. “I know that. But I still don’t like it.”

He leaned in to kiss along Brick’s throat, and Brick craned his neck to give him access with a hum of appreciation. Mordecai’s hand trailed over Brick’s chest before stopping over a nipple and pinching.

Brick’s hips jerked upwards and he groaned. Mordecai grinned and scraped his teeth over the juddering pulse point on Brick’s neck. He closed his lips there and sucked gently, while using his other hand to thumb over Brick’s mouth.

Brick parted his lips and sucked on Mordecai’s thumb.

“Fuck,” hissed Mordecai. Brick grinned, but didn’t stop.

Mordecai tweaked his nipple again, and noticed something odd.

“You had a piercing here?” he wondered. But when he looked at Brick’s face and saw him, his mouth still wrapped around his fingers, his mind fogged up. Mordecai pulled his hand away and plunged his tongue in Brick’s mouth, grinding down with his hips once again.

“Shit, Mordy,” Brick said, breathy and dazed. His hands were firmly cupping Mordecai’s ass again.

“Brick,” Mordecai began, stopped, and then continued before he could think better of it: “how about you carry me to bed?”

It took a few seconds for Brick to register that, distracted as he was. When he did, though, he chuckled.

“I knew it,” he said.

Mordecai refused to be embarrassed. “You’re so strong, and it’s fucking hot,” he said, his voice low and raspy, right in Brick’s ear.

Brick felt a twinge of confusion - he hadn’t thought _strength_ was the thing Mordecai was drawn to, exactly -, but it was overpowered by the pooling of heat in his belly at the words and Mordecai’s husky voice.

“You’re amazing,” Brick said, pressing a kiss to Mordecai’s collarbone.

Brick wrapped his hands firmly around Mordecai’s thighs, pulled him close and stood up. He lost balance for a second, but managed to regain it without much trouble.

Mordecai didn’t expect the sudden movement. He wrapped his legs around Brick’s waist instinctively, and his arms over Brick’s shoulders. For a disconcerting second, the feeling of Brick’s body moving under his reminded him of the few times he’d ridden a horse as a kid, and it was so far from a sexy thought that it dampened his arousal a little. Then, when Brick adjusted his grip to better support his weight, Mordecai focused on the feeling of bare skin touching his, and Brick’s scent, and he decided it was nothing like riding a horse. At all.

“This is weird,” he said, looking down at Brick’s face.

Brick snorted. “It was your idea.”

“I know,” Mordecai said. Carefully, he leaned in to kiss him, but Brick’s hold was firm enough he didn’t have to worry. “So? Bed?”

Brick started walking. “Sure,” he said on a low voice. “Unless you prefer I fuck you against a wall, right here.”

Mordecai almost choked. He hadn’t taken Brick as one to do dirty talk, to be honest.

“I, uh…” Mordecai cleared his throat, shaken. “Sounds interesting. But maybe let’s work up to that.”

Bruck laughed.

Mordecai nuzzled against Brick’s cheek, then slid his tongue over the shell of his ear. For the first time, Brick stumbled a little.

“Don’t distract me,” he grumbled.

“But it’s right here,” Mordecai said. He gingerly bit into said ear and nibbled.

Brick groaned, and not in a way that sounded like he didn’t enjoy it. “Stop that, or we’re both gonna fall on our asses,” he said, although a bit begrudgingly.

“What d’you think the point of you carrying me was?”

“Giving you a hard on?” Brick suggested.

Mordecai huffed. “If you think that I didn’t already have one, you haven’t been paying attention.” They were already at the foot of Brick’s bed. “I almost got one watching you lift a car with your bare hands.”

Brick barked out a laugh. He sat down on the bed and cupped Mordecai’s face once they had settled down.

“You’re weird,” he said.

“Thought you said I was amazing.”

“Both.”

Brick pulled him down for a kiss with a hand on the back of his head, and made a noise of satisfaction. Mordecai wondered if he was seeing a theme here. He put a hand on Brick’s jaw and gently tipped his head a little further back and Brick went along without hesitating, propping one arm back on the bed to maintain balance.

“OK,” Mordecai said, trying to concentrate. “What, you like it when I'm taller than you?”

Brick blinked. His eyes were dark and a bit unfocused.

“What?”

Mordecai sat up on his knees and looked down at him. He ran a thumb over Brick’s cheek.

“You seem to like it when I do this,” he said and kissed Brick again.

Brick eagerly arched up to meet him. “Yeah,” he said, sounding a little surprised himself.

“Good,” Mordecai said with a smirk. He could work with that. He was all for figuring out what Brick was into, especially since his own weakness for Brick’s strength had been put out there.

“Huh. Not used to it.”

“You're taller than pretty much everybody,” Mordecai pointed out unnecessarily.

He unbuckled his belt with one hand and loosened the button from his pants. Brick’s eyes jumped up to his, his gaze questioning.

Mordecai huffed. “Yes, Brick, I’m more than sure,” he said, but realized he wasn’t nearly as annoyed as he expected. In fact, he could feel his heart swelling in his chest. “Stop looking at me like that.”

Brick hesitated. “It’s just…”

“I’m not gonna bolt,” Mordecai said with a snort, shaking his head. “Tried that already, and I hated it.”

Brick smiled, looking somewhat relieved.

Mordecai felt a sudden stab of sadness. “I’m sorry, Brick,” he muttered. He cradled Brick’s face and kissed the scar on his lip. “I fucked up.”

“We both did.”

Mordecai undid his boots, but pulling them off wasn’t easy. After wiggling around ineffectively for a few moments, Mordecai felt foolish just for attempting it without standing up - he just didn't want to stop touching Brick.

“Ugh, damn it. Give me a sec,” he mumbled against Brick’s mouth.

He got up and made quick work of taking his boots and his pants off. He hobbled on one foot for a second and once they were off, he kicked his clothes away. When he looked up, he saw Brick just… leaning back on his elbows, staring at him with a smile.

“What? Like what you see?” Mordecai said sharply, opening his arms. He refused, he refused to feel embarrassed or anxious again.

Brick didn’t even hesitate. “Love it.”

Mordecai couldn’t hold back a smile. “Sap,” he said affectionately. “Your turn.”

Brick stood up, unhurried. Mordecai always found it a little mesmerizing to see him move; to see the strong muscles shifting under his skin, and to see how fast Brick could be if he chose to - especially since it seemed unlikely given the sheer size of him.

Then Brick was standing by him, towering, and there was his gravitational pull, massive and inescapable. It was still hard to think and hard to breathe around him, sometimes.

Mordecai stared at him as his hands moved to Brick’s belt buckle. Brick stared right back, amused and curious to know what he’d do.

“Do I have to do everything myself?” Mordecai asked peevishly.

“I carried you.”

Mordecai pursed his lips. “If you’re gonna use that against me, I’m gonna change my mind,” he warned, but even as he said it he undid the buckle and slid a hand down the front of Brick’s pants.

Brick sucked in a sharp breath.

“Is that a gun in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?” Mordecai drawled, pressing himself even closer.

“Original,” Brick huffed, then closed his mouth and shuddered when he felt slender fingers wrapping around him. He fumbled with his pants and let them pool down at his feet, and put his hands on Mordecai’s shoulders to maintain balance; it wasn't easy when Mordecai was busy ghosting his breath over Brick’s neck and rubbing with his thumb so painfully slowly.

Mordecai dropped a kiss on his collarbone. “Get on the bed.”

Brick backed up slowly until the back of his knees hit the bed frame.

“Down,” said Mordecai, pushing him back slightly.

Brick flopped down on the bed. His head came up to Mordecai’s chest and he took advantage of it to place a kiss right over his navel. Mordecai hummed and moved closer. His hand fell on Brick’s head, brushing his short hair absently, and when Brick’s tongue slid around his navel, Mordecai shuddered, his toes curling slightly.

“Do that again,” he begged.

Brick did. His thumb followed the line of Mordecai’s sharp hipbone, then dipped into his groin and enveloped Mordecai’s erection. He stroked it, firm but slow, and Mordecai’s nails dug a little into his shoulders.

“Can’t stand up while you do that,” Mordecai said, unevenly. He reluctantly pulled away, walked a little further up the bed and threw himself on top of it.

Brick took the chance to undo his boots; they fell with a heavy thud on the floor, all tangled with his jeans. He crawled over to where Mordecai was, pressed a kiss on Mordecai’s hip and took him in his mouth.

Mordecai arched up to him. “Shit, Brick,” he gasped. “Don’t - Ah - A little warning next time.”

Brick threw him a mischievous look, just for a second. “Fuck,” muttered Mordecai, wishing Brick didn’t look away. “I love - ah - your eyes, y’know that?”

Brick hummed a question and Mordecai couldn’t hold back from bucking up with his hips.

“They’re so blue,” Mordecai said, one hand falling on Brick’s head. “So blue.”

Brick withdrew his mouth but kept stroking him, a little slower, with one hand. “What do you want?” he asked, staring up at him intently.

Mordecai’s thoughts were a jumbled mess. What did he want? He wanted everything. And picking wasn't especially easy with the way tension was quickly building up inside him.

He shook his head. “Don’t know,” he said. Then added: “Not gonna - ah - last long if you keep that up, though.”

Brick kissed his thigh. “Then don’t.”

“No, wait. Get up here.”

Brick dropped a kiss on Mordecai’s stomach and chest as he crawled up. Mordecai sat up on his elbows up to meet his mouth and slid one leg between Brick’s. He could feel Brick’s erection against his thigh now, and grinned when Brick started rubbing himself against it.

Mordecai dropped down on the bed, wrapped a hand around Brick and began stroking him. Brick did the same, and kept thrusting into Mordecai’s hand with at the same pace. The movement was strong and tireless, and it made Mordecai wonder how it would feel with his legs wrapped around Brick’s waist while being fucked into the mattress - or the wall, as Brick had suggested. The mental image made him bite back a moan and his heart stutter.

“I like your hands,” Brick muttered, pulling him out his thoughts and in a completely different direction.

Mordecai laughed, cause it wasn’t like he was doing much with his hand besides letting Brick fuck into it. “Brick, are you using me for my body?” he said.

Brick laughed as well, dropping his head next to Mordecai’s. “Maybe,” he replied after a moment, still grinning. “‘s a nice body.”

Mordecai snorted. “So flattering.”

Brick nuzzled against the side of his face. “You have freckles.” Mordecai burst out laughing. “And your eyes are pretty.”

Mordecai’s hips jerked up as the rhythm of Brick’s pumping hand increased. “Brick,” he called. He blindly tried to find Brick’s mouth and kissed him desperately.

“‘s OK. I gotcha, Mordy.” Brick’s hand picked up a little more speed. He pressed himself even closed to Mordecai. “I love you, I gotcha.” Mordecai’s mouth was hanging open slightly; he was panting more loudly now. Brick took Mordecai’s bottom lip between his teeth and sucked at it gently.

Mordecai came with a short moan, his body arching up, taut as a bowstring, and his eyes firmly shut. Brick kept stroking him, more gently now, until Mordecai twitched from overstimulation and began to relax gradually, his heart slowly decreasing it’s crazy pace.

Brick watched him through it, and when Mordecai opened his eyes he smiled at him. “Gorgeous,” he said.

Mordecai pushed at his shoulder feebly. “Shut up,” he said with a self-conscious smile.

“What? I can never say anything nice without you complaining,” Brick said with a small frown.

“That’s what I do: I complain,” Mordecai said with a chuckle. When Brick’s frown didn’t budge, he quietly added: “Thank you.”

“Better.”

Mordecai planted a short kiss on his mouth, then sat up with a grunt of effort. He spotted the sticky mess on his abdomen and looked around for something to wipe it with.

“Should be some tissues in the night table,” Brick said pointing vaguely with one hand. His other hand, Mordecai noticed, was being used to jerk himself slowly.

Mordecai threw him an amused look. “Really?” he drawled.

Brick shrugged. “Easier than gettin’ a towel.”

Mordecai fished a mostly empty pack of tissues and used one to clean himself up. “Oh, yeah?” he said. He pushed Brick down and straddled his waist. “How often d‘you use them?” he wondered, taking the hand that Brick had used to jerk him off and cleaning the semen off it. “Did you think about me?”

Brick hesitated, studying his face.

“Sometimes,” he admitted, looking both wary and tuned on despite himself.

Mordecai’s mouth twitched. “Only sometimes?”

Brick gave him a rueful smile. “Felt wrong when I didn’t think you were interested. Or taken.”

Mordecai placed a kiss on the palm of his hand. “Fair enough,” he said. “But lately?”

Brick snorted. “Lately? Mordy, if you hadn’t come on to me, I would have. Soon.”

“That’s a 'yes',” Mordecai said. “What did you think about? What do you want?”  He looked at Brick in the eye, and pressed an opened mouthed kiss to his wrist.

Brick hummed. He opened his mouth, then hesitated. “Not good at dirty talk,” he said with a self-deprecating shrug.

Mordecai snorted. “Neither am I.”

“You’re doing well.”

“And you did well when you offered to fuck me against a wall,” Mordecai said with a smirk, sharp and brief. “I’ll take you up on that some other time. Or maybe later - we’ll see.”

Brick’s hips shifted and Mordecai scooted back a little until he could feel Brick’s erection against his ass.

“I-” Brick shook his head. “Just, touch me. Please.”

“OK. Whatever you want, babe.”

Brick sucked in a quiet breath at the endearment.

Mordecai dropped off Brick’s waist. He took Brick in hand and stroked him, slow at first and then picking up some speed. Brick grunted in a mix of relief and pleasure and his hips jerked upwards.

“I thought about you,” Mordecai said in a low voice, his mouth hovering over Brick’s chest. “Especially these past few months.” He bit down gently on one of Brick’s nipples, then flicked at it with his tongue. Brick let out a strangled moan. “I wondered if you liked to be loud.”

“Ngh.”

“I like loud.”

“You talk a lot,” Brick said between gasps.

Mordecai chuckled. That was not something that was usually accused of; he knew he was taciturn and moody most of the time. “Alright. Guess I can put my mouth to a better use.”

“Kinda like it,” Brick admitted. “But yeah.”

Mordecai grinned at him. “Good, ‘cause it’s not that easy. I feel dumb.” He kissed a trail down Brick’s stomach, around his navel and lower, lower still. “But yeah, I do like loud.”

“You can be,” Brick muttered, then gasped, then growled. “I don’t mind.”

Mordecai had to stop sucking him off so he could laugh without choking. “Alright, alright, fine. I get it,” he said resignedly.

Brick folded one arm behind his head and looked down at him. “You’ll have to do more than that if you want me to scream your name,” he said; and it wasn’t easy to get those words out with a straight face, but it was worth it just to see Mordecai’s reaction.

Brick recognized that glint in Mordecai’s eyes: it all but said  “challenge accepted”. They were pretty competitive sometimes - that was one of the things Brick loved about him. This would be no different, it seemed.

“Alright,” Mordecai said, deceptively quiet. “I’ll see what I can do about that.”

Then Mordecai’s mouth was on him again, and Brick threw his head back. His hands clawed at the bed a little, dying to have something to touch, to hold. Mordecai took one of his hands and intertwined their fingers.

Mordecai tried unsuccessfully to keep Brick’s hips pinned down. “Don’t buck up so much,” he said.

“Sorry,” Brick said. He bit into the back of his free hand. “Close.”

Their joined hands were laid on Brick’s stomach, and through it Mordecai could feel Brick’s sharp and brief intakes of breath. They came faster and faster… but nothing happened, and Mordecai’s neck was starting to complain when Brick gave a pained and frustrated grunt.

“Stop,” he said. Then repeated more loudly: “Stop.”

He pulled his hand away from Mordecai’s and shifted his hips away.

Mordecai moved away quickly and looked up at Brick. He had a hand thrown over his face, and his breath sounded angry. Mordecai sat up and carefully, hesitating, placed his hand on Brick’s stomach. Brick didn’t seem to be bothered by it, so he spread out his fingers. He wanted to say something; he knew he _should_ say something, but couldn’t think of anything that wasn’t utterly stupid. So he settled for giving Brick a little space and didn’t try to meet his gaze.

Memories of Moxxi, of whom he’d adamantly tried not to think about, came flooding back. _You don’t pay attention to me anymore. Hell, you give that bird more love than me, Mordecai_. _I know what I want, and I don’t deserve to be begging for attention - yours or anyone’s._ She’d used her character voice, the voice she used in the Underdome and in her bars: sweet and fake and practiced. He’d wondered how many people she’d fed that same line before him. Then, more firmly, less theatrical, but still in the accent she used everywhere but in her workshop or the bedroom: _You’re a good kid, but it’s not working out. And I’m not settling anymore._

Of course she’d make it about sex; that was her whole deal - everything about her appearance and her clothes and her mannerisms held a very thinly veiled innuendo. But she’d make it about sex, and it had stung. It had brought to the front of his mind the memories of every single time sex hadn’t gone exactly right and filled them with shame.

“Sorry,” Brick muttered.

It pulled Mordecai almost violently back to the present. He turned to look at Brick again. Brick’s hand was only covering one of his eyes now; the other eye was staring vacantly into the ceiling. There was a tension around it that gave Mordecai a bad feeling, even if he’d never seen that expression on Brick’s face before.

“No, hey,” he said softly, crawling up. Brick’s eye narrowed even further and he turned his head away. The bad feeling turned into worry. “Brick, no.”

“Sorry. That was…” Brick said, then trailed off.

“Hey, no, don’t _apologize_ ,” Mordecai said with a frown. “Are you OK?”

Brick hummed noncommittally. He was looking at the opposite wall, frowning and distant. It was that same unfamiliar expression, and only deepened Mordecai’s worry. He closed his eyes for a second, resisting the urge to panic, to run away, because he’d promised himself and Brick he wouldn’t do that again.

“Brick,” he said, touching his cheek. “Sorry.” Brick blinked and looked at him. “I’ll, uh - We’ll figure it out next time.”

A look of confusion crossed Brick’s face. He studied Mordecai, who couldn’t hold eye contact for too long.

“I guess I’m out of practice,” Mordecai said with a stiff little laugh. “Sorry. I’ll make it up to you, I swear.”

Brick huffed. “It ain’t _your_ fault.”

That got Mordecai to look at him again. His own confusion was mirrored in Brick’s face.

“What?” he asked.

Brick looked away. “I was into it, really. I just… I don’t know…” he mumbled, sounding miserable.

Understanding dawned on Mordecai, and he almost laughed in relief - this time for real. The strange expression on Brick’s face just now finally made sense to him, and he knew it too well: Brick was trying to hide within himself - and it was painful, because Brick didn’t know how. Mordecai was the one who did that; the one who pulled away, who hunched his shoulders, who bottled down everything.

“Brick,” Mordecai called again. His heart clenched. He cupped Brick’s jaw and turned his head back to look at him.

It was strange to be the one reaching out, the one offering comfort and pouring out all the compassion and tenderness he could muster into his voice to offer it to someone else. That was usually Brick’s job. It was a hard labor, Mordecai realized, and decided he’d have to do better. He shouldn’t let all of it to Brick; he shouldn’t depend on Brick to soothe every ache and every insecurity.

When Brick looked at him, Mordecai smiled and kissed his temple, his cheek, the scar on his lip. He cradled Brick’s face and pressed his forehead against his.

“ _Mi vida_ ,” he muttered, laying down by Bricks side. The endearment he used with Bloodwing fell easily out of his mouth. “Tell me you’re not thinking this is your fault?”

Brick shifted a little. One of his arms wrapped around Mordecai and held him close.

“... Maybe.”

Mordecai smiled. “Yeah, well, I was thinking it was my fault.” He shook his head. “Shit happens.” He said simply.

“I just - It was… _right there_. Then it wasn’t.”

“And then it chafed? Yeah, I know the feeling.”

“I hate it,” Brick said, and just like that the tension that had been coiling in him seemed to dissipate. “Wasn’t your fault, though.”

“Good. Thought I might really be out of practice,” Mordecai said with a wry grin.

Brick laughed, and it was good to hear that sound again. “No, you’re not,” he said emphatically.

Mordecai raised an eyebrow and grinned at the implied praise. “Good. Cause I owe you a blowjob, now. Wouldn’t want it to be a bad one.”

Brick smiled, a touch embarrassed. “I, uh - I was lookin’ forward to that.”

“Me too. And I’m pretty happy with my share.” Mordecai said. He kissed Brick’s chin. “But I’ll get you later, more than happy to.”

Brick gave him a grateful look.

“Brick, it’s no big deal,” Mordecai said gently.

“Not everybody thinks that,” Brick muttered.

Mordecai frowned. “Whoever said that is an idiot,” he said firmly - and at the same time thought of how Moxxi’s words had come back to haunt him.

Brick shrugged. “Just some guy.”

“I hope you punched him.”

Brick laughed again. “Nah. It was the one time anyway. But it stuck.”

“It was bullshit. But yeah, I know sometimes bullshit sticks,” Mordecai said. “You’re gettin’ more than the one time here, so don’t worry.”

Mordecai disentangled himself from Brick and stood up to pull the sheets from where they were tangled all over the foot of the bed. It was too hot for actual blankets during the day cycle; even the air conditioning could only do so much against the sweltering heat of Pandora. 

Brick sat on the bed and helped, then held up the corner of the sheets so Mordecai could join him again.

When Mordecai scooted closer Brick laid his head on his chest and threw an arm over him. Mordecai paused for a second, then kept rearranging the sheet around them.

“Better?” he asked when he’d settled down, rubbing Brick’s back.

“Yeah.”

“I love you, Brick,” Mordecai said, for no particular reason. He could feel Brick smiling. “Feels good to say that.”

“I knew I loved you when we found the Vault,” Brick said thoughtfully. “Should’ve just said it then.”

“So, it’s not just my body after all?” Mordecai teased, partially to avoid talking about long gone things.

Brick chuckled. “Nah. But yeah, it’s a nice body. I like your hands, and your eyes - shame you always hide them. And I like how you move, especially when you’re sniping.”

Mordecai smiled, a little overwhelmed. “I was kidding. You don’t have to cut me up and list everything like that,” he said.

“And I like your smile,” Brick added. “You don’t smile enough.”

Mordecai dropped his head back and let out an embarrassed laugh. “The first time I saw you smile,” he said. “I was… stunned. I still am, sometimes. And the first time I realized how blue your eyes are was… when I realized I had a thing for you,” he finished the sentence with a self-deprecating smile. It was hard to forget his immediate reaction had been panic. “They’re the bluest thing I’ve ever seen.” Mordecai ran his fingers over Brick’s back. He frowned. “I told you I’m colorblind, right?”

“Huh?” Brick said in surprise.

Mordecai shook his head. “Shit, sorry, thought I’d mentioned it at some point. Yeah, I can’t really see red. The goggles help, but only a little.”

Brick kept staring at him, dumbfounded. “You can’t see red?”

“Nope. I can tell some things apart with the goggles, but…” he trailed off.

“So, what color is blood?”

“Without the goggles, greenish. Pretty much everything is greenish or yellow, except what’s blue. With the goggles, it’s… darker? I can’t tell you if that’s actually red.”

“Huh. That’s weird.”

Mordecai snorted. “Yeah. I mean, I’ve been hearing stuff like ‘ _there are red and green apples_ ’ all my life, but they all look kind of the same to me.”

Brick frowned. “Purple?”

“Purple just looks blue.”

“Aw,” Brick said with a pout. “Purple is pretty.”

“So I hear,” Mordecai said with a shrug. “I like blue, though.”

“Sap,” Brick teased.

“Who said that was about you?” Mordecai replied without missing a beat.

Brick laughed.

“Hey, do you know what color your eyes are?” he wondered suddenly.

Mordecai blinked. “Uh… dark?”

The blinds were shut to keep the fierce Pandoran sun away and let them sleep during the day cycle, and the bedroom was in a lazy half-light. Brick pushed himself up and fumbled for the switch on the lantern he kept on the table by the bed. Mordecai scrunched his eyes when the light hit them.

Brick tipped his face towards the lamp. He looked at Mordecai’s eyes closely and attentively, until Mordecai started to feel a bit nervous.

“They’re brown, mostly,” Brick said, softly. “Can you see brown?”

“I, uh,” Mordecai said, trying to focus on the words instead of Brick’s face. “A little. It looks better with the goggles - without them it’s also mostly greenish.”

Brick hummed. “Well, they’re brown, but not greenish. It’s a… a very deep type of brown. They look warm, and the rim is darker. Your left eye has some lighter flecks right in the middle. Your right eye has them on the right side - your right.”

Mordecai couldn’t say he got all of that, too overwhelmed by the look on Brick’s face: focused and warm and loving. It had been too long since anyone had looked at him that way. He wasn’t sure if he deserved to be looked at that way.

Brick kissed him, and it brought him out of his stupor.

“You’re amazing,” Mordecai said, feeling as if the floor was caving under him and he was leaning on the fall below. Trepidation, but in a (mostly) good way.

Brick gave him a vaguely smug smirk, but his eyes were soft.

“I am,” he agreed.

[fanart by FangFero](anaridgrassland.tumblr.com/post/163855681484/a-piece-inspired-by-wilwarindi-s-fic-caught-on)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can find me on [Tumblr](http://www.wilwarindi.tumblr.com/)
> 
> *: "(...) at the age of 17, Mordecai won an interplanetary sharpshooting competition with a revolver. The other competitors, who were using sniper rifles, accused him of cheating and eventually got him banned from the competition for "unsportsmanlike conduct," although many witnesses noted that he did not display any unsportsmanlike behavior until after the accusations began." [[source](http://borderlands.wikia.com/wiki/Mordecai#Background)]
> 
> Does anyone know how to make linked footnotes in AO3? The attempts I've made haven't worked.


	7. 1 year, 3 months and 2 weeks (AKA: The calm before)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Featuring: FLUFF, Lots of talks, Dusty, Domestic Fluff, SELF-INDULGENCE.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 30 FUCKING PAGES, MAN (10,4k words)
> 
> Warnings: Smut (by the end, especially in the italics), Depression, Alcoholism, and an inordinate amount of Self-Indulgence
> 
> FYI: the italics are one long scene/day. The others are scenes from following days, weeks or months as indicated by the subtitle in bold, italic letters.
> 
> Music mood: [Woodkid - Wasteland](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aommAoyyR5Y) | [A Sky Full Of Stars (Acoustic Coldplay Cover by Moxi & GX)](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CzL-Pw2Hk4U) | [Gustavo Santaolalla - De Ushuaia a la Quiaca](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W9iQ0pcSVIM)

_Mordecai was woken up by an arm wrapping around his waist and a large body curling up behind him. He scooted closer and buried his face in the pillow, hoping to get some more sleep._

_Brick kissed the back of his neck and settled down, but when Mordecai shifted a little there was the unmistakable feeling of an erection pressed against his lower back._

_“Hey,” he said, a little begrudgingly. He ran a hand over Brick’s thigh. “You’re up early.”_

_Brick made a sleepy sound. “Mmh?” he said. Mordecai wiggled his back against Brick’s dick. “Oh. Uh, well, it’s morning,” he said with a shrug._

Ah _, Mordecai thought, as he remembered Brick hadn’t gotten to finish last night._

_He turned around, brushed his dreadlocks out of his face and dropped a kiss on Brick’ neck. “I can help.”_

_“Mmh… nah, need to pee.”_

_Mordecai laughed, and just nuzzled against Brick’s neck, breathing him in. They dozed off for a little while, lazy and relaxed._

* * *

_**-Two months-**_

Mordecai’s first bad week was the worst one.

Brick had frowned at him for laying in bed without getting up for the most part of the day, for not leaving the apartment, for barely eating, for closing off on himself, for snapping at Lilith and drinking much more often.

He frowned, but it took him days and days of this to say something. He stopped by to check on Mordecai after lunch when he finally snapped.

“Are you gonna get up at all today?” he asked sharply.

Mordecai, who had been trying to pretend he was asleep even if he had been there for more hours he could count, flinched.

“Fine,” Brick said eventually, turning around and leaving the bedroom.

After he’d left, Mordecai forced himself to get up and dragged himself into the shower. Showers helped some, but not enough. He was simply standing there, head bowed and trying to convince himself not to sit down on the shower floor, when Brick entered the bathroom. Mordecai didn’t look at him, too embarrassed, too angry and tired.

“What’s wrong?” Brick asked, also sounding angry and tired. “What’s going on?”

“Bad week,” Mordecai said.

“Bad week? Bad how?”

“Just - It’s-,” Mordecai gestured ineffectively. He eventually gave up and huffed in frustration. “Some weeks are bad. Sometimes more than weeks. It’ll wear off.” Mordecai rubbed at his face. Brick didn’t say anything. He gritted his teeth and spat: “It’s called depression, Brick. Look it up.”

Sounds of Brick moving, and Mordecai could imagine him pacing. “Why? Did something happen?” and now Brick sounded worried, if still frustrated.

“No,” Mordecai said with a short, bitter laugh. “To me, it just happens. No reason.”

“Just - Mordy, just talk to me.”

Mordecai, feeling bone deep exhausted by the whole conversation, just shook his head. “I just did.”

“But why can’t you-?”

“I can’t. Do this. Right now,” Mordecai said, trying to be firm, but it came out broken, it came out as a plea.

“I just don’t get it,” Brick said, plaintive and quiet, and it only added guilt to the great gaping mess that was inside Mordecai’s chest. It was a weight being dropped on him, and he could barely stand as it was.

Mordecai leaned his head against the wall and didn’t move until Brick finally left.

* * *

Fyrestone was as deserted as ever. Brick had no idea why Dr. Zed refused to move to New Haven, but right now that might be a good thing.

“Well, hello there Brick! It’s been a while! What can I do you for?” Zed’s friendly smile froze a little in place when Brick closed the door to the clinic behind him. They’d known each other for a while, but Brick would never stop being more than a little intimidating in close quarters.

Brick crossed his arms and scowled, but he still fidgeted a little.

“Depression, what can you tell me?” he said bluntly.

Zed hesitated. “You know, I’m not that kind of doctor, son,” he said with an apologetic look.

“I know.”

“Not that I have a medical license anymore,” Zed added.

Brick rolled his eyes. Why Zed insisted on advertising that, he’d never know.

“It’s not for me. I just wanna know what you know.”

A look of understanding crossed Zed’s face, but he didn’t ask. If he was right, after all, he didn’t want to say anything that Brick could consider offensive about his boyfriend.

“I’m still not that kind of doctor, Brick. Not much I can tell you.” Brick kept glaring at him. “Alright, alright, no need to give me that stink eye.” Zed scratched his cheek, smearing what looked like traces of clotted blood over it. “I don’t know much. Psychiatry wasn’t my thing. What do you want to know?”

Brick looked at his feet. “What... is it?”

“We know it’s an imbalance, like how your pancreas working wrong will give you diabetes. But we don’t know what causes it. We don’t really know what causes most mental problems. We can make cybernetic limbs of all kinds, and fix almost anything, but the mind? Still a black box.” Zed shrugged.

“I thought it was just being sad,” Brick said frowning. “Isn’t it?”

“Oh, no, diagnoses aren’t made on just one symptom, there are other ones. Trouble sleeping, lack of energy, that kinda thing. If I could log into my old medical data banks, I would show you.” Zed scratched his neck. “But as you know -”

“You don’t have a medical license, yeah,” Brick interrupted. “Anything else?”

“Not really. I’m sorry.” Zed took a few steps towards him. “Look, I don’t think it’s me you wanna talk to. I can’t tell you a lot more than that; it was never my thing, so I don’t remember most of it. But if you wanna help, go talk to him.”

Brick gave him a speculative look.

“Or her,” Zed added belatedly and loudly. “‘Cause I have _no_ idea who you’re talking about.”

* * *

Brick had assumed he’d have to track Mordecai again, so he was surprised to find him still in his apartment when he came back. Mordecai was sitting on the bed with his legs crossed. Bloodwing was perched in his arm, and the bird gave Brick a sharp look when he came in.

“Hey,” Brick said.

Mordecai nodded.

Brick pulled off his boots and sat beside him on the bed. He stretched a hand and ran a finger over Bloodwing head. The bird wasn’t overly fond of him, Brick thought, but it allowed himself to be petted.

“Can you talk about it now?” Brick asked eventually.

Mordecai dropped his head back and it hit the wall. He sighed. “Don’t want to.”

“Ok. Ok,” Brick said slowly. “Can _I_ talk about it?”

Mordecai snorted. “Sure.”

Brick thought very carefully about what he should say. “I don’t know what this is. I don’t know how it works,” he said. “I thought… I thought you were mad at me. When you get mad, you go quiet, and don’t say what’s wrong until you snap. I thought that was the problem.”

“Why would I be mad?” Mordecai asked.

“I dunno,” Brick said with a shrug. “Probably something I forgot to do.”

Mordecai shook his head. “This isn’t _about_ you,” he said sharply. “And you can’t fix it.” Brick gave him a concerned look. “It happens sometimes. This time was bad.”

“There has to be _something_ you can do.”

“Hard to find antidepressants on Pandora,” Mordecai said with a bitter smile.

“Then-”

“Then nothing,” Mordecai cut off. “It isn’t usually this bad.”

Brick kept staring at him. “And I’m supposed to do nothing?” he asked.

“This _isn't_ about you.”

Brick looked down at his hands. “I think if it was me, you’d do something,” he said.

Mordecai’s mouth twitched. “Yeah.”

“So?”

Mordecai closed his eyes. “Give me a week. If the worst isn’t over, we’ll see.”

Brick shook his head. “Why? Why you gotta try to suck it up?”

“I’m still alive, aren’t I?” Mordecai said. “And money. And I… I don’t like _depending_ on stuff.”

Brick gave him a flat look. “That’s stupid.”

“We live on Pandora,” Mordecai said, undeterred. “Can’t depend on things here.”

Brick shook his head and looked away. “Fucking stubborn,” he mumbled. “A _standard_ week. To the date.”

Mordecai tried to smile, but found he was closer to tears. “Thanks.”

Brick took a deep breath, trying to stop the feeling his heart was breaking. “How can I help?”

Mordecai couldn’t think of anything to say. He shrugged.

Brick, slowly, reached out and pulled him close so Mordecai was leaning against him.

“I’m tired,” Mordecai said, frustrated. “It’s like being underwater - everything is twice as hard as it should be.”

“Then I can-”

“Sh,” Mordecai said, scrunching his eyes closed. “I’m trying. Just give me a minute.” He frowned. “It’s like everything is fuzzy, white noise. I can focus, but it’s hard sometimes, when it’s something that’s not important. I can shoot things just fine, shooting is easy; but when things are quiet...” He shrugged. “But when things are loud, when people argue and talk and talk, it’s also… it’s nothing. White noise. Brain fog.”

Brick nodded mutely.

“And you can’t just fix it,” Mordecai continued eventually, looking at Bloodwing. His bird had left his arm and was now perched in his knee. “You’ll be patient and understanding, and then you won’t.”

“You’re not even giving me a chance.”

“Please, I can’t even stand myself, why would you?” Mordecai closed his eyes again. “People think love can fix anything. That’s bullshit.”

“Alright,” Brick said, pushing down the need to do something, anything - preferably something that involved punching - besides sitting here and talking. He was actually good at punching. “I don’t get how this is supposed to convince me not to get you something that helps. It sounds bad.”

Mordecai chuckled bitterly. “It is.”

“I just want you to be alright,” Brick pressed his advantage. “Love won’t fix it, I get that. But why would I just let it happen? I can’t _make_ you do anything, but you can’t expect me not to care.”

Mordecai rubbed his face. “Fine,” he said, annoyed. “You win, I’ll buy some medication and fix myself.”

“Why are you angry?” Brick asked, confused at the sudden change of mood.

“Because, Brick!” Mordecai said. He forced himself to take a deep breath. “Because I can’t just… get over it. I can’t shake it off. And I know it’s stupid, because I can’t control it but it still… it still feels like I should. It’s all in my head, so why can’t I just _stop_?”

Brick shrugged, feeling utterly out of his depth. He took one of Mordecai’s hands and squeezed it, wracking his brain looking for something useful to say.

“I dunno,” he admitted. “I don’t think you’re supposed to.” Mordecai snorted. “I mean, you can’t just… You can mend a bone after breaking it, but you still need help to do it,” he added lamely. “Or if - if anything else fails, you need a doctor to take a look. I dunno.”

“Fair enough,” Mordecai said, taking pity on how hard Brick was obviously trying. “I knew I kept you around for more than just your good looks.”

Brick blinked, then smiled tentatively.

“I _am_ good looking, though,” he joked.

“Of course you are; I don’t shack up with just anyone,” Mordecai said, planting a kiss on his shoulder. “Thank you.”

“What for?” Brick wondered.

“Trying to help. Helping. I appreciate it, even if - well, I know I can be difficult,” Mordecai said with a self-deprecating smile. “So, thank you.”

“Anytime,” Brick replied, although deep down he hoped he wouldn’t have to have this conversation with Mordecai ever again. “Did you mean it about the pills?”

“Yeah, I did. You’re right. But also…” Mordecai squeezed Brick’s hand. “If it’s hard for me, it’s hard for you. And if it helps keep you around for a bit longer, I’m all for it.”

Brick frowned. “This isn’t about me, you said that. You need to be ok because - because you need to be ok."

Mordecai laughed, a real laugh.

“I’m not _just_ doing it for you, Brick. But yeah, you’re right - as usual.”

Brick snorted. “Now you’re just screwing with me. You love to argue. When have you ever admitted I’m right?” he said with a smile.

“Right now.”

* * *

_Eventually, Brick began to squirm and got up. Mordecai curled up the empty spot he left on the bed - it was warm and it smelled like him._

_“Hey, what time is it?” Brick asked from the bathroom._

_Mordecai opened his eyes reluctantly and looked around for a clock._

_“We have 18 hours of light left,” he replied. Part of him wanted to go back to sleep, but he knew Brick would be hungry, so he got up as well._

_“Gonna use your shower,” Mordecai said as he entered the bathroom. “I’d invite you in, but I don’t think we can both fit.”_

_He’d grown used to showering with only cold water during the day cycle. Hot water meant, usually, a long exhausting battle against the terrible water heaters they had in New Haven.  
_

_Brick eyed the shower speculatively._

_“Nah,” he decided eventually. “Plus, shower sex is slippery.”_

_Mordecai laughed. “I think that’s the idea.”_

_“Not if you wanna pull a muscle.”_

_“I think_ you’d _be the one pulling a muscle,” Mordecai said with a leer._

 _Brick frowned. “Why would -” he paused. “I said_ wall _, not shower!”_

* * *

**_-Five months-_ **

Brick had found that a drunk Mordecai was a handsy Mordecai - and the discovery made him more uncomfortable than anything. He’d also found that a depressed Mordecai drank more - in the weeks before they actually talked about it, Mordecai had ended up blind drunk way too often.

They had a fight over spending money on some expensive Eden-5 antidepressants, and in the end they split the cost - much to Mordecai’ charging, who promised to pay him back. The medication helped, though, and so Brick considered it had been worth it.

Things were under control after that, until Roland’s birthday.

Mordecai woke up on the couch, as he had at the end of most of his past benders, with a splitting headache and the glare of Pandora’s sun on his face. He didn’t remember how he’d gotten back to Brick’s place, and could only hope Brick hadn’t had to carry him.

The look on Brick’s face when he came back to his apartment, though, said he had.

“I need you to quit drinking,” Brick said, point blank.

Mordecai stiffened. “I’m sorry about the party,” he said.

He’d tried to keep track on how much he was drinking - but that had never worked before and didn’t work this time either. Before he knew it he’d been slurring, harassing some former Lance commando into having a drunk marksmanship competition and probably passed out in a corner.

“I think you heard me.”

Mordecai rubbed his face. “Yeah.”

“You can live here,” Brick said. “You already live here. But if you start drinking again, you’re out.”

Mordecai frowned, but swallowed any half-assed excuses.

“Not a drop,” he agreed. He knew he should have quit long before hand but…

Brick’s frown finally cleared. “Ok.” He let out a deep sigh. “I don’t want to do this, Mordy. I don’t wanna threaten you.”

“Can you… can you quit drinking too?” Mordecai asked. “I think it’d be easier.”

“Sure,” Brick said. He spotted the look on Mordecai’s face, sullen and withdrawn, and added: “I love you. You know that.”

“Why?” Mordecai asked, small and miserable.

“I like being around you. I like being with you.” Brick shrugged. “You get mad when I just jump into things, and when I take your things without asking. I get mad when you get drunk. I worry.”

He said it as if it had always as simple as that. As if Mordecai's drinking was just another thing he did that Brick didn't like, instead of a deep character flaw. And that, more than anything, was what made Mordecai really agree to quit.

* * *

_As it turned out, the shower was (barely) big enough for the two of them. It wasn't comfortable, though, and Mordecai left it after a minute to let Brick shower in peace._

_He poked around Brick’s bathroom and bedroom, but didn't even manage to find a box of condoms._

_“Aw, Brick,” Mordecai muttered to himself in disappointment. Well, he knew what his next purchase was going to be: condoms and lube. And latex gloves if he couldn't just swipe a box from Dr. Zed’s clinic._

_He finished drying himself off and waited for Brick to leave the shower._

_“Hey,” said Mordecai when Brick finally got out of the bathroom. “So, about that blowjob I owe you.”_

_Brick stopped rubbing a towel against his head._

_“Now?” he asked._

_Mordecai frowned. “Why not?”_

_“Uh. I’m kinda hungry.”_

_Mordecai blinked. “Brick, are you turning down a blowjob for_ food _?”_

_“I ain’t turning down anything,” Brick replied, pulling up his jeans. “I’m saying: food first.”_

_Mordecai rolled his eyes. “Really?”_

_“You,” Brick said, giving a quick peck on the lips. “need to eat more.”_

_Mordecai sighed and gave in. He looked around the floor for his pants and put them on._

_“Coffee?” asked Brick as he disappeared into the kitchen. Mordecai followed, but since he was utterly useless whenever food was involved he only intended to keep Brick company._

_“Yes,” Mordecai said eagerly._

_“Eggs?”_

_“Nah.”_

_“Should be some cheese somewhere.”_

_“Nah.”_

_Brick glared at Mordecai who only shrugged._

_“Alright,_ I _want eggs, so_ you’re _having eggs,” Brick declared._

_Mordecai huffed and gave up._

* * *

**_-Seven months-_ **

Unlike Mordecai, Brick rarely got sick. But when he did it was usually something serious.

Brick had caught a bad throat infection, and after spending two days bedridden, he was already going a little stir crazy - even if he was feeling like crap, could barely swallow, and had spent most of those days sleeping his fever off.

Mordecai guessed he should have known Brick would get clingy when sick. Mordecai would usually curl into a ball and try to hide from the world until the worst was over, but Brick hated to be alone on a good day, let alone when he was sick.

Whenever Mordecai was home and Brick was awake, Brick would either call for him or follow him around like a lost dog, so Mordecai didn’t have much choice but to stay in bed with him - not that he minded all that much. There was a certain amount of pride in the fact that Brick wanted him around, in being able to provide comfort.

That didn’t mean he didn’t get bored, though.

The third time Brick woke up just as Mordecai was trying to sneak away, Brick made a grumble of protest and scooted closer.

“I’ll be right back,” Mordecai promised, sitting up.

Brick wrapped an arm around his waist and pulled him back down again.

Mordecai sighed. “Brick, two minutes.”

“That’s what you said last time,” Brick replied. He barely had any voice left and it was almost painful to hear him speak.

He kissed Mordecai’s jaw, a little forceful, and slipped a hand under his shirt.

“Nope,” Mordecai said, pushing him away. “Can’t bribe me with sex. You’re sweaty, and not in a sexy way.” Brick scowled. “Brick, you can’t even stand up. Lie the fuck down and give me two minutes.”

“I can,” Brick croaked.

“You can’t, and you can’t talk either.” Mordecai sat up and pressed a kiss against Brick’s forehead. “ _And_ you’re burning up. I’ll be right back.”

Brick made an annoyed sound, but gave up and turned around, pulling the covers up to his neck.

“Love you,” Mordecai said with a grin.

Brick huffed.

Brick had dozed off again when Mordecai came back - hardly surprising, since that was what he’d been doing for past two days. Mordecai left the two mugs he’d brought with him on the safe that he used as night table and decided to let Brick sleep for now.

After a while, Brick rolled on his back and threw an arm over his head. He swallowed, made a pained noise, and blinked blearily at Mordecai.

“Hey,” Mordecai said quietly. “Want some cold medicine?” Brick nodded. Mordecai reached for one of the mugs he’d brought. “It’s warm.” Brick shrugged and reached out a hand.

“Sit up,” Mordecai said, keeping the mug close. “You’re gonna choke.”

Brick rolled his eyes a little, but did as he was told. Mordecai handed him the mug and Brick gulped down the contents with a small grimace - the medicine didn’t taste great, but it was effective, and a warm drink during Pandora’s long, cold night cycle was always nice.

“Thanks,” Brick said.

“You’re welcome,” Mordecai said, a little pointedly. “That’s why I was gettin’ up, you ungrateful limpet.”

Brick smiled and handed him the mug back. He lied down again and gave Mordecai a hesitant look.

“Was kidding about the limpet part, c’mere,” Mordecai said, lifting up his arms. Brick scooted close and rested his head on Mordecai’s chest.

“‘M not ungrateful,” Brick muttered.

“I know, I was kidding about that too.” Mordecai punctuated that with a kiss to the top of Brick’s head. Brick hummed noncommittally. “Brick, c’mon, you know me; I say stupid shit. I like being here to help.”

“Not used to being sick,” Brick said, a little annoyed.

“I figured. Never seen you get sick before.”

“Whataya doing?” Brick asked.

“Reading. Got sick of looking for something on TV,” Mordecai said, showing him his datapad.

“Reading what?”

“It's, uh.” Mordecai hesitated. “It's a police story.” Brick looked at him and made a hand gesture to tell him to go on. “Someone got killed, now they're looking for the killer.”

Brick gave him an unimpressed look.

“Hey, could be another kinda crime,” Mordecai argued.

“Who was it?”

“I don't know yet. That's kinda the point.”

“But who do you think?”

“You don't even know - That's not how it works! If you don't know the characters, it's all the same to you,” Mordecai protested.

“Tell me.”

“I can just lend it to you,” Mordecai said, a little embarrassed.

Brick shook his head. “Tell me,” he said, poking him on the side. Mordecai squirmed because that tickled.

“Fine. It’s - it’s dumb, ok? There is this Colonel in a small town, and no one likes him, and he shows up dead in the church,” Mordecai said in a rush. “Two people say they did it, and now they’re trying to figure out who it was.”

“Ok,” Brick said, frowning. “Who?”

“One was the wife, one was - You sure you don’t wanna read it yourself?” Mordecai asked again. One thing was to read something that he knew was stupid but still enjoyed, but it was a whole other thing to have to explain it - when he did, all the dumb parts became glaringly obvious.

“Nah, don’t like reading,” Brick said, nuzzling against his chest.

“Oh, ok.”

“You can read it out loud,” Brick added.

Mordecai blinked. “You’re gonna get bored. It _is_ kinda stupid,” he admitted.

“Nah, I like stories.”

“But you don’t - Fine,” Mordecai relented. Brick was probably going to doze off again anyway.

He backtracked to the beginning of the book and started reading out loud. Mordecai felt a little silly, but Brick didn’t start squirming or interrupted him throughout the first page.

“That’s kinda old English,” Brick noted. “You don’t wanna read it in Spanish?”

“Yeah, it’s an old book, but translations are always bad.” Mordecai left the datapad aside. “Wanna do something else?”

“No, keep reading. I wanna know what happens.”

Mordecai shrugged and continued, honestly surprised that Brick was paying attention at all, let alone keeping track of it. He’d always preferred to read things himself rather than having them read for him, but apparently Brick didn't.

Mordecai stopped at the end of the third chapter to drink from his now cold cup of coffee.

“Why’s everyone so weird and stuffy?” Brick asked.

“Old book,” Mordecai said again.

“When’s the murder happen?”

“Further ahead. But my throat’s getting sore,” Mordecai warned. Brick gave him a sardonic look. “Yeah, less than yours, but still. Don’t you wanna keep reading for a while?”

Brick frowned. “Don’t like to read. Words are… messy,” he said reluctantly. “They get jumbled.”

 _Oh,_ Mordecai thought. _That explains a lot_.

He picked up the datapad. “Let me look around the ECHOnet, I can find an audio version,” he said, maybe too eagerly, already thinking of how to work around it.

Brick smiled, looking a little relieved. “Nah, I like your voice,” he said.

Mordecai forced himself to stop. Brick hadn’t asked for his help - he’d managed so far and Mordecai didn’t want to make him feel like he was being coddled or pitied.

“And I like yours, but I can’t read the whole thing myself in one go,” Mordecai said simply.

“Let’s watch something, then,” Brick said with a shrug.

“Ok. If you’re still interested, I can pick it up later.”

Brick dozed off again within ten minutes of a rerun of Alive On Promethea. Mordecai took the chance to sneak away and go get them some food.

* * *

_Mordecai had been holding one of Brick’s hands, twining their fingers and running a thumb over scarred knuckles. He didn’t let go of it when he stood up and nudged for Brick to move his chair back._

_“What?” Brick asked, confused._

_Mordecai sat on his lap and smiled smugly._

_Brick smiled back and kissed him. “You like to sit there.”_

_“Of course. Best seat in the house.”_

_Brick laughed, heat already pooling low in his stomach. Mordecai kissed Brick’s jaw, his neck, his collarbone. Brick turned Mordecai’s face up and kissed him on the lips. Mordecai shifted until he was straddling his legs._

_“You never told me if you had a piercing here,” Mordecai said, gently tweaking at Brick’s nipple._

_Brick shifted a little. “I did. Bad for brawling, though.”_

_“Must’ve looked nice,” Mordecai said, dropping a kiss on Brick’s chest._

_“I’m not piercing it again,” Brick warned, though the certainty in his voice wavered when Mordecai slipped a hand down his pants. He shivered._

_“I pay my debts,” Mordecai said with a grin._

_“I thought you said blowjob,” Brick replied, quirking an eyebrow._

_“I can do that, or you can add it to my bill,” Mordecai said with a shrug._

_“Bill?” Brick snorted. “This chair ain't comfortable, though.”_

_“Alright.”_

_Brick stopped him from getting up. He closed his hands firmly around Mordecai’s thighs - who gave him a surprised look - before standing up. Mordecai’s legs wrapped around his waist._

_“You like it!” Mordecai said, accusatory._

_Brick shrugged. “Never said I didn’t.”_

* * *

**_-Seven months, ten days -_ **

Mordecai wished he had a rakk ale at hand for this. But he had quit, so he’d have to bite the bullet and ask the question completely sober:

“Roland, how do you know when you love someone?” Roland looked at him with the most confused expression Mordecai had ever seen on his face. “I, mean - I mean not just the ‘they’re hot’ or the ‘heart racing’ kinda love. I mean… long haul?”

Roland squirmed. Talking about feelings had never been his thing. “Why are you asking _me_?” he wondered.

“Who else am I gonna ask, Lilith?” Mordecai snorted. “She’d laugh in my face and run to tell Brick all about it.”

Roland made a face and scratched his neck.

“Maybe, but…” He took a deep breath and steeled himself. “Yeah, you’re right. But I’m not exactly an expert here.”

“And I am? Why do you think I’m even _asking_?”

Roland smiled, already more at ease, and he thought about it. That was the thing: Roland might be awkward in most emotionally charged situations, but once he understood what he needed to do, what was asked of him, he would do it to the best of his capacity. And once the nervousness passed, he had a quiet and careful way of thinking about things - as if, no matter how simple the question, it was the most important thing in the world.

“I think, for me at least, it’s about where my plans are,” he replied eventually. “I’m committed to New Haven, to the Raiders. The people here need me, and I do my best to protect them from Hyperion. Lilith, well… she doesn’t see it the same way, but she also cares about this place. She cares about the people here, and she is also a leader to them - even if she doesn’t want to be sometimes. And what we do is for the same common goal. We work together, in different things, but for the same end.”

Mordecai frowned. That answer was painfully _Roland_ , and didn’t help him at all. He had always been, and would always be, aimless, wandering, changing plans and ambitions and goals constantly. He had figured that a long time ago.

“You’re not me,” Roland said with a laugh. “I know. But that’s my take: whatever your plans are, are they on the same line with Brick’s? Do you want the same things on the long term?”

Mordecai considered it. “I honestly have no idea. We - we don’t _make_ plans. Our plans always change. All the time. We just… do what we do, and go along with what happens.”

Roland nodded as he mulled that over. “Well, maybe that’s your thing: you don’t make plans. I don’t really - I _like_ making plans. I like to know where I’m going. I couldn’t make it work with someone I’m not sure I can count on.”

“No, I do,” Mordecai said with a small smile. “I can count on him.”

“See, you say that, but the walls of New Haven tell a different story,” Roland said with a wry smile. “Brick never, ever followed the schedules or the plans we made.”

“Hey, the job got done! But yeah, he’s not good at sticking to plans; drives me crazy sometimes,” Mordecai admitted. “But neither am I, I guess. I just wing it, most of the time.”

“So maybe it isn’t about the future for you.”

“I just…” Mordecai fidgeted a little. “I’ve had longer relationships, but… they were kid’s stuff. We fought all the time, on-and-off. Ended up bad. That kinda thing.”

“Oh. You think you should be fighting?” Roland asked, amused.

“You and Lil fight a lot,” Mordecai pointed out with a teasing smirk.

“I think the term is ‘bicker’. We bicker a lot,” Roland said dryly. He smiled. “Yeah, we do. We also fight, really fight, sometimes. But she’s my best friend; we disagree and fight and then compromise. But the main thing is, we like spending time together. The butterflies go away eventually, but she’s still my best friend, and I still want to be around her all the time.”

Now, that was a much more useful answer, simple as it seemed. Mordecai felt that he should have known this - he was thirty-five years old, for fuck’s sake. And yet, he’d never had anyone tell him that before.

“That helped?” Roland asked.

“Yeah. Yeah, that helped. Thanks Roland,” Mordecai replied patting him in the back. “I know it was a dumb question.”

“Not really. I asked the same thing to a friend once,” he said with an easy shrug.

“Really?” Mordecai asked skeptically.

“Really. Well, maybe not asked, but it came up. C’mon, it’s hard to figure this stuff out alone.”

Mordecai had to give him that. “I don’t know, it’s one of those things you assume everybody knows. Like, it’s so obvious they never even talk about it.”

* * *

_“Can you, uh…” Brick hesitated. “scratch me a little? Or bite?”_

_Mordecai tried not to laugh; he honestly did. Brick’s expression clouded over, and Mordecai immediately regretted it._

_“Sorry, sorry,” he said quickly, between kisses to Brick’s mouth. “I was surprised, I’m sorry.”_

_Brick still looked vaguely embarrassed._

_“Brick, honey, I’m sorry,” Mordecai insisted. The endearment felt strange on his tongue, and he wondered if maybe Brick would take it as him being sarcastic. “Yes, I can. And hey, I did ask you to carry me here yesterday; I got no room to judge.”_

_“'_ Honey _'?” Brick wondered, his mouth twitching._

_“I’m trying things out, see what feels right.”_

_“And?”_

_Mordecai made a face. “Can’t say I like that one. Too soft.”_

_“I liked ‘babe’,” Brick muttered, then hissed when Mordecai’s teeth sunk lightly on the spot under his jaw. Mordecai ran his tongue over the same patch of skin._

_“Like that?” he asked._

_Brick nodded. “Gonna look weird as hell, but I don’t care,” he said, sounding a little breathless._

_Mordecai frowned. “Weird?”_

_“Yeah, red and puffy. But keep going.”_

_“Oh,_ red _,” Mordecai said, and snorted. “I can’t see it, so I can’t tell how much it shows. Guess I’ll keep it under the collar.”_

_“I don’t mind.”_

_Mordecai gave him an amused look. “You_ want _me to give you a hickey? You just wanna let everyone know you got laid, don’t you?”_

_Brick shrugged, but couldn’t hold back a smile._

_Mordecai shook his head. He didn’t leave a hickey on Brick’s neck, but he tried his best on his chest and around his navel - he couldn’t see the result without his goggles. Brick seemed to enjoy it, though, and Mordecai could work with that. He would need to get the gauge of how hard he could bite or scratch, and how often on the same spot, before it got painful - but the learning process would be fun._

_“I can’t believe you don’t have condoms, Brick,” Mordecai said as he mouthed around Brick’s navel._

_Brick made an obvious effort to focus enough to reply. “I wasn’t expecting this.”_

_Mordecai tutted. “Shame. Could have had my way with you.”_

_“Stop. Talking,” Brick said between clenched teeth._

_“Tetchy,” Mordecai said with a grin. “Try not to buck too much,” he added before taking Brick in his mouth._

_Mordecai raked his fingernails occasionally along the inside of Brick’s thighs. Much sooner than the previous day, Brick muttered: “Close.”_

_Mordecai replaced his mouth with a hand and bit gently on the spot where Brick’s leg joined his hip. Brick came, with a long-drawn moan, over his hand._

_Mordecai crawled up the bed to kiss him on the mouth. “Pretty,” he said softly._

_Brick laughed, breathless and relaxed._

* * *

**_-Eight months-_ **

Brick wasn’t in New Haven when Mordecai returned from his meeting with the smuggler; he and Lilith had already left for the raid on a Hyperion convoy.

“Where were you?” Roland asked. “I thought you wanted in on the raid.”

Mordecai frowned. He did want to be there for the raid -he had been the one to find the intel on the convoy in the first place-, and he was annoyed that he was missing it. But his meeting with the smuggler had had a few hitches in the form of Gettle, a treasure hunter working for Hyperion.

Sadly, Mordecai hadn’t managed to kill Gettle; but on the upside, Gettle hadn’t killed him either.

“I was gettin’ something.”

Roland looked expectantly for him to continue. “Getting what?” His expression turned a little dubious. “Do I… Do I want to know?”

Mordecai rolled his eyes. “I can’t tell if you’re being too straight or too Roland right now.”

Roland blinked. “Uh…”

“Never mind,” Mordecai huffed. He unslung his rucksack from his back, and from inside extracted a small box made of some semi-rigid material. A soft mewling sound came out of it as he offered it to Roland. “Here.”

Roland took it gingerly, as if it was gonna jump at him and go for the neck. There was a zipper over the top of the box - which was made of mesh, he noticed - and Roland opened it and peered inside.

He did a double take. Then he looked up at Mordecai. “You had it in your _bag_?” Roland asked, dismayed.

“Hey, I was getting shot at!” Mordecai reminded him. “Gettle is lucky I had it on me and I had to get it here safely, or he’d have a bullet between the eyes right now.”

“Wait. So, you - you met someone to get a _puppy_? You met a _puppy smuggler_?” Roland asked, his shoulders shaking with laughter.

Mordecai groaned. “You’re hilarious,” he said dryly.

He took the carrier from Roland and looked at the puppy. It was a tiny brown thing, with a black snout. It hadn’t even opened its eyes yet - it was only ten days old.

“Didn’t take you for a dog person,” Roland commented.

“Eh,” Mordecai said with a shrug. He carefully rubbed the puppy’s nose and smiled when the puppy opened its tiny mouth and tried to suck on his finger. “I’m not really. They’re OK, but I like birds. Maybe cats. Brick likes dogs, though.”

“So, why are you adopting a dog together?” Roland asked.

“It’s his birthday soon,” Mordecai replied, immediately nervous by the way Roland had phrased it. “And he always talks about the dog he had as a kid,” he added, signaling to his chest.

Roland was confused for a moment, then remembered the dog’s paw that was always hanging for the chain around Brick’s neck.

“Oh,” he said, frowning. “Was that… from his dog?”

“Yeah.”

“That’s - that’s a bit creepy,” Roland said.

“A little,” Mordecai admitted resignedly. “But he did love that dog - still talks about it.”

Roland pulled a face, but he knew better than to try and understand the weird things his friends did.

“I’m sure he’ll love it,” he said.

* * *

“You should have waited for me,” Mordecai said as helped a limping Brick climb up the stairs to their apartment.

“I’m _fine_ ,” Brick said for the third time. “You were still out and we had to go.”

Mordecai rubbed his forehead, imploring for patience. “So _now_ you decide to stick to the plan,” he said.

“It was _your_ plan.”

“Yeah, and my plan had me sniping from the top of the cliff!” Mordecai reminded him. “Lilith and you are both shit at sniping, and I bet that’s how the reinforcements got the drop on you.”

“We got them back.”

Mordecai dropped his head back. “I swear to God, Brick,” he muttered.

“What? I said I’m fine,” Brick said, annoyed. Mordecai opened his mouth to point out he was, in fact, limping, but Brick kept going: “You weren’t here. Where were _you_?”

“I was _doing_ something.”

“Right. And you didn’t almost get shot doing that something?” Mordecai didn’t reply. “Ha! See? Now stop nagging.”

Mordecai opened the door to the apartment and let them in. “Yeah, well, at least I didn’t get exploded. I got away easily.”

“You weren’t raiding a Hyperion convoy.” Brick said, sitting down stiffly on one of the chairs. “I assume.”

“You assume right,” Mordecai replied coldly. He crossed his arms and glared at Brick. “Next time wait for me.”

Brick opened his hands and gave him a look that all but said “ _what do you want from me?_ ”. Mordecai sighed and dropped it for now.

“So, what do you need for your ankle?”

“Zed said just to let it rest for now. The swelling should go away with the thing he stabbed me with.”

“He should have knocked you out if he wants you to sit still for more than five minutes,” Mordecai pointed out.

“Maybe if you sit on my lap,” Brick said with a toothy grin.

Mordecai rolled his eyes. “I should sit on your big fat head.”

“Kinky. But could work.”

Mordecai tried to keep himself from laughing and failed. “Idiot,” he muttered affectionately, shaking his head. He turned and headed towards the bedroom.

“Hey, Mordy, can you get me some water? The sun was mean out there.” Brick called after him.

“In a minute,” came Mordecai’s impatient reply.

He came back with his hands behind his back, and stood in front of him, looking like he was a bit nervous. That immediately piqued Brick curiosity and he sat up straighter.

“Whatchu got there?” he asked, trying to peek behind Mordecai’s back.

“I got you something,” Mordecai said, moving back a step so Brick could see what he was holding. He was fighting back a smile.

“Me? Like, just me, or both of us?” Brick asked. His eyes were bright and excited.

“Uh, mostly you. But I guess it can be for both of us.”

“What is it?” Brick prodded.

Mordecai held out a bundle of cloth. Brick blinked, then tugged at it.

“Careful!” Mordecai admonished. He put the bundle in Brick’s hands. It didn’t seem to weight anything. Brick stared at it, then at Mordecai, then carefully squeezed the cloth to find whatever was inside - and something _moved_.

He frowned, but pulled the bundle close and unwrapped it, and finally found the tiniest dog he’d ever seen at the middle of it.

“It’s really young,” Mordecai said. “Not a lot of dogs on Pandora, but I found a guy from Hollow Point who knew where to get one.”

Brick was staring, unmoving, at the squirming puppy in his lap.

“Brick?” Mordecai said, beginning to get uneasy.

“It’s so tiny,” Brick whispered, his voice catching.

Mordecai crouched down by him and when he looked at Brick’s face he found his eyes had a suspicious shine to them.

“Brick, are you crying?” he asked in disbelief.

Brick rubbed at his eyes hurriedly. “What? No! No.” He carefully picked up the puppy, cradled it, and it looked even smaller when swallowed by Brick’ massive hands. “It’s - it’s so small.”

Mordecai smiled. “Yeah. It’s less than two weeks old, the guy said.”

Brick nodded, his Adam's apple bobbing.

“Do we -” He cleared his throat. “do we have stuff for it? Food?”

“Yeah, I got some. We need to bottle feed it for a while.”

Brick turned to look at him, his lip trembling slightly, as if Mordecai had hung the stars in the sky.

“Happy early birthday, Brick,” Mordecai said, pushing down the need to laugh nervously.

Brick dragged him for a kiss with a hand on the back of the head.

“Also, I have a question,” Mordecai added when Brick pulled back. “Kind of a late question.”

Brick’s eyebrows shot up. “Ok.”

“Do you wanna be my boyfriend?” Mordecai asked with a grin.

Brick threw his head back and laughed.

“I’ll take that as a ‘yes’.”

“More of a ‘hell, yes’,” Brick corrected.

* * *

_“Wow, you’re one of those?” Mordecai asked._

_“One of what?” Brick asked, opening one eye._

_“One of those guys who goes completely useless for a half an hour after coming,” Mordecai said with a smile that dared Brick to prove him wrong._

_Brick grinned and stretched. “Not completely.”_

_He deftly swung a leg over Mordecai’s hips and loomed over him with a hand on each side of his head. Mordecai’s look of titillation was impossible to miss._

_“Ok,” Mordecai said, slow and mischievous. He slid his fingers over Brick’s arms, his touch featherlight, barely even there. Brick shivered. “Really? I thought you liked scratches.”_

_“I like a lotta things.”_

_“Good answer.”_

_Slowly, Brick traced the line of Mordecai’s jaw with his nose. Then, still painfully slow, he touched it parted lips and nipped at it._

_Mordecai hummed. “What are you doing?” he wondered._

_“Stalling.”_

_Mordecai laughed. “Stalling for what?”_

_“Half hour,” Brick replied with a grin._

_Mordecai groaned, first in annoyance, then in pleasure when Brick caught his earlobe in his mouth.  
_

* * *

**_-One year, two months-_ **

Mordecai always took longer to wake up - sleep was hard for him to find, way too often. When he finally woke up, he liked to lounge around the bed for a while, meanwhile Brick would get restless before too long.

No matter how much Mordecai complained about Dusty sleeping on the bed with them - “ _you were the one who decided to get her_ ” Brick would remind him -, he’d usually cuddle with the puppy and play with her for a while, until the rattle of food in her bowl would get Dusty’s attention and she’d bolt, all puppy excitement and clumsiness, towards the living room.

“She eats as much as you,” Mordecai said once.

“‘Course. If she ate as much as you, she wouldn’t eat at all,” Brick countered.

Mordecai loved it when Brick and he got up around the same time, because that meant he’d find a cup of coffee for him on the table when he finally peeled himself from the sheets. It also meant he’d be presented with a lot more food he was willing to eat - but he could deal with that, so long as there was coffee.

Brick handled food. Mordecai had never had any talent for it unless you counted burning everything. Although, to be honest, Brick wasn’t patient enough to make anything much more elaborate than pasta, so they mostly had take-out. Mordecai despaired over Brick’s lack of concern for cleanliness. Not that he was a neat-freak, his things were always a mess, but honestly: how Brick could live with a thick layer of dust covering every single surface was beyond him.

Bloodwing was mostly found around the balcony whenever Mordecai was at home. Blood hadn’t taken a liking to Dusty, but he hadn’t been as jealous as Mordecai feared. His bird was something of an only child. But Blood had warmed up to Brick somewhat, eventually, so maybe he’d warm up to Dusty as well.

Dusty loved chewing Mordecai’s shoes and socks, almost never Brick’s.

“That’s cause your feet smell,” Brick said whenever Mordecai grumbled about it.

“ _Your_ feet smell. If she chewed your socks, she’d get sick,” Mordecai countered, wrinkling his nose.

They never got proficient with endearments, really. They never found ones that fit well enough.

Brick was good at pretending not to notice when people flirted with him and didn’t think much of it. Mordecai flirted as a challenge, or as a way to tease, but got nervous under genuine attention - much to Brick’s amusement.

“Good to know it wasn’t just me who got you to freak out,” he commented the first time it happened.

“You were never obviously flirting with me, and that was the whole problem,” Mordecai reminded him. “And I told you freaking out is what I do.”

Mordecai side of the bed was the one closest to the window. Brick’s was closest to the door. Mordecai had figured the best way to stop Brick from snoring was not to let him sleep on his back. Brick had figured the best way of pull Mordecai out of a bad mood was to joke mercilessly until he was relaxed enough to ramble about what was bothering him.

Brick was impulsive. He often didn’t pay attention to what other people were telling him, especially perfectly reasonable warnings, and he took Mordecai’s things without asking all the time. Mordecai was moody. He often sulked and didn’t say what was wrong until prodded, and then he wouldn’t shut up about it. It took him ages to let things go, and he could certainly hold a grudge.

Brick’s anger was explosive, but brief. Mordecai’s anger was cold and slow.

Brick was still figuring Mordecai’s silences - the moody ones, the peaceful ones, the thoughtful ones, the dangerous ones. Mordecai was still figuring when Brick, who was usually hilariously blunt, was actually only saying what he thought others wanted him to say.

* * *

_“We’re gonna be late,” Brick said suddenly._

_Mordecai glared at him. “If you stop now, I swear I will kill you,” he growled._

_He had no idea how much time had passed at this point, but seemed like an eternity of being slowly driven crazy - kissed and bitten and teased - and it had left him lightheaded and painfully hard. Brick hadn’t touched his dick once and hadn’t let him touch himself either - at most, he'd managed to rub himself breifly against Brick's side before Brick moved away.  
_

_“Seriously, please,” Mordecai tried once again._

_“Please, what?” Brick asked with a wolfish grin._

_“Do_ something _,” Mordecai replied, a little desperate._

_“I’m not stopping you,” Brick pointed out. He had pushed Mordecai’s hands away a couple times, but he wasn’t restraining him in any way._

_“I know,” Mordecai whined, but didn’t move his hands from Brick’s arms. He was still curious about how long they could drag this out and what exactly Brick had in mind._

_Brick hummed with a smug expression and kissed him, sliding his tongue deep in Mordecai’s mouth. Mordecai moaned loudly, too far gone to care anymore. He put a hand on Brick’s hip and dug his nails - hard._

_Brick inhaled sharply and Mordecai could feel the twitch of his dick, getting hard again._

_“Finally,” he grumbled._

_“What, you can do better?” Brick asked.  
_

_Mordecai didn’t reply. He dragged Brick down and sucked impatiently at the spot right under his ear, and used his other hand to stroke him, a little rough, until Brick was fully hard again._

_Brick nudged his legs apart with a knee and rolled his hips against Mordecai’s, who shuddered with relief at the contact, the much needed friction. He squirmed a little to adjust the angle, arched up against him, and kept one hand on the small of Brick’s back, alternating between pulling him closer and raking his nails over it._

_Mordecai panted and whimpered, turned into a quivering mess by the long buildup and now, finally, the steady, sure movement of Brick against him._

_“_ Amor, por favor, _"_ _he babbled, trying to thrust against him and pressing opened mouthed, sloppy kisses on Brick's neck.  
_

_“What?” Brick asked with a smile. Mordecai didn’t have the mental capacity to wonder if Brick knew what that meant or if that was just a lucky guess._

_“_ No pares, _” Mordecai said. “_ Nunca. Te quiero tanto, te adoro,  _please, don't stop” he said, trying catch Brick's ear with his mouth.  
_

_Brick laughed breathlessly at the mix of languages and he picked up the pace._

_“Look at me,” he begged._

_Mordecai opened his eyes and did his best to maintain eye contact, even if it was scary just by the sheer intimacy of it -but he got a thrill of seeing Brick's eyes, how he focused on him right back, how his expression changed every time Mordecai panted or moaned which must have been what Brick saw on his face as well - until he could feel the unrelenting force of his orgasm threatening to singe him, to drown him, and he closed his eyes and threw his head back, and came with a shuddering moan._

_Brick buried his face in his neck and rutted against him, hard enough to make the bed creak, until Mordecai gained enough control over his muscles to slip a hand between them and stroke him, off-beat with Brick's own rhythm, and Brick came, stifling a groan against Mordecai’s shoulder._

_Mordecai held him close with slightly trembling arms._

_“Holy shit,” he muttered and laughed. “That was good.”_

_Brick laughed as well and mumbled something.  
_

_"What?" Mordecai asked._

_Brick made an effort to make his mouth work properly. "Good, 'cause I can't do that again," he said, his face still pressed against Mordecai's shoulder._

_Mordecai laughed again and nuzzled against the side his head._

_"Was impressive," he admitted. "_ Te quiero, _" he added, closing his eyes. It felt different, it felt heavier - closer to his heart and therefore more frightening.  
_

_Brick made a questioning sound._

_"Love you."_

_"Love you too," Brick said, smiling._

* * *

**_-One year, three months, two weeks-_ **

Mordecai had come back to New Haven during the final hours of the Pandoran long night after yet another reconnaissance trip. Hyperion seemed to be increasing the pressure on the Highlands. Even Overlook was looking worse for wear, and the town had never been much to look at in the first place - even before the destruction of the arena around a year ago.

Mordecai had collapsed on the bed and fallen asleep unusually fast. With Hyperion increasing its presence on Pandora they were finding themselves more and more busy lately, and not only fighting on the offense any longer.

Brick, meanwhile, had been out on a train raid with Roland. He’d gotten back home much earlier, and he got up only a couple hours Mordecai had gotten home. Mordecai blinked blearily at him.

“Sleep,” Brick whispered, trying to slip out of bed as quietly as he could.

Mordecai rolled over and buried his face on the pillow. When Brick came back from the bathroom and started getting dressed, Mordecai woke up again.

“Where are you going?” Mordecai asked, his voice grouchy and slurred.

“I’m up. I came back a while back. Just sleep, Mordy,”

“Haven’t seen you in days,” Mordecai complained. He splayed a hand over Brick’s back. “Get back here.”

Brick smiled, lied down on the bed and gathered Mordecai close. Mordecai tucked his head under Brick’s chin and threw an arm over his chest.

“Everything went alright?” Brick asked.

“Yeah. Hyperion’s still swarming, but I didn’t get any trouble.” Mordecai frowned. “They’re building everywhere.”

“They haven’t moved east yet,” Brick said. “The sands are the same.”

“How was the train robbery?”

Brick grinned. “Fun. I punched a constructor to pieces.”

Mordecai snorted. “Of course you did.”

“We found a lotta food, though. That was good,” Brick said, frowning at the ceiling. Supplies had been running low in the past few months: Hyperion kept destroying settlements, and a lot of refugees had found their way to New Haven.

Mordecai, sensing his mood, kissed his chin. “Got me anything nice?” he joked.

“Nah. Sorry, hon.”

Mordecai wrinkled his nose. “‘Hon’?”

Brick shrugged.

Mordecai looked at him in the eye. Brick looked back, still frowning, still worried. Mordecai wanted to tell him it’d be alright: they always won. But the platitudes were getting old and things kept looking pretty much the same.

“Wanna fool around?” he offered instead.

Brick snorted. “Romantic.”

“If you want romantic, you should have brought me something,” Mordecai countered.

Brick lifted his head and spotted Dusty, stretched out at the foot of the bed. He stood up and picked up the puppy in his arms. Dusty woke up when Brick touched her, wagged her tail like crazy, and licked Brick’s fingers playfully. Dusty was all long awkward limbs lately, still growing to her full size - which wouldn’t be all that big by the looks of it.

Brick dropped Dusty on the living room floor and closed the door to leave the puppy outside. Dusty whined and scratched at the door from her side, trying to be let back in.

Mordecai had kicked the covers away and stretched out his arms.

“C’mere,” he said.

Brick pulled off his shirt and his pants. He crawled over the bed and smiled when Mordecai’s arms wrapped around his waist and pulled him down.

Mordecai was, as usual, sleeping in one of Brick’s t-shirts. It was so big on his thinner frame that it always looked like it was about to slip off of one shoulder. Brick pressed a kiss to Mordecai’s exposed clavicle while he ran a hand over Mordecai’s stomach.

While they kissed, Mordecai raked fingernails over Brick’s back, just hard enough to sting, to burn, and Brick hissed softly against his mouth and arched up against his hands. Mordecai dug his nails a little harder until Brick slid a leg between his own and rocked against him.

Mordecai hooked a leg over Brick’s hip and ground against him, sinuous but insistent.

“Think I know what you want,” Brick muttered with a smile.

“I can beg if you like,” Mordecai offered, and only partly joking.

Brick hummed as he considered it. “Maybe.”

Mordecai’s mouth twitched. “Please,” he said, biting softly along Brick’s neck. “please, fuck me into the mattress?”

Brick burst out laughing. “Why you always gotta say it that way?”

Mordecai shrugged. “I like the mental image.”

Brick slid away from him and opened the drawer on the night table by his side of the bed. “Why? Getting swallowed by a mattress?”

“Being fucked so hard I melt into the mattress,” Mordecai corrected.

Brick chuckled. “Alright, what did you say when you were with women, then?”, he asked as he crawled back, a condom and a tube of lube in hand.

They had long since breached the subject of their past flings and relationships, but Mordecai still got a twinge of anxiety when Brick asked about the ones involving women - even if there had never been any hints of discomfort from Brick.

(There had been more than hints of discomfort from other people before him, and it was a hard thing to forget.)

Brick’s expression was one of curiosity and faint amusement at his hesitation.

Mordecai pushed down the nervousness as best he could. “It didn't always come up, but have you ever heard of “pegging”?” he said with a wry grin.

“Not really.”

“Oh. Well, it's basically the same, but with them wearing a strap on.”

Brick frowned. “A strap on… what?” he wondered, then a look of realization crossed his face. “ _Oh_.”

Mordecai laughed but didn't comment. Sometimes it was really painfully obvious that Brick wasn't much into women.

“If you can shake off _that_ mental image,” he said, sitting up. “I think we were in the middle of something.”

“Does that even work?” Brick asked, still kneeling on the bed, still looking perplexed.

Mordecai sighed. When Brick got curious about something there was no dodging the questions.

“Yes, it does. But I prefer the real thing.” Brick gave him a look that said he thought Mordecai was full of shit. “I do! Now, can you quit stalling or do I have to beg again?”

“Wouldn't hurt your chances,” Brick said.

“Hey, you asked,” Mordecai reminded him, taking the condom and the lube from Brick’s hand. “Don’t get squeamish about the answer.” He opened the condom wrapping.

“ _Squeamish_?” Brick repeated with a laugh. “I don’t get squeamish. _You_ get all jumpy.”

Mordecai didn’t argue, because he knew it was true.

He kissed the skin around Brick’s navel, biting into it gently, and smiled when Brick hummed in response. He rolled the condom onto Brick. Mordecai slid his arms over Brick’s shoulders and kissed him while pulling him down to the bed again. 

Brick helped Mordecai push down his boxers. He heard the sound of the tube of lube being uncapped and he bit and sucked Mordecai’s neck while Mordecai twisted around himself awkwardly. When he was done, Mordecai smeared the rest of the lube on his fingers over Brick’s dick.

Brick kneeled between his legs and dropped a kiss on Mordecai’s chest. “OK?” he asked.

“Yeah,” Mordecai replied with the impish smile that Brick loved.

Brick sometimes thought he’d ever stop finding him beautiful.

Mordecai dug his fingers onto Brick’s arms, and Brick knew not to move until the grip relented.

“Breathe,” Brick said in a low voice, kissing Mordecai’s clever mouth. “I got you.”

“You always do,” Mordecai replied, aiming for teasing - only something much deeper, much sweeter, seeped in between the words.

The grip on Brick’s arms eased off. Mordecai exhaled slowly as Brick moved, and then nodded for him to keep going.

“Faster,” he said after a moment.

Mordecai’s fingers dug into Brick’s arms again, and Brick’s immediate reflex was to stop. “No, don’t stop,” Mordecai said, shaking his head. “Keep going.”

He clawed at Brick’s arms, at his thighs, at whatever he could grasp, to get him closer somehow, even if there was no distance to be found. Brick thrusted harder, shifting the angle slightly, and Mordecai threw his head back.

“Ah! Yeah, don’t stop,” he panted, and raked his fingernails over Brick’s chest and back.

Brick hissed again. “It’s been a while.”

Mordecai nodded. “Busy lately.” Brick chased those words with a couple harder thrusts of his hips. A loud moan escaped Mordecai, and he jammed a fist in his mouth to smother the sound. “Please, please, don’t stop.”

Brick grinned at him.

Brick’s thrusts were coming faster and the rhythm was getting off kilter. He searched for Mordecai’s eyes, who pulled him for a kiss. Mordecai wrapped a hand around himself and stroked, hard and fast, and he came with a gasp, his mouth open under Brick’s.

Brick closed his eyes and pumped a few times, desperate and urgent, before he came as well. Mordecai tittered on the edge of overstimulation, only this close of discomfort, and he shivered when Brick pulled out. Bricks head dropped on Mordecai’s chest as he caught his breath back. Mordecai smoothed a hand over his head and hummed contentedly.

Brick rolled off him and collapsed on his back.

“That good, huh?” Mordecai teased. He knew Brick’s afterglow period was far longer than his.

Brick mumbled something unintelligible.

Mordecai reached around for some tissues to clean himself up, and as he was doing that Brick dropped his head on Mordecai’s chest and curled up by his side. Mordecai gathered him close.

“Love you,” Brick mumbled against his chest.

“Love you too,” Mordecai replied with a soft smile.

They dozed off like that, but Brick soon woke up again; he’d had enough rest for the day. Mordecai, though, was fast asleep. Brick slipped from under his arm, trying not to jostle him. He picked up his clothes on his way to the bathroom.

When he came out again, Mordecai had curled on one side and had pulled up the covers over himself haphazardly. Brick walked to him as quietly as he could and rearranged the blankets so they didn’t leave half of Mordecai exposed to the cold night air.

Brick picked up his boots and left the room quietly. Dusty was busy chewing up a skag bone under the table, but she dropped it and ran towards Brick when she saw her owner again. Brick picked up Dusty and rubbed her belly on his way to the kitchen to get them both breakfast.

Dusty had chowed down most of her food and Brick was halfway through his cup of coffee when he heard the first explosion.

Brick froze and left the cup on a counter, listening intently. For almost a full minute there wasn’t anything to be heard, but he made his way towards the balcony anyway. The second explosion hit so close he could feel the ground shaking. When he opened the door and stepped outside he heard the first screams, confused and terrified.

One of the Raiders who must have been on guard duty by the looks of it, ran down the main street, shouting at the top of his lungs:

“Hyperion is here! Hyperion is here!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
> 
> Have a comment? Leave a comment!
> 
> You can find me on [Tumblr](http://www.wilwarindi.tumblr.com/)
> 
> I admit, I'm a little displeased about the fact that Lilith didn't show up here at all. I love writing her. 
> 
> In case anyone's wondering (though I doubt it, after that cliffhanger ~~sorry not sorry~~ ): yes, I'm making Brick dyslexic and, yes, Mordecai read Agatha Christie's "The Murder at the Vicarage" to him, because I sort of took the fact that Mordy's favorite TV show is Downton Abbey and ran with it. He finished reading the book eventually, but Brick wasn't too crazy about the style and themes so I guess they moved on to other authors afterwards.
> 
> One of Lassenby's [ wonderful art thingies](https://lassenby.tumblr.com/post/136685636244/got-this-idea-when-i-was-playing-the-presequelthe) reminded me that "book reading Truxicans!" is a thing the racist hot dog yells during the Pre-Sequel. I honestly didn't even think of that when I wrote that scene, and now think it makes the whole thing perfect.
> 
>  **Spanish Translations:**  
>  Amor, por favor = Love, please  
> No pares = Don't stop  
> Nunca. Te quiero tanto, te adoro = Ever. I love you so much, I adore you
> 
> [*The difference between “te quiero” and “te amo” is a subtle one, but both mean “I love you” in English. “Te quiero” is a little more casual, usually (though not strictly) used in a platonic way, but honestly it depends on the context (and culture, in my country the verb _amar_ is often used in a platonic way) more than anything. That being said, a romantic “te amo” is a bit of a scary declaration imho - you don’t say that to just anyone. I’d equate it more to “I’m in love with you”.]


	8. The Fall of New Haven (AKA: The Storm)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Featuring: Look, do I even need to say it?, A bad day in New Haven, Fluff time is over kids, Several guest stars (see End Notes). 
> 
> And also: No good deed goes unpunished.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M HERE TO RUIN YOUR WEEKEND WITH FEELS!
> 
> Warnings: violence (but not very graphic), animal death (not more graphic than in-game) (I’m so, so, so sorry - it wasn’t my idea).
> 
> I hope I came up with something decent enough for this - it gave me endless trouble.
> 
> Special thanks to biggestdisappointmentinwarfare whose support and help has been invaluable in the writing of this fic, but especially in this chapter.

Athena wasn’t having a good day. Granted, most days were bad days when on Pandora, but money was getting tight again and no one was posting any bounties on bounty boards. She had tried her best at half a dozen jobs, but they never paid enough, her bosses were all idiots - and there simply was no coming back from Vault Hunting. Nothing ever even compared.

But Athena was having a bad day, and if she didn’t have a bounty to work on, then she only wanted to go home and wind down; which is why she wasn’t too thrilled to hear Janey talking to someone when she got there. Janey was gregarious, she knew that -and occasionally still struggled with that-, but today she was in a particularly bad mood for this.

“Hey, hon!” called Janey in her direction when she heard the door closing. “We have a guest! Come say hi.”

Athena took a deep breath and tried to put on a strained smile.

“Hey,” Athena said insincerely as she rounded the corner into their small kitchen. When she saw the visitor, sitting awkwardly in front of an untouched cup of tea, her hand immediately went for her sword.

“You remember Timothy, right?” Janey asked brightly. Athena’s eyes didn’t move away from the man on the chair. “I told you she’d do that,” Janey said to the man.

Handsome Jack’s face stared back at Athena, his eyes wide and nervous and his hands held up in a gesture of surrender. He gave her a wide, shaky smile.

“Athena,” Janey said, with a gentle warning in her voice. “put down the sword.”

“What are _you_ doing here?” Athena spat.

“I -” Jack said.

“Athena,” said Janey again, the warning not so gentle anymore. “the sword.”

Athena lowered her sword, but didn’t sheathe it. “Speak,” she ordered.

“Hi, Athena,” Jack said and made the sign language gesture for “shield” at the same time.

Athena blinked when she saw it, but her grip on the sword didn’t relax. She narrowed her eyes for a second, studying him: Jack didn’t seem to be armed, and there was no one else in sight. Plus, Janey didn’t seem at all fazed by Jack’s presence and only quirked an eyebrow at her.

Athena loosened her grip on her sword just enough to make the sign for “double” and a question mark.

“That’s me,” the man replied with a nervous chuckle. “Still can’t legally say my name.”

Athena sheathed her sword.

Back when they’d been trying to find the Vault on Elpis and Handsome Jack had only been known as Jack, she had been the one to suggest to Jack’s body double the use of sign language to circumvent the legal restrictions placed on him by Hyperion. Timothy’s contract to act as Jack’s body double forbade him from stating his name out loud and revealing in any way that he wasn’t actually Jack. Sign language was, of course, included in the ways he should _not_ reveal his identity, but it allowed him some leeway to speak so long as there were no cameras around.

“Alright, Timothy. What are you doing here?” she asked again, not exactly warm but in a less sharp way. She crossed her arms. “I’m done with Hyperion.”

“Hyperion is attacking New Haven tonight.”

Athena’s blood froze in her veins.

“Oh, no!” Janey said.

“Tonight? You mean right now?” Athena demanded.

“Yes. In the next couple hours.”

“What about Hollow Point?”

“Not that I know of.”

Athena and Janey shared a relieved look.

“Why are you telling me this?” Athena asked.

“I hoped you could help,” Timothy said.

Athena frowned. “Help? How exactly? Roland and Lilith tried to kill us, but I'm not getting involved in this.”

“I'm not asking you to help Hyperion, I'm asking you to help the Raiders,” Timothy clarified, then grimaced. “You haven’t seen… You haven’t seen what _he_ can do. _Handsome Jack_ ," he added with disdain. "It’s much worse now. It keeps getting worse, ever since Elpis.”

“So?”

“They’ll kill everyone,” Timothy said, deadly serious - and, Athena came to realize, horrified. “Everyone; every single person, woman and child. It’s part of the plan: no civilians leave New Haven alive.”

Athena saw the sincerity of his dread - and a part of her, most of her, shared it. But another part of her, the part that had been trained by Atlas since childhood, was turning gears inside her head calculating how Hyperion would execute such a plan. Hyperion had technology, but not a private army as Atlas once had and Dahl still did. They must already have placed a jamming signal on all communications from outside New Haven, for one. They’d use robots, probably the same kind she’d helped Jack develop and manufacture; and they’d use some specialist combatants too, although not many.

“Who will be there? Aurelia? Wilhelm?”

“Haven’t heard of Aurelia since Elpis,” Timothy said. “Wilhelm is… ‘upgraded’, as he calls it; he’s more machine than anything now. He’ll be there. And Nisha, of _course_ ,” he added with faint bitterness.

“And you? How could you sneak away?”

“People can’t tell us apart; that’s kind of the point,” Timothy said with a shrug. “I ordered a couple of guards to escort me away, then shot them.”

“Wow,” said Athena, impressed despite herself. “That’s uh-”

“Cold,” Timothy said.

“I was going to say 'brave'.”

“It really was,” Janey agreed.

“I only heard about this today. A few hours ago. We’re supposed to follow and obey, they don’t let us in the big plans until the last minute,” Timothy said.

“Alright,” Athena cut him off, rubbing her temples. “I get all that. And yes, it is terrible, but I don’t get why or how I’m supposed to help. And help do _what_?”

“We can’t stop it now; it’s too late. Maybe warn them…”

“How? I bet communications are already cut. And I told you, they’d try to kill us in sight.”

“Then...” Timothy trailed off. “I don’t know. But there has to be something.”

“Why do you care about them?” Athena asked, frowning. “Why risk your life by coming here for some people you don’t even know, and who tried to kill you?”

“Because they were right,” Timothy said. He saw Athena’s look of disbelief and he added: “I don’t - I don’t mean kill _us_. But _Jack_? They should have - they should have done it.” He shook his head. “You haven’t seen him; you don’t know what he’s planning. But it will be gruesome, and bloody, and after New Haven today? The rest of Pandora will follow, razed to the ground. The Crimson Raiders are the only real opposition they're facing right now. If they fall, Hyperion will take over _everything_.”

Athena closed her eyes and took a deep breath, trying to process all of that. Timothy was either leading her into a very elaborate trap, or he had gained more of a backbone since their Elpis days - or maybe whatever Hyperion was planning was indeed horrible enough for him to risk his neck to do something.

“I can pay you,” Timothy added, like an afterthought.

Athena opened her eyes again.

“Athena, wait,” Janey said, frowning. “We need money, yes, but this - this is risky.”

“I know,” Athena said. “Every bounty I do is risky.”

“Yes, and you know how I feel about those,” Janey replied with a disapproving tone. “But this is different. This is fighting against an entire company, not a big skag or a midget on a top hat.”

Timothy blinked at that, but refrained from asking.

“I know. I’ve fought a company before,” Athena said. Her voice was steel. “But this is different: they don’t need to know. I won’t risk Hyperion coming after us, Janey, but New Haven is right over the other side of the Rust Commons. And Timothy is right: if New Haven falls, Hollow Point will follow eventually.”

Janey sighed. “I knew you’d say that, too. And I get it, alright? But Athena… I can’t have you risking your life all the time anymore. Pandora can’t only depend on you.”

Athena ground her teeth. She wanted to make Janey happy, and it wasn’t as if she didn’t want to be alive and kicking so she could be with Janey, but… going on life threatening missions was all Athena was good at. It was what she had been raised to do.

“If we do this, Pandora won’t depend on me,” she said. “I have no interest of taking down Hyperion like I did Atlas. If we can keep the Raiders alive, I’ll just come back and go back to my job as a bouncer.”

Janey didn’t seem that assuaged or reassured - but then, Athena had never been good at any of those things.

“What do you know of the attack? What can you tell me?” Athena asked Timothy.

“The attack begins one hour before dawn,” he said. “Priority one is to kill or capture Lilith, the Siren. Jack hopes to get her alive, but he’ll settle for her dying. They hope to take the rest alive if they can to make an example out of them.”

“How are they doing this? New Haven has resisted this long,” Athena asked and began pacing.

“They found an informant,” Timothy said. “Someone gave them the Fast Travel access codes for New Haven and they’re sending Wilhelm in. He’s… You wouldn’t want to fight him these days.”

Athena kept throwing questions at him for a while, trying to find a way to do this at all, and how to minimize the chances of Hyperion finding her.

* * *

The bedroom door bounced against the wall when Brick threw it open. Mordecai was sitting on the bed, rubbing his eyes and looking confused and annoyed.

“What the hell? What was that?” he said, his voice rough from sleep.

Brick, already halfway to their weapons locker, turned around and looked at him in the eye. “Hyperion’s here.”

“What?” Mordecai asked.

“Hyperion is here. They’re attacking New Haven,” Brick repeated, then turned back around and opened the locker.

Mordecai stared at him, struggling to believe that, when he heard another explosion.

“Shit!” he said, jumping out of bed. He put on his clothes as fast as he could.

Brick checked the loadout on his HUD before opening a comm channel.

“Roland!” he called as he strode out of the bedroom, going to the balcony again. “Where are you?”

“Brick!” Lilith replied, and it sounded as if she was running. “Roland’s on his way. They blew up the gates. Shield’s holding up, though.”

“Where are you?”

“I’m at the west gate, you guys take the south.”

“Alright,” Brick told her, then shouted back into the bedroom: “Mordy, south gate!”

“Got it!” Mordecai shouted back. A moment later he heard the loud thump of Brick’s boots as he leapt off the balcony and landed on the roof of an adjacent building.

Normally, that would have caused Mordecai to roll his eyes. One day Brick was going to break a leg while doing that; that roof was hardly sturdy enough for an average person, let alone someone of Brick’s size. Today, though, he barely even noticed.

After checking his own loadout, he secured his goggles and whistled for Bloodwing to come join him, but his bird wasn’t out on his usual spot. After a second consideration, Mordecai shrugged and followed Brick’s steps: he jumped from the balcony. He didn’t take the fall onto the roof as well as he could have and hit his shoulder, but it didn’t do any lasting damage. Plus, no one had been there to see that.

He had a good view of the street leading to the south gate, at least, and he took position with his sniper rifle. After a few seconds of studying it, he shot a loader bot that was standing right in Brick’s path, and smirked.

“One!” he told Brick over the ECHO.

“You’re late, Mordy! I got eight already.” Just by the sound of his voice, Mordecai knew he was grinning.

* * *

In hindsight, Hyperion’s strategy was obvious, and Mordecai would never forgive himself for not having seen it earlier. It was a simple trick of divide and conquer, but none of them realized it in time. They'd gotten too used to winning.

Mordecai and Brick cleared several waves of loaders, trying to stop them from flooding into New Haven. Brick’s advance forced Mordecai to leave the roof and move closer to the gate if the wanted to keep helping - and keep working on his tally. Bloodwing had found him among the fray and settled on his shoulder, awaiting orders.

Roland had contacted Helena Pierce and she was rallying as many civilians as she could. They had a contingency plan that had her leading as many people as she could through an emergency tunnel up north and then into the Tetanus Warren. Some people were still cowering at home and Pierce was shouting at them to move when Wilhelm arrived through the Fast Travel station, surrounded by badass loaders. They quickly mowed down any people who were frantically trying to escape through the same station.

“What the _hell_ is that?!” Lilith yelled over the comms. “How did it-?”

“Oh, God,” Roland said. “They’re inside. They came through the Fast Travel.”

The shield generator that had been put in place a few weeks after Lilith and Roland had come back from Elpis was shut down, and the shield crashed. Mordecai’s stomach dropped at the sight.

“Lilith? Roland! What the hell is happening!” he asked. “Where are you?”

“We’re near the square! I think it’s -” Roland said.

“RUN!” Lilith’s shout cut him off.

Mordecai looked for Brick, and found him taking cover at the remains of the gate, peering around it at the loaders that were still swarming outside.

“Brick! We need to move!” Mordecai shouted at him, quickly climbing down the roof where he’d been sniping. “Shield’s down, they’re in trouble!”

Brick threw a grenade out the door and ran in the same direction as Mordecai, towards the middle of town. They didn’t make it far before a moonshot landed in the middle of the street, right in front of them.

Mordecai fell forwards and rolled as much as he could to absorb the impact. He landed on his stomach, and when he looked up he saw the biggest constructor bot he’d ever seen, it’s bright red eye shining on the twisted metal of some wrecked building. It wasn’t directly facing Mordecai, though. Not yet.

“Mordecai!” Brick yelled from somewhere behind him, a note of fear in his voice.

Mordecai scrambled to his feet and ran blindly in the opposite direction of the constructor. He caught a glimpse of Brick’s face and outstretched hand, but he was too far away to take it; he was heading in the opposite direction anyway, so he just kept going. As soon as he reached it, Mordecai pressed himself against the corner of a building. He put a hand to his chest, forcing himself to take slower, deeper breaths.

“Brick,” he said, and swallowed. “Sorry. You OK?”

“Yeah,” Brick replied, peering from behind the dumpster he was crouched behind. “That thing’s huge.”

Despite the adrenalin, or probably because of it, Mordecai opened his mouth to say that that was high praise coming from Brick, but he choked in the dust suspended in the air and started coughing instead.

Probably a better idea than saying _that_ , he decided.

“Where are they?” Mordecai wondered. Brick shook his head. Mordecai tried the comm again: “Ro? Lilly? Where are you?”

There was no reply.

“We need to get through this thing first,” Brick said. He swapped his shotgun for an assault rifle.

“No, Brick, wait!” Mordecai said, but Brick didn’t listen and threw a MIRV electric grenade at the constructor - Brick still didn't listen to him most of the time when in firefights. “Goddammit, we could have sneaked around it!”

“Need to get rid of it anyway!” Brick said, a manic grin on his face.

It wasn't often that Mordecai wondered why he loved Brick, but this was one of those times.

“Fuck’s sake,” he muttered, taking aim with his sniper rifle. “Are you ever gonna listen to me?”

The constructor had turned in their direction, but Mordecai’s shots into its eye kept it from digistructing more loaders to help. Still, fighting it was taking them time and ammo, and they still had no idea what had happened to Roland and Lilith.

That was until there was a giant explosion, and a mix of fire and electricity illuminated the pale pre-dawn sky.

“Roland? Lilith?” Mordecai asked again, urgently.

“We need help!” Roland shouted, out of breath. “We can’t fight him on our own.”

“Fight who?” Mordecai asked, as he looked around for the best route to sneak away from the constructor.

“Wilhelm!”

The name sounded vaguely familiar, but Mordecai couldn’t immediately place it. Not that it mattered, really.

“We’re on our way,” Mordecai said. “Brick, they need help! _Now_!” he shouted and ran. He couldn’t waste any time getting Brick to listen anymore.

Brick cursed and followed him around buildings and along alleys. New Haven was a small town, even after the expansions they’d built in the past year, and soon they reached the square and came into view of the Fast Travel station, which now lay destroyed and surrounded by dead bodies.

“Where-" said Mordecai, right before he saw.

What looked to him like the biggest loader he'd ever seen was punching and kicking at one building. Several surveyors were hovering around it.

“The hell is that?” Brick asked.

Several things happened at the same time. The giant loader spoke with a deep, mechanized voice that wasn't at all like the usual empty voices of Hyperion robots.

“Come out, _now_!”

Before they could move towards it, someone shot at them, fast and precise, and both of their shields shattered. Mordecai and Brick ducked as a reflex, but there was nothing to hide behind.

“Well, look at this!” a female voice said with a drawl. “The cavalry’s finally here!”

She was standing on the roof right below the spot where the shield generator had been - she must have the one who destroyed it. She was wearing some sort of cowboy hat and a long leather duster, and she was wielding a revolver on each hand.

“I know who you are,” she added. “And as much as I'd like to put a bullet in each of your heads, I've been ordered to bring you in.”

Brick’s fist clenched.

“Who the hell are _you_?” he yelled, and he reached for a grenade at the same time.

She grinned. “I'm the Lawbringer.”

Brick threw the grenade, Mordecai cast off Bloodwing to attack her and the Lawbringer fired at them. The first and second bullet were deflected by their shields, which had almost entirely recovered. The third depleted their shields again, but by the time she fired a fourth time Bloodwing swooped down on her head, throwing off her aim.

By then Mordecai had swapped his rifle for his own Aries revolver and shot back at her - the electrical effect depleted her shields quickly. Brick’s grenade rolled to her feet and she leaped off the roof in the opposite direction they were in.

“Bitch,” Mordecai hissed. “She's lucky I didn't have my Invader on me. You OK?”

“Yeah,” said Brick as he turned to where the giant loader was. “Look out!”

The giant loader had spotted them and was aiming a rocket barrage at them. Brick and Mordecai ran in different directions to take cover.

* * *

Roland and Lilith took advantage of Wilhelm’s distraction to run out of the building they'd been pinned down in. Or, more accurately, Roland ran while half-carrying and half-dragging a limping Lilith.

Wilhelm had focused all his (its? Was he even human anymore?) attacks on Lilith. Roland recognized that was the smartest strategy, taking down the Siren first, even if he'd also rip Wilhelm apart limb from limb with his bare hands for hurting Lilith.

As they ducked into the nearest alley, Lilith began to laugh.

“What?” Roland asked, worried.

Lilith looked at him. “I loved this jacket. It was my only jacket.”

Only then Roland noticed that, in the middle of the fray, half of the collar from Lilith’s jacket had been torn off. He had already seen the rip on her pants over her left thigh where her Siren tattoos peeked out when he'd injected her with an Insta-Health hypo to stop the bleeding from the giant gash on her leg.

She had lost so much blood.

He wanted to say it was a stupid thing to worry about, but couldn't find the energy to disapprove. He laughed with her instead, because what the hell, they were probably gonna die today anyway.

A rapidly spinning object came out of nowhere and hit Lilith square on the back of the head. She yelped and her body tensed up with an electric charge he could feel through the arm he had around her and where their sides touched, and the current was strong enough to make his whole left side seize. Lilith stumbled and fell.

“Lilith!” Roland said, turning to catch her so she didn't fall face first on the ground.

Lilith’s body was shaking, but she seemed the be conscious - if barely.

When Roland looked around, he saw Athena standing behind Lilith, her shield on her arm and her hood drawn over her head. Roland reached back for the digistruct module of his Scorpio turret.

“Don't - don't do that,” said a familiar voice, closing in from his other side.

Roland turned around slowly, and came face to face with Handsome Jack, holding a shotgun pointed straight at the middle of Roland's back.

“That's Timothy,” Athena said as she approached them in long strides. “Jack’s body double.”

Roland narrowed his eyes at Jack, but didn't reply. The guy seemed much more subdued than the real Handsome Jack, as far as he could tell, but Roland couldn’t say he believed them.

“Sorry about that, but she would've attacked us and brought attention,” Athena continued. “You need to run. Now.”

Roland gave her a flat look. “Really? How did that help, then?”

“Hyperion’s priority is taking her out,” Jack's double said. “They need to think she's dead.”

Roland scowled at him.

Athena rolled her eyes. “What, you think I came all the way here to _tell_ you this and _then_ kill her in front of you?”

“Hard to argue with the evidence.”

“We have a plan,” the double said. “But right now, we need some of her blood.”

“You tried to kill us, Roland,” Athena said. “But I think you know if I wanted you dead, I wouldn't do it like this.”

Roland snorted. “How would you do it, then? You're an assassin.”

Athena didn’t even hesitate. “You'd never see me coming. She’d already be dead, and so would you.”

Roland stared at her, measuring her. Both of them former Atlas soldiers, both of them having broken free from it - and yet not. Atlas was hard for him to shake off, but it was even harder for her.

“Tell me your plan,” Roland said. He didn't suppose he had any other options anyway.

“We need to move,” Athena said, pointing towards the nearest building.

“ _You_ ,” Lilith hissed between clenched teeth. She still looked a bit dazed, but had recovered enough to glare at Athena.

Roland wrapped his hand around her left wrist; hopefully that would stop her from using her powers. Hopefully.

“Lilith no. Not yet.”

Roland pulled her up to her feet, and followed them inside the building while supporting Lilith’s weight. Jack’s double lead them in and Athena stayed at the back.

“What the hell is she doing here?” Lilith said with a grunt of effort.

“Trying to help, I think,” Roland replied quietly.

“Bullshit.”

“We can’t really say 'no' right now,” he said. “Let’s hear them out.”

“We need a dead woman's body,” the double said. “There are a lot of those around. And her blood. I say I caught her bleeding out and she blew herself with a grenade trying to take me out.”

Roland frowned. “ _That's_ your plan?”

“Do you have a better one?” Athena shot back. “Hyperion will believe whatever he says.”

“I'm a model employee,” Jack's double said, looking back at him with a mirthless smile. “I'm Handsome Jack.”

Lilith scoffed.

“Why are you doing this?” Roland asked Athena. “We tried to kill you.”

“He's paying me,” she replied dryly.

“He is? Why?”

“If you die, Hyperion will destroy this planet,” Timothy said. “They'll kill everyone.”

Roland stared at the back of his head, dumbfounded.

“He has a conscience, it seems,” Athena added with faint sarcasm. “And even if you owe me for Elpis, I know he's right.”

“ _We_ owe you? Don't you think you owe us for _this_?” Lilith said, incredulous.

“I'm not with Hyperion. I'm here to make sure you leave New Haven alive,” Athena said. “You can thank me later.”

* * *

It took Brick a few minutes to realize he’d lost sight of Mordecai when they ran away from Wilhelm. He immediately stopped in his tracks and looked around.

“Mordecai!” he called through the comm. “Mordecai, where are you?”

There was no reply. Brick cursed and tried his other friends, but the result was the same. He paced, running a hand through his hair and tried to decide where to go next.

Brick ducked in an alley and came out around a short street. Loaders were lumbering about vacantly, and the bodies of the people of New Haven were scattered around doorsteps and the middle of the street.

There was no sign or sound of any living people. Any survivors were hiding or had left. No one was fighting anymore.

Mordecai’s voice spoke suddenly: “Brick! Shit! Are you OK?” he was out of breath.

Brick looked around, in case he could find Mordecai. “Yeah. You? Where are you?”

“I'm -” Mordecai swallowed. “I'm fine. Look up, to your left.”

Brick did and saw a movement up north on top of the side of the water tower - a hand waving.

“Hey,” he said, waving back. “You know where Roland and Lilith are?”

“I haven't seen them. I'll let you know if I do.”

A loader spotted Brick and it activated its self-destruct protocol. Before it took more than a couple steps and Brick even began firing, its legs were shot off.

“I got you,” Mordecai said, a smile clear in his voice. Then he added, all business: “Loader guy’s coming your way, Brick, you need to move.”

“It’s gonna see you,” Brick warned as he ran, then entered a small alley.

“I can make a run from here,” Mordecai said. “I’m more worried about the bitch in the hat.”

There was a sudden burst of gunfire coming from somewhere around west, and another one from the south.

“Where are the Lance guys?” Brick muttered.

“I saw some covering Pierce, drawing fire in a different direction,” Mordecai replied. “Damn it! They keep sending in moonshots.”

“How’d they know where to shoot?”

Mordecai went silent for a second. “Brick, you’re a genius,” he said, and it sounded like he was grinning. “Beacons. We need to take them out to stop reinforcements.”

Brick punched a loader that was trying to shoot at him, then shotgunned it for good measure. “We can’t leave them. Roland and Lilith -”

“If we don’t go, Hyperion will keep coming.”

“Yeah, but what if something -”

A constructor bot appeared right at the end of the alley, walking in it’s slow, heavy gait. Brick thought it might even be the same one he and Mordecai had been fighting not too long ago. He ducked behind a dumpster and peeked around the corner, waiting for the constructor to walk past.

“If we don’t go, we’re all dead,” Mordecai said stubbornly. “I’m on it.”

“No, wait,” Brick said as quietly as he could to avoid alerting the constructor. “If you go, I go.”

He heard Mordecai smile. “North tunnel. Meet you there.”

The constructor was almost out of sight when there were explosions and more gunfire from the west - and suddenly Brick remembered Dusty. He cursed quietly, trying to think. Dusty was just a puppy, and a small one at that - she’d have no chance out here. But if New Haven was lost, and it was looking like it might be, then she’d have no chance either.

But Brick could pick her up, take her somewhere and leave her there… for a while, until the fighting was done and things were decided. Whatever happened, Dusty would be safer out of New Haven than in it.

Brick stood up and ran behind the constructor, heading straight for his and Mordecai's place. He was climbing up the stairs when Mordecai contacted him.

“Brick, where are you?”

“Go, I’ll meet you,” Brick said, out of breath and fumbling for his keys.

“What? Why?” Mordecai said.

“Just go, I’ll be right there.”

“Goddammit, Brick,” Mordecai hissed, but he cut the call anyway.

Brick gave up on the keys. He took a couple steps back and shoved all his weight against the door. It gave in with barely any resistance, the material around the lock bending easily under the impact.

“Cheap stuff,” Brick mumbled.

Dusty welcomed him by barking and jumping, as she usually did. Brick picked her up and dropped a kiss on her head. Dusty licked his hands and bit his fingers, wagging her tail like crazy.

Brick looked around, trying to decide how to get his dog out. Dusty had never even worn a collar, at most a bandana that she’d chewed to pieces in a couple of days. Brick walked around the place frantically, until his eyes fell on his backpack lying in a corner, still half full of supplies for their raid on the train. When on missions, he’d usually have it digistructed in his inventory, but he couldn’t do that if he was carrying a living creature - he’d have to carry it on his back.

Brick opened it and threw out most of the rations and gear, but left a couple of first aid kits just in case.

“Sorry, Dusty,” he muttered. He dropped his dog inside, and was thankful his bag had more than enough space to fit Dusty in it.

Brick pulled the cords to close the bag, leaving a small opening to let air in. Dusty shifted around, confused, and whined softly when Brick slung the bag on his back. Brick shushed her, feeling bad about it but without knowing what else to do.

He took one last look around. Was there anything he should take with him now, just in case? He remembered Mordecai mentioning his Invader pistol, but their weapons locker was empty of all their best gear. Brick couldn’t think of anything else besides weapons so he left the apartment.

There was a commotion outside, and he peered out the door. Hyperion forces were breaking in the next building over with their weapons at the ready. Brick switched to rain grenades and threw one at them. When he heard the first explosions and confused screams, he made a run for it in the opposite direction.

* * *

Roland had to admit, the heavily charred body could have been Lilith. It could have been anyone.

“Are you sure they will believe you?” he asked again.

“For now, at least,” Timothy replied with a shrug.

“What happens when they figure it out?”

Timothy gave him an amused look. “Are you worried about me, Roland?”

Roland scowled. “I’m worried about _Lilith_.”

“If they figure it out, we’re both dead. I’ll do my best to keep that from happening.”

Roland wasn’t entirely satisfied with just that promise, but he knew he’d have to let it go for now. The ruse might just be stupid and bold enough to work, or at the least buy them enough time to get out of New Haven and lose Hyperion.

“Enough talk, we need to move,” Athena barked at them.

Lilith, who hadn’t stopped glaring at her the entire time, stood up from where she’d been slumped on the ground. Athena had found and thrown a long coat at her to try and keep her identity hidden, and Lilith pulled it close around her.

“What’s your plan to get us out of here?” she asked in a caustic tone. “If you’re not really gonna turn us in.”

Athena didn’t even look at her. “Where is the closest exit point?” she asked Roland.

“There is a tunnel nearby.”

“Good. Stay behind me and don’t do anything stupid.”

Roland pulled the hood of Lilith’s coat low over her head to cover her face as much as possible. She swatted his hands away.

Roland led them around buildings, trying to stick to New Haven’s wall and avoid the streets. There were some loaders stationed on corners, but it seemed like the bulk of the Hyperion forces hadn't reached the north part of New Haven just yet.

“I need to contact Hyperion,” Timothy said when they were close to the tunnel. “Tell them she's dead.”

“Then do,” Lilith snapped at him.

Roland couldn't say he didn't understand her frustration, but he gave Timothy a grateful look.

“I want to believe you're doing this for the right reason,” he said, stretching out his hand. “So, thank you.”

Timothy shook his hand with a rueful smile. He left in the direction of the street.

“Where now?” Athena asked.

Roland led them around the side of the building and pointed to a manhole that was uncovered after Helena Pierce had led some of the civilians out of New Haven not too long ago. Lilith climbed down the ladder and Roland was following when they heard a familiar roar and a dull thud.

“Jack!” Brick’s voice carried over.

Roland scrambled back up the ladder and ran in the direction of the voice, but Athena pulled him back right before he reached the corner.

“Run,” she told him sharply. She raised her shield and turned the corner.

Brick had one hand around Timothy’s neck and was holding him a foot off the ground, pressing him against the wall. Timothy was whimpering in pain.

“Put him down, Brick!” Athena shouted. Brick turned his head, his eyes furious. He looked at her and at something behind her - Roland, Athena would guess, but she couldn’t turn to look right now.

“He killed Lilith,” Brick snarled viciously.

He put his other hand right over Timothy’s face and pulled him back from the wall. Athena threw her shield. For a second she thought she had been too late and Timothy’s head would smash against the wall with more than enough force to kill him - it would be gruesome and fast.

Her shield hit Brick’s knee. Brick dropped Timothy with a shout of pain and splayed his hands against the wall to regain his balance. 

Athena caught her shield back.

Timothy tried to crawl away but Brick stomped with a heavy boot right on one of his hands. Timothy cried like a wounded beast.

“Brick!” Roland whispered urgently. “Stop! We need to leave.”

Brick threw him a look of pure betrayal.

“That’s not Jack,” Athena said, and she raised her shield again. “And he didn’t kill her. I did.”

That got his attention. Brick turned to face her, his teeth bared again.

“Roland, run,” Athena said, completely out of patience now, without moving her eyes from Brick.

She planted her feet as Brick charged, then ducked and dodged at the last second - but Brick was fast, even with a wounded knee, and twisted around without barely losing his footing. She dodged again, trying to lead him back into the alley where she hoped Roland had finally, finally disappeared into.

The ground shook under their feet and Athena could see a giant figure landing at the end of the street in her peripheral vision - Wilhelm, or what was left of him.

“Brick, stop!” she said, quiet and urgent.

Brick didn’t. He lounged at her again, apparently oblivious to Wilhelm’s arrival.

“Roland escaped,” she tried again. “You can do the same.”

Brick roared, and the back of his arm caught her shield. Athena was strong, but if it hadn’t been for the kinetic dampener in her Aspis, Brick would have thrown it off her hand.

Wilhelm was locking a rocket barrage on them. Athena clenched her teeth, feinted and ran towards the alley, hoping to escape the blast radius. Brick chased after her, but the explosion was close enough to throw him off his feet and send him tumbling to the ground. Athena stumbled as well, rolled and landed with one knee on the ground.

After the last explosion, a voice called to her: “Athena, fancy meeting you here.”

Athena stood up and turned to look at Nisha who was walking towards them with both revolvers drawn. Wilhelm reached Brick’s prone body in just a couple of steps; he bent down, took one of Brick’s arms in each of his metal hands and pulled him upright.

Brick blinked and coughed, disoriented.

“Nisha,” Athena greeted her warily.

“Now, what are you doing here?” Nisha wondered. “Are you here to join the winning side or the losing side?” There was that familiar look on her face, the cruel calculating one that Athena had come to despise.

Athena looked at Brick, who was struggling against Wilhelm’s grasp ineffectively. She wasn’t a good liar and she knew it; when she was forced to improvise she either babbled or she killed people - but she couldn’t do either, so she guessed she might as well stick with the lie she’d already told.

“I’m here to kill them. Roland and Lilith owed us,” she said, hoping her second of hesitation hadn’t been too obvious.

Nisha narrowed her eyes slightly. “Then you’re late. Lilith is already dead.”

Athena nodded a little stiffly and sheathed her sword - even if that was the last thing she wanted to do right now. “I know, I was there. I helped.”

That wasn’t technically a lie, and it made it easier to say it convincingly.

“You were? I knew that chicken shit hadn’t done it himself,” Nisha said, throwing a disdainful look at Timothy. He was standing up on trembling legs and cradling his broken hand.

Timothy gave her a resentful look in return and limped over to them. A side of his face looked scraped and the skin around his left eye was swelling under the mask he had to wear as a part of his job impersonating Handsome Jack.

“Technically, we didn’t. Lilith killed herself.”

“Yeah, but that’s not a badass technicality, is it? You don’t wanna keep telling people that, you’re gonna make me look bad.” Handsome Jack, and it was probably the real one, was approaching them, escorted by a couple Hyperion loaders. There were bloodstains all over his arms, chest and shoes – and he was wiping some more blood off his hands with a handkerchief. “Athena! Good to see you. Finally decided to return to the flock, did you?”

“Only for this one hit,” Athena replied. “I had unfinished business with them.”

“That’s what you said last time with the whole Claptrap mess, and you swore you were done with me, too. I bet the money I paid you already ran out, huh?” Jack asked. Athena scowled. “Yeah, it did. Well, don't worry kiddo: Hyperion has a bounty on Lilith’s head, and you’ll get your share. And I guess you can get a share for the capture of the big guy here too,” he said, pointing over his shoulder at Brick, who growled and attempted to fight off Wilhelm’s grasp again.

“Darling,” Nisha said, with a warning look.

“Oh, c’mon! She killed a Siren, we can throw her a few bucks,” Jack said with a shrug. “You better spend it wisely, Athena - things will be changing quickly around here. New Haven is gone!” He opened his arms to signal the city around them. “And I know what you’re thinking, there’s always another psycho ready to take their place, but not this time! Hyperion is coming to stay,” Jack added, grinning at her – but his eyes were calculating. “You don’t wanna get caught in the crossfire.”

“How would I?” Athena asked, crossing her arms.

“Hollow Point is full of bandits, last I heard,” Jack said casually. He gave Timothy a once-over. “Hey, me, get yourself patched up, alright? Hurts me to see my face looking like that.”

“Yes, sir,” Timothy said meekly.

“So, you were just passing by, or did you just happen to come for blood on the day Hyperion finally burns this shithole to the ground?” Nisha asked Athena.

Athena opened her mouth, but Timothy beat her to it. “I contacted her. I thought we could use another gun.”

“You know you’re not _supposed_ to think, fake me,” Jack said, a little impatient, as he scraped dried blood from under his fingernails. “You’re just supposed to be a stand-in. But seeing as it wasn’t a _terrible_ idea, I’ll let this one slide.”

“Don’t get used to it,” Nisha added, but she was smiling. It was the kind of smile that promised hell to come.

“Ti - He knew I wanted in on this,” Athena said, barely catching herself from saying Timothy’s name. She knew if she did, it would only land him in even more trouble. “Ever since they tried to kill us on Elpis.”

“Still, sharing Hyperion’s plans is _not_ part of his job,” Nisha said with another contemptuous look in Timothy’s direction.

Jack waved a hand. “We’ll deal with him later. Now,” he added turning around to look Wilhelm and Brick. “this must be Brick. Subtle name, huh?”

Brick scowled at them from where Wilhelm held him a few feet off the ground. “We helped you kill Knoxx,” he told Athena in a low growl. “ _Lilith_ helped you.”

“Yeah, well, your bandit friends tried to kill us,” Jack said. “But I bet that’s how you end a working relationship here on Pandora, right?”

“You won’t speak unless you are told to, _Brick_ ,” Nisha said. “We have some questions for you.”

“Fuck you.”

Nisha laughed. “They all say that at first,” she said fondly. “But I have the feeling you’ll be a fun one to break.”

Athena looked at Timothy. She might have held a grudge against Roland and Lilith, but she had never had a quarrel with Brick - unless she counted how he’d been on the verge of smashing Timothy’s brains out a few minutes ago and would probably have done the same to her if he’d had the chance.

“What will you do with him?” she asked.

Nisha smiled. “He’s a bandit. Bandits belong in jail.” She paced slowly around Brick’s dangling feet.

“It was her idea,” Jack told Athena with a proud smile, without taking his eyes from his girlfriend. “I just wanted to kill them all, but Nisha – she wanted to put them to work. Make something useful out of them for a change.”

“We’re reforming you,” Nisha said to Brick, “whether you want it or not. But how hard jail is for you depends on how you answer this question: where are your friends going to hide now? Where are they going?”

Brick glared at her, his mouth firmly shut.

“Yeah, you’ll be a fun one,” Nisha said with a pleased nod.

A whimpering sound, high pitched and miserable caught all their attentions. A look of fear crossed Brick’s face for the first time.

“There's something in his backpack,” Wilhelm said. It was the first time Athena heard him speak and the sound of his mechanized voice made her skin crawl. She noticed Wilhelm didn’t move his lips when he spoke anymore, the sound instead coming from somewhere on his robotic body.

“Hold him down,” Jack said.

“No!” Brick shouted, and he struggled with all his might against Wilhelm’s hold. The sudden resistance and the shift of his weight made Wilhelm stumble for just a second, but then his grip tightened around Brick’s arms until he screamed.

Wilhelm slammed Brick flat against the ground, hard enough that his body emitted a dull thud - and yet Brick resisted. One of Wilhelm’s hands lay on Brick’s head as Nisha walked over and opened Brick’s backpack.

Nisha did a double take, then she smiled.

Athena had seen her share of interrogations in her Atlas days - and while she'd never been fond of them, she knew her life (and Timothy's and Janey's) now depended on Jack believing she was on his side for this, so she couldn't try to intervene. Still, she felt her stomach drop when Nisha lifted a puppy in her hands.

Nisha walked until she was in front of Brick again. “You know,” she said conversationally. “I had a puppy when I was a kid.”

Athena could feel the hairs on the back of her neck standing on end. She knew that story already, and so did the rest of them. Timothy seemed as horrified as she felt. Jack stared at Nisha, enraptured. Wilhelm didn’t seem to feel anything at all.

“A gift from my dad. And I loved that dog; took her to school, carried her on my shoulders. Used to fall asleep with her in my arms,” Nisha continued in a wistful voice. She scratched the head of the little puppy in her hands. She crouched down in front of Brick. “Tell you what: if you would kindly tell me where your friends are, I’ll keep it. I’ll give it a good home. I can’t give it back, 'cause you’ll be rotting in jail. But this dog? It’ll be just fine.”

Brick struggled against Wilhelm’s hold with as little result as he’d previously had, but didn’t say anything.

Nisha smiled a cold and cruel smile. “If you don’t tell me where they are, I will break its neck.”

Timothy stiffened. Athena gave him a warning look and shook her head as subtly as she could.

Brick doubled his efforts. “No, don’t - don’t you dare,” he growled.

“She’s really gonna do that, you know?” Jack chimed in, pacing around Nisha. “She doesn’t do idle threats, so a piece of advice: do as she says.”

“I’m not hearing a destination,” Nisha said in a bored tone. She wrapped her hand loosely around the puppy’s neck. “Where, Brick? Where are they?”

Brick shook his head, his lips pressed so hard they’d gone white - but there were tears falling from his eyes, leaving tracks on the dust that covered his face.

“Wow, you’re actually crying,” Nisha said with a snort. She tilted her head forwards to look at Brick straight in the eye. “You know what happened to my dog, Brick? I killed her. She turned on me, so I killed her. Why wouldn’t I do the same to yours?”

“No, please,” Brick begged.

“Look, I know you’re not the brains of this operation,” Jack said with a laugh, “but even a walking slab of meat like you has to realize this: you’re powerless right now. That puppy’s life is depending on you to open your big stupid mouth and give us a tiny bit of information. That’s all.”

“Last chance,” Nisha added.

Brick shook his head again and closed his eyes, his body tense but not fighting anymore. “I can’t,” he said.

“C’mon, of course you can!” Jack said. “Your friends are either dead or they left you behind, and you know we’re gonna find them sooner or later. But if you tell us, your dog gets to live. And who knows? Maybe your friends get to live, too.”

Nisha tightened her grip around the puppy’s neck and it yelped. “Now or never, Brick,” she said. “You may not want to see this - but believe me, you’ll hear it. Unless you answer me right now.”

“Wait,” Jack told her. He crouched down by Brick’s head. “Look, I know you think you’re being loyal to them, like a good dog, but you really think they wouldn’t give _you_ up? We’ll find out anyway, we’re just asking you to save your own dog’s life here.”

Brick turned his head enough to glare at him. “Fuck. You. I’ll kill you myself, Jack,” he spat.

Jack sighed and stood up. “Well, I tried. Kill it,” he told Nisha.

“Sir –” Timothy said.

“Ah-tut-tut,” Jack cut him off, lifting a finger in Timothy’s direction without looking at him. “You don’t talk in front of me, you know the rules. Or, some of you body doubles know the rules – you all look the same,” he said dismissively. “I let you have an original thought of your own today, but that’s it. Now, watch and enjoy.”

Timothy gave Athena a look and turned his face away.

The puppy yelped in pain again and Brick burst out sobbing, but he still didn’t say anything.

Athena closed her eyes for a second when she heard the snap of bone. Timothy flinched beside her. Atlas had trained attachment out of Athena a long time ago - but she had loved her sister once, and now Janey had wormed her way into her heart and nestled there. Even if she did her best to remain detached, the pointless cruelty and Brick’s obvious pain touched a deep fiber inside her.

Brick kept crying, his whole body shaking. There was no fight left in him.

Nisha stood up and threw the lifeless body of Brick’s dog at her feet. “Pathetic,” she said, her lip curling in disgust. “Wilhelm: take him to custody.”

“I love watching you interrogate people,” Jack told her, sounding a little breathless. Nisha smiled and he kissed her – way too heated. Behind them, Wilhelm had lifted Brick’s body in the air again and was carrying him away.

Athena looked away from them in disgust. Timothy wandered off quietly.

“ _That_ wasn’t necessary,” Athena said when Nisha and Jack finally pulled apart. “You would have killed that dog even if he’d told you anything useful.”

Nisha shrugged. “The main difference between you and me, Athena, is that I love my job,” she said with a smirk.

Athena’s mouth twisted and she shook her head.

“Well, that was fun,” Jack said, clapping his hands. “But we still have a city to destroy and bandits to kill. I’m sending a search party after the other two, but how far can they get?”

“They’re scared, so they’re gonna be hiding. But I’ll find them anyway,” Nisha assured him.

“That’s my girl,” Jack said with a grin.

Athena turned around and headed to were Timothy was.

“Hey, Athena, about that bounty: should we give you your share of the money now or send it to your girlfriend instead?” Nisha asked.

Athena’s eye twitched at the hinted threat, but she turned her head and replied over her shoulder: “I’ll go and pick it up. Give me a minute.”

“Suit yourself.”

Timothy had walked to the opposite end of the street and was studying his broken hand absently.

“You weren’t lying about Jack,” Athena told him in an low voice.

Timothy gave her a humorless smile. “That’s not the worst thing I’ve seen him do.”

“You’re going to give me your share of the bounty,” Athena told him. “Now Jack thinks I’m involved, and Janey and I need to move out of Hollow Point.”

Timothy nodded in acceptance. “Fair enough.” He sighed. “She would have killed that dog anyway, wouldn’t she?”

“Yes.”

“You think this – what we did, is gonna make any difference?” Timothy wondered.

“You’re asking yourself that _now_?” Athena said with a scoff. “Lilith is alive, and they don’t know yet. Seems like your plan worked,” she added, and she was actually impressed it had. “It will buy them some time they wouldn’t have had otherwise.”

“What about this guy?”

Athena shrugged. “He’s alive. If you try to help him, it might tip them off about Lilith,” she warned him. “If they come after me for this, I’m coming after you.”

Timothy smiled. “I’ll keep that in mind. Thank you, Athena. For all this.”

Athena gave him a hard look. “Don’t do anything stupid, Timothy,” she said as a goodbye.

She had to admit, with what little she had seen today, that Timothy had a point not only about Jack but also about Hyperion: they were a real threat. But they knew her and they knew Janey, and she had already done more that she should. She had let Jack take notice of her again, so she and Janey would have to be even more careful now.

Pushing down the feeling of impotence, Athena went to look for Nisha and discuss her reward for killing Lilith and capturing Brick. At least she’d get money out of Hyperion for all this mess.

* * *

Roland and Lilith were almost to the Tetanus Warren when they heard a caw and saw Bloodwing descend in circles around them.

“Hey, guys!” Mordecai called from atop a pile of wrecked cars.

Mordecai climbed down, moving a little stiffly around the middle - back injury or a hurt rib Roland guessed by the looks of it.

“Thank fuck,” Mordecai said. “Communications with New Haven are cut. Didn’t think the jammers would be so close to the city.”

Mordecai’s feet landed on the ground and he looked at them closely. “You look like shit,” he said.

Lilith's laugh was a little strained. “Right back at you.”

“What’s the deal with the coat?” Mordecai asked her.

“Hyperion thinks I’m dead,” she said. Mordecai’s eyebrows shot up. “Long story.”

“Why are you out here?” Roland asked. Both Lilith and Mordecai gave him somewhat shocked looks and he tried to reformulate the question. “I mean - I mean, yeah, why did you leave?”

Mordecai’s expression shifted into a slightly defensive one. “I guessed they were using beacons to send in reinforcements. I didn’t think it would be so hard to destroy them, though.” He wrapped an arm around his chest - so it was probably a rib after all. “Damn things are tough.” Mordecai frowned. “Wait, haven’t you seen Brick? He said he’d come with me to deal with the beacons, but I couldn’t reach him after I left.”

Lilith looked down at her feet. Roland wasn’t sure exactly what the expression on his face said - probably guilt and shame - but Mordecai tensed up immediately.

“Roland, where's Brick?” Mordecai asked, a note of panic rising in his voice.

“I -” Lilith stammered.

“He was back in New Haven,” Roland said, and he could feel himself going back into his old military stance - it was the only way he could stay calm enough to get the words out loud and clear. “He didn’t come with us. Hyperion caught him.”

Mordecai went really still.

“He - he thought I was dead,” Lilith said, her face wracked with guilt. “Roland tried to tell him to come with us, but -”

Mordecai started moving abruptly and shoved them aside, taking long strides in the direction they had come from.

“Mordecai,” Roland called, seizing him by the shoulder.

“You _left_ him?” Mordecai spat, turning to face him and pushing Roland’s hand aside roughly. “You just _left_ him behind?”

“We didn’t have a choice -”

“You did have a choice!” Mordecai shouted. “You could have stayed!”

“Mordecai, look at us,” Lilith said, pointing at her torn up clothes and her still freshly healed wounds. “We couldn’t have fought them off.”

Mordecai made a noise of disgust and tried to keep moving, but Roland stood in his way.

“Lilith almost died,” he said.

“I don’t _care_!” Mordecai yelled, trying to move around Roland. “Brick's back there -!”

“Well, I _do_ care,” Roland said. “I had to get her out. If we’d stayed, we’d both be dead or captured, too.”

Mordecai closed his hands on Roland’s collar. “Get out of my way, Roland,” he said in a low voice.

“I can’t,” Roland replied, regretful but also adamant. “You’ll get yourself killed.”

“Enough!” Lilith said. She shoved them apart - and she was still weak from her injuries and blood loss and a concussion, but it was hard to resist her when she had wings made of fire on her back. “We can’t go back, and we’re _not_ going back.” She gave Mordecai a sorrowful look. “We didn’t want to. We tried not to. But we would have been caught too, and then what? What would we _do_?”

Mordecai was visibly shaking now.

“You should have _tried_!”

“We did,” Roland said.

“If it’d been Lilith back there, you would have gone _back_!” Mordecai shouted pointing a finger at Roland. His lips trembled; his voice wavered and shattered.

Roland had never seen Mordecai on the verge of tears before, and now that he had, he wished he'd never have to witness it. There was something especially painful about it - something that hit close to home.

Mordecai took a step back, fighting for composure. “Fuck you,” he growled. “Fuck the both of you.”

Mordecai gave one last desperate look towards New Haven and covered his face with his hands. He took a couple steadying breaths and turned in the opposite direction.

Lilith looked at Roland and sighed, wrapping her arms around herself.

Above them, the sky was mostly clear and the sun was finally rising and touching the roofs of what had once been New Haven.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Music mood: [The Black Angels - Sniper at the Gates of Heaven](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cwruv1qfXBY) | [Faultline - Where Is My Boy? (feat. Chris Martin)](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ad4OrtQKyHg)
> 
> You can find me on [Tumblr](http://www.wilwarindi.tumblr.com/)
> 
> Guest starring: Athena, Janey Springs, Timothy Lawrence (Handsome Jack’s double), Nisha, Wilhelm, Handsome Jack.
> 
> You have no idea how close Timothy came to actually dying the second most horrible death after Shep Sanders, my dudes.
> 
> Can you spot the tiny, miniscule BioShock reference? 10 points to your Hogwarts’ house if you can - and also, I’m so sorry. I just couldn't stop hearing Dr. Suchong saying "break that puppy's neck" in my head.
> 
> A couple reminders: As I’ve established, New Haven has grown in size since the first game. It expanded to the north, west and south. And Brick and Mordecai never met any of the VH from the Pre-Sequel.
> 
> Have a comment? Leave a comment!


	9. Lost and found (AKA: Flotsam)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Featuring: Aftermaths. (Mostly bad) coping mechanisms. Discoveries. Hope (again).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: (non-graphic) torture. Angst. Alcohol.
> 
> Can't say I'm completely satisfied with this, but whatever. And FYI: I'm still going very slowly with chapters 11/12 *long suffering sigh*.

Mordecai made it about halfway from the Fast Travel station to New Haven when Lilith caught up to him. She exited phasewalk without her customary explosion, but she still scared the crap out of him.

“ _Shit_!” Mordecai hissed, taking a step back.

“What are you doing?” Lilith asked. Her arms were crossed and she was frowning.

Mordecai took a second to catch his breath back, then he frowned right back at her: “What do you think I’m doing? I’m going back to New Haven.”

“Are you _trying_ to get yourself killed?”

Mordecai walked past her. “No.”

Lilith sighed and followed him. “You knew Roland had people watching you, didn’t you?”

“Of course,” Mordecai said, his lip curling slightly. “He should have put someone who wasn’t scared shitless of Blood.”

Bloodwing turned his head from his position on Mordecai’s shoulder when he heard his name. Mordecai petted his head briefly and cast him off to keep an eye out for enemies.

There was a short silence. “Why are you going back to New Haven? Hyperion’s probably still there, but...” Lilith trailed off.

 _But Brick isn’t_.

It had been two days, and it was finally night again. They had managed to find a lot of scattered Raiders so far, and they had been moving quickly towards Sanctuary while Helena Pierce was hanging back with most of the civilians around the Ashes area. She was waiting for them to clear out Sanctuary and secure it before moving so as to avoid attracting Hyperion’s attention.

They would take over Sanctuary from the Bloodshot bandits the next day. Roland had been talking about how, since Sanctuary was in fact a mining ship, it was more resilient than New Haven had ever been and how they might fix the ship so it could fly again at some point. All Roland could talk about was how much better things could be, and Mordecai thought he might scream.

Things weren’t going to be better for Brick, were they?

 _If he’s even still alive_ , Mordecai thought for the hundredth time, and it still made him feel like a gaping hole was slowly growing in his stomach - in fact, the feeling had only gotten worse.

“I know,” Mordecai said. “I’m going back for Dusty.”

Lilith’s steps slowed for a moment. “Oh,” she said quietly. “I - I’d forgotten about her.”

“Yeah,” Mordecai said noncommittally. To be honest, he’d forgotten about their dog as well. It had taken him half a day to remember her; and even if he’d had every reason to be distracted, to be angry and distressed, he’d still felt like the worst kind of person.

Dusty might have been Brick’s in theory, but she was Mordecai’s as well.

“You think - ” Lilith began to say, quietly.

“I don’t know,” Mordecai cut her off. He couldn’t bear to hear the words he was already thinking said out loud - not after Brick… after Brick had…

He could feel Lilith’s eyes on him and the weight of her pity pressing down on his shoulders. “Don’t. Just - just don’t. I know, ok?”

Lilith nodded and moved her eyes to their path ahead.

They approached New Haven from the North. From a distance they could see most of the city had been destroyed - if he were to guess, by more moonshots. The walls had been torn down here and there, and through the breaches they could see some of the least resistant buildings had been completely leveled.

“I don’t see bandits,” Lilith said.

That alone was a telling sign: bandits would take over pretty much any and every vacant towns as soon as they could. Either Hyperion was still around, or they’d left very recently.

Mordecai frowned, considering.

“If Hyperion is still around, they can’t see you,” he said. “You’re supposed to be dead.”

“They won’t,” Lilith said simply. “I’m not leaving.”

Mordecai smiled briefly and accepted it. He hadn’t expected her to leave, to be honest, but he still felt he had to say it. He knew he was doing something risky and stupid, and on the eve of them taking over Sanctuary no less - but it was his call, and it was different to put someone else at risk.

Roland would be pissed at the both of them, for sure, but Mordecai couldn’t have cared less.

“I know I said I didn’t care you almost died, but -” he said as they approached the exit tunnel.

“I know,” she cut him off, waving a hand. “I would have said that, or something even worse, if it’d been Roland.”

He and Lilith might bicker constantly, but Mordecai had always appreciated her blunt honesty when it came down to it - and he thought she appreciated his own bluntness in turn.

He climbed up the ladder first, just in case there were any people who weren’t supposed to see Lilith. There was nothing in sight but ruins, not even rakks, and after taking a thorough look around the alley and casting Bloodwing off again, he signaled Lilith to come up.

“I don’t see anyone,” he told her quietly. “Not even loaders.”

“Well, that’s… uh, good. I guess,” she replied, unsure.

“Depends on where they moved the loaders to.”

Mordecai walked in front, with his revolver in hand. He checked the street from one side to the other, then nodded. Bloodwing flew in slow circles above their heads. Mordecai turned left, following the line of buildings that was most intact, but they hadn’t walked long before Lilith stopped him with a hand on his arm.

“Mordecai, wait,” she said. “Look.”

He followed the direction her finger was pointing, but didn’t see anything at first. Then he did.

Mordecai hesitated for a second, then he strode up to the thing Lilith had seen, trying not to recognize it, hoping he was wrong. He wasn’t. Mordecai crouched down and stretched out a hand without thinking, because maybe, maybe Dusty wasn’t…

“Don’t,” Lilith said right over his shoulder. “It’s been days.”

Mordecai stopped for a second, and then touched it anyway, just lightly. There was no movement, no breathing. Dusty’s body was covered in days of dust.

He pulled back his hand and covered his mouth.

Lilith touched his shoulder, tentative and small. “Mordecai, I’m sorry.”

Mordecai’s face crumpled. His eyes prickled and burned, no matter how hard he tried to pull it all back inside. He took off his goggles and pressed his fingers against his eyelids, but the tears escaped anyway. In his next breath, he broke down.

The horrible feeling that had been growing inside him for two days was cold and empty, it felt like it was slowly draining him, slowly eating at him. But he hadn’t cried - too busy, too angry, too proud. Now, he collapsed on the ground, pulled his knees close and buried his face in his hands.

Lilith kneeled beside him and wrapped her arms around him.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” she whispered, rubbing his back.

Mordecai tried to stop, but he simply couldn’t. For days, he’d been bottling it up, by sheer force of habit and stubbornness and foolish optimism, and now the dams had broken - and the sudden pain threatened to crush him, to split him in half and tear him inside out. It burst from his stomach, flooded his lungs and clogged up his throat, leaving him struggling for breath. He clung to Lilith, too raw to be ashamed.

“He’s dead,” he heard himself say, barely even recognizing his own voice. “He’s dead, and that… that stupid dog...” a renewed wave of pain forced him to stop.

He’d loved Dusty. He had. And Dusty was all he had left of Brick, really. Bloodwing was his, but Dusty had been _theirs_.

He’d dared to hope Dusty was alright. Even if he knew it was a long shot, he still hoped. Because if Hyperion hadn’t found her, if the building hadn’t caught fire or something, she might just be alright.

Lilith hugged him closer, but didn’t say anything. Platitudes had never been her strong suit.

Pain came in waves, one after the other, without even giving him time to breathe before the next hit.

Mordecai had yelled at Roland and Lilith for leaving Brick behind, but he’d done the same - and he’d done it worse. He’d left Brick alone, in the middle of a Hyperion strike gone wrong, because he’d dared to hope maybe not all was lost, maybe they stood a chance against Hyperion. He’d been arrogant enough to believe he, Mordecai, the weakest of them all, could make a difference and turn the tide single-handed - and Brick would be alright on his own, right? He always was.

And, of course, his brilliant plan had made no difference whatsoever in the end. How could he really change the course of a battle, all on his own?

If he’d just realized New Haven was a lost cause, if he’d just stuck with Brick instead of trying to make a difference. But he hadn’t, and now Brick was dead and Dusty was dead, and he had nothing left of them, of the past year of his life.

Everything he'd gained and built and grown, carefully and slowly and lovingly, it had all been taken away in a single hour: he had no home, no lover, no dog. In the space of an hour he was left with nothing but the clothes on his back, his guns, and Bloodwing - which was basically what he’d had when he first got off that damn bus near Fyrestone two years ago.

The pain was receding, slowly, finally, leaving nothing behind but a cold, barren wasteland.

When he finally managed to even out his breathing, Mordecai pulled back and rubbed his eyes dry. Lilith just kneeled by him, looking as lost as he felt - and he thought she might have cried a little herself.

“Let’s go,” she said quietly.

Mordecai nodded. “Yeah.”

Lilith stood up. Mordecai kneeled and looked at what was left of Dusty. He wanted to do something for her, not just leave her out there at the mercy of skags and rakks, but he couldn’t carry a dead dog’s body all the way to Sanctuary.

He cleared his throat. “Think we can find a shovel anywhere?”

“There should be some around Pierce’s office. That’s where I last remember seeing one.”

“Alright.”

Mordecai missed the familiar weight of Bloodwing on his shoulder, but he didn’t call his bird back, just in case.

There were dead bodies strewn all over the streets of New Haven, some of them not even recognizable anymore. Mordecai tried not to look at them too closely.

“Maybe we can burn them,” Lilith muttered.

Mordecai stopped in his tracks. “Yeah. Yeah, that’s a better idea.”

He searched his inventory for a fire weapon, but before he could equip any, Lilith walked to the nearest corpse. The Siren tattoos on her left arm glowed.

“No, wait!” he said, but Lilith didn’t listen.

All the bodies around them suddenly burst into flames.

“Way to go incognito,” Mordecai said.

“I love a dramatic entrance,” she replied.

Mordecai tried to smile, but it wouldn’t work.

“You, uh, you wanna do that to Dusty?” Lilith asked awkwardly.

He sighed. “Sure. Easier than digging.”

Lilith gave him a rueful smile.

They made their way back. Mordecai crouched down again, and ran a hand over Dusty’s side.

“I’m sorry,” he said.

“What did you use to call her?” Lilith wondered.

“¿ _Bestia empolvada_?” he asked and smiled, trying to keep new tears at bay. “Means ‘dusty beast’. Sounds lame in Spanish, though.” He wrapped his fingers around one of Dusty’s paws. “We should’ve picked a better name for you.”

Mordecai a took a deep breath and stood up, but stopped midway and kneeled again. He frowned, considering.

“What?”

“I, uh…” Mordecai hesitated. “I never understood why he kept a paw of his old dog.”

Lilith stared at him. “You’re not…” Mordecai unsheathed his sword. “I guess you are.”

Mordecai swallowed thickly. He didn’t really want to do this, but - but some things you did because they had meaning, even if you didn’t want to.

“I’m sorry,” Mordecai said again.

* * *

The first days in prison, Brick didn’t see any living person. They talked to him through speakers in his cell. They tried bribes, threats, asking the same questions over and over and over.

He mostly didn’t reply. Sometimes he made threats of his own.

They didn’t seem to want to take him out of the cell they’d put him in, which was probably smart - for them.

The lights were always on and the only window was high up, even for him. The door was a solid surface of steel. They fed him just enough to keep him alive, not enough to keep him strong.

The first time the lights in his cell went out, Brick didn’t react in time. They hit him with charged stun batons and dragged him out, and in his half-conscious state he saw his cell was isolated from the rest.

The next time the light went out, Brick was ready, and he managed to crack one guard’s skull before they managed to subdue him. After that, the lights went out at irregular intervals, some involved guards and stun batons and being dragged out, but some didn’t. After the first few times, the lights going out was enough to send his heart to his throat and all his muscles tense.

The first few days, Brick found some relief in the fact that if they kept asking, it was probably because Hyperion hadn’t yet found Roland and Mordecai - and that was enough. But after two weeks (or what he supposed was two weeks, it was hard to tell with the way they kept him away from any way to tell the time) he began to wonder if maybe they just kept going for the hell of it.

* * *

Mordecai heard Roland and Lilith arguing again and rolled his eyes. They’d really been at eachother’s throats since New Haven, but especially lately because Lilith had been either hiding outside Sanctuary or cooped up in the building they had assigned as the new Crimson Raiders HQ since they had thrown out the Bloodshots.

Lilith wasn’t good at staying put, she was always restless. She’d had that in common with Brick.

The only solution was to send Lilith away, Roland had decided. In fact, he’d decided it soon after leaving New Haven, but hadn’t told Lilith until after they’d expelled the Bloodshots from Sanctuary. Mordecai didn’t fault Lilith for replying to that with complete and utter fury - even if he did understand Roland’s logic.

“If Hyperion finds out you’re alive, they’ll attack Sanctuary too. The only reason they didn’t really chase us out of New Haven is because they think you’re dead,” Roland had said.

“Let them come!”

“You remember what happened last time, right?”

“We’re ready for them _this_ time.”

Roland frowned. “Are you really going to put all these people in danger?”

“What people? Ex-Atlas and bandits?” Lilith had snapped.

The conversation hadn’t gotten much further than that. Mordecai hadn’t paid much attention anyway, because he knew them well enough to know Roland would get his way in the end and Lilith would hate him for it.

Today they’d been trying to decide where to move her, so the new screaming match wasn’t anything surprising. Or, that’s what Mordecai thought until Lilith stormed into the room he was in, followed by a scowling Roland.

“Don’t involve me in this,” Mordecai said immediately, his voice gruff and slightly slurred. He had no patience for either of them.

Lilith ignored him. She had an ECHO recorder in her right hand. “Someone decided to tune in the Hyperion signal. Hyperion is saying Brick’s alive.”

Mordecai froze with his bottle of rakk ale partway to his mouth.

“What?” he asked, strangled.

“Here,” Lilith said, handing him the recorder.

“The news is from the day of the attack on New Haven,” Roland warned, stepping closer. “We don’t know how true any of this is.”

Mordecai didn't pay attention to him and pressed the play button. A gritty voice with an obnoxious lilt spoke:

“ _Today, Hyperion struck a great blow against the bandit hordes of Pandora. The terrorist stronghold of New Haven is in ashes. Thanks to the work of a courageous informant known as Shep Sanders, Hyperion infiltrated the town shortly before daybreak this morning. The Hyperion troops, lead, of course, by Handsome Jack, managed to capture the bandit known as Brick, and execute the terrorist witch known as Lilith. Today is truly… a great day._ ”

Mordecai stared at the recorder, gears turning in his head. “Captured” not “executed”, like they said about Lilith. Old news, but if they had plans to kill him, they would have just said so, or reported him as dead too. Hopefully.

“It’s implied,” Roland admitted. “But we don’t know if it’s even true. Or if it’s still true -”

“Roland didn’t want you to know,” Lilith interrupted, crossing her arms.

Mordecai looked at Roland who was glaring at Lilith.

“I didn’t want to tell you right now, not before we checked if it’s true. I don’t want to get your hopes up in case it’s not,” he said.

Mordecai wasn’t listening. He stood up and headed for the door. He left his bottle on a table without even noticing, and ran a hand over his face to clear his thoughts.

“Where are you going?” Lilith said, chasing after him.

“To the nearest Hyperion outpost, see if I can hack their communications,” he replied without turning around.

“You’re not going alone,” Roland said.

“Try to stop me,” Mordecai growled.

“No, I mean I’m coming with you.”

Mordecai finally stopped and turned to look at him. Roland shrugged.

“You can’t stop me,” Roland said with a small smile. Then added: “Let me help.”

“Fine.”

“I’m coming too,” Lilith chimed in.

“No,” said Roland.

“I don’t have time for this,” Mordecai muttered. “What part of ‘ _Hyperion thinks you’re dead_ ’ aren’t you getting? Lilith, I appreciate the offer, but you’re not coming.”

Lilith stared at him. Mordecai rarely stood up to her - he mostly didn’t care enough to intervene, or sided with her.

“You helped me once and I’m grateful, but you can’t come now without putting the whole thing at risk.”

With that, Mordecai turned and headed for his weapons locker.

Roland went to his armory. Lilith sighed in defeat.

* * *

The interrogations didn’t happen too often, but didn’t have discernible schedule either. Brick guessed that was the point, to keep him on edge. Despite his best efforts, it was working.

They tried different things when they dragged him out. Usually it was electricity; cheap and effective. A couple times, it was sharp things. They still tried asking questions to him through speakers when he was in his cell, from time to time - mostly to disrupt his sleep.

For any and all questions he had one of three answers: Lilith, New Haven or Dusty.

Those were words were the mantra he kept in his head when he was in his cell, pacing around or doing pushups and sit-ups. He couldn’t spend as much time exercising as he usually would, though, not the way they were feeding him; he'd just made himself hungrier and weaker in the long haul.

When he was trying to sleep, he pictured himself sitting on the floor of his New Haven apartment, playing with Dusty. Lilith was usually there too, sometimes playing with them, sometimes leaning against the wall with her arms crossed. Once he saw her on the balcony, bathed in sunlight. A couple times she was standing behind him, and no matter where he turned to, he couldn’t find her at all.

When that didn’t work, he pictured himself doing the one thing he needed to do after getting out: killing Jack’s and the Lawbringer. Hopefully with his fists. The image usually brought him enough satisfaction as to allow him to fall asleep.

Brick focused on those things, and those things only. It was the thing he was best at: paying attention to his current situation and nothing else. He focused on the cold concrete floor under his feet and the coarse texture of the mattress, and the occasional sounds of guards patrolling outside his cell.

Brick pushed away every single thought and memory of Roland and Mordecai, because if he didn’t think about them, he wouldn’t answer with their names to any question. He did his best to forget everything he knew about them, to blur out the details - and it was surprisingly easy.

After the fourth time they dragged him out, he noticed he’d lost sensitivity in two of the fingers from his left hand and parts of his arm. He hoped it was only temporary, because he didn’t want to miss the feeling of the Lawbringer’s neck snapping in his hands when he finally caught her.

The feeling on his fingers didn’t come back, but he could still feel pain and his hand was as strong as ever, so it didn’t really matter.

After what he could only guess was a month, they finally stopped. They didn’t stop fucking with the lights every now and then, but there were no more interrogations. The amount of his relief was only surpassed by his worry and his guilt over feeling relieved. Hopefully this didn't mean Roland and Mordecai had been caught.

* * *

Information about Brick was hard to find - with good reason, Mordecai thought. Hyperion might think them beaten, but even they must have known they’d go get Brick in a heartbeat if they knew his location. There were several reports of his capture, though, and Mordecai clung to them while he looked for any clues about where Hyperion was keeping prisoners.

Before Lilith left for her new safe-house in the Frostburn Canyon, Mordecai asked her about what happened in New Haven. As much as he hated it, Mordecai had to say he understood - even if it hurt, he did. He knew Roland and Lilith well enough to know they hadn’t acted out of selfishness, but blaming them was easier than blaming himself for not being there - which he did anyway.

Mordecai tried to hold on to his grudge against Roland in particular, but it diluted as weeks went by. It would probably always be a sore spot between them, especially since Roland never actually apologized, but Roland had tried to make up for it in his own way: he’d helped Mordecai find information that first day that they’d heard Brick might be alive, and after that he’d offered all the help he could spare without question.

Roland hadn’t said anything about Mordecai taking some of the Raiders with him on occasion. Mordecai had done it mostly out of spite at first. He preferred to work alone, but by taking Raiders with him, he disrupted Roland’s schedules. Roland’s guilt over leaving Brick behind in New Haven still surpassed his annoyance, though.

On the other hand, Mordecai and the Raiders had cleared out a couple Hyperion work camps in a month, so Roland surely couldn’t complain about it.

After they liberated the first camp, Mordecai took the prisoners to Sanctuary, introduced them to Roland, and then proceeded to get as drunk as he could. Roland found him curled up in a booth of Moxxi’s newly opened bar. After all, what was a the last bastion in a war they were losing without a bar in it?

Moxxi had probably called Roland, too.

“C’mon,” Roland had said wearily, pulling Mordecai by the elbow and out of his seat.

Mordecai didn’t move. “He wasn’t there,” he mumbled, scowling into his bottle.

“I know.” Roland tried to take the bottle from him. Mordecai resisted for a second, but then let it go with a sigh. “But he wouldn’t want you to give up so easily.”

It was always a little embarrassing to be subjected to Roland’s compassion. There was something clumsy about it; something simple yet painfully honest, like a child cradling a baby bird in their hands.

“He’s stronger than me,” Mordecai said quietly, and that wasn’t what he’d wanted to say at all. “He’d have demolished every Hyperion building by now. With his fists.”

Roland smiled. “Maybe. He would have tried, and gotten himself exploded and shot at a dozen times too.”

Mordecai gave a watery laugh. “Yeah.”

“But he wouldn’t have brought so many prisoners as you did, I think,” Roland added. “He wouldn’t have been careful enough or patient enough. You’re not Brick, but you’re strong too.”

Mordecai looked at him then, trying not to cry. Roland seemed vaguely awkward, but also earnest.

“Why’s it so hard to hate you, Roland?” Mordecai wondered.

Roland laughed. “I don’t think many people agree with you on that. Lilith certainly doesn't.”

“It is. I tried,” Mordecai admitted. “You’re such a hardass, but also you’re a good guy. I’da thought Pandora had beaten that away from you by now.”

Roland gave a humorless smile and took a pull from Mordecai’s bottle. “None of us are good guys at this point.”

“You are,” Mordecai insisted. “Somehow. I’d say it’s boring, but on this planet, it’s actually amazing.”

Roland gave him an amused look. “C’mon. Let’s go before you get even more sappy.”

Mordecai gave a put-upon sigh. “Fine. Way to return a compliment.”

* * *

Brick wasn’t sure how long he’d been kept isolated, but it had been long enough that the sight of anyone who wasn’t a Hyperion guard was a relief - even if it was a bunch of bandits. As it turned out, there were more prisoners in the Hyperion jail, and they were being put to work on the Eridium mine.

When he realized this last part, Brick smiled to himself: mines were full of explosives and machinery that could be used against the guards.

None of the other prisoners were Roland nor Mordecai, and hopefully that was a good thing.

It took all of an hour from some asshole to pick a fight with him and all of three minutes for Brick to knock the teeth out of four guys. The Hyperion guards showed up then, and Brick broke the arms of one and the legs of two of them before he was swarmed.

They held him for what he supposed was another week. When he was let out again, no one bothered him; in fact, a handful of bandits began trailing after him, trying to get on his good side.

At first, he thought it was kind of pathetic.

It took Brick all of twenty minutes to realize the potential of having people trying to be his friends, when one of his sycophants made sure he got a good spot to work. And that was how prisons worked, wasn't it? That was how bandits worked and how Pandora worked.

Brick asked around to make sure none of his friends were there - and no one had seen them, so that was good. It took him a couple of days to find out how to get his hands on some explosives, and a whole week before he thought he’d influenced enough bandits to actually try to steal them.

“You should give it a bit more time, boss,” one of his guys told him. Brick hadn’t really bothered to learn their names.

“Why?”

“The guards are keeping an eye on you. You need to make them think they’ve broken you.”

“Then we should go for it.”

“If they think you’re not a threat, they won’t see you coming.”

Brick scoffed: people always saw him coming and he always killed them. But it was true he didn’t even have a shield now, let alone a gun. He eventually accepted the advice and waited for a couple more weeks, while trying to keep a lower profile: doing what he was told, avoiding eye contact with the guards, trying to keep to himself a little more.

“Better?” he asked.

“Yeah, they’re buying it,” his guy said. “Two more days and we can blow this place to hell.”

“Why haven’t you?” Brick wondered. “This place’s full of explosives.”

His guy shrugged. “No one had the guts to try. But the way you took down those guards, people are thinking it might be worth a shot.”

* * *

Blowing up the mine and the prison felt even better than Brick expected.

They blew up the mines first. All it took to start it was staging a fight and jumping on the guards that came to break it off. Even the prisoners who hadn’t been in on it joined them when they realized what was happening.

They stocked up with whatever weapons they could find on the guards themselves. As they made their way out, they checked the guards' lockers and armories, and managed to find a few shields. One of the men suggested they also would need to stock up on food and medical supplies, so Brick sent a couple of the youngest kids to scavenge while the rest of them moved towards the entrance.

Brick made a stop to pick up his belongings, and was somewhat surprised to find the bandits that had been following him didn't just keep on running. Instead, they stopped to keep watch while he searched for, at least, the chain where he kept Priscilla’s paw. Since the men didn't look like they were going to move until he did, Brick took the time to put on his old clothes to replace the too small orange jumpsuit Hyperion had stuffed him in.

“Can we - can we look for our stuff too?” one of his guys asked.

Brick shrugged, bemused. “Sure.”

Only then a few of them started rummaging around for their own belongings.

“Huh,” Brick muttered.

The guards tried to make a last stand at the entrance of the prison, hidden behind riot shields and a couple field turrets.

“Surrender now!” they demanded, even as they kept firing at them.

The guns and shields they had were no match for so many enemies, so facing them head on would be a bad idea.

“What do we do?” one of the bandits asked him.

Brick looked around them, trying to think what Roland would do.

“We still have some charges,” another one chimed in.

Brick grinned.

He ordered for some cover fire while he threw the explosives to the end of the hall where the guards were clustered together. Some of the guards noticed and tried to scramble away, but most of them didn't. When the first explosive went off, Brick charged.

“YOU HEAR THAT, JACK?! I'M COMING FOR YOU!” he shouted at the top of his lungs. The bandits followed him.

Brick and the bandits easily killed the last of the remaining guards. In the end, Brick stood at the middle of it, studying and flexing his fingers - the ones on his left hand were still numb, but just as strong.

Brick looked around until he caught sight of a camera.

“YOU SEE THIS, JACK?!” he shouted, gesturing with his bloodstained hands. “THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU DESTROY MY CITY, KILL MY FRIENDS AND KILL MY DOG! YOU AND THE LAWBRINGER DID THIS THE MOMENT YOU KILLED DUSTY. YOU MADE ME A BANDIT, AND THIS BANDIT IS GONNA KILL YOU AND EVERYONE YOU'VE EVER LOVED, YOU HEAR ME?!”

The men around him roared in agreement. Brick gave the camera one last feral look and strode off out of the prison.

“Blow this place to hell!” he yelled.

“We, uh, we need to get to a safe distance first,” said the man that held the control.

Brick groaned. “Damn it. That would have been badass.”

“... I guess?”

They blew up the prison as soon as they were far enough away. Brick watched in satisfaction, then he looked around and realized he had no idea where on Pandora he was.

“The hell are we?”

“I think somewhere around the Dust?” a man said. “I know that mountain over there.”

“Oh. Which way is south? I’m headed for Sanctuary.”

Most of the men followed him. Some trickled down along the way, but by the end of the day, there were five still following Brick. He didn’t know why they hadn’t left, but he wasn’t going to complain.

The first Catch-A-Ride station he found locked them out. According to the voice message, in Scooter’s voice, it didn’t recognize any of them as authorized users. Brick put his fist through the Catch-A-Ride screen, and was reminded that, even he’d lost some sensitivity, he could still feel pain in his left hand.

Midday caught them around the abandoned remains of a town that had been mostly buried in the sands, and they decided to stop to get some sleep. Brick had trouble settling down, even if he was exhausted, but he eventually managed an uneasy slumber with his back against the wall and his gun in his hand.

The following walk was quiet and hot, and he blamed his lack of sleep and the sweltering heat for the fact that, when a skag jumped out of nowhere and killed one of them, Brick got a nasty set of slashes across his right arm before he could punch the skag down to a pulp.

“Goddammit!” he swore when he noticed the blood running down his arm. He moved it around, and found that hurt, but not terribly so. “Next Health station I see is getting smashed.”

They kept walking.

“Why are we even going to Sanctuary?” one of the men asked.

“My friends are there,” Brick replied.

“Are we gonna take Hyperion then? Like you said?”

Brick hesitated. He knew what he wanted to do right now was to kill Handsome Jack and the Lawbringer, as well as every single person ever associated with them. But he didn’t know how, or when he’d manage it, so promising these men - who had been following his lead for weeks - felt a little like lying to them.

Roland had long ago declared war on Hyperion and everything it stood for, but Brick didn’t know what he’d find in Sanctuary now. Lilith was dead, and they’d lost New Haven. Hopefully that had made Roland only more determined, but Roland was also the honorable sort - and if Brick’s stint in prison had showed him anything, it was that Hyperion wasn’t playing fair, and so, why should they? How could they hope to take on Hyperion if they played by the rules?

“We are,” Brick said eventually. “Not today, not tomorrow, but we are. And Sanctuary’s the best place to start.”

They seemed reassured by that, somehow.

They were debating stopping again after more hours and hours of walking, when they spotted a car some distance away, near an otherwise deserted train station.

“Alright, looks like our lucky day, boys,” Brick said, shading his eyes with a hand. The heat was making it hard to focus, making it hard to move. But they had found a car, and probably some people who had supplies they needed. “If they’re Hyperion, we kill them. If not, just rob them.”

They fanned out as they approached the building.

The man farthest from his right collapsed when he was shot in the head.

“Sniper!” Brick shouted and ran towards the building to take cover, stealing glances up in hopes he could figure where the sniper was.

When he reached the train station he ran almost directly into an assault rifle that was being held in the hands of a person with a very familiar armor. Brick scrambled back and pressed himself against the wall right outside the station. The man behind him tried to shoot at the Crimson Raider holding the assault rifle and was promptly killed as well.

“Hold fire! Hold fire, dammit!”

Brick’s heart seemed to stop for a long moment, then it picked up again at double time.

He heard a familiar bird screech and the Raider right around the corner from him yelped in surprise.

“Mordecai!” Brick shouted, his tongue stumbling on the name. For weeks and weeks he’d forbidden himself to think, let alone talk, about Mordecai, and it somehow felt like a mistake, like a transgression, to say his name now.

“I said put them down!” Mordecai’s voice barked again, and Brick heard a dull thud. “Are you deaf?”

“Mordecai!” Brick tried again.

Steps ran in his direction. “Brick!”

Brick peered carefully around the wall. Mordecai almost ran into him at full speed, but Brick caught him before they crashed. For a moment Brick could only stare and stare, making sure he was seeing Mordecai in front of him. All the air in his lungs seemed to have left him. His mind felt fuzzy and faint.

Mordecai, on the other hand, looked him up and down frantically.

“Brick, are you ok?” his hands touched Brick’s arms, his chest, his stomach. “They better not have shot you or I’ll fucking kill them -”

Brick suddenly found his voice again. “I have a shield,” was the only thing that came to mind.

Mordecai shut up and looked up at his face. He was thinner, Brick thought - almost as thin as when they'd first met. Brick had forgotten the exact shape of his face, the sound of his voice. He’d done his best not to remember.

Mordecai’s hands came up to his face, the touch featherlight and hesitant at first - like he wasn’t entirely sure Brick was actually there, like he feared this might all be a mistake or a dream.

Mordecai’s arms wrapped around his neck and Brick hugged him back, lifting him off the ground. He buried his face in the crook of Mordecai’s neck.

[fanart by mordecry](https://handsomegoddamnjackass.tumblr.com/post/163535016911/this-goes-out-to-wilwarindi-and-her-amazing)

“Thank God,” Mordecai said. His voice was quiet, but it shook with relief. “Holy fuck, Brick.”

“I’m ok,” Brick said, just as quiet, but feeling as if he was about to break down for the first time since Hyperion had caught him. “I’m ok.”

He had forgotten Mordecai’s smell too, he realized, and the feeling of his goatee against his neck. Brick held him closer and pressed his lips against Mordecai’s jaw.

Mordecai let out a tense breath. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry." He turned his face and kissed the nearest spot of Brick's face he could find, over his cheekbone.

Brick shook his head. “You’re ok. That’s enough.”

“No, it’s not,” Mordecai argued, wiggling around until Brick put him back down. His hands stayed on Brick's face, cradling it as if he was something delicate and precious. “And I’m not. I was so worried, I thought you were dead -”

Brick kissed him on the mouth - to shut him up, to remember how it felt. Mordecai made a muffled keening sound, but then gave in and clung to Brick as closely as he could.

The dizziness hit Brick again, and he pulled away. He pressed the heel of a hand against his forehead and frowned.

“Brick?” Mordecai said in alarm. “What’s wrong?”

“Just dizzy,” Brick mumbled.

Mordecai studied his face. “Sit down.” He put one of Brick’s arms around his shoulders and led him to the nearest bench.

Brick sat down heavily and put his head on his hands. “Head hurts.”

Mordecai sat next to him, and touched his shoulder. “Are you hurt?”

“Just the arm.”

Mordecai looked at it. “How long ago was that?”

“Couple hours.”

Mordecai touched the wounds carefully. “Does that hurt?”

“No.”

Mordecai frowned. “Hopefully you didn’t lose too much blood or something,” he said, doubtful.

Brick shrugged.

“Wait, when was the last time you had something to drink?” Mordecai asked suddenly.

Brick realized he had to think about it, which was always a bad sign. “Yesterday.”

“Alright, hang on.”

Mordecai stood up. The Raiders that had come with him were very determinedly looking away from them, and he couldn't have cared less.

“Daniels, what happened to the other two guys?”

“Uh, they took off. Sir.”

Mordecai rolled his eyes. “Stop sir-ing me. And keep an eye out.”

“Don't kill them,” Brick said, looking at them with bleary eyes. “They escaped with me.”

“Got that?” Mordecai said, giving Daniels a meaningful look.

He nodded with a sullen expression.

“Next time, stop shooting when I fucking tell you to,” Mordecai told him as he walked towards the car. “Just be glad Blood didn’t go for the eyes.”

Daniels turned to Brick. “Sorry,” he muttered.

Brick didn't pay attention. His head was pounding and he pressed the heels of his hands against his eyes to try and ease it off.

There was a flutter of wings and when Brick reluctantly opened an eye, he saw Bloodwing had perched at the end of the bench and was looking at him.

“Hey,” Brick said quietly.

Bloodwing stared at him for a moment longer, then hopped closer until he was close enough to touch. Brick reached out a hand carefully, but Bloodwing moved away from him and screeched.

“Nice to see you too,” Brick said with a huff. Bloodwing puffed up his feathers.

“He gets like that when he hasn’t seen people in a while. Means he missed you,” Mordecai informed him. When he was back by Brick’s side, he offered a canteen. “Here.” He sat down next to Brick again. “Water. Slow sips.”

“Thanks.”

Mordecai sat down and placed a hand on his knee. “When did you last eat?”

“Morning,” Brick said, lifting the canteen to his lips. He didn’t feel very thirsty, really, but that only meant he was dehydrated.

“I have some rations. Drink first.”

Brick drank half of the canteen, then stopped. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes, wishing the headache and the dizziness would go away soon.

“I've been looking for months,” Mordecai said quietly, leaning his forehead on Brick’s shoulder. “I didn't know where they were keeping you. There was some bullshit story about a mine collapse on the Hyperion news broadcast, so I wanted to check it out.”

“That was us. Blew the place to hell.”

Mordecai handed Brick a nutrient bar - hardly delicious, but it was better than nothing.

“Good,” Mordecai said with grim satisfaction. “Where were they keeping you?”

“A jail. Then they decided to put me to work on their Eridium mine,” Brick said with a smirk. He took a bite of the nutrient bar and chewed slowly. Yeah, those still tasted like nothing at all.

“Idiots. But if you got out, I'm not gonna complain.”

“Those guys helped. They've been helping me for a while,” Brick said. “How long was it?”

Mordecai ducked his head. “Over two months. I'm sorry.”

“It's fine,” Brick said, leaning and dropping a kiss on his temple. The words took a long moment to hit him, and when they did, Brick couldn't say he felt much. Not yet, anyway.

“No, it's not fucking fine,” Mordecai said with a snarl. “Stop saying that. You should be angry; at Hyperion, at me, at Roland. It took me forever to find you.”

Brick shook his head. “I'm mad at them, yeah. But right now, I'm just happy you found me.”

Both those things were definitely true. His relief at being found, at having food and water, at seeing Mordecai, was so strong he didn't feel much of anything else at the moment. But he had the sneaking suspicion that would change later.

Mordecai smiled. “Always,” he said, and it sounded like a promise.

“Sir, I think I see one of the bandits over there,” one of the other Raiders said, and she pointed in the direction of a rock formation.

“I’ll talk to them,” Brick said, standing up. The dizziness had gotten a little better, but the headache was still hammering inside his skull.

“Wait.” Mordecai stood up as well. He looked through his inventory on his HUD, selected something and a shield digistructed in his hands. He handed it to Brick. “I bet it's better than that white crap you're carrying.”

“Probably, yeah. Thanks.” Brick unclipped the shield from his belt and replaced it with the new one. “I don’t have an ECHO.”

Mordecai took the old shield and stored it in his inventory for selling it later. “We'll get you one in Sanctuary.”

Brick stepped out of the shade provided by the train station roof and the impact of heat was like a weight being dropped on him. Mordecai followed him.

“Wait here,” Brick said.

“Brick -”

“They don’t know you, and y’all killed two of them.”

Mordecai looked embarrassed. “Sorry. I didn’t see you at first, just a bunch of bandits coming towards us.”

Brick shrugged. “We were gonna rob whoever was here.”

Mordecai’s mouth twitched. “I’ll keep an eye on you.”

Brick nodded. He walked to the rock formation the Raider had pointed, holding his hands up. “Hey, it’s me. I’m alone.”

“What the hell happened?!” one of the men yelled.

Brick still didn’t know their names, he realized. “Yo, what’s your name?”

“... Sam.”

“The people in there are from Sanctuary. They got scared and shot the others, but I know a couple of them. We can go to Sanctuary with them.”

“Yeah, looks like you _really_ know that guy,” the other man said mockingly.

“You got something to say? Maybe you wanna say it to my face,” Brick said, unimpressed. There was no reply. “Yeah, that’s what I thought.”

“They won’t shoot?” Sam asked. He sounded young.

“No. And they have water and food. C’mon.”

Sam stepped slowly from behind a rock.

“Put the gun away, kid,” Brick told him. The other man hadn’t yet moved. “What’s your name, asshole?” Brick called.

“Ledge.”

Brick rolled his eyes a little. “You wanna come out too, or you want my boyfriend over there to put a bullet through your head? He’s a sniper.” After a few seconds, Ledge also stepped out, scowling like a boy with a tantrum. Brick tore the shotgun from his hands. “Gimme that. And pick a better name.”

Brick turned around and saw Mordecai on the roof of the train station, looking at them through the scope of his rifle. Brick gave him a thumbs-up to signal things were alright and Mordecai lowered the rifle a little, but didn’t put it away until they were almost at the train station.

The Raiders had their weapons down, but they were looking nervous, and that could easily make things worse for all of them. Whenever people holding the guns were on edge, things tended to end in bloodshed. The situation was all of a sudden too similar to the prison, with the people in uniforms having them outgunned, and Brick could feel the tension starting to form between both sides.

“Hey, y’all are new, right?” Brick asked the Raiders, tucking his thumbs on his pockets casually.

“I’m not, I remember you from New Haven,” the female Raider said. That did the trick: the other two exchanged a look and relaxed somewhat. “Private Williams, ex-Lance.”

“Yeah, I don’t remember you. Sorry,” Brick told her, his smile more broad than it would have been in normal circumstances.

She shrugged easily. “I get it, we never talked. But you’re kinda hard to miss.”

Brick grinned. “I get that a lot.”

The other Raiders smiled, a little awkward, but they didn’t look like they were about to start shooting out of sheer nerves anymore. Williams looked at them, and when she looked back at Brick he saw that she understood what he'd been doing, trying to breach the tension before it had a chance to escalate. She gave him a knowing smile.

Mordecai was climbing down the maintenance ladder that lead to the roof, his rifle slung on his back.

“Must be the scar,” Mordecai said. “It kinda draws the eye.”

Brick laughed. “Yeah, that must be it,” he agreed, looking around. He was, as usual, at least a good head taller than any of the people around him.

“Alright, awkward introductions time,” Mordecai said. “Name’s Mordecai, and we’re from the Crimson Raiders. Sorry about killing the other two.” Ledge scowled at him. “We were lookin’ for Brick here, so we’re heading back to Sanctuary now. If you wanna fight Hyperion, you’re welcome to tag along.”

“Yes, please,” Sam said with an eager smile.

“So, what, you just accept anyone, so long as they say they hate Hyperion?” Ledge asked with a mocking lilt.

“Pretty much,” Mordecai said, a little dry. “And Brick is vouching for you two, so I don't see why not.”

“Wow. Who _are_ you, boss?” Sam said, his voice full of wonder.

Mordecai blinked and looked at Brick. “‘ _Boss_ ’?” he repeated, incredulous.

“I mean, you never said why Hyperion locked you up,” Sam added in a hurry. His ears were turning red as he found himself under the sudden attention of every single person around him. “I assumed it was something like the rest of us.”

“I mean, I’ve killed a lotta people,” Brick said with a shrug. “A lot of them happened to be Hyperion.”

“And we helped founding the Raiders,” Mordecai added.

“To kill more people from Hyperion,” Brick said with a grin.

“I guess.”

Ledge cleared his throat. “You said something about water and food?”

“We don't have a lot, but we're not gonna be needing it anymore now that we're going back to Sanctuary.” Mordecai went to retrieve the bag with the water and rations. He picked it up from the bench where it had been left and threw it at Sam. “The rations bars taste like cardboard, just so you know.”

“Can't be worse than what they fed us in prison,” Sam assured him as he dug around the bag.

“It's not better, either,” Brick said. He approached Mordecai and kissed him once, soft but firm.

Mordecai smiled. The relief and joy of having finally, finally found Brick hit him again. He'd been in a constant battle against both ridiculous optimism and terrible hopelessness for the past two months - and for once, his optimism had been proven right.

He put a hand on Brick’s arm.

“I'm glad you're ok,” he muttered.

Brick touched his cheek. “Always am.”

“True.” Mordecai took a moment to enjoy the contact, and then moved reluctantly away. “We're leaving soon. Good thing we brought a truck.” He pulled up the map on his ECHO and studied it. “Nearest Fast Travel is down south.”

Brick made a face. “Fast Travel?"

Mordecai gave him a stern look. “We're not _driving_ to Sanctuary. It's almost a full day away.” He closed his map. “With our luck, we're gonna get attacked if we try, so yeah, Fast Travel.”

Brick had hoped they could avoid using it; he’d never been overly fond of Fast Travel - it was about the only thing that could make him queasy.

“But…”

Mordecai gave him the coldest, most tight-lipped glare he’d ever given him, and Brick knew arguing would be pointless.

“You need Zed to take a look at your arm,” Mordecai said.

Brick shot a furtive look back at the rest of the Raiders and the men that had followed him from the prison, feeling slightly embarrassed.

“Yes, dear,” he said under his breath, quiet enough that only Mordecai would hear it.

“What was that?” Mordecai asked loudly, trying to fight off a grin.

Brick pursed his lips. “You heard me,” he mumbled.

“Wow, I never thought you’d be ashamed of me,” Mordecai said with a chuckle.

Brick gave him a look. “You know I’m not.”

Mordecai pretended to think that over.

“Yeah, I do know.”

Brick pulled him into a hug and Mordecai hugged him back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Music mood: [Darren Korb (feat. Ashley Barrett) - Paper Boats](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xBToqg1erZs) | [Woodkid - Iron ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vSkb0kDacjs)
> 
> You can find me on [Tumblr](http://www.wilwarindi.tumblr.com/)
> 
> The Hyperion broadcast is taken directly from the game, please don't sue.
> 
> Brick loves movie clichés, I love him so.
> 
> Have a comment? Leave a comment!


	10. Aftershocks (AKA: Fault lines)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Featuring: Moar Spanish, Moar bad coping mechanisms, Moar aftermaths, Sanctuary, Reunions, Can you see the cracks in the basement?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: some post-trauma symptoms (mostly anxiety), Alcohol
> 
> I'M BACK, SUCKERS! Writer's block hit me hard, but I finally pulled through ;_; Can't say when the next chapters will be done, but hey, at least I'm writing again.
> 
> I’ve fixed multiple typos and tweaked at the fic so far, but it was all minor fixes. I also added two more scenes to the first chapter because I realized something was missing :)
> 
> Special thanks to biggestdisappointmentinwarfare for being her wonderful, hilarious, patient, supportive self, and mordecry who’s a darling and whose boundless enthusiasm is inspiring

As they were about to leave, Mordecai eyed the truck for a moment.

“Williams, you drive,” he said.

Williams, to her credit, only hesitated for a second. “Yes, sir.”

“Seriously, stop sir-ing me,” Mordecai told her.

Williams smiled. “Force of habit,” she said and climbed the driver's seat.

“ _You_ are letting someone else drive?” Brick asked.

Mordecai narrowed his eyes for a second, but then just shrugged. “No place for you in the cabin,” he said simply and headed towards the back of the truck to climb on.

Brick smiled. “Sap.”

Brick climbed on the truck and sat heavily on one of the benches on the back, opposite the turret. The truck leaned a little his way due to his weight, as it always did.

Mordecai sat next to him and Porter climbed to the turret. The new guys sat on the opposite side which left a still sullen Daniels on their side. His attitude wasn’t improved by how Bloodwing kept glaring down at all of them from his perch on the back of the gunner seat.

Bloodwing was still letting Brick know how mad he was by screeching at him whenever he came close and glaring at him when he didn’t. Mordecai thought it was hilarious, to be honest; he couldn’t remember the last time Bloodwing had been this pissed off with anyone but him.

Brick leaned back against the side of the truck and closed his eyes with a deep sigh.

“How’s your head?” Mordecai asked, taking one of Brick’s hands in his.

“Better.”

Brick took his hand back and slid the arm around Mordecai’s shoulders instead.

It wasn’t often that Mordecai resented Brick’s height, but he did when all he wanted was to hold Brick instead of being held. Mordecai settled against him, trying to keep as much contact to with Brick as he could - and Brick seemed to be of the same mind, judging by how tight his hold on Mordecai’s shoulders was.

Mordecai saw the younger kid, Sam, watching them. Mordecai looked back at him and lifted his chin.

Sam startled. “Sorry, didn't mean to stare,” he said with a sheepish smile. “I just - You make a cute couple.” Mordecai’s eyebrows shot up. “The boss, he… Well, he didn't say anything about himself. He was just this big, tough guy who took three Hyperion guards in under a minute.”

“Still am,” Brick said without opening his eyes, and pulling Mordecai a little closer.

“I know,” Sam said. “I just mean, you weren't a person, you were just... scary.” He shifted a little. “Good to see you can be happy, too, on top of scary. Like a real person.”

Mordecai snorted. “Yeah, those are his two moods: happy or scary. Not a lot in between.” Brick made a sound of protest. “No one's called us cute before. Must be going soft in our old age, Brick.”

“Speak for yourself,” Brick said, nudging Mordecai. “You're older.”

“Cheap shot,” Mordecai said with a huff. “I handed you that one.”

“Your own fault, then, old man.”

Mordecai smiled. The expression on Sam's face was wistful as he watched their exchange.

“You got someone?” Mordecai asked him.

Sam shook his head and looked down. “Hyperion destroyed my town, killed everyone I knew.”

“Sorry.”

“That's what they do,” Ledge chimed in. He was staring out the back of the truck. He added, in an undertone: “To regular people.”

Mordecai took a second to reply. “We held them off for over a year in New Haven,” he told Sam. “They got us a couple months ago, that's why we moved to Sanctuary. It's safer there.”

Ledge huffed. “You think you can hold them off forever?”

“I can kick you out of this truck right now if you don't wanna come with us,” Mordecai snapped. “Or you can shut the hell up and help us fight them.”

Ledge smirked and seemed to accept that. Mordecai rolled his eyes.

“ _Pendejo_ ,” he muttered under his breath.

“ _Huevón_ ,” Sam said. Mordecai looked at him in surprise. “ _Así lo diría yo_.”

Mordecai laughed.

“ _Es lo mismo_ ,” he said, and his smile widened when Ledge gave them an annoyed look out the corner of his eye.

Brick had to say he understood the feeling. Whenever Mordecai found anyone who spoke Spanish he’d take full advantage of it and leave Brick and the rest of his friends hanging. And even if Mordecai said he was talking about something innocent, he always made it look like he was talking about them.

“ _¿Eres de Pandora_ _?_ ” Mordecai asked.

“ _Sí, ¿y usted?_ ”

Mordecai bristled. “¿'Usted’?” he repeated, indignant. “ _¿Me estás...? O me tuteas o te echo a patadas._ ”

Sam laughed, a little awkward. “ _Perdón, es la costumbre. ¿De dónde eres?_ ”

“Artemis.”

“ _¿Qué tal es?_  ”

Mordecai thought that over. “ _Seguro. Aburrido_.” He shrugged. “ _Menos peleas, pero la gente es una mierda igual que aquí._ ” Sam looked a little disappointed, so he amended: “ _No es tan malo. Es tranquilo. Pero sí es aburrido, por eso me_ _largué._ ”

“ _Pero allá… puedes andar con tu novio en la calle, ¿verdad?_ ”

Mordecai paused. “ _Puedes hacerlo en Pandora también. Nosotros nunca hemos intentado disimular_ ,” he said, looking briefly at Brick who arched an eyebrow back at him. “ _Bueno, a_ él _nadie nunca le dice nada. Te imaginarás por qué_.” Sam smiled. “ _A la mayoría de la gente en este planeta no le importa. Y el resto, que se jodan._  ”

“You talkin’ about me?” Brick asked.

Mordecai laughed. “Of course, _jefe_. What else could we be talking about?”

“¿ _No habla español_?” Sam asked with a mischievous little smile.

“ _Qué, si apenas habla inglés,_ "  Mordecai said with a snort - but his voice was fond. “ _No. Algo entiende, pero no mucho_ _._ ”

“Ok, _now_ you’re talking about me,” Brick said, looking at Mordecai with a frown.

“Your own fault, _jefe_.”

Brick made a disgruntled sound. “That means ‘boss’, doesn't it?”

“Yep.”

Brick gave a long suffering sigh. He pulled Mordecai close and pressed a kiss against the side of his head.

“Hey, Sam, how you say ‘sir’ in Spanish?” Brick asked with a toothy grin.

Mordecai elbowed him.

“Don't you dare!”

* * *

Somehow, Brick fell asleep during the ride, with his neck twisted in an awkward angle against the side of the truck. Mordecai felt bad about waking him not too long after, when they reached the Fast Travel station.

“Hey, sleepyhead,” Mordecai said as the rest of them climbed off the truck, shaking Brick by the arm. “We’re here.”

Brick blinked blearily at him and grimaced.

“Headache still there?”

“Yeah.” Brick stretched his neck carefully. “It’s worse.”

“C’mon, let’s get you to Sanctuary.” Mordecai couldn’t entirely hide his anxiety. He needed to get Brick somewhere safe - from Hyperion and bandits alike - until he got back on his feet. Maybe longer than that.

The truck creaked in protest when Brick jumped off it.

When all of them were around the Station, Mordecai punched the access code to Sanctuary. They were deconstructed and reconstructed through half-understood alien technology, and came out the other side in Sanctuary.

As soon as he felt his feet again, Brick wobbled a little. Mordecai was ready and his hands came up to steady him almost immediately.

“Ok?” Mordecai asked.

Brick took a deep breath and pushed down the vague nausea. The headache only made it worse. “Yeah.”

There was a muffled sound and Mordecai looked back.

“You guys alright?”

Sam was looking a little green around the gills. “Never done that before,” he said.

Ledge looked even worse, but he was refusing to say anything.

“You’ll get used to it,” Mordecai assured them.

“There are trashcans that side,” private Daniels said, pointing to the right.

Ledge took off in that direction. Mordecai and the Raiders laughed. Throwing up after your first Fast Travel was a little embarrassing, but not uncommon.

“You can show them around, right?” Mordecai asked Williams. “Once the other one is done throwing up.”

“Sure.”

“Thanks.” He turned to Brick. “C’mon, let’s get you to Zed’s.”

Brick followed him, watching around the city with some curiosity. He’d never been inside Sanctuary before. Coming here had always been a contingency plan, but based on what he saw, Brick thought they should have moved here long before now.

Sanctuary was as solid as New Haven hadn’t been. It really was no surprise it had taken Hyperion only a few hours to destroy New Haven. Despite their best efforts, there was no way to make up for the fact that New Haven had been built by desperate people, in a hurry and in an inadvisable place. Their most lasting buildings had been made of bricks, meanwhile all of Sanctuary was made of concrete. It had been built as a mining ship, meant to house workers and armed forces, and to withstand both mining operations and attacks.

“What’s that?” Brick asked, pointing at the middle of what seemed to be a square: a big metal column rose from a metal circle on the ground.

Mordecai stared at it for a second, as if he’d never noticed it before. “That? I’m not sure. Part of the city, I guess.” He shrugged. “This used to be a mining ship.”

“Yeah, I know.”

“Roland thinks it might fly again, at some point."

“You don’t think it can?”

Mordecai paused to think. “I guess. I dunno. Scooter’s being lookin’ at it for a while.” Mordecai tilted his head, considering. “Maybe it can, who knows. I just don’t know how useful that would be. And how the fuck are we gonna land this thing anyway,” he added with a wry smile. “But hey, I found you - maybe cities can fly. Anything can happen at this point.”

Brick smiled at him. That was both uncharacteristically optimistic and mushy coming from Mordecai. It wasn’t a bad change, though.

“Hey, Brick!” Roland was walking towards them. He was smiling, only a little - but still a rare sight in the past few months. He stopped a few steps away, and a brief look of uncertainty crossed his eyes. “It’s good to see you again.”

Mordecai realized, rather belatedly, that he had no idea how Brick felt about seeing Roland again. Did Brick blame him for getting captured in New Haven? No doubt Roland was wondering the same thing.

Brick huffed. He pulled Roland into a rough hug and picked him off the floor, much like when when he’d found Mordecai.

“Brick, no,” Roland protested, trying to push him off. “Brick!”

Well, that answered that question.

_[fanart by a-gosthly-state](http://a-ghostly-state.tumblr.com/post/172566013340) _

Mordecai laughed in surprise. Roland had always managed to avoid Brick’s bear hugs more than any of his friends, so the scene wasn’t as familiar as seeing Brick holding Lilith or Mordecai, but it was familiar enough. Seeing Roland hanging helplessly from Brick’s grasp would never stop being hilarious - but also, the image gave Mordecai an unexpected wave of relief. Maybe things could go back to the way they used to be, or as close to it as possible, despite it all. Brick would still bear hug his friends, and Roland would still resist any and all shows of affection.

(Lilith wasn’t here, but that could be fixed if they worked together. It could. Anything could happen, at that point.)

Brick planted a loud kiss on Roland’s cheek and Mordecai lost it - he guffawed until his sides began to hurt. When Brick finally let go of him, Roland straightened his clothes, looking absolutely mortified. Mordecai thought he might even be blushing.

“There!” Brick said with a proud grin. He slapped Roland’s arm. “That’s how you show you’re happy to see me.”

“Ow. I think I’ll leave that to you.” Roland rubbed his arm and cleared his throat, still looking embarrassed. “What, you already forgot about this guy?” he added, looking at Mordecai.

Mordecai wiped his eyes, trying to stop his laughter. “You wish, Roland.”

“No offense, but I don’t.”

“Aw,” Brick said. He shrugged. “Well, I tried.”

Roland gave him a flat look, but couldn’t hold back a smile for too long.

“I’m glad you’re back,” he said. Relief was plain on his face, and the small part of Mordecai that would forever hold Brick’s capture against Roland scoffed at the sight. Did he really think this made it all ok?

But that didn’t matter right now. Right now, all that mattered to him was that Brick was safe and in Sanctuary.

“What can you tell us about Hyperion?” Roland asked.

Mordecai stepped in. “Not now,” he said. “Brick needs to go see Zed about his arm. We’ll go to the HQ after that.”

Roland seemed to see something in Mordecai’s face that kept him from arguing or asking questions.

“Alright. See you then. Good to have you back, Brick.”

“Good to be back.”

“We brought a couple new guys,” Mordecai added, pointing over his shoulder. “They’re in the Pierce station.”

Roland gave a resigned sigh. “I guess I’ll go introduce myself.”

Mordecai laughed as he watched Roland go. Honestly, what did Roland think would happen when he became the face of the Crimson Raiders?

“So, Zed finally moved outta Fyrestone?” Brick wondered.

“Yeah. Hyperion didn’t give him a choice, they attacked the town.”

Brick frowned.

“Hey, he’s fine,” Mordecai hurried to say.

Brick was still frowning, looking down at his hands.

“Lilith’s dead,” he said. “I forgot. Shit.”

Mordecai hesitated. He looked around them, considering.

“Follow me,” Mordecai said.

He led Brick to the Raiders HQ. The first floor was full of off duty Raiders, some of them playing cards at a table.

“Is that Roland?” Brick asked. He sounded amused - but also like he was trying a little too hard to be amused. He was looking at one of the posters that they’d been printing to recruit people into the Crimson Raiders.

“Yeah,” Mordecai said with a scoff. “He hated everything about it.”

Mordecai signaled for Brick to follow him upstairs.

“This place’s cramped,” Brick noted.

“Yeah. Not a lot of space in Sanctuary yet.”

The second floor was empty, thankfully, and Mordecai signaled towards a couch in the command center. “Sit.”

Brick did, looking unsure about where this was going.

Mordecai looked around them again to make sure no one was within earshot, and he said quietly: “Lilith isn’t dead.”

Brick stared at him.

“Hyperion thinks she is, but she’s not. Only people who know are me and Roland and a couple captains, I think.”

Brick’s eyes moved away, his expression still blank.

“Brick?” Mordecai called.

Brick thought of Jack (one of the Jacks), standing alone in a street in New Haven, telling someone through his comms that he’d killed Lilith. Brick saw himself leaving the place where he’d been hiding, waiting for his chance to escape, and throwing Jack against the wall, holding him up by the neck. How weak and helpless he’d looked, the man that had killed his friend.

Brick thought of long hours in a cell, and him conjuring up Lilith to keep him company. He thought of Lilith playing with him and Dusty in New Haven - and how it was a safe fantasy because they were all dead and done for. He’d said her name more times than he could count, because she was dead and so it wasn’t useful to Hyperion.

They clearly thought she was dead, too. They’d told him so many times, both in frustration and to taunt him.

“How?” he asked, looking back at Mordecai. “How did they pull that off?”

“Jack has body doubles; one of them decided to betray him. They staged Lilith’s death, he told Hyperion he’d done it,” Mordecai summarized. He shrugged. “Apparently it worked. We thought at most it would get us time to get here, but they still think she’s dead.”

Brick remembered the thud and the feeling of the man’s body hitting the wall. It had felt good, in his fury over Lilith’s death. And he’d been so close to killing him, too. But then Athena -

“Is that -” Brick stopped. “Athena was there. Said she’d killed Lilith, too.”

“Yeah, she came by to help, apparently. Way I hear it, she even charged Hyperion for the bounty,” Mordecai said with a smirk.

Brick stood up and began pacing. He rubbed his hands against his head.

“So, you’ve seen her?”

“Yeah. She was here, helped us take over Sanctuary.”

“Where is she? Where’s Lilith?”

“Hiding. She’s been fighting bandits so we can focus in Hyperion.”

“Alone?”

Mordecai shrugged again. “She’s a Siren. She’s been doing alright so far. She couldn’t stay here without someone seeing her and telling Hyperion. And we can’t really drop by and help her too often, or Hyperion will notice.”

Brick nodded, having paid only partial attention to the words.

Athena. Athena and Jack (who wasn’t Jack) looking up at him, doing nothing, while he hung from Wilhelm’s grasp, while the Lawbringer and the real Jack smirked and taunted ( _Even a walking slab of meat like you has to realize this: you’re powerless right now_ ), while the Lawbringer wrapped her hands around Dusty’s neck.

If Athena knew, if the fake Jack knew…

Brick grabbed hold of the nearest thing he could find, which turned out to be a metal box, and threw it against the wall with all his strength. The metal box bent and opened, scattering its contents all over the floor. Throwing things that didn’t explode was always almost as satisfying as it was disappointing - it just wasn’t enough.

“Brick!” Mordecai yelped, jumping away from him.

Brick kept scowling at the wrecked box. The voices downstairs had quieted suddenly and Mordecai was staring at him. Brick rubbed his face with hands, hard.

“What?” he barked. He turned to Mordecai. “They didn’t help _me_! They just stood there and watched! They let her kill Dusty and did _nothing_!”

Mordecai was stock still, standing with slightly bent knees and one hand on the butt of his gun. He looked ready to flee, and Brick didn’t need to see the entirety of his face to know he was scared and trying to hide it.

There was a sick type of satisfaction in it. Making people be scared of him was one of the things Brick was best at - he'd used it all his life. It had shut up other kids when they messed with him, called him “stupid” or “hick” or “fag”. Fear had kept most people off his case since before he’d reached his full height, and it had kept people on his side in the Hyperion prison. They’d been frightened and done whatever he told them to do, no questions asked.

But this was Mordecai, and if there was one person in the whole damn planet that Brick had never wanted to scare off, it was him.

“Don’t throw stuff around me,” said Mordecai. His voice was cold and angry. He let go of his gun and squared his shoulders, but kept with one foot back. “I’m serious.”

Brick looked away. He hadn’t asked, but he’d caught enough hints here and there to have an idea of why Mordecai was recoiling like this.

“Sorry,” he muttered.

Mordecai kept giving him a hostile glare for another moment, long enough for Brick to actually regret his loss of temper.

“I didn’t know you knew about Dusty,” Mordecai said eventually.

“Of course I know, I was there.”

Mordecai’s guarded expression finally gave out. “Oh, Brick.” Mordecai took a tentative step towards him. “I didn’t know.”

“You weren’t there,” Brick said. Mordecai flinched and Brick cursed inwardly. “I didn’t mean it like that; I meant you weren’t there, you couldn’t have known.”

Mordecai’s guard rose up again. “I’m sorry I wasn’t there,” he said carefully. “I shouldn’t have left New Haven without you.”

Brick wished those words felt better than that, but they never would, would they? No apology or platitude would feel good unless they changed the past, and there was no way of doing that.

“I went back for her. That’s why I didn’t meet you at the exit,” Brick said. “I should have left with you.”

They looked at each other, at an impasse of guilt and apologies. They’d both done what they thought was best, and it still had ended up wrong - and that was a hard thing to live with.

“You wouldn’t,” Mordecai said with a rueful smile. “You wouldn’t have left her. I wouldn’t have left Blood.” He shrugged helplessly. “I don’t know, I don’t know how it could have gone better.”

“I didn’t tell you what I was doing,” Brick pointed out. “I told you to leave.”

“Yeah, and I shouldn’t have listened. I thought we could still save New Haven.” Mordecai shook his head. “That’s not the point. The point is: Dusty’s dead, and I’m sorry. I’m sorry it happened that way, and I’m sorry it took me so long to find you.”

Brick stepped closer, carefully, but Mordecai wasn’t scared anymore. That was a relief. Brick cradled Mordecai’s face between his hands.

“I thought you were dead,” Mordecai muttered, his hands wrapping around Brick’s wrists and looking at his feet. “For _weeks_. I didn’t at first, but when I found Dusty I just - I gave up. I shouldn’t have.” He took a deep breath and looked up at Brick. “Who’s gonna die for this?”

Brick smiled. This was why he loved Mordecai; he was sharp and fierce and deadly.

“The Lawbringer. And Jack.”

Mordecai nodded. “I got a few things on her now. Her name’s Nisha, and she’s been put in in charge of a mining operation in the Dust.”

Brick blinked. No, wait, _this_ was why he loved Mordecai; he was always a step ahead, he always knew something that could be useful.

“I missed you,” Brick said with a grin, pressing his forehead against Mordecai’s.

Mordecai smiled in return. “I missed you, too.”

* * *

Zed welcomed them with his usual cheer.

“Brick! We thought you were dead, son.” He offered out his hand.

Brick froze at the sight of his mask, the blood spatters on his hands and on every available surface. His jaw clenched and his hands curled into fists.

His pause was long enough for Zed to notice. “I - I don’t mean really! We hoped it wasn’t true, and it’s not!”

Mordecai gave him a curious look.

Brick blinked and forced himself to keep moving forwards, and it was easier after the first step. He didn’t take Zed’s hand, though.

Zed wiped his hand hurriedly on his apron. “Oh, sorry about that. Occupational things. How can I help?”

“Brick hurt his arm,” said Mordecai.

“Oh, yes I can see that,” Zed said, eyeing him up. “You wanna take a seat over there?” Brick did as he was told without a word and he sat on a chair. “What got the drop on you?”

“A skag,” Brick replied. The tension in his body had relaxed enough that he didn’t think he’d punch Zed just for getting close. “Big one. I didn’t have any Insta-Healths to use right there.”

Zed’s fingers prodded at his wounds carefully. “This looks like it’s healing nicely,” he said. “How long ago was it?”

“Couple hours.”

Zed nodded. “Well, jabbing you with an Insta-Health now could be a problem if there’s an infection ongoing. Doesn’t seem to be, but it’s too soon to know. I’ll just disinfect it for now, and if there are no signs of infection by tomorrow, you’re clear for using a shot.”

Zed left his side to go rummage around his cupboards.

“Got something for a headache?” Brick added.

“I do.” Zed turned to his desk and fished out a pill bottle. “Got any water on you?”

Mordecai offered up his canteen to Brick. “Here.”

“How long have you had the headache?” Zed asked Brick.

“An hour? Two? It was hot out in the Dust.”

Zed signaled for Brick to extend his hand and shook the pill bottle over it until a single capsule fell on it. “Take that. If it's not gone in an hour, come back.”

Brick swallowed the painkiller with a mouthful of water and nodded without a word. He knew he wouldn't be coming back here, where it smelled like blood and disinfectant, unless he was literally dying.

They'd only used sharp things a couple times, but the sight of blood on metal tables was enough to make his stomach turn. The smell of disinfectant had always been there, though - they sure needed it after some of their interrogations.

Zed went back to the cupboard in search for some antiseptic.

“It’s gonna leave a scar, I’m afraid,” Zed added when he came back.

Zed poured antiseptic on a piece of gauze and used it to clean the wounds on Brick’s arm. The liquid was cold and didn’t sting, but the skin around the wounds was still somewhat sensitive and Brick flinched slightly.

“‘M not worried about _scars_ ,” Brick said with a snort.

Mordecai smiled from where he was leaning at the foot of one of Zed’s operating tables. There were dried traces of blood everyone on its surface and Brick tried not to look at it.

“What’s one more, right?” Mordecai quipped.

“So long as you still think I’m pretty,” Brick said, tilting his head, a smile on his lips.

Mordecai laughed. “Of course. The prettiest.”

“Young love,” Zed said, shaking his head fondly.

“ _Young_?” Mordecai asked raising his eyebrows. “We’re not teenagers, Zed.”

“No, but how long has it been? Two years?” Zed asked. He was almost done cleaning Brick’s wounds.

“More like a year; year and a half if you count these past few months,” Mordecai said, his mouth twisting at the last part.

“Aw, you’ve kept track,” Brick teased.

“You haven’t?” Mordecai asked dryly.

“Any relationship with less than two years is a young one,” Zed assured them.

Mordecai scoffed. “That’s bullshit.”

“Make it to five years and get back to me,” Zed said, giving Mordecai an amused look. “Ain’t nothing wrong with it, though. Not enough happy things around here lately.”

Brick was distracted by the conversation and by Mordecai’s skeptical expression, and it took him until Zed made a quiet hum of surprise to notice the doctor’s fingers on his neck. Brick jumped out of the chair, turning around to look at Zed. He meant to glare, but he was certain the expression on his face was actually a terrified one.

Zed stepped back, his hands raised in the air.

“Brick?” Mordecai said, pushing quickly away from the operating table. “What’s wrong?”

Brick swallowed heavily, and gave Zed a warning look. Zed raised his hands even higher and took another step back. Mordecai’s hand touched one of Brick’s arms and he flinched.

“‘S nothing,” Brick said, his voice low and raw. He tried to shake himself off.

“Zed?” Mordecai asked sharply, turning to look at the doctor.

Zed looked like a cornered fox, his eyes moving quickly between the two of them.

“Yes?” he asked, trying to feign innocence.

“What did you do?”

“I said it’s fine,” Brick snapped. He stepped away from Mordecai, who looked at him in confusion.

Mordecai turned back to Zed, who seemed to decide Mordecai was the most pressing threat to his physical well-being.

“I didn’t mean to startle anyone, I’ve just seen burn marks like those before,” Zed said, looking at Brick. “The placing too.”

“What burn marks?” Mordecai asked dumbly, a bad feeling settling in chest like a stone.

“On his neck.”

Mordecai turned to look at Brick again, and he knew there was a quiet horror in his face now. Brick was clenching and unclenching his fists, looking like he was only this close to start breaking things again.

“I didn’t tell them anything.” Brick’s voice was resentful and small. He looked like a little kid who knew no one would believe him.

Mordecai’s stomach dropped. He should have known, shouldn’t he? He'd thought about it in the months it took him to find Brick, that Hyperion might try to torture information out of him. But when he’d finally found him, Brick had seemed so… alright, so much like himself, that he’d completely forgotten about it.

But he knew Brick better than that. He knew Brick was good at changing the subject and at pretending things were fine. The thing was, Mordecai had been too relieved to have found him and too eager to believe it, even after Brick’s outburst at the HQ.

“Brick,” Mordecai whispered, not knowing what to do, what to say.

“I didn’t,” Brick insisted, looking at him in the eye, angry and pleading.

Mordecai swallowed hard, trying to dislodge the lump in his throat. “I know. I know you didn’t.”

“So it’s fine. I’m fine.”

“I, uh, I think you boys need a minute,” Zed said, quickly moving towards the door that lead to his quarters. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to…” He made a vague hand gesture. “spring this all up on you.”

Mordecai wanted to tell him to just get out, but that would mean he’d raise his voice in front of Brick, and something told him he shouldn’t do that. After Zed left, they stood in silence for a moment. Mordecai took a few slow steps in Brick’s direction, and reached out with a hand, but Brick flinched away from his touch.

“I’m fine,” Brick said. He looked like the complete opposite of fine. “Stop lookin’ at me like that.”

“You wouldn’t have told me, would you?” Mordecai wondered.

“Why? It happened. It’s over. They’re all dead now,” Brick said with a snarl.

“Good. But…”

“It’s over, Mordy. Who cares?”

“ _I_ care,” Mordecai said, frowning. “Of course I care.” He tried to find the right words, but he wasn’t sure what he could say to make any of it better, except: “I love you.”

It was a plea and a promise. It was the one thing he was certain of in all of the mess they were in.

Mordecai had told Brick he’d thought he was dead, but maybe Brick hadn’t understood what that had meant for him. Thinking Brick dead had been the worst time of Mordecai’s life since his mother’s death; it had left him adrift in a way he didn’t believe was possible for him anymore. Mordecai didn’t believe he had roots any longer, not for years, but he’d found them through loss, as he always did. He never knew what he had, what he loved, until he lost it.

Finding hope, finding the unlikely chance Brick was alive had struck him hard. The hope had been cruel and painful sometimes, when he was out of leads and ideas and energy, when all he could think was he wasn’t going fast enough, that he wouldn’t find Brick in time (before they killed him, before they turned him into something else). Because that was his life: luck was never on his side.

It horrified him to know they’d hurt Brick like this, it made every fiber of his being scream for blood and vengeance. How could he not care, when he’d been so close to losing him for good? When he now knew exactly how much Brick meant to him?

Brick shifted a little in place. He could feel there was a heavy weight of feeling behind Mordecai’s words, but he couldn’t take it in right now. Not when he was trying to push everything else away.

“I know.” He realized it wasn’t the right thing to say, but couldn’t think of anything else, either. “Can we - can we not talk about this?”

Mordecai nodded. “Ok.” He reached out again, and Brick didn’t flinch away from his touch, but didn’t seem comfortable either, so Mordecai dropped his hand again. “I get it. I really do. I’m not gonna ask and you don’t have to tell me anything unless you want to.”

Brick smiled bitterly. This conversation had always gone the other way around. It had taken Mordecai a while to explain that sometimes he just couldn’t talk about some things, and it had nothing to do with Brick. It wasn’t because Mordecai didn’t trust him or didn’t want him to know - he just _couldn’t_ get the words out. Brick had tried to understand, or at least to believe it, but he hadn’t really known what that meant until now.

“Thanks.”

“I guess… we’ll figure it out as we go. That’s what we do,” Mordecai said. He could only hope he was strong enough to deal with the inevitable fallout. Knowing Brick, it would either be a shit-storm for the ages, or he’d just shrug it off like it was nothing. Brick didn’t dwell much on middle grounds. Mordecai was willing to face it, he would do his best - the question was if his best would actually be good enough.

“Well, your arm is taken care of,” he added eventually. “Wanna go talk to Roland or take a look around town?”

“A tour should be more fun,” Brick said, relieved.

* * *

Now that he was showing Brick around, Mordecai was actually surprised about how much they’d advanced in just over two months - he hadn’t stopped to consider it before. Sanctuary had been a mess of dead bodies and run-down buildings after they’d thrown out the Bloodshots. Nothing had worked properly apart from the building that now was the Raiders’ HQ. But they’d had people who needed shelter and protection, so there had been a lot of hands to do repairs.

“'Pierce Station'?” Brick asked, when they came back to the square, looking at the building that housed the Fast Travel.

“Pierce never made it,” Mordecai said. “We lost contact with her after we told her to come join us.”

“I never saw her,” Brick said.

Mordecai gave him a bitter smile. “Yeah, I didn’t think they’d taken her alive.”

“She was tough,” Brick agreed.

Mordecai opened his mouth to say something about how she hadn’t been as tough as Brick, or maybe something about how Hyperion was only interested in people with ridiculous upper body strength, but decided against it. It was hard to know what exactly was the right thing to say.

“Yeah, she was,” he agreed quietly in the end. “Never could find anything on her, but I did find reports on kills after New Haven. I guess she was in one of them.”

“You looked for her?”

“I was looking for you,” Mordecai corrected. “Not a lot of intel to find on you, either, so I just started raiding their work camps. Didn’t work the way I planned, though.”

Brick smiled. “You really missed me, huh?”

Mordecai smiled back. “You could say that.”

He took Brick’s hand in his and twined their fingers tightly.

Mordecai was more affectionate than Brick had originally expected; after he got comfortable enough, Mordecai could be almost clingy when the mood struck. But he’d always been private about it. He didn’t start it often when they were out and about, near most other people.

While it was nice, Brick wondered if Mordecai was only doing it because he knew what Hyperion had done to him.

“Marcus set up shop a couple days after gettin’ here,” Mordecai said as they kept walking. “Asshole keeps selling guns to everyone, including bandits.”

“As long as they keep killing Hyperion,” Brick said with a shrug.

“Uh… I guess some of them must, yeah,” Mordecai conceded. “More than anything, they keep trying to come to Sanctuary. The Bloodshots, at least.”

“What’s that?” Brick said, pointing to the neon lights over the top of buildings.

“That’s, uh, one of Moxxi’s bars,” Mordecai said, reluctance clear in his voice. Brick gave him an incredulous look. “Hey, it wasn’t _my_ idea!”

“She has a _bar_?”

“She’s stuck here, of course she opened bar. But I guess it keeps people from killing each other most of the time,” Mordecai admitted a little begrudgingly. “It’s been pretty cramped and… well, Moxxi knows how to get people to do whatever she wants.”

“Yeah,” Brick said, a little dry. Moxxi had always seemed to keep the people in her Underdome in a thrall - both the public and the fighters. Mordecai had surely looked enthralled back then. “You ok with her being here?”

Mordecai snorted. “That was years ago. But I’m not _happy_. Her Jack turned out to be the biggest asshole Pandora has ever seen. It pisses her off whenever I mention it,” he added with a smirk.

“That she left _you_ for him?” Brick asked, and he didn’t mean for his annoyance to show in his voice, but it seeped in somehow, making the words come out sharp.

Mordecai hesitated. “I - Well. Yeah,” he said, shifting in place. “She did.” Brick huffed. “Oh, c’mon, you know - It’s not about me and her, it’s about her and Jack.”

“Isn’t it?” Brick said before he could think better of it. “It’s been years, and you’re still pissed at her.”

Mordecai squirmed. “That - Well,” he rubbed the back of his neck. “Yeah, I guess. It’s just - Seeing her kinda brings it all back.” Brick didn’t say anything. “C’mon, you can’t honestly be jealous.”

Brick gave a noncommittal hum.

“You’re kidding me,” Mordecai said, crossing his arms. “After all that’s happened, you’re jealous of her? _Now_?”

Brick tipped his head a little to the side. “You’re drinking again, aren’t you? ”

Mordecai blinked, thrown off by the sudden change of topic. The question made him even more defensive, but he refused to be distracted.

“That’s not what I asked,” he said stiffly, taking half a step back. “You’re not honestly jealous. Of _Moxxi_.” Brick looked away, annoyed. “What the hell, you’ve never given me shit about this before. I was with her for a couple months, I’ve been with you for over a year.”

There was a bad feeling pooling in his stomach, but Mordecai couldn’t begin to explain why - maybe if he mulled it over. All he knew was he wanted whatever had caused that sudden feeling to go away.

“And yet, you’re still pissed,” Brick said. “Why do you even care?”

“Because I do,” Mordecai replied. “Because it was a mess. Aren’t you still mad at some of your exes?”

Brick shook his head without hesitation. “No.”

“Well, _I_ am. And it’s nothing to do with us,” Mordecai said pointedly. “You know that.”

Brick rolled his eyes, but seemed to give up on the topic.

The bad feeling got worse.

“It’s a little late to give me shit over being bi, so I hope that’s not what you’re doing,” Mordecai added. When they’d talked about it, he’d told Brick he wouldn’t put up with any kind of misgivings over the fact he was bisexual - he’d had enough of it, and not even from serious relationships. Brick had never seemed to mind, though. “You’ve never cared before.”

“I don’t,” Brick said.

 _What the hell is happening_ , Mordecai wondered.

“Then why the hell are we even talking about this?” Mordecai asked. Brick shrugged, with a sort of insolent indifference, and it only made Mordecai angrier. “And to answer your question: yeah, I started drinking again.” He gave Brick a defiant look. “I told you: I thought you were dead, I lost it. What do you want from me?”

Brick frowned. “I don’t know.”

“I’ll quit again,” Mordecai said wearily.

“Maybe you should quit on your own, not depending on me,” Brick pointed out.

Mordecai narrowed his eyes. “Go to hell, Brick.”

He turned around, but Brick grabbed him before he could get away. “No, wait. Sorry.”

“No,” Mordecai snapped, taking his arm back. “I mean, yeah, you’re right: I should. But I have no idea what you’re doing right now, why you’re pushing me around, but I’m not gonna take it.”

“‘Cause I said you should quit drinking?” Brick asked, a little incredulous.

“No, ‘cause of the _way_ you said it,” Mordecai replied coldly. “And I said I’d quit before you did.”

Mordecai turned around again and left before Brick could say something else to piss him off.

Brick watched him go with a mix of annoyance and guilt. Had he forgotten how to talk to Mordecai, on top of everything else? Communication between them had always been a bit of challenge. They were very different people, but they’d found their stride eventually, after over a year of being together. And now seemed like they’d lost it again in just a couple months.

Why was it always this exhausting?

Was he even jealous of Moxxi? Brick wasn’t entirely sure. Maybe in the sense that Moxxi had been here, in Sanctuary, pouring Mordecai drinks while he’d been in prison being interrogated. It wasn’t like he thought anything might have happened between them besides Mordecai making the occasional snide comment and Moxxi replying in kind.

So, yeah, getting jealous might have been a stupid impulse, but it didn't call for Mordecai storming off, did it?

Brick headed back towards the square. Hopefully he could find a place to get actual food - those ration bars were hardly filling and the headache still hadn’t relented.

“Hey, boss!” Ledge had seen him and was approaching him.

“Whatchu want?” Brick asked impatiently. The guy hadn’t made the best first impression.

Ledge hesitated. “I just wanted to say, good call coming here. Good place to stock up.”

Brick frowned. “Stock up?”

“Yeah, a lot of things here. Plenty of people who wanna fight back.”

Brick stared at him for another moment.

“We’re not leaving. _I’m_ not leaving,” he said.

Ledge blinked. “ _Oh_.” He frowned as well. “So all you said, that was just talk?”

“What? I say a lot of stuff.”

“That we’re fighting Hyperion, killing Jack,” Ledge reminded him with slight contempt.

Brick snorted. “‘Course we are. What you think the Raiders are doing?”

“Fighting, but...” Ledge shifted his weight. “There’s something weird about them. They keep talking about ‘bandits’ like… like that’s everyone else except for them. They almost sound like Hyperion. And they’re just sitting pretty here, behind this shield.”

Brick had to give him that. “Yeah, they’re stuck-up like that. A lot of them were Lance.”

Ledge smirked. “Yeah, stuck-up, that’s it. Seems to rub off on everyone here.”

Brick narrowed his eyes. “You’re kind of an asshole.”

“Yeah, I get that a lot,” Ledge said with a cocky grin.

Brick smiled. Now, that was a better reaction to being told the truth than throwing a fit and storming off, wasn’t it?

“You pick a better name yet?”

“Nah, I like Ledge.”

“You’re definitely an asshole,” Brick informed him. “Suit yourself. You got a better plan than the Raiders?”

“Take the fight to them, you said it yourself.” Brick didn’t remember saying that, but he didn’t argue. “We blew up their prison, we can keep at it.”

“From the _inside_ ,” Brick reminded him. “I ain’t gettin’ locked up again.”

“Yeah, Hyperion would kill you before takin’ you alive,” Ledge agreed. “You rallied us against them, no way they’re gonna let that happen again.”

 _Huh_ , Brick thought.

“Maybe we can do it, our own squad or somethin’,” Brick said thoughtfully. “Roland won’t let his Raiders do something that risky.”

“Yeah. Like Hyperion’s not bombing everywhere they can,” Ledge said. Brick made a noise of agreement. “What about your boyfriend? Is he on board?”

Brick scratched his ear. “Dunno.”

“Hey, sorry about what I said out in the Dust. I thought you were ditching us there.”

Brick snorted. “Sure.”

“The hell did I know? They killed Bill and Mags,” Ledge argued.

That was the first time Brick heard those names. “Friends of yours?”

“Pff, no. Bill was a jerk - he killed his entire family. Mags was old and crazy.”

Well, that made Brick feel better about not having known anything about them. “I’ll see what Roland and Mordecai think. You know where I can find food?”

“I was told there are good pizzas at the bar. You know where that is?” Ledge asked.

Brick groaned inwardly. “Yeah. This way.”

* * *

Moxxi’s bar was bigger than the one she had on the Fathoms, at least. The music was loud, and there was a persistent smell of piss right outside and of beer vomit on the inside, but that just made it like any and every other bar on Pandora.

Brick hoped they could avoid actually meeting Moxxi, but she saw him as soon as they entered the bar.

“Well, spank me and call me Sally,” she said, loud and bright. She waved for them to approach her.

Ledge’s jaw fell and he stared at her, transfixed. Brick snapped his fingers in front of his face.

“Close your mouth,” he advised and walked to the bar.

“Brick,” said Moxxi, smiling at him. “Why didn’t anyone tell me you were in Sanctuary?”

“I just got back,” he replied, trying for casual.

He hadn’t talked to her directly since their Underdome days. Mordecai had always avoided her like the plague whenever she’d been around New Haven, and Brick hadn’t had much of a reason to see her.

He’d never had much of a reason to avoid her, either. Brick had never cared much about the fact that Moxxi had been with Mordecai - it had happened, and it was over. Just a few months back he wouldn’t have given a damn about meeting her, really, but after their stupid argument, Brick wasn’t feeling all that indifferent.

“Well, I’m sure Mordecai’s all kinds of happy,” Moxxi all but purred, leaning a little towards him, flashing her cleavage at him - which was just what Moxxi did when talking to people, he knew. It had never worked on him.

A flare of possessiveness sparked in Brick’s gut. “He is,” he replied with a taut little smile.

“Good. Poor kid’s been in such a state,” Moxxi said, a little dramatic. Then she continued in a more serious voice: “It was bad for a while, worse than I’d ever seen him. But when he heard you were still alive, it put some fire back in his eyes. Or, you know,” she added, signaling to her face. “behind the goggles. He really missed you.”

It was hard to pretend that didn’t give him a feeling of vindication - which was stupid, but there it was.

“Thanks,” he said, aware that she’d only said all of that for his benefit.

Moxxi gave him a knowing smile. “I’m not one to dwell in the past, sugar. And he really loves you, I can tell. That’s probably why we didn’t work out.” She winked at him. Brick realized he probably should have talked to her long before now. “Now, can I get you a drink?”

“Actually, we wanted food,” Brick said, pointing with his head at Ledge, who was still speechless.

Moxxi’s expression turned a little predatory. “Oh, a new face in Sanctuary. What’s your name, sugar?”

“Huh,” Ledge replied, paralyzed by the sudden attention.

Brick snorted. “Goes by Ledge,” he said.

“Ledge, huh? Short for ‘legendary’?” Moxxi teased.

“Ngh,” Ledge said. His face was reaching an alarming shade of crimson.

“It’s short for ‘asshole’,” Brick said pointedly.

That got Ledge to snap out of it. “Hey!”

Moxxi chortled. “There he is!”

“You’re gonna give him a stroke,” Brick chided her. “You got pizzas, right?”

“I sure do."

“We’ll have three.”

“Take a seat,” Moxxi said, pointing towards the booths.

“And a beer for me,” Ledge chimed in.

“Excellent choice,” Moxxi said with a flirtatious smile. Ledge brightened. “For you, Brick?”

Brick thought it over. He hadn’t had a beer in so long, not since he’d quit drinking along with Mordecai. But Mordecai was drinking again, and he’d had some hellish two months, so why the hell not?

“Sure.”

He headed towards a booth, the one that looked cleanest, and Ledge trailed after him.

“Wait, so you were with _her_?” Ledge asked, taking a seat across from him.

Brick snorted, loudly. “ _What_? No. I’m gay.”

“Oh,” Ledge said, looking confused. “I thought…”

“Mordecai was with her a couple years back,” Brick said with a shrug.

“Huh.” Ledge gave him a speculative look. “You must really be packing if he left her for you, boss.”

Brick burst out laughing. “You sound like you wanna find out,” he warned him with a grin, leaning back against the back of the booth.

Ledge stared at him with a sort of frightful curiosity and swallowed heavily.

Brick’s grin dropped. “You’re not. Findin’ out,” he clarified.

“Oh, ok,” Ledge said with a relieved chuckle. “Thanks.”

Brick rolled his eyes. Straight guys were always so weird.

“Don’t drool too much over Moxxi, she’s just gonna take all your money,” he cautioned, knowing it would probably fall on deaf ears.

* * *

Roland was a little surprised to see Mordecai arrive alone the command center in the Raiders HQ; he was sure he wouldn’t be able to pry Mordecai and Brick apart for a few days at least. But Roland had gotten a little more versed in Mordecai’s expressions in the past few months, and judging by the stubborn set of his mouth, something had pissed him off.

“Hey,” Roland greeted.

“Hey.”

Yeah, definitely pissed off.

“Where’s Brick?” Roland asked, as casually as he could.

Mordecai shrugged and said with a little too much indifference: “Don’t know.”

Pissed off with Brick. That had to be a record for them, though; while Mordecai and Brick bickered a lot, they rarely fought in earnest. They certainly didn’t fight as often as Roland and Lilith had, and looking back Roland thought how ironic it was that Mordecai had once asked him about romantic relationships.

Roland did what he knew he would have preferred if he was in Mordecai’s place, and changed the topic.

“You think you’ll be up for a trip to the Eridium Blight soon?” he asked.

Mordecai relaxed as they discussed their next operation. They’d gotten better at working together now that it was just he two of them. Roland had always assumed Mordecai didn’t say much when the four of them had made plans because he didn’t care or didn’t have much to say. Nowadays, he was thinking maybe Mordecai hadn’t said much because he always got steamrolled by Lilith and Brick.

Mordecai was different to Lilith as second in command, and Roland had been trying to adjust to the change. Mordecai was less impulsive than Lilith and he had a knack for gathering information, but he was also less decisive and much more reluctant to take charge.

Mordecai could go on tangents easily, and that could be stressful. On the other hand, he was more inclined to look at things from a wider perspective, meanwhile Lilith and Brick had always gone for more short-term solutions - i.e. destroying things and/or killing people - without much thought for the consequences.

They more or less settled on a plan, eventually. It was detailed enough for Roland to feel at ease, even if he knew Mordecai would end up winging it through most of it - but that’s what he was good at.

“Are you taking Brick with you?” Roland asked.

Mordecai sighed. “Probably.”

Roland nodded, wondering if he should say anything further.

“You two alright?” he asked quietly.

“Yeah. It’s just - It was a long two months,” Mordecai replied with a shrug. He crossed his arms. “I don’t think you’re gonna get any intel on Hyperion from Brick, though. He was in jail, in a cell.”

“Fair enough,” Roland conceded. Mordecai handled intel and he knew Brick best, so he would know.

“And they blew up the prison,” Mordecai added with a smirk.

Roland laughed. “Yeah. That’s a very Brick thing to do.”

“He doesn’t have an ECHO, I need to get him one,” Mordecai said. “And, uh, are there any apartments available?”

Roland blinked. “Oh, right. Let me check.”

He pulled up a list in the work table and scrolled through it. Mordecai had laughed at his insistence to keep records on the renovations and housing, but Roland hadn’t paid attention to him - he knew how useful keeping lists could be.

Mordecai wasn’t laughing now.

“The best one I see is this one,” he said after a few minutes, pointing. “First floor, by the square. It has light and water, at least. I don’t know about heating and AC,” he added frowning. The data was missing, probably because someone had forgotten to do their job properly.

“I’ll check it out,” Mordecai said. “Hopefully there isn’t a dead skag in this one.”

“Yeah,” Roland agreed. Finding dead skags, and dead skag bits in weird places had been a worryingly common occurrence so far.

“Thanks, Roland.”

* * *

The sun was almost done with its long process of setting. Brick had no idea how long he'd been at the bar by now, but he knew it was the best time he’d had in a long time. Fuck, but he’d missed alcohol.

Ledge - or Rocko, as he’d decided he would be called after Moxxi made fun of his name - told some tall tales, got Brick play at throwing darts for a while, got one of the waitresses to dance with him, and lost what little money he had on the slot machines.

Brick watched the whole train wreck without even trying to help and only laughed at him.

“Told you she’d take your money,” Brick said.

“Shut up, Brick,” Rocko countered with a scowl. At least he’d stopped calling him “boss”; that shit was just weird when they were getting drunk together. Rocko looked around for his bottle.

Brick went back to their booth, picked up another slice of cold pizza, and took a bite.

“There you are!” Brick looked up and saw Mordecai striding up to him. “Been looking all over for you.”

Brick gave him a wide, drunk smile. “Jus’ been here,” he said with his mouth full.

“Why? I thought you were jealous of Moxxi,” Mordecai said with a mocking tone.

Brick shrugged and flopped down in the booth. Once angered, Mordecai would be ready with a snide comment or a hurtful barb for weeks afterwards. Usually Brick found it annoying, but right now he was too drunk to care.

“Talked to her. We’re cool,” Brick said and crammed the rest of the pizza slice in his mouth.

Mordecai’s eyebrows shot up. “Are you?”

Brick took his time chewing the pizza and swallowed.

“Yeah. She says you love me,” Brick replied with a grin.

“Brick… I’ve been telling you that for over a year,” Mordecai said in a long-suffering voice.

“Yeah, well, different to hear it from your ex.”

Mordecai narrowed his eyes for a second. “ _¿Quién te entiende?_  ” he muttered, shaking his head.

“What’s that mean?”

“It means you’re an idiot and I have no idea why I put up with you,” Mordecai replied peevishly. He tipped Brick’s face upwards and kissed him.

“I give good head?” Brick suggested with a grin.

Mordecai laughed. “Dumbass,” he said affectionately.

“I’m not hearing a ‘no’.”

“Well, then it has to be a ‘yes’, don’t you think?”

Brick beamed at him. “Come here,” he said, pulling at Mordecai until he sat on his lap.

“I’d forgotten you get handsy when you’re drunk,” Mordecai muttered.

“You too.”

“Only with you,” Mordecai argued. “You hug and kiss everybody.”

“Not on the mouth,” Brick said and kissed him again.

Mordecai laughed against his lips. He slid his arms over Brick’s shoulders and let himself melt, mold against him, pressing himself as close as he could. Oh, how he’d missed this.

Brick’s hand slid up his thigh and rubbed him over his pants. Mordecai pulled the hand away with a twinge of regret.

“Not here,” Mordecai said with a smile, nuzzling against Brick’s cheek.

“Why not?” Brick asked with a daring look.

“Public place, Brick,” Mordecai reminded him with a chuckle. “You think you can look at any of these people in the eye tomorrow?” Brick shrugged. “Moxxi would shoot us. Or film us, I don't know which is worse.”

“She can watch,” Brick muttered and started kissing Mordecai’s neck.

Mordecai laughed. “But not touch,” he added.

“Nope. Just me.”

“Good.” Mordecai was still holding Brick’s hand and he pressed a kiss against the palm. “You’re pretty enough. You wanna get outta here, stranger?”

Brick hummed against his neck. “Mm, can’t. Have a date with my boyfriend.”

“Boyfriend, huh?” Mordecai asked, starting to feel lightheaded.

“Yeah, haven’t seen him in too long.” Brick’s mouth closed around his earlobe. “Haven’t fucked him in even longer.”

Mordecai tried to suppress a shiver. “Sounds like a lucky guy,” he said, pulling reluctantly away.

“He is,” Brick agreed with a grin.

“Humble.”

“I’m even luckier?” Brick added.

“Too little, too late, Brick,” Mordecai retorted. He stood up and offered out a hand. “So? You comin’?”

“‘Course I am,” Brick said with a wide grin, taking his hand and standing up.

Mordecai rolled his eyes a little, but laughed. He’d given Brick the set up for that joke, knowing he’d take it.

“Oh, good, I was about to go look for the fire hose to pull the two of you apart,” Moxxi said with a wicked smile. She'd left her usual position behind the bar and was halfway to their booth. She rested a hand on her hip and wagged a finger at them. “I’ll have you know, I run a respectable business.”

“Since when?” Mordecai shot back, looking at her over his shoulder.

“Since always!” Moxxi said, feigning shock. “The unrespectable business has always been done around the back, sugar, you know that.”

Brick slid an arm around Mordecai’s shoulders and pulled him close. “Not _your_ back, though,” he said loudly.

Moxxi threw her head back and laughed. Mordecai covered his face with a hand.

“C’mon. Let’s go,” he grumbled, trying not to laugh without much success. He pulled Brick along with an arm around his waist.

“You have more spirit than I remembered,” Moxxi told Brick. “Good. Keep it up, sugar.”

“ _Don’t_ ,” Mordecai warned Brick before he could reply to that.

“Aw, but that was an easy one!” Brick complained. “I _can_ keep it up-”

“Don’t,” Mordecai cut him off. “And of course it was an easy one - it’s Moxxi.”

It was already night outside, and the streets were mostly empty. They hadn’t gone far before Brick leaned and caught the tip of Mordecai’s ear between his teeth. Mordecai tipped his head up and let his eyes flutter shut with a sigh.

Brick cupped Mordecai’s jaw, his thumb pressing over his lips, and bit the tip of Mordecai’s ear, sharp but not painful. Mordecai quivered and moaned embarrassingly loud.

“Brick, not here,” Mordecai said, but his voice was uneven and needy, and he pressed himself against Brick’s body at the same time. He still had an arm around Brick’s waist, and he dropped his hand to grab Brick’s ass.

“Then where?” Brick asked, without letting go of his ear.

Mordecai struggled to put himself together. “I - Roland -” Mordecai swallowed heavily. “Roland got us a place,” he managed to say, before turning around and pulling Brick down for a heated kiss.

Brick’s stubble was terrible, a distant part of him decided - Mordecai’s lips were burning, but he couldn’t muster enough focus to care. He lost track of how long the stood there, rubbing against each other, hands slipping under clothes and tracing figures over familiar skin, Brick’s hand tangled in Mordecai’s hair and Mordecai running his fingernails over the back of Brick’s head.

Brick’s hand grabbed Mordecai’s thigh, and Mordecai lifted his leg without thinking, as a reflex bred by long habit and practice. Brick gave a sort of feral grunt and bent down to pick him up, and suddenly Mordecai remembered where they were.

“No, wait-”

A wolf whistle sounded from the end of the street.

“Hey! Get a room, you two!” a female voice shouted.

“Shut up, Balewa!” Mordecai shouted back.

Balewa laughed and returned to her patrol.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Music mood: [José González - Down the Line](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8dQ1nhTC2pg)
> 
> You can find me on [Tumblr](http://www.wilwarindi.tumblr.com/)
> 
>  **Note on the formal/informal you:** English speakers will never know the horror of being called the formal "you" by younger people when you honestly aren't expecting it. Makes you feel old as hell. Still makes me rear my head and make mental pterodactyl screeches.
> 
>  **Spanish Translations:**  
>  Pendejo/Huevón = Asshole (in different countries)  
> Así lo diría you = That's how I would say it  
> Es lo mismo = It's the same  
> ¿Eres de Pandora? = Are you from Pandora?  
> Sí, ¿y usted? = Yes, and you*? (*formal "you")  
> ¿Usted? = ¿You? (*formal "you")  
> ¿Me estás... ? O me tuteas o te echo a patadas. = Are you... ? You either (call me the informal "you") or I kick you out.  
> Perdón, es la costumbre. ¿De dónde eres? = Sorry, it's a habit. Where are you* from? (informal "you")  
> ¿Qué tal es? = How is it?  
> Seguro. Aburrido. = Safe. Boring.  
> Menos peleas, pero la gente es una mierda igual que aquí. = Less fighting, but people are shitty just like here.  
> No es tan malo. Es tranquilo. Pero sí es aburrido, por eso me largué. = It's not that bad. It's quiet. But it is boring, that's why I took off  
> Pero allá… puedes andar con tu novio en la calle, ¿verdad? = But there... you can walk with your boyfriend out on the street, right?  
> Puedes hacerlo en Pandora también. Nosotros nunca hemos intentado disimular. = You can do that on Pandora, too. We've never tried to pretend  
> Bueno, a /él/ nadie nunca le dice nada. Te imaginarás por qué. = Well, nobody ever tells /him/ anything. You can imagine why  
> A la mayoría de la gente en este planeta no le importa. Y el resto, que se jodan. = Most people on this planet don't care. And the rest, fuck 'em.  
> ¿No habla español? = He doesn't speak Spanish?  
> Qué, si apenas habla inglés = Pff, he barely even speaks English  
> No. Algo entiende, pero no mucho. = No. He understands a bit, but not a lot.  
> ¿Quién te entiende? = Who even understands you?


	11. Life affirmations (AKA: NSFW intermission 2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Featuring: A bit of a rocky start there, but just bear with me. Talks, Trauma, Looping introspection, Smut, *insert shrug emoji here*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: General discussion of trauma, Alcoholism, Smut
> 
> This was supposed to be a lot more smut and less plot, but as you probably know, things rarely go according to plan when writing.
> 
> Special thanks to: bigestdisappointmentinwarfare, mordecry and FangFero for their patience, support and proofreading :D
> 
> Also, check out FangFero's and mordecry's fanart in chapters 6 and 9 respectively :D
> 
> Music Mood: [Florence + The Machine - Heavy In Your Arms](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5_o3nHsR04s) | [Daughter - Touch](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pjUdwnPaL2Y)

Mordecai guided Brick to the apartment they’d been assigned for the time being, trying to keep a couple of steps ahead to avoid getting too distracted again. Thankfully it wasn’t far.  When Mordecai stopped in front of the door to search his pockets for the keys, Brick caught up to him and immediately wrapped his arms around him and attached his lips to Mordecai’s neck.

“Get off,” Mordecai grumbled. “I need the keys first.”

Brick made a “nah-ha” sound against his neck and ground hard against Mordecai’s ass. Mordecai could feel Brick’s erection, even through his jeans, as it rubbed against him.

“Seriously,” Mordecai said again, clinging to his irritation to maintain focus, or else they'd just go back to dry humping in public - and as tempting as that might be, Mordecai had lost enough dignity in front of other people for one day.

He found the key and opened the door quickly. He’d checked the place already and brought a bag with his belongings, which he realized now had been a really good idea. There was no way he’d be able to escape Brick’s grasp long enough to go to the HQ and pack - and no way he'd want to.

Mordecai fumbled for the light switch, but didn’t find it.

“Damn.” He tried to push Brick’s hands away. “Get off, give me a sec.”

Brick replied by biting his ear again.

“Brick,” Mordecai tried again, less grouchy and more serious. “Give me just one sec.” Brick sighed and let him go. “Thanks.”

Mordecai found the light switch and flicked it on. Nothing happened, and Mordecai remembered the light by the door wasn’t working and they’d have to get it fixed.

“Right, busted light,” he muttered.

Mordecai turned around to follow the wall by the door by touch to find the next light switch, but then he saw Brick had frozen in place.

“Brick?” he asked.

Brick blinked. “I’m fine,” he said stiffly.

Mordecai abandoned his search. He put his hands on Brick’s arms and gripped them firmly, hoping the contact would ground him, then ran his hands up until he was touching Brick’s face. Brick closed his eyes, pressing back against his hands.

“What is it?” Mordecai asked, trying to find the right balance between firm and gentle in his voice. “You don’t have to tell me why, just what.”

Brick hesitated.

“Dark.” It might actually have been a good thing he was drunk, or else Mordecai would have had to plead and threat and pry the words out of him. “Dark rooms.”

“Alright. Anything else?” Brick shook his head. “Ok. I’ll get the lights, I’ll be right back.”

“I know,” Brick said, annoyed. Mordecai couldn’t say he didn’t understand.

“Just letting you know.”

He dropped his hands and returned to his task of finding the working light switch, trying to be as quick as he could.

Once he turned on the lights, Brick stepped inside the apartment.

“Sorry,” Brick muttered as he closed the door behind him.

“Nope,” Mordecai said. “It’s not your fault.”

“It’s stupid,” Brick said with a frown.

“Yeah. It is.”

Mordecai stretched out a hand and offered it up to Brick, who smiled a tad bitterly and went to meet him.

“Before you get too horny again,” Mordecai said with a mischievous smile. “How drunk are you? You’re not gonna pass out or throw up on me, are you?”

“Nope, not that drunk,” Brick assured him. He put a hand over Mordecai’s waist and kissed him.

“Still in the mood?”

“It’s been two months, Mordy,” Brick reminded him.

“And a half.”

Brick rolled his eyes.

“You have a one-track mind,” Mordecai teased.

Brick groaned a little in annoyance and kissed him again, pushing his tongue in Mordecai’s mouth. It was the most effective way to shut him up. Mordecai, who expected that reaction, laughed and hooked his thumbs over Brick’s belt buckle, pulling him closer.

“You still talk too much,” Brick said.

Mordecai grinned at him. “Well, if that’s how you wanna make me stop, why wouldn't I?” he said, unbuckling Brick’s belt. “The punishment’s just too good.”

Brick laughed. “You’re so weird.”

“Stones in glass houses, Brick,” Mordecai chided. He slid his hands around Brick’s waist, slipped his hands under his jeans and cupped his ass.

Brick hummed and pressed himself against Mordecai, rolling his hips slightly. The angle and their height difference meant he couldn’t kiss him, though, so he splayed his hands over Mordecai’s back and leaned in as close to his ear as he could, trying unsuccessfully to catch it in his mouth again.

Mordecai grabbed the front of Brick’s jeans and pulled at him. “C’mon.”

Brick let himself be lead and took off his shirt and gloves on the way. He threw them in a corner once the were inside the bedroom.

Mordecai turned around and his smile fell.

Brick looked down and remembered his new set of scars. There was a particularly ugly one on his stomach that curled around his right side, from ribs down to his hip. No doubt, there were some on his back too.

Brick huffed and bent down to pick up his shirt again.

“No, don’t,” Mordecai said.

“Why not?” Brick asked. He lifted his arms to put the shirt on, but Mordecai’s hands on his wrists stopped him. “If they bother you so much, I can keep this on.”

“‘ _Bother_ ’?” Mordecai repeated. “What - Are you serious? You think I don’t like looking at them?”

“I have no idea. Kinda hard to tell what you’re thinkin’ sometimes,” Brick said with a sharp edge.

Mordecai stared at him for a long moment. He took off his goggles and looked at him in the eye. “What _I’m_ thinking? You realize you’re not exactly an open book, right?” He made as if to touch the big scar, but stopped himself. “I don’t give a shit about lookin’ at them. I mean, you’ve been covered in scars since I met you. And you’ve seen me, I have my share.” He shrugged. “I don’t care how they _look_ , I care that these are my fault.”

Brick snorted. “No, they ain’t.”

“Yes, they are,” Mordecai argued. “I left you alone in New Haven. And I didn’t find you in time.”

“What?”

“You can’t honestly tell me you don’t blame me for it, just a little,” Mordecai said with a frown.

“I don’t. I told you to go without me,” Brick replied impatiently. “The only reason I didn’t tell them anything was ‘cause you were out there. Maybe I would have if they’d also caught you.”

Mordecai ducked his head. He took a deep breath and let it out.

“If you hadn’t already killed the people who did this, I’d hunt them down and kill them all myself.”

“That’s more like it,” Brick said, with no small amount of relief.

He could handle Mordecai being angry, wanting revenge. His pity, though, was like shards of glass, cutting him open all over again, exposing him.

Mordecai scoffed. “Of course I’m angry, whaddaya think? I’m happy?” Brick shrugged and Mordecai’s eyes narrowed. “Brick -” he said, temper flaring.

“I dunno,” Brick cut him off, hoping to stop the flood of irritation before it got away from them. “I don’t - I don’t think you’re _happy_ , ‘course not. But I want you angry. Not brooding, not - not _sad_. Angry.”

Mordecai didn’t look any less annoyed, but he took a moment to reply. “I _am_ angry. At them, at myself. I think if I’d stayed with you, none of this would’ve happened.”

“I just wanna forget about it,” Brick said, trying for a smile. It didn’t work properly. Mordecai didn’t seem inclined to do as he asked. “Please,” Brick added, the word forcibly pushed out between clenched teeth.

Goosebumps were crawling over his arms and Brick realized he couldn’t stand still. He was fidgeting with the shirt in his left hand hand, and the fingers on his right hand pushed against the seams of his jeans, digging into them until they hurt.

Mordecai covered his eyes with a hand.

“Can we just -” Brick tried, hating how shaky his voice sounded in his own ears. He took a step towards Mordecai. “Can we just keep going?”

Mordecai gave him an incredulous look. “What?” 

Brick huffed and put his shirt back on. “Fine. I can, just, find somewhere else to crash.”

“Brick,” Mordecai said, dropping the hand of his face. Brick headed towards the door, and wondered if he could find Rocko again. The guy had probably eaten all the food that was left by now. Brick could berate him for it and guilt trip Rocko to go back to drinking some more, go back to having fun. “Brick!”

Mordecai chased after him, but Brick didn’t listen. Mordecai grabbed his arm, tried to get Brick to look at him, and Brick shook him off without much effort.

They were almost to the door, and Mordecai knew he couldn’t let this go right now, so he did the only thing he could think, and wrapped his arms around Brick’s waist and clung tightly with his face pressed against Brick’s back.

Brick tried to take few more steps, but when Mordecai didn’t let go, he finally stopped.

They stood in tense silence for a long moment.

Mordecai took a couple deep breaths, trying to push his messy feelings back down. If he didn’t, he’d end up babbling, throwing scattered words and thoughts out there. All the things he wanted to say would try to come out at once and get stuck in his throat and burst out as a jumbled mess that would do more harm than good. He’d blurt out things he didn’t mean to and he’d regret most of it immediately.

The tight pressure of Mordecai’s arms around him felt good, Brick thought. It helped ease the shaking that had sneaked up on him. It helped ease the need to move and keep moving, of doing something just to get out of his own head and stay on the edge of his own skin instead.

“I don’t know if you remember,” Mordecai said eventually, with his forehead still pressed against the point between Brick’s shoulder blades. “But you once told me: ‘ _you can’t expect me not to care_ ’. Back when I was… feeling down.”

Brick let out a brief laugh at the what he knew was probably a wild understatement. “I don’t,” he said.

He had an idea of where this was going, though, and he didn’t like it. But he also felt too tired to fight it.

“I was pissed, when you said it,” Mordecai said with a smile. “I didn’t _want_ you to care. I just - I didn’t want you to think I couldn’t handle it. I didn’t… I didn’t want your _pity_. I wanted you to _fix_ it, but I knew you couldn’t do that. Learned that the hard way.” He sighed and tightened his embrace, splaying his hands over Brick’s stomach. “Well, this is me saying: you can’t expect me not to care.”

Brick leaned back into Mordecai a little and looked up at the ceiling.

“You’re right, that does piss me off,” he admitted with a chuckle.

“I don’t _pity_ you, Brick,” Mordecai said with dead certainty. “You're strong. A lot stronger than me, and I don’t just mean ‘cause you’re, like, eighty percent muscle.” Brick smiled with his eyes still fixed on the ceiling. “You pity weak people, and that’s not you.”

“I don’t…” Brick trailed off. He rubbed his face with a hand. “I can’t even… walk into a fucking dark room.”

“So what?” Mordecai said without missing a beat. “You’ll get over it. It can go away.”

“But I shouldn’t be… It shouldn’t be a problem.”

Mordecai loosened his grip and Brick stopped him. He couldn’t look at Mordecai in the eye right now, not while they talked about this.

“Well, it is. But it’s not your fault, ok?” Mordecai said, hugging him close again. Brick didn’t reply. “They did this, and it’s not your fault.”

“I know,” Brick said.

“ _Believe_ it,” Mordecai pressed. “It sucks, it fucing sucks, cause you have to deal with it and they don’t. It’s not fair. But you can.”

Brick turned his head back to look at Mordecai over his shoulder. “Your dad, right?” he asked quietly.

“Huh?”

“Why you freaked out when I threw that thing.”

Mordecai took a moment to reply. “Yeah. He was an asshole. Liked to break things and shout.”

Brick blinked. “I do that, too.”

“Yeah. But you’re not him.”

The uneasiness in Brick’s voice was what made the whole difference. Brick shouted, yes, but he’d stopped yelling when he was angry after Mordecai had told him to - no questions asked. And when he forgot, he apologized. And Brick had never thrown things just because, just to watch others cower in fear.

Brick frowned. He turned around to look at Mordecai, finally.

“I didn’t mean to scare you,” he muttered.

Mordecai watched his face closely. “I know. Just don’t do it again,” he said, with an edge of a warning in his voice.

Brick nodded and Mordecai cupped his face in his hands.

“I love you, don’t you get that?” Mordecai said, frowning. “I fucking care about something bad happening to you, because you're my fucking boyfriend and _I love you_.” Brick nodded again. “If it’d happened to me... If they’d caught _me_ , Brick, you’d be freaking out.”

“Yeah,” Brick admitted.

“So let me worry,” Mordecai said, shaking Brick’s face just a little for emphasis. “I thought I’d lost you, ok? I thought - I thought I’d never see you again. So I don’t care, I don’t give a shit if you don’t like dark rooms. That’s nothing.” He shook his head, trying to put his thoughts back in order. “I mean, that’s nothing compared to not seeing you again. I'll take that any day.” He shrugged. “And it _sucks_. It does, but you’re not… you’re not weak because what _they_ did got to you. You’re not. Fuck, Brick, something like that would have gotten to anyone.”

Brick pulled away from his touch and rubbed his eyes. “You got all that off the top of your head?” he asked with a wobbly smile.

Mordecai shrugged. “I have… some baggage. Maybe you’ve noticed,” he said with a wry smile. Brick laughed a little. “I've picked up a few things along the way.”

Brick took a steadying breath. “I love you.”

Mordecai smiled, feeling like a weight had been lifted. “You still wanna take off?”

“No. I kinda just… wanna sleep,” Brick said.

“Well, there’s a bed back there with your name on it,” Mordecai said, pointing over his shoulder. “We can pick up where we left off in the morning, if you're still interested.”

Brick laughed and dropped a kiss on Mordecai’s forehead.

“You bet I am.”

The bed, Brick noticed now, was just a couple single mattresses pushed together on the floor, with a pile of too small, mismatched blankets and a small mountain of pillows. No sheets. It was still a more welcoming, warmer bed than the one he’d had in prison.

Brick unlaced his boots and pulled down his jeans a little. When he sat down to take the boots and the jeans off, Mordecai walked in the room and offered him his canteen.

“I don’t think you want another headache tomorrow,” Mordecai said. “The water tastes better than in New Haven, at least.”

Brick took the canteen gratefully and took a long gulp from it. The water tasted a little like rust, heavy with minerals, but, then again, New Haven’s water had tasted a little like swamp, so it was indeed better.

“Thanks, babe,” Brick said.

Pet names had never been their thing, but they never failed to get a smile out of Mordecai.

“Dork,” he muttered.

Brick slipped under the blankets and stretched out on his back with a satisfied sigh. He threw an arm over his eyes.

“Can you get the lights?” he asked, already sounding half asleep.

Mordecai’s hand moved to the light switch without thinking, but he stopped when he remembered Brick’s reaction when they’d first gotten to the apartment and all the lights had been off.

“Uh…”

“Mmh?” Brick said.

Mordecai looked around the room and found nothing besides his backpack, of course. They didn’t have anything they could use as a lamp. They barely had any possessions anymore; almost everything they’d owned had been lost in New Haven, and for the first time, Mordecai missed the general clutter that he’d barely paid any attention to before: the lumpy couch, the wobbly table and mismatched chairs, the creaky bed that sometimes seemed ready to give in under Brick’s weight. Honestly, it had been kind of a miracle that bed had held on for so long in one piece. Mordecai remembered thinking about that sometimes, when they’d been in a rough mood, or after day and weeks of not seeing each other, and they’d barely stopped to get half undressed before…

Uh, he was getting distracted.

Mordecai turned on the lights on the hallway outside, then flicked off the bedroom light switch. A rectangle of light was cast upon the foot of the bed.

“That enough light?” Mordecai asked.

“Huh?” Brick opened a sleepy eye and looked at him.

Mordecai opened his mouth, then closed it again. He wasn’t sure how to say it without making it sound like coddling.

“You don’t like dark rooms,” Mordecai said eventually with a small shrug. “That good enough?”

Brick paused for a second, then smiled at him - a little tired, a little resigned and bittersweet.

“Yeah. You think of everything.”

Mordecai huffed. “One of us has to.”

Brick rolled on his side and pulled one of the pillows close to his chest. The gesture, the sight was unexpectedly familiar, and a wave of relief and fondness swept over Mordecai. It hit him all over again that he’d actually _found_ Brick, that Brick was _right_ _there_ , _alive_ , and Mordecai had never known he could love someone as much as he did in that moment. It was a blow right to the middle of the chest, it was a tectonic shift, it was an avalanche pushing all the air from his lungs. But under it, it also was a solemn, quiet certainty, a falling of pieces into the place they’d been moving towards for a long time.

Mordecai made himself breathe again. Things were fine, against all odds. Things were fine, and they were together again.

“You comin’ or what?” Brick mumbled against his pillow.

Mordecai shook himself. “What?”

“You gonna stand there all night?”

Mordecai hesitated. He wanted to slip in bed by Brick’s side, of course he did, but… but even if he was beyond tired and wanted to press himself against his boyfriend’s side and forget about the world (his actual, living boyfriend whom he’d almost lost, whom he loved more than anything) he could feel the thrum of his brain working and knew he wouldn’t be able to sleep.

Insomnia, his old friend, had sank its claws on him for the past few months. It hadn't been that bad in years. Since New Haven, Mordecai had been working on nothing but caffeine, stubbornness and desperation (and alcohol to pass out at the end of another endless day without answers, without progress), and his body wasn’t yet ready to let it all go. If he tried to lie down, he’d only get restless and toss and turn and get smothered by a million thoughts, coming all at once.

“I can’t sleep,” Mordecai said truthfully.

“Not over there, you’re not.”

“You know how it is. I’ll just hang out there. Just sleep, I’ll be back in a while” Mordecai said, backing towards the door.

Brick lifted his head from the pillow and gave him a flat look. “I know you don’t sleep until you pass out or I drag you to bed. You say I help, so come over here and close your eyes and _try_ , ok?”

This wasn’t one of the times when Brick’s mere presence would be enough to lull Mordecai to sleep, not with the way his brain was buzzing and seeming to get bigger, pressing against his skull. He needed quiet, he needed to think and ease back into himself…

But Brick was sitting up in bed, and he was so tired, yet the sleepy look in his eyes was clearing into one of concern.

“Yeah, ok.” Mordecai gave in quickly. It might be worth a shot. But even if it didn’t work, he didn’t want to be a cause of concern for Brick. Especially not after everything that had happened to him lately.

Mordecai took off his jacket, boots and pants and crawled under the covers. Brick pulled Mordecai closer against his back and held Mordecai’s hand over his chest.

Mordecai nuzzled against the back of Brick’s neck and smiled. He folded his free arm under his head, trying to make himself more comfortable.

Brick’s breathing soon evened out into a sleeping rhythm. He was as warm as he ever was, and Mordecai could press his ear against Brick’s back and hear the strong, steady heartbeat there. For a blessed moment, that was enough to ease some of the growing pressure in his brain and the tightness in his chest he hadn’t even been aware was there.

Brick was here. Brick was alive. Brick was fine.

The tightness in his chest came back.

Brick wasn’t fine. He was alive, sure, but whatever they’d done to him had changed him. And the change may not be permanent, but it was still there. Right there.

_The burn marks on his neck._

Mordecai opened his eyes and searched for the marks Zed had mentioned, but couldn’t make anything more than the general shape of Brick’s neck in front of him. And he didn’t really want to see them… but he did. He wanted to know where they were, and what had caused them, and how often-

Mordecai closed his eyes again, trying to quell the feeling of a pit opening in his stomach. He couldn’t ask Brick about it. Brick would never tell him, and honestly, neither would have Mordecai if their positions were reversed.

And yet, Mordecai _needed_ to know. He could think of a hundred things Hyperion might have tried to get information out of Brick, each more gruesome than the next, and it was killing him. He wouldn’t stop picturing the worst things he could think of it until he knew for sure what had actually happened. But if he ever knew everything (what, how, when and who) it wouldn’t make it stop either, it would still keep playing in his head in an endless loop. It would catch him unaware and make his stomach turn, and his blood boil, and keep him up at night. Just as not knowing was keeping him up right now.

Mordecai sighed, trying to stop the whirl of his thoughts. His arm was getting numb, and he shifted around, unsure of how to settle down.

He couldn’t ask Brick, though. Mordecai had promised he wouldn’t ask, and anyway it was wrong, trying to pry on such a thing. Some things you just couldn’t ask, not if you cared about the other person.

But Mordecai could ask Zed what he knew. Zed had mentioned he’d seen such burn marks - he could tell they were burn marks to begin with, so he must know something. That would be a start.

And then what?

Then, he’d kill everyone involved who wasn’t already dead. Then, he’d think about it non stop, think about how he wouldn’t have survived it, about how he should have been the one caught and tortured, and how that would have doomed them all, because he would have broken. He was weaker than Brick, he was the weakest link, and if anyone deserved to suffer it was _him_.

Mordecai pressed fingers against his eyes, hard enough to see stars. This wasn’t helping. His self-loathing wasn’t helping anyone, least of all Brick. Yet it was such an old, ingrained habit, it was hard to stop.

Mordecai shifted again. His arm and leg were in pain, and he just couldn’t find a way to be comfortable. He knew they’d done this before, they’d cuddled a hundred times before, but it seemed he couldn’t even remember how to do it right. He couldn’t even manage that.

He just couldn’t remember how to fit next to Brick. He couldn’t remember how they were supposed to fit together at all, and wasn’t that what was wrong? The reason they kept clashing and missing each other, unable to find the right moment, the right words, the right gesture? It had just been two months, was it so easy to lose what made them _them_?

Mordecai felt suddenly too hot, too crowded. He pulled his hand free from Bricks loose grasp as carefully as he could to avoid waking him, but Brick didn't stir - he'd always been a heavy sleeper. Mordecai slid away, quiet but as quickly as he could.

Just sitting on the edge of the bed was better. The cold night air helped define the edge of his own skin - where he ended and he began.

Mordecai pulled his knees close and pressed his forehead against them. The weight in his chest had lifted, just a little, and the buzzing of his thoughts was quieting. The cold and quiet usually helped him focus, reminded him that whatever was brimming inside his chest or head was actually just that: only thoughts, only feelings, and couldn't actually suffocate him even if it felt like they would, sometimes.

It was one thing to know Hyperion had tortured Brick. It was a painful and horrible thing, sure, but it was different to actually _see_ the scars. Both kinds, physical and mental. To see the big, ugly scar by Brick’s side, to see him freeze up when looking at something as simple as a dark room, it was a whole other level of horrible and painful.

It made it real, it made the concept of torture tangible and immediate, and how the fuck could Brick be so alright, so unchanged after it?

But Brick wasn't, and it wasn't just the scars. Brick was on edge, Mordecai could feel it; he’d felt it soon after they'd come back to Sanctuary, but hadn't been able to put his finger on it. Now that he understood the reason for it, Mordecai couldn't blame him.

Whatever composure Brick seemed to have, it was just a thin veneer that was crumbling quickly. He wanted to forget about it, of course he did, but Mordecai could have told him it wasn’t that simple - forgetting about stuff like that, it just didn’t happen. And the more you tried not to think about it, the more it sneaked up on you and fucked you up when you least expected.

Mordecai took a deep breath. He needed to keep it together, for both of their sakes. He chuckled bitterly at the thought and rubbed his eyes when they started to prickle. Yeah, that wasn’t exactly his specialty, was it? He could keep going, sure, but only by the skin of his teeth; he wasn’t like Brick who’d always dust himself off, laugh, and keep fighting with a grin on his face.

Mordecai curled up his fists against his temples. “Stop, stop,” he whispered to himself, as quietly as he could to avoid waking up Brick. He hit his forehead with the heel of his hand. “Stop it.”

He was pathetic.

Well, what else was new?

Mordecai shook his head. He was so sick of being weak and pathetic, of crumbling so easily. He was sick of how things always felt so much, so strong, and tore him up inside. He shouldn’t be so _affected_ , goddamit, by every little thing that happened. He shouldn't care, he should let things wash over him instead of taking them in, but he didn’t know how to stop doing that.

He was so tired. Two months of guilt and despair and anger and grief, of pushing himself beyond his limits without barely any sleep. He needed to dull it all out.

The solution, as always, was obvious enough. Mordecai crawled over to his backpack, and his hands knew exactly where to look for his stash of booze. It was hidden, because of course it was, and that was fucked up - and yet, there was no denying the relief he felt, strong enough to make his hands shake, when he fished out one of his flasks.

_You’re drinking again, aren’t you?_

It had stung so much; because of the bluntness, because of the detached certainty, and the underlying judgment and disappointment. And, mostly, because it was true.

Mordecai steadied his hands and looked at Brick over his shoulder. When he made sure Brick was still asleep, he turned around completely and sat with his back against the wall.

Mordecai dropped his head back. This battle was lost, and he knew it. “ _I can quit whenever I want_ ” was the oldest lie in the book, and he was way past it. He was in no position to quit cold turkey, not with his life in the state it was. Not with the war, Brick tittering, the insomnia, and the hollow in the middle of his chest.

Those were all convenient excuses, sure, but they were also true. There was only so much Mordecai could handle all at once, and he’d long since gone past his limit.

But Brick had been right about something else: he should quit. Again. For real. Brick had always talked about his drinking as something Mordecai did, not something he was, and it had made a big difference when he’d quit before.

 _You don’t have to do this_ , Mordecai told himself. _You can throw it away, all of it, right now_.

But what was the point? Moxxi’s bar was just at the end of the street, for fuck’s sake, and alcohol was the second easiest thing to find on Sanctuary, right after guns.

Mordecai unscrewed the cap, hesitated for a moment, and took a long pull. “ _Just one, only one can’t hurt_ ” was the second oldest lie in the book. Mordecai wasn’t quite past that one yet.

He screwed the cap back on and put the flask down. It wasn’t enough to take the edge off, but it would have to be. Quitting entirely wasn’t something he was feeling strong enough to attempt, but if he kept it to a minimum…

_Sure, just one. And in five minutes, you’ll have another just one._

His stash was there, at hand’s reach, and the knowledge burned in his mind. It made his thoughts and his eyes gravitate there when everything got too much - and basically everything had been too much since New Haven.

Mordecai’s fingers tightened on the cap. He tried to think of a good reason not to have another drink.

Brick whimpered and Mordecai’s attention snapped to him. Brick’s breathing was fast, and he’d tossed around enough to tangle on the blankets.

“Brick?” Mordecai called.

Brick didn’t react. After a few seconds, he shifted again, the movement jerky and abrupt. Mordecai moved quickly back to the bed.

“Brick,” he tried again, touching Brick’s shoulder with a hand.

Brick jumped like he’d been burned and threw out his arms while pushing himself away. Mordecai was quick enough to avoid getting backhanded on the face, but Brick’s arm caught him on the chest, hard enough to make him lose his balance for a second.

“Brick, it’s me, you’re safe,” Mordecai said in a rush, and only barely holding back from trying to touch Brick again. “Brick, you’re in Sanctuary. You’re safe.”

Brick had gotten himself to a half-seated position, but didn’t seem to be completely awake. There was a confused but panicked look in his eyes that Mordecai had never seen before, and it struck him worse than anything else so far.

“Brick?” Mordecai forced himself to be quieter, to speak in a slow, soothing voice. “You’re in Sanctuary. You’re safe. I’m right here.”

Brick looked down at his stomach and touched it with a nervous hand, then he touched his neck and let out a relieved sigh.

Mordecai tried not to think on what any of that meant.

“Brick?”

Brick turned to look at him, and the look of relief in his eyes was heartbreaking.

“Mordy?” Mordecai nodded without a word and couldn’t stop himself from reaching out and touching Brick’s face. His skin was damp in a cold sweat. Brick cleared his throat. “I woke you up?”

Mordecai chuckled in surprise at the question and shook his head. “I was awake. Couldn’t sleep.”

“Oh.” Brick’s eyes drifted away.

“It was just a bad dream,” Mordecai said, moving his hand from Brick’s face and laying it on his arm. “That’s all: a bad dream. You’re ok.”

Brick recoiled slightly from the touch. “Wait…wait, I thought… Did I hit you?”

Mordecai hesitated. “No.”

Brick didn’t buy it. “I didn’t mean - Shit, I’m sorry. I’m sorry,” he said, sitting up all the way.

“It’s fine, you were asleep,” Mordecai said. “You just pushed me away.”

“I’m sorry,” Brick said again, and kissed him.

It was a desperate kiss. Brick cupped his jaw with a hesitant hand, and when Mordecai didn’t move away, he kissed harder. Mordecai touched Brick’s neck and kissed back, more gently, trying to reassure him, but Brick didn’t slow down.

“Brick-”

“I’m sorry.”

Mordecai opened his mouth to argue, to say there was nothing to be sorry about, but Brick wrapped an arm around him and kissed him again. The kiss was almost as demanding as it was pleading, and Mordecai gave in to it, let himself get swept by it, and slid his arms around Brick’s neck. Mordecai barely even noticed when Brick pushed him down to the bed until he was already on his back and his legs got tangled on the blankets when he tried to stretch them out.

Brick trailed the line of Mordecai’s jaw with sloppy kisses and caught his earlobe in his mouth. Mordecai shuddered, but it didn’t stop a twinge of uncertainty.

“Brick,” Mordecai said again.

Brick stopped. He sighed and nuzzled against Mordecai’s head, a hand wrapping around Mordecai’s narrow hips.

“I need this,” Brick said. His voice was raw. “Please.”

Mordecai swallowed. “Okay,” he said before he even got a chance to think about it. But he couldn’t really say no, not when Brick sounded like that. “Okay.”

Mordecai kicked at the blankets and finally extricated himself from their grip.

Brick caught his earlobe again and Mordecai groaned. He arched up towards Brick, slid his hands under Brick’s shirt and clawed at his back, dragging his fingernails slowly.

Brick hissed - the quiet sound he made when he enjoyed whatever was being done to him -, and trailed down along Mordecai’s neck with sloppy kisses and a few bites. He pushed Mordecai’s shirt up, exposing his stomach and chest. Brick kissed each of Mordecai’s collarbones and then slid downwards along the center of Mordecai’s chest.

When Brick’s tongue slid around his navel, Mordecai shuddered.

“Wait, I uh,” he said, then laughed awkwardly. “I haven’t showered in a while.”

Brick laughed too and bit the soft skin under Mordecai’s navel before crawling back up. “Me neither,” he admitted. He caught one of Mordecai’s nipples in his mouth and flicked it with his tongue.

Brick kissed his neck, over the point where he could feel Mordecai’s thundering pulse, then his chin, then his mouth. Mordecai hooked up a leg over Brick’s hip and rubbed against him.

Brick pulled back enough to look him in the eye. “Fuck me.”

“What?” Mordecai asked, caught off guard.

Brick kissed him again and sucked at his lower lip for a second. “Fuck me,” Brick repeated hoarsely against his mouth.

That voice still made Mordecai’s knees go weak and his insides turn to molten rock.

“Again,” he said, and smiled. “Say it again.”

Brick shook his head, but smiled right back. He leaned close to Mordecai’s ear. “Fuck me, Mordy. Fuck me hard.”

“Jesus,” Mordecai said, shaken. “Fuck, I love your voice.” Brick chuckled. “I know I can’t shut up sometimes, but, shit, your voice does things to me.”

Mordecai hooked an arm around Brick’s neck and pulled him down so he could bite his neck. He sucked hard at the skin and scraped his teeth against it. Brick shivered and rocked against him, the movement growing a little desperate.

“Mordy, please -” he growled.

“Again,” Mordecai cut him off. He slid a hand in Brick’s boxers and stroked him slowly. “One more time, c’mon.”

Brick grunted. “Please, just fuck me,” he begged. “I need to feel it. I need it rough.” The words were impatient, but his voice got breathier and his cock got fully hard in Mordecai’s hand as he said it. Brick liked to have to beg for whatever he wanted. Mordecai knew it, and he never got bored of pushing Brick into it.

“Was that so hard?” Mordecai teased. “You know, all you have to do is ask.”

Brick grumbled a little, but Mordecai knew him too well to take it to heart.

Mordecai slid away from Brick and headed for his backpack. “Lucky for you, I have supplies.”

“Of course you do,” Brick said. He pulled his shirt and his boxers off, and dropped them carelessly over the edge of the bed.

Mordecai saw his flask, abandoned on the floor. He picked it up quickly and hid it back with the rest of his stash before going back to his search of condoms and lube. He decided to take a pair of gloves too, for good measure, when Brick’s hands pulled up his shirt again and he started kissing along Mordecai’s spine.

Mordecai sighed and dropped his head back. He lifted his arms when Brick pulled the shirt off then rolled his head to the side when Brick’s mouth found its way to his neck.

Brick grabbed his thigh with a hand, digging his fingers tightly, but not painfully so. He moved closer, kneeled right behind Mordecai on the floor and rolled his hips against him.

Mordecai braced himself with an arm against the wall. Their position, the feeling of Brick rubbing himself against the small of his back brought back memories. Really good memories.

He swallowed hard. “You sure you don’t wanna fuck me, instead?” he asked, pushing back against Brick.

“Nuh-uh,” Brick muttered, even as he tilted Mordecai’s head back so they could kiss. Brick’s other hand wrapped around Mordecai’s cock and stroked him, a little rough but also painfully slow.

Mordecai quivered and the arm that braced him against the wall buckled a little.

Brick dropped a kiss on his shoulder, then moved away. “C’mon,” he said, sounding way too self-satisfied.

“Asshole,” Mordecai growled.

When he turned around, Brick grinned at him. Brick turned over on his hands and knees and Mordecai stopped for a second to admire the view.

“You always look pretty with your ass in the air like that,” he drawled as he snapped a latex glove on.

Brick huffed and gave him an unimpressed look over his shoulder. “I know. You always say so.”

Mordecai laughed. “It just never gets old.”

He squeezed some lube on his gloved fingers and smeared it over Brick’s entrance. Brick squirmed a bit, then squirmed some more when a finger prodded inside him.

“Shhh,” Mordecai muttered tenderly. He ran a hand over Brick’s back in a soothing motion. “Relax.”

Brick snorted, but didn’t reply besides that.

Mordecai’s hand on Brick’s back stumbled upon a scar. When he looked, he didn’t recognize it - Mordecai was very familiar with Brick’s many scars, but he was certain that was a new one. One of the new ones.

Brick was pushing against his hand now, and Mordecai added a second finger, and stretched and flexed them slowly. Brick tensed as a reflex, but then let out a sigh and made a visible effort to relax.

Mordecai looked at the new, clear mark on Brick’s back again. _Electrical burn_ , his brain suggested with sudden certainty. Even if he wasn’t entirely sure, Mordecai suspected it was the truth. He ran a finger over the scar again and bent down to press a kiss against it.

Brick hummed. The tension had almost completely left him, and he was starting to push against Mordecai’s hand again. When Mordecai sank his teeth on the spot he was kissing, Brick hissed quietly. Mordecai scraped his teeth against the scar and sucked at the skin for a little while, adding his own markings to Brick’s skin.

“C’mon,” Brick urged him.

Mordecai pushed down his boxers and opened a condom wrapping and rolled it onto himself. He smeared some more lube on his cock and on Brick, just for good measure.

“Hard?” he asked, just to make sure.

Brick nodded. He was squirming again, in impatience this time. “Yeah.”

Usually, Mordecai would have tried to keep Brick talking, make him beg some more. But it’d been two months, and Brick had been through hell. He’d had enough, already.

Mordecai slid inside in one go. Brick tensed again and gasped, but after a second he swallowed and nodded. Mordecai grabbed onto Brick’s hips, pulled out almost entirely, then slammed back in.

Brick moaned and clawed at the bare mattress.

Mordecai’s mouth tended to run away from him during sex. He didn’t mean to speak, but heard himself asking, even as he thrusted again as hard as he could: “Like that?”

Brick nodded again, little strangled noises tearing from his throat. He tried to meet Mordecai’s hips as much as he could, but soon gave up. The muscles in his arms bunched up as he braced himself against the impact, again and again.

Mordecai’s fingers kept slipping, and he gripped harder at Brick’s hips; hard enough to hurt and he’d probably leave bruises, or at least welts where his nails were digging in.

There was a sound of tearing fabric, loud enough to startle Mordecai.

“Mattress. Sorry,” Brick mumbled.

“Holy shit,” Mordecai said with a surprised little laugh.

Brick reached back to tug on Mordecai’s leg. “C’mon.”

Mordecai leaned forwards with his hands on Brick’s waist. The little grunts Brick was making were actual moans mixed with ragged breaths now, and was arching his back more and more. Mordecai shut his eyes, bowed his head and pumped faster, not even trying to keep an actual rhythm anymore.

His orgasm was so sudden it actually surprised him. It crashed on him, hot and white, and swept him away.  Mordecai was left shuddering, having been dangerously close to passing out, with his forehead pressed against Brick’s back. Brick shifted his weight to one hand and reached down with his free hand to stroke himself. Mordecai tried desperately to get his bearings again. Before he could, though, Brick came with a long, broken growl.

Mordecai watched in fascination as the muscles along Brick’s back rippled, then, slowly, relaxed again. He ran his hands over Brick’s sides, smiled when Brick twitched a little at the tickling sensation, then down along Brick’s hips and thighs.

Brick slumped down to the bed, and Mordecai fell with him, making a startled “oof” sound.

Mordecai pushed himself up with still trembling arms and crawled up on the bed. Brick’s face was smushed against the mattress, but he turned his head and opened his eyes a little when Mordecai touched his neck.

Mordecai smiled. He dropped a kiss on Brick’s temple and leaned his forehead against his head. They just stayed like that for a minute, catching their breaths.

Sleep started to creep over Mordecai, and he could have cried in relief in that moment. He was so fucking tired. He used his still gloved hand to roll the condom off, bundled both things together, and threw them over the edge of the bed.

Brick had rolled to his side and was poking at the tear in the mattress he’d just made.

“How the hell d’you do that?” Mordecai asked. “That fabric is sturdy.”

Brick shrugged. “You know how.” Mordecai rolled his eyes. “I dunno, it’s kind of a blur. I was getting fucked really good,” Brick added, stretching out with a lazy grin.

Mordecai laughed. “You’re welcome.” He opened his mouth to add: _At least you didn’t do that to our bed in New Haven_ , but he stopped himself in time.

“I took these from the HQ, by the way. I’ll let you explain that one to Roland when we give them back,” he warned with a smirk. Brick shrugged, unconcerned.

Brick scooted closer and helped pull some of the blankets around them. When they were decently bundled up, he hid his face on Mordecai’s shoulder closed his eyes. Mordecai held him close, enjoying the quiet in his head and letting the sound of Brick’s breathing lull him to sleep.

That was one way to relieve his insomnia, he thought with a quiet laugh. And things weren’t exactly alright, but his brain had stopped working on overdrive for the time being, and Brick was falling asleep by his side (and would soon start drooling on his shoulder if he didn’t move, Mordecai knew), and the burning urge to drink had vanished.

Mordecai would take what he could get.

They really did better when they were together, even if the adjustment after the past two months was being harder than anticipated. Surely, they did better.

Brick made a soft snoring sound and Mordecai nudged him, equal parts fond and annoyed. Brick didn’t wake up completely, but he moved away and hugged a pillow.

It could just be like this, Mordecai thought, already half asleep. Just them, away from Hyperion and the desperate war over this hellhole of a planet.

Brick had said it once, right? “ _We could just leave this planet_ ”.

_Brick, resting his sprained ankle up on a chair, lying on the couch with his head in Mordecai’s lap and Dusty - newly received and newly named Dusty - asleep while cradled between his hands._

_Mordecai, reading a book where the main character was a dog, at Brick’s request. The book wasn’t terrible, at least._

_“We could just leave,” Brick had said out of the blue._

_Mordecai put down the book. “What?”_

_“We could leave Pandora. You, me, Blood and Dusty,” Brick said, looking up at him. “Fuck Hyperion. Let’s just go.”_

_Mordecai could see it, for a glorious moment. Them, away from Pandora. Not on a high-end planet, of course, but somewhere without psychos and bandits at every corner. A planet that didn’t smell like sweat and madness, with no sudden dust storms that could swallow a whole city in a couple of days, and without every single native animal species trying to eat your face._

_But..._

_“What about Roland and Lilith, though?” Mordecai wondered._

_Brick shrugged. “We can talk them into it.”_

_Mordecai laughed. “Lilith, maybe. But Roland?”_

_“If she’s on board, he’s on board,” Brick said._

_Mordecai shook his head. “Not about this, though. He wouldn’t leave all these people behind.”_

_“So? We can still leave.”_

_Mordecai studied Brick’s face. There was a daring look in his eye. He was actually serious about this - or, as serious as Brick ever got._

_“Would you? Just go, and leave them here?” Mordecai asked._

_Brick rolled his eyes a little._

_“I really think we could talk them into it,” he insisted. “Why are we stayin’ here? Hyperion are jerks, but they keep comin’. Atlas gave up after we killed Knoxx, but Hyperion hasn’t.” Mordecai frowned. “Look, if you wanna say ‘no’, just say it. I’m just puttin’ it out there.”_

_“I just…” Mordecai trailed off._

_“You just what?” Brick pressed._

_“Doesn’t it feel wrong to you? Like, a lotta the people here are counting on us. They got nowhere else to go,” Mordecai said, and wondered when the hell he’d started paying attention to Roland’s speeches. “We take off, they all die.”_

_“So?” Brick asked. Mordecai only looked at him. “If we stay and something happens to us, they still die. If we stay,_ we _could die. How’s that any better?”_

_Mordecai hesitated. He could see the logic there. But, for better or worse, Roland’s sense of righteousness was contagious: the whole protecting others thing actually felt better than Mordecai had given it credit for. Dropping not only the people of New Haven, but also his friends and leaving them behind… Mordecai wasn’t sure how he could cope with it, afterwards._

_Then again, staying alive was always the most important thing. That had always been his motto, hadn’t it?_

_“It’s not better,” he admitted. “But how could we go? No one’s landing on this planet other than Hyperion lately.” Brick shrugged. “Look, if you got a plan, if you figure how we could leave… Then maybe.”_

_“That’s a ‘no’,” Brick said._

_“It’s a ‘maybe’,” Mordecai repeated, and ignored the sudden weight in his stomach. He wished he could make a decision easily, for once, but there were just too many variables, too many mixed feelings and priorities to make a call right now._

_Brick shook his head. “Alright,” he muttered, and dropped it._

That conversation felt like it had been ages ago, in another life. Mordecai opened his eyes and looked at Brick’s sleeping form.

Yeah, that had been back then, back in New Haven. Things had been different then. Now, though... if Brick had asked him to leave right now, Mordecai had no doubt he would have said yes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can find me on [Tumblr](http://www.wilwarindi.tumblr.com/)
> 
> Jesus fucking Christ, I can't write short things. 
> 
> Have a comment? Leave a comment!


	12. Next steps (AKA: Cracks)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Featuring: Acting out. The hunt is on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: some violence, alcoholism.
> 
> Special thanks to biggestdisappointmentinwarfare and FangFero. Love you guys.
> 
> Sorry it's taken me so long to write this, it was just... slow work and a lot of self-doubt.

Mordecai said they could get something for breakfast at the Crimson Raiders HQ, during the guard rotation. Brick was ready to leave and only waiting on Mordecai, who had taken his time getting up as usual.

“Mordy, c’mon, I’m hungry!” he called.

“Can’t find my goggles,” Mordecai grumbled.

Brick sighed and walked back to the bedroom.

“Found them,” Mordecai said before Brick even started looking around. Mordecai secured the goggles over his eyes. “Ok. No, wait.”

Brick rolled his eyes.

Mordecai dug something from his backpack. He approached Brick and looked at his closed hand, hesitating.

“I’m, uh - I’m sorry,” he said, suddenly very serious, and opened his hand.

Brick stared at Dusty’s severed paw held in Mordecai’s hand.

“I found her dead. I guess... I thought this is what you would have done, but I can’t even look at it,” Mordecai said quietly.

Brick took the paw carefully. “I ever tell you how I got Priscilla’s paw?”

“Yeah, it was you mom’s idea, I think?”

“Yeah.” Brick turned the paw around in his hand. “I hated it at first. Then I started wearing it as a good luck charm - it helped me win fights.” He shrugged. “Thanks.”

Mordecai laughed, a little strained. “Why are all your stories so weird? Like, things just happen for no reason.”

Brick shrugged again. “A lotta things happen for no reason,” he reasoned. “But this is gonna remind me why I hate Hyperion.” He pocketed the paw and made a mental note to get someone to mount  a metal ring on it so he could wear it next to his old dog’s paw.

Mordecai thought there were plenty other reasons why Brick could hate Hyperion that seemed a lot more personal, but he didn’t comment. Whatever Brick chose to tell himself, whatever reasons he thought were important, it wasn’t for Mordecai to tell him he was wrong.

Maybe what was close to home what just _too_ close to home.

* * *

Roland was working, as always: dishing out orders and coordinating teams and reading reports. He greeted them without barely lifting his head.

“How’s Reese’s team doing?” Mordecai asked. The easiest way to engage Roland, and sometimes to get him to ease off, was to ask about his work.

The guy really needed to learn to wind down somehow.

Roland sighed wearily and stretched his neck from side to side. “So far, so good.” He signaled at the map. “The Bloodshots keep getting in the way around their new base in the Three Horns valley, but we haven’t lost anyone.”

“What are they doing?” Brick asked.

“The usual: disrupting Eridium transport.” Roland looked at him, stopped for a second, then quickly looked back at the map. Mordecai thought he must have spotted the love bite right below Brick’s ear and he grinned to himself. “Davis’ team is hunting for a new power core for the shield.”

“That all?” Brick asked.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean-” Brick said slowly. Roland took a step back from the table. “ _Is that all_? What are we doing to hurt Hyperion?”

Roland looked at Mordecai for a second. “Disrupting Eridium trade _is_ hurting Hyperion. Why do you think they attacked us in New Haven?”

Brick shrugged. “They’ve been attacking everyone for years. We haven’t stopped them - at most we’re slowing them down.”

“If you have a better idea, I’m all ears,” Roland said with a shrug and crossed his arms - but there was a look of skepticism in his eyes.

“We’re not killing enough of them,” Brick said. “We’re not destroying their important buildings. This has to cost them more than us.”

Roland frowned. “Yeah, we all know that, but how do you suggest we _do_ it?” he asked. “We’re too outnumbered right now. We lost too many people in New Haven to hit them directly. We can’t lose any more men or women.” He shook his head. “And no matter how many of their people we kill, Hyperion replaces them in no time. I don’t think there is a way to hurt them right now that doesn’t end with all of us dead.”

Mordecai had heard all of that before. Roland had griped constantly about how the work needed in Sanctuary to turn it into a habitable place and the people who’d died or deserted the Raiders had seriously compromised their ability to fight against Hyperion. Their reduced manpower was the only reason why Roland, who hated publicity of any kind, agreed to have an actual recruiting campaign with his face on it.

Roland’s frustration over their situation had kept mounting in the past few months; things weren’t progressing as fast as any of them wanted. Mordecai had (grudgingly at first) tried to help with suggestions, but he was just as out of ideas as Roland was by this point. It didn’t seem like there was much they could do but hold on and wait for things to get better.

“It took me a couple weeks and a couple dozen bandits to blow their prison,” Brick argued.

“How many of them died?” Roland asked dryly.

Brick crossed his arms. “I dunno.”

Roland shook his head. “I’m not using the Raiders as cannon fodder.”

“Then use bandits,” Brick said.

“ _Bandits_? How - how are we supposed to do that, exactly?” Roland said, throwing out his hands. “I mean, maybe you could get them to help you in there, but out here we have the Bloodshots trying to get back in the city every other day.”

Brick shrugged and Roland narrowed his eyes. They just stared at each other for a moment.

“I don’t think it’s too complicated,” Brick said, his apparent nonchalance evaporating quickly. “We give them no choice. We make it clear: they die at our hands or Hyperion’s. Hyperion’s never gonna let them live, so it’s not really an option.”

“You’d do that?” Roland said, a bit incredulous. Brick nodded. “We - we aren’t in a position to make threats. We can’t exactly put guards on them, we barely have enough hands to hold up Sanctuary.”

“You and Lilith did it in Old Haven,” Brick reminded him. “You came back with plenty of ex Lance.”

“Yeah, but those were trained soldiers,” Roland argued, his shoulders tensing. It was no secret he’d never been proud of the way they’d dealt with Old Haven. “We gave them a _chance_. You know what bandits do, Brick, you’ve seen it yourself. They murder and steal and do whatever the hell they want.”

“Some of them, sure. Not all. If you wanna throw all of them in one bag, then you sound just like Jack.”

Roland blinked, taken aback.

Mordecai looked between them, alarms blaring in his head. He’d always been quick to pick up any and all signs of tension in a room, and this was escalating way too quickly.

Even if Roland and Brick disagreed frequently, they almost never got involved enough to fight. Most of the time, Brick gave in without much concern and went with whatever Roland wanted. Either that, or Brick would pretend to give in and then do things his own way anyway - and Roland got mad, sure, but he couldn’t do anything to stop Brick by then.

Facing Roland head-on wasn’t usually a good idea - Mordecai could attest to it. When he dug his heels in, getting Roland to listen was nearly impossible, and Mordecai wasn’t too different in that regard. Brick, though, was good at shrugging things off and keeping things casual if he wanted to.

But Brick wasn’t keeping things casual. In fact, he looked as if he was just getting started.

“Hey, guys, c’mon. It’s a too early to do this crap,” Mordecai said, doing his best to keep his anxiety from showing in his voice. Brick and Roland didn’t seem to have heard him, but they didn’t say anything else, at least. “You really think this is solving anything? Back off.”

Roland looked at Mordecai for a second, then let out a frustrated breath and looked back at the work table. His shoulders were still tense and his fingers were tapping an angry patter on the table’s surface.

Brick made a noncommittal noise, but he uncrossed his arms and turned away from Roland. Mordecai tried to meet his eyes, but Brick avoided him and moved to the other side of the room.

Well, fuck.

Mordecai shook his head, wishing Lilith was there. She was better at defusing arguments than he was. At least, that was when she wasn’t creating them.

“Roland, is there anything you need help with?” Mordecai said, a bit too loud, maybe, but whatever. He wasn’t going to indulge their little pissing match.

“Uh,” Roland said, and blinked a couple times to focus. “Not really. All teams are covered, no signs of trouble so far. But thanks,” he added, a little pointedly. And while Mordecai couldn’t say he didn’t understand Roland’s anger, he also wanted to yell at him that his attitude wasn’t fucking helping. “Have you talked about the Eridium Blight mission?”

“No, not yet,” Mordecai said, looking at Brick.

Brick had been studying the monitors on the room and turned to give him a curious look. He looked as if he’d already forgotten about his and Roland’s argument just now. Roland, on the other hand, was standing too still and composed to be actually relaxed.

“You even had breakfast yet?” Mordecai said.

“Yeah.” Roland frowned. “I think.”

“Go get a coffee or something. We'll keep an eye on this.” Mordecai pointed towards the door with his head.

Roland sighed. “Alright. Thanks.”

Roland rubbed his neck in a tired motion as he left the room.

Mordecai watched the map display on the work table that showed the position of the Raider teams out in the field without really seeing it. He didn’t say anything for almost a full minute, not until he was certain he was calm enough to actually speak.

“That was a little uncalled for,” he said mildly.

“Mm?”

“The Jack comment. It was a little much, don’t you think?”

Mordecai could see Brick turning to look at him out the corner of his eye, but he didn’t look up.

“I don’t think so,” Brick said.

“Really? You’re comparing him to Jack?” Mordecai asked.

“When it comes to bandits, yeah.” Brick shrugged. “What Hyperion says about bandits is pretty much the same the Raiders say.”

“Yeah, but, Brick -”

“I’m not saying it ain’t true,” Brick cut him off. “They’re fucking awful. Most of them. But, what, Hyperion says everybody on this planet is a bandit, we’re gonna do the same?”

Mordecai frowned. “Yeah, I’m not following.” Brick gave him an impatient look. “You’re gonna have to explain this to me, Brick, ‘cause you’re not making a lot of sense.”

Brick rolled his eyes and Mordecai gave him an unimpressed look in return.

Brick took a moment to think it over. “Ok. You’ve heard Hyperion: they call everyone on Pandora a bandit, right? Including us. There’s no difference to them between the Raiders and a bunch of psychos.” Mordecai nodded. “Well, we kinda do the same, don’t we? The Raiders do. Everyone not living in New Haven, or in Sanctuary, is just a bandit to them.”

“Not all of them,” Mordecai said.

“You almost shot me yesterday ‘cause you thought I was a bandit.”

Mordecai blinked. “No. That’s not - I didn’t see _you_ , Brick, or I wouldn’t have-”

Brick raised a hand to stop him. “No, sorry. Bad example.”

“I’m sorry about that,” Mordecai said, his stomach suddenly tight. “I should have checked before I shot that guy.”

Brick waved a hand. “I know. It’s fine. I didn’t even know them.” Mordecai raised his eyebrows. “Look, they were just - That’s the thing. You met Rocko and the kid, Sam. Most of them were just people, Mordy. Back at the prison. Hyperion didn’t make much of a difference, and neither do the Raiders.”

“Ok. I mean, if they shoot at us, we shoot back,” Mordecai said with a shrug. “Those are bandits. The rest are just people.”

“Sure, yeah. But some of them, they actually know useful stuff. Ex-Dahl, mercenaries, ex-Atlas. Hell, ex-Hyperion. They ain’t ever gonna come to Sanctuary on their own.”

“Why not?”

“They don’t trust us. Hyperion keeps talking about the Raiders, and the Raiders keep killing bandits, so they think this is their fault. That Hyperion is here because of the Raiders.” Mordecai blinked. “Didn’t say it makes sense. But they do.”

“I - ok. Sure.” Mordecai shook his head. “I still don’t see your point.”

“Most of the people we call bandits are crazy. Not all,” Brick said testily. “We need more people, so why not use them? They’re not gonna wanna help us right away, so we make them; get rid of some of the crazy ones along the way. The rest, the ones that aren’t crazy or know things that we can use, they have a better chance with us than out there.” Mordecai stared at him. “It worked with the Lance, Mordy. Most of them joined us, the rest died. The only reason Roland hasn’t done it again, it’s because they ain’t Atlas.”

That made... a little more sense.

“Is that how you got out?” Mordecai wondered. “You made them help you?”

“I punched a few people. Guards, too. After that, they wanted to help. We all wanted out,” Brick said with a shrug.

“Right,” Mordecai muttered, remembering what the kid, Sam, had said about Brick: that he was the scary guy who took three Hyperion guards in under a minute. “You think that would work again.”

“We all want Hyperion gone,” Brick said.

“So, you say: we conscript people, prove we can fight Hyperion back, and more people join us?” Mordecai said slowly, trying to wrap his head around it.

“Sure.”

Brick had never been the best at explaining himself, in Mordecai’s opinion.

“I guess that could work,” Mordecai admitted, though still unsure. The principle seemed sound enough, but the details were always the tricky part.

“Better than those posters, too,” Brick said, pointing with his head at one of the recruitment ads for the Crimson Raiders. “Anything with Roland’s face in it ain’t gonna win many people over.”

Mordecai laughed.

“True. And I think he’d be happy if we burned them all, he hates them.” Mordecai nodded. “Ok, yeah, I get it now. But you could have started with that instead of the Jack thing.” Brick huffed. “I’m serious. You know how he gets. Pissing him off won’t get him to listen.”

Brick made disgruntled sound. “Yeah, you’re right,” he conceded in an undertone.

“He still feels guilty about New Haven, by the way. Might try that angle,” Mordecai said. Brick gave him a somewhat amused look. “What? It worked for me.”

“Why, what d’you do?” Brick asked with a mischievous smile.

“Not much. Yelled at them a couple times. Then fucked up with Roland’s guard rosters every chance I got when I was lookin’ for you.” Mordecai shrugged. “It pissed him off, but he never said anything.”

“When did Lilith leave?”

“A couple weeks after we got here. They found her a safe house in the Frostburn Canyon, south of here.” Mordecai pointed at the map on the table. “She wasn’t happy.”

“I bet,” Brick said.

“They broke up, by the way,” Mordecai added. Brick gave him a surprised look. “Yeah, some bullshit about focusing on the war, I dunno. That’s why Lilith was pissed. I don’t blame her.”

“Huh.”

“They were fighting all the time. And I mean _shouting_ all the time,” Mordecai said quietly. He paused. “I think they felt bad about New Haven, took it out on each other.”

Brick turned to the map and made a noncommittal sound. Mordecai didn’t push it; he could hardly blame Brick for not wanting to talk about it.

By the time Roland came back with a coffee in hand, Brick had wandered in the direction of the balcony and had been studying the view of the city below them.

“Hey, everything holding up?” Roland asked Mordecai. He seemed to have wound down enough to pretend nothing had happened, at least.

“Yeah, no problems so far.”

Brick stepped back in the room. His massive figure blocked the city lights that kept Sanctuary working during the night cycle.

“Hey, what do you know about the attack on New Haven? How they get in?” he asked them.

Roland left his coffee mug on the edge of the table. “Hyperion made it public. I guess they didn’t much care what happened to their informant afterwards,” he said.

“What informant?” Brick asked, frowning.

“According to Hyperion, it was Shep Sanders,” Mordecai said, crossing his arms. “He must’ve given them the Fast Travel codes.”

Brick frowned. “Who the hell’s…?” He trailed off. “The guy who wanted us to kill Sledge.”

“We wanted him dead too,” Roland pointed out, rather unnecessarily. “Yeah, him. We haven’t found him yet.”

“Why not?” Brick asked. “Where’s he hiding?”

“We don’t know,” Roland said. “Normally, I’d send Mordecai to track him down, but he was looking for you. Can’t send any of the other Raiders alone, and they all have their hands full at the moment.”

“I can track him down now,” Mordecai said, looking at Brick. “Shouldn’t be too hard.”

The look on Brick’s eyes was determined and sharp, like that of a bird of prey. “ _We_ can track him.”

“You’re just gonna distract me,” Mordecai argued with a smirk.

“If you go, I go.”

He’d said the same thing in New Haven, Mordecai remembered, and it would have been a good thing if he’d actually done it. This time Mordecai would hold Brick to his word.

“Alright. Don’t like hunting without you, anyway,” Mordecai said with a shrug.

Brick grinned. “Same here, Mordy.”

Damn it all to hell, Mordecai had missed being called that - especially in that tone of voice.

“You always draw enemy fire your way,” Mordecai added with a shit-eating-grin. “Makes it a lot easier.”

Brick laughed. “Love you, too.”

Roland cleared his throat politely. “The mission on the Eridium Blight is next week. You’re leaving before or after that?”

Mordecai and Brick exchanged a look.

“How long can it take?” Mordecai said. “We can leave in the next couple of days. If we can’t find him, we can pick it up after going to the Blight.”

“Works for me,” Brick agreed.

“Alright, let me know when you leave,” Roland said to Mordecai who nodded. “And, uh, has Mordecai told you about Lilith?”

“Yeah, he told me she’s alive. How d’you contact her?” Brick asked.

Roland hesitated. “We send ECHOs, but we try to keep it to a minimum. Contacting her too often would draw Hyperion’s attention.”

Brick grunted in annoyance, but he nodded. “Fair, I guess. Can you let her know I’m here?”

There was a brief look of reluctance in Roland’s face, but then his eyes softened and his careful, distant composure gave in a little.

“Yeah, I’ll let her know. She could use some good news,” he said.

“Thanks.”

Roland looked down at his coffee mug. “I’m sorry about New Haven, Brick,” he said, quiet but clear. He shifted a little, but didn’t look up. “I - I didn’t mean for things to end up like that. I was just thinking about Lilith, not… I’m sorry.” He tapped quietly on the table for a second, then finally looked up again and added with a rueful smile: “For what it’s worth, Lilith and Mordecai barely talked to me afterwards.”

Brick stared at him for a moment, then narrowed his eyes. “Roland, don’t make me kiss you again.” Roland blinked in surprise. Mordecai snorted. “We’re fine.”

It seemed too easy, and it probably was, but at least it helped ease some of the tension between them for the time being.

Roland chuckled. “Alright. Thank you.”

* * *

Brick wanted to leave Sanctuary immediately to track down Shep Sanders, but Mordecai managed to convince him to delay it until the day cycle at least. After a good two months looking for him, Mordecai wasn’t too keen on the idea of letting Brick wander back into danger right away.

But Brick, as always, was going to do whatever he wanted. If he wanted to go with Mordecai, he would. There was only so much to do in Sanctuary before he got cagey, anyway.

They ran into Sam near Marcus’ shop as he ran an errand for the Raiders. Sam was happy to see them since he didn’t know many people in Sanctuary yet, but seemed to be already doing his best to earn a place among the Raiders. Mordecai made a mental note to keep an eye on him.

They saw Rocko a little later, too. He was sporting a black eye and was trying to score a free meal from the HQ with some success.

“What happened to you?” Brick asked, pointing at his face.

Rocko shrugged with an innocent smile that wasn’t very innocent at all. “You should see the other guy,” he quipped.

“Uh-huh,” Brick said, unimpressed.

“Yeah, alright. How was I supposed to know the fat bitch was Moxxi’s daughter? They look _nothing_ alike,” Rocko said.

Mordecai’s eyebrow twitched. “‘The fat bitch’?” he repeated dryly.

Whatever his relationship with Moxxi, Mordecai had always liked Ellie. Especially, since Ellie had never paid much heed to anything her mother said, and that always drove Moxxi up the wall.

“Yeah, you know… Oh, c’mon, she _is_ fat,” Rocko argued. Mordecai kept staring at him. “Oh, right, you know her.”

“I do. She gave you that shiner?”

“Hey, I was just tryin’ to be nice to her!” Rocko said, raising his hands. “I was just talkin’, but I guess she didn’t like me much. She knocked me off my stool, and next thing I know Moxxi had a gun to my head and told me to scram.”

There must have been more to it if Moxxi had actually pulled a gun on him. Rocko had probably threatened Ellie - he seemed like the type -, and Moxxi would never let that slide. One thing Mordecai would always give to Moxxi, however reluctantly, was that she was really protective of her children.

Mordecai smirked. “Good on her. Good luck on letting Moxxi let you walk into any of her bars ever again. Messing with her kids is a bad idea.”

Judging by Rocko’s sour expression, he hadn’t considered that yet.

* * *

Shep Sanders had lived in New Haven, but had moved out to some sad, half-dead enclave called Prosperity Junction a few months before the attack. Some of the people from New Haven remembered that, his old neighbors and friends. Marcus, though, gave them a better lead: he had invoices from shipments to Shep’s new address. It was hardly surprising, really, since Marcus’ monopoly on Pandora’s economy was still uncontested anywhere that wasn’t controlled by Hyperion.

Marcus uploaded the address to their ECHOs, so getting there was easy enough. The door to the apartment was firmly closed and there was no sound coming from inside. Brick kicked the door in without real effort, but as soon as it swung open it became evident the place had been abandoned for a while.

Mordecai wasn’t surprised; Shep must have known they’d be coming for him and he’d probably disappeared as soon as New Haven had fallen.

They looked for any clues, but didn’t find much besides a few boxes of ammo. The furniture had been pushed around and a lot of things had been left behind: appliances, a few clothes, cleaning supplies. Nothing of use to them. Whenever Shep had left, it had been in a hurry.

“How much you wanna bet Hyperion knows exactly where he is?” Mordecai said as he kicked a pile of work clothes.

“You think they’d tell us?” Brick asked with a note of dark amusement in his voice. “What if he’s up on Helios?”

Mordecai shook his head. “Nah. A lot of people come down, but not many go up. All they send up is Eridium.” He studied the apartment again. It was big, Mordecai thought, more than what one person would need. “Why would they give a shit about him? They dropped him when they gave his name.” He pointed towards the door. “Someone here must’ve seen something, at least know when he left.”

Brick nodded and headed back towards the street.

“If all else fails, we can raid the Info Stockade,” Mordecai added, trailing behind him. “They send all their intel there.”

“What’s that?”

“A giant thing they’re building on top of Fyrestone,” Mordecai said darkly. “I was thinking of going there if I didn’t find you soon.”

“Why didn’t you?”

“It’s deep in Hyperion controlled territory. And if they have a lot of info, they have a lot of defenses.”

“You’re starting to sound like Roland,” Brick warned him with a smirk.

Mordecai elbowed him. “Shut up,” he grumbled. “Military talk is catchy.”

The street downstairs was as deserted as when they’d first got here. Or, at least it was until the first moonshots landed along it and a small group of loaders started assembling themselves.

“Goddammit!” Mordecai said, reaching for his rifle. “I knew they were keeping an eye on this place.”

Brick didn’t even go for his shotgun (borrowed from Roland’s armory), he just ran to the nearest loader and ripped both of its arms off before punching it to pieces. Mordecai shot the ones that got too close to Brick and cast off Bloodwing to help him with the last ones.

It didn’t take them long to dispatch them all.

“Pfft, that was nothing,” Mordecai said with a huff when they were done. “Must be an automated response.”

Brick stomped the last moving torso of a loader until the metal armor snapped under his boot and the loader stopped moving.

There hadn’t been anyone around when they got here, but now there were a few faces spying at them from behind dirty windows. A couple people edged around doors. The looks on their faces were wary, but mostly they were scared and angry.

“Damn it,” Mordecai muttered, drawing his revolver. “Brick, there’s people. We got company.”

Brick looked around them, stomped the loader one last time before kicking it away and standing his ground. Mordecai stood closer to him and waited, his revolver still in his hand but his finger away from the trigger.

A few more people walked out of their homes. Most of them held cheap weapons, but barely any of them was aiming them directly at Brick and Mordecai.

No one said a word for a full minute, and by then the people of Prosperity Junction seemed to be less afraid and more confused. They had probably expected bandits, coming here for a fight or to rob them.

“We're Vault Hunters,” Mordecai eventually said. “From the Crimson Raiders. We're not here for you, we're looking for a man called Shep Sanders.”

The name didn’t seem to cause a reaction. Hopefully that meant these people weren’t protecting Shep.

“You’re outnumbered here, Raiders!” a teenager shouted. He had a too-tight grip on an SMG and kept fidgeting in place.

“Don’t be a hero, kid,” Brick said with a scoff. “The loaders had us outnumbered, too, and you saw what happened to them.”

“The sooner you tell us something useful, the sooner we leave,” Mordecai told the rest. “That’s the only reason we’re here.”

Some of the people exchanged looks - mostly relieved or confused.

“Don’t remember anyone by that name,” a woman said.

“He lived in that building, on the second floor,” Mordecai said, pointing to where they’d just been. “The door was locked, but the place has been empty for a while. Maybe he lived with someone.”

“Didn’t Iris and that Asian fellow live there?” a middle-aged man wondered.

“Shut up!” the teenager yelled. “Don’t tell them anything.”

Mordecai turned to look at the kid. Couldn’t have been older than fifteen, still holding the SMG too tight. He probably thought the look he was giving them was defiant, but actually he just looked scared.

“You know them?” Mordecai said, more a statement than a question. “When they leave? Where to?”

“Put that gun down, kid. I ain’t gonna tell you again,” Brick added with a scowl.

A ripple of uneasiness went through the crowd. Mordecai tapped Brick’s elbow to tell him to ease off and took a couple steps towards the boy.

“We’re just lookin’ for him. You know Shep? Was he with those people when they left?” Mordecai asked, lifting his free hand in a soothing gesture.

“You wanna kill him,” the boy said. “He said so.”

“So, he was with them. When did they leave?” Mordecai said, edging around the killing Shep part. Whatever he said, the boy wouldn’t buy it anyway.

The boy shook his head stubbornly, his lips pressed tightly.

“Oh, c’mon, Adam, just tell them so they can fuck off,” a man chimed in. “Hyperion’s gonna send more loaders any minute now.” Mordecai looked briefly at the man who spoke. “They don’t like us outside when we’re not working,” the man added bitterly.

“No! They helped me!” Adam said. “They took me in after Hyperion killed my parents, but they had to leave ‘cause _you_ were coming! I’m not telling you-”

Brick lifted the teenager by the collar, tore the gun from his hands and shook him like a ragdoll.

Mordecai, caught off guard, could only take a step back and gape.

“You don’t point a gun unless you’re gonna use it,” Brick growled before dropping Adam who crumbled in a heap on the floor. “Hyperion killed your parents? Join the club, kid. If you ever gonna get back at them, you better be ready to use that thing.”

“Brick, what the hell are you doing?” Mordecai hissed.

“Ok, enough bullshit,” Brick told the crowd around them. “We want names, we wanna know where they went. Shep Sanders sold out New Haven to Hyperion. He got a lot of people killed. He got my dog killed. Now: WHERE. THE HELL. IS HE?”

His voice rose into a shout, making a few people flinch.

Mordecai looked at the faces around them warily, expecting someone to start shooting at them. Nobody did. Even the few people who’d been glaring at them were now staring at their feet or glancing anxiously around.

“I don’t know the guy you’re asking about,” the first woman who’d spoked said. “But Iris lived there with her man, Shen. I don’t know where they went.”

“When did they leave?” Mordecai asked before Brick could start yelling at her too.

“I dunno, two months ago? Left all of a sudden, too.”

“You sure you never saw Shep Sanders? White guy, blonde. Early forties or so,” Mordecai pressed.

“There was a new guy living with them, but he didn’t stay for long before they scrammed,” a man chimed in. “Sounds like him.”

“Iris and Shen. Where they go?” Brick said, scowling at each face in turn.

The people muttered at each other, but most of them shrugged and shook their heads.

Brick looked at Adam, who was standing up and giving him a deeply resentful look.

“Alright, kid, seems like you’re the only one who knows something,” Brick said, looming over him. The teenager only jutted his chin out and craned his neck back, but refused to back off. “You better tell me where they are.”

“Or what?” Adam shot back. “You’re gonna kill them, so why would I tell you anything?”

“You’re brave, I’ll give you that.” Brick moved even closer. “But Shep Sanders owes me, and if I have to get it out of you, I will.”

Mordecai stepped between them and pushed Brick away. Brick backed off without much resistance, and he stayed back.

“Enough,” Mordecai told him. He knew Brick was only humoring him; there was no way he could physically keep Brick from doing anything. Mordecai felt the usual bite of frustration at the thought, and turned to Adam before he said anything that would set Brick off. Again. “Look, Adam, we don’t care about the other two. But Shep Sanders has a lot to answer for. He got a lot of people killed. He helped Hyperion -”

“No, he didn’t!” Adam argued.

Mordecai paused for a second. “If he didn’t, nothing’s gonna happen to him. But we need to find him to know what happened.”

“I’m not telling you.”

“This is a waste of time,” Brick growled and moved around Mordecai to grab Adam.

Adam jumped back, quick and squirrely enough to avoid his grip. Mordecai did his best to push Brick back again, with as little result as he expected. The feeling was not unlike trying to tackle a concrete wall, only marginally warmer.

“Brick, stop it! You’re not helping!”

Adam had backed a few steps, but hadn’t run yet.

“Get off,” Brick said, and it didn’t sound like he was going to repeat himself.

“What the hell are you doing?” Mordecai asked, again.

“The Trash Coast!” a girl’s voice shouted from among the crowd. “They’re in the Trash Coast.”

Judging by Adam’s horrified expression, it was the truth.

Brick backed off, finally. Mordecai looked between Adam and the girl who’d shouted. She’d pushed herself to the front of the group and was glaring at the boy. She looked a lot like him, only a couple years younger. Probably his sister, Mordecai would guess.

“No. Why?” Adam asked her, aghast. “They were nice!”

“You told them you knew where they went,” the girl replied, jutting her chin out in a gesture very similar to her brother’s. “You could have just stayed quiet, you idiot.”

“Girl’s got a lot more sense than you, kid,” Brick said.

Mordecai turned to glare at him, but Brick had turned around and was already leaving in the direction of their car.

“Much as I hate to admit it, he’s right,” Mordecai told Adam. The boy scowled at him. “I meant what I said: if it wasn’t him who sold us out, nothing’s gonna happen to him.”

“Sure.” Adam scoffed. “You’re gonna hold that bruiser back, like you just did, right?”

Mordecai’s eye twitched at the insult and the taunt, but he held himself back from replying at the last second. Adam had reasons for thinking that, after all.

“Learn when to keep your mouth shut or you’re gonna get yourself killed,” he said gruffly.

Mordecai looked at the crowd and the pissed off girl who kept glaring at Adam. People were getting back inside their houses while looking fearfully at the sky, at the ever-present Helios station. The threat - read: Brick - was over, so their attentions had turned back to Hyperion.

Must be a shitty life, he thought. But there wasn’t enough space left in Sanctuary for all of them, and everywhere else on Pandora was looking more or less like this, so moving away wouldn’t help. There weren’t any options for them except enduring.

Mordecai heaved a deep sigh and followed Brick to the car.

* * *

None of them said a word during the ride.

Brick hummed one of his country songs to himself and tapped the wheel now and then. Mordecai looked out the opposite side of the car and tried to wrestle his anger down, at least enough to make some sort of sense when he decided to talk.

He guessed he’d calmed down enough by the time they made it to the nearest Fast Travel.

Brick jumped out of the car, still humming, and headed towards the station without looking back. Mordecai took a deep breath and followed him a few seconds later.

“Wait,” Mordecai said when Brick began typing on the Fast Travel controls. “Can I talk to you for a minute?”

Brick stopped, his hand hovering over the keys, and for a moment Mordecai thought he’d just ignore him and activate the station. Eventually, though, Brick let out an annoyed sigh and turned around to look at him.

“What?”

Mordecai looked at Brick for a long moment. “What the hell was that?”

“What part? You’re gonna have to be more specific.”

“Mostly, how you shook and threatened a teenager,” Mordecai said. “Also, the whole threatening an entire village.”

“You tried being nice. It wasn’t getting us anywhere.”

“I tried _talking_. You think these people haven’t been through enough already?”

“You wanna find Shep Sanders or not?” Brick asked.

“Shep has a two-month head-start on us. Trying to _talk_ to people instead of scaring the crap out of them isn’t gonna make much of a difference.”

“That kid wasn’t gonna give them up.”

“Yeah, not after you shook him!” Mordecai threw his hands up in the air. “Maybe if you’d tried, I don’t know, _talking_ to him instead-”

“I wasn’t really gonna hurt him,” Brick said with a scoff.

“Yeah, that doesn't really make it any better,” Mordecai pointed out. “He was a _kid_ , Brick.”

“Oh, so, what? If he’d been twenty you’d be ok with it? Eighteen?” Brick said. “He had a gun on you, he knew where they are. He set himself up for much worse.”

“What? How does that - That doesn’t make any sense.” Mordecai took a moment to unravel all of what Brick had said. “He wasn’t eighteen or twenty, he was _fifteen_. _At most_. Kids do stupid shit, but you don’t just shake them around.” Brick opened his mouth, so Mordecai kept going. “And the gun? He didn’t even know how to hold it. If I’d thought he was gonna use it, I would have done something, so don’t give me that ‘I was looking out for you’, crap.”

Brick narrowed his eyes.

“You really are sounding like Roland,” he said.

Mordecai scoffed. “What does that even _mean_? Is that supposed to be an insult?”

“Not to you, it ain’t.” Mordecai gave him an unimpressed look. “The whole rules upon rules for how to do things? That ain’t you, Mordy, that’s Roland talking.”

There was a touch of truth there, and it made Mordecai uncomfortable.

He’d changed in the past two years. Close friends? A cause to fight for? Protecting people? The Mordecai that had gotten off the bus at Fyrestone would have scoffed at the idea; not because he didn’t want those things, but because he’d long since given up on them.

Idealism hurt. Selflessness left you with nothing. Protecting others left you vulnerable.

That was what he thought back then, but lately… Seeing how Roland in particular, more than any of his friends, did all those things had rubbed off on him. Because Roland didn’t break under the strain and he didn’t give up. No, in fact he seemed to thrive under pressure. Roland always had his shit together, and he always knew what to do. He was also rigid and overbearing, sure, but that didn’t diminish Mordecai’s begrudging admiration.

For the first time in ages, Mordecai had found a reason to start listening to that little voice that told him some things were right or wrong, regardless of personal benefit, again.

( _And if that little voice happened to agree with Roland a lot of the time, well… that was maybe because it_ was _the right thing._ )

“Really? I thought you knew me better than that, Brick,” Mordecai said. He’d always had rules for doing things, they’d just been... looser rules. “Especially if you think I’m ok with you shaking and bullying teenagers around.”

“I’m not your dad, Mordecai. You said so yourself.” Of course, Brick would see right at the bottom of that last comment and call it like it was, carelessly. Brick didn’t mince words, especially when things didn’t make sense to him. Especially, when he didn’t understand the hurting attached to them.

“Yeah, well, you’re sure acting like him lately.”

Mordecai didn’t really expect that to sting - if anything, the retort was likely to backfire on him. Even if Brick didn’t turn it around, it still left the question of why the hell Mordecai was putting up with this at all.

But Brick looked taken aback, just a little, just enough to stop him from replying.

Mordecai let that sink in for a few seconds, then he changed the subject before Brick could actually say something that turned the tables.

“We’re not here to kill Shep Sanders, by the way. We’re here to take him to Sanctuary, find out what he knows.” They should have talked about this before, Mordecai realized.

That got a reaction. “ _What_? He sold us out, Mordy! He’s the reason Dusty is dead!”

A small part of Mordecai’s mind noted that, again, Brick was making it about Dusty and not himself. Not them, not any of the people who died, not even Lilith’s absence.

“Maybe. Probably, yeah. He still might know things we don't about Hyperion.”

“See, that's Roland talking again.”

Mordecai shot him a warning look. “Cut that out.” He activated the Fast Travel and teleported them to the Trash Coast.

* * *

Brick took the lead, leaving Mordecai to keep up as best he could. They didn’t talk much besides what was strictly necessary as they headed towards the shoreline.

Mordecai could only hope Shep Sanders had already left the Trash Coast. Brick wasn’t in a mood to listen to him, that much had been proven, and he was probably in even less of a mood after their talk.

If they actually found him, Shep wasn’t going to make it to Sanctuary.

Mordecai considered calling Roland to get some backup, but that might actually make things worse, finish pushing Brick over the edge. Still, he'd had to do something, and he didn’t know what.

The most obvious place, the house by the sea, was empty and seemed to have been for long enough for the scythids to reclaim it. There were empty, discarded cans of food that didn't have any rust on them, so they had to be recent, but anything else had been eaten or scattered by the scythids.

They looked around, but didn't find any clues.

“Alright, they ain’t here,” Brick said and headed for the door.

“Where else could they be? The rest of this place is covered in spiderants and bandits.”

“How long since you’ve been here? They could be anywhere,” Brick replied without looking back.

Mordecai sighed. He took one final look around to make sure there wasn’t anything they’d missed, anything that might tell them if Shep Sanders had even been here. There wasn’t.

When Mordecai left the house, Brick was climbing the hill that lead to the shore. His gait was steady and determined. Mordecai considered for a moment, just for a moment, leaving and heading back to Sanctuary - let Brick deal with the spiderants and bandits if he was so set on going over every inch on this place.

Mordecai discarded the idea immediately with a twinge of guilt. Of course he couldn’t and wouldn’t do that, no matter how difficult Brick was being right now. He had a reason to be acting like this, after all, and Mordecai wasn’t going to leave him behind - not again, not ever.

Still, he _was_ being difficult, and Mordecai should just stay back and let Brick muddle through spiderant guts while he sniped them from a safe distance. Just for a little while.

Mordecai’s foot hit something and he looked down. There was an ECHO covered in bile and entrails, probably dropped by one of the scythids they’d killed on their way in. Mordecai picked it up with a noise of disgust. The ECHO was severely scratched and the corners looked corroded, but it seemed to be working.

Mordecai looked up at where Brick was cresting over the hill and heading east. He’d missed the ECHO, too focused on moving forwards, on chasing his quarry.

Mordecai muted his comm line to keep the sound from reaching Brick and turned the ECHO on.

“ _I told you the woman keeps watch most of the day!_ ” a female voice shouted. “ _She killed Randy and Shortfuse! I told you! Tomorrow we go at night, see if the one-eyed skagsucker can hit us all in the dark._ ”

Mordecai looked back at the house, the back at the ECHO. It was a long-shot the woman was even the same one that has left Prosperity Junction with Shep Sanders, but he didn’t have anything else to go on at the moment.

He turned the bit of intel in his head. One way to get something out of it would be to post a bounty for any kind of information on a one-eyed woman called Iris. The problem was, it could take ages, and it would probably tip her off in the process.

Another way would be to ask Marcus to look into it. That could be a lot more discreet. The problem was Marcus had already cooperated by giving them Shep Sanders’ address in Prosperity Junction, and only because Mordecai had played the “he helped Hyperion destroy New Haven” card. Marcus would probably demand payment for another favor.

But asking Marcus would let him keep things quiet, not to mention it was a lot less risky than raiding the Hyperion Info Stockade, which Mordecai always kept as a last resort option on the back of his mind. 

Also, it would let Mordecai keep the ECHO and whatever information Marcus found about the woman away from Brick. The thought didn’t sit entirely right with him; Mordecai hadn’t kept things from Brick in a long time and considering it made his stomach feel heavy. But even if he didn't like it, it wasn't a bad idea, given how Brick was handling things. It would let Mordecai control the situation and not just being dragged along while putting out the fires, which was exactly what he needed to do.

Mordecai stored the ECHO in his inventory and unmuted his comm line again. He took a steadying breath and hurried up after Brick’s location on his HUD.

* * *

When Brick and Mordecai returned to Sanctuary they were empty handed and, in Brick’s case, covered in spiderant blood and guts. That part didn’t irritate Brick nearly as much as the fact they hadn’t found Shep Sanders anywhere. He grumbled something about a shower and left in the direction of their apartment.

Mordecai took the chance to go meet Marcus on his own. The weapons merchant wasn’t at the counter, where he usually was, but the store wasn’t closed. Mordecai knocked on the glass and waited for a moment, then headed towards the firing range.

“Hey, Marcus!”

There was sound of muffled swearing and shuffling from the door at the end of the shooting gallery.

“Marcus?” Mordecai called again, reaching for his revolver just in case.

Marcus opened the door just enough to poke his head out.

“Yes?” he said with a wide, innocent grin. “Oh, it’s you.” Marcus dropped the smile and stepped outside, keeping the door from opening more than strictly necessary. Mordecai tried to get a look at the room behind him, but he didn’t get much before Marcus shut the door and tuned a few locks on it. “What do you want?”

Mordecai crossed his arms. “You thought I came with Roland, huh?”

“What? No, why would that be a problem?” Marcus said with a too-loud laugh, waving a hand. He headed towards the counter without barely looking at Mordecai.

Mordecai thought of trying to find out whatever he was hiding. It must be something that would get him in trouble with Roland, but to be honest, that amounted to most of the things Marcus did so the list was long.

But Mordecai needed a favor, so he should try to stay on Marcus’ good side. Plus, if it wasn’t something Marcus felt he needed to keep from Mordecai, how bad could it be, really?

“The intel you gave me on Shep Sanders was good,” Mordecai said. Flattery wasn’t his strong suit, but that much was true and it was a good place to start. “Thanks.”

“Sure, sure, what are friends for?” Marcus said distractedly. He crossed the door to his store, picked up a coffee mug from under the counter, took a sip, and grimaced. “Damn it, it’s cold.”

Mordecai kept the door to the store open with a foot and leaned against it.

“Shep wasn’t there, though. Moved away around the time of the attack.”

“I told you all I knew,” Marcus said with a shrug.

“I know. I asked around and found a small lead, but now I need a favor.”

Marcus’ absent-minded attitude vanished. He looked at Mordecai over the brim of his coffee mug with calculating eyes.

“ _Another_ favor, you mean,” Marcus said, then grimaced again at the cold coffee. He left the mug on a table.

“Yes, another favor,” Mordecai agreed mildly.

Marcus ran his fingers over his goatee and pondered it.

Mordecai had been wracking his brain over any kind of information he had on Marcus that he could use in exchange for this favor, and came up empty handed. Oh, he knew of many wrong things Marcus had done and was probably still doing, but the thing about blackmail was the target was supposed to care about the information not being known. Marcus, though, was as ruthless as they came, and he didn’t give two flying fucks what people thought of him as long as they feared him.

Much like Zed liked to advertise his lack of a medical license, Marcus made it widely known he murdered and sabotaged any competitors he’d had or could have. Unless it was something Roland (or worse, Moxxi) would get mad about, or something that tarnished his image, Marcus wouldn’t really care.

“Alright, tell me what you need and I’ll name my price,” Marcus said, opening his arms with a beatific smile.

Whatever he had in mind, Mordecai probably wasn’t going to like it.

“He lived with a woman named Iris and a guy named Shen in Prosperity Junction. They left when he did. She has one eye, I think. That’s all I got,” Mordecai summarized.

Marcus frowned. “That’s not a lot to go on.”

“How many one-eyed women named Iris can there be on Pandora?”

“What about the other guy?” Marcus asked.

“Shen. Asian. That’s all.” Mordecai shrugged. “C’mon, they had the same address you gave me for Shep, you must have something on them from before they left.”

Marcus nodded. “Yes, that’s true. But it might take some time to get you something useful.”

“I know. They have a two-month head-start, it’s not a race at this point,” Mordecai said. “I don’t care if it takes a while, I only care they don’t get tipped off. That’s why I’m asking you and not throwing a bounty out there.”

“Mm. You’ve got some brains after all,” Marcus said in approval. Mordecai’s eyebrows shot up. “I’ll see what I can dig up. In the meantime, there is something you can do for me.”

Mordecai sighed. “Hit me.”

“Have you ever been to Oasis?”

* * *

After negotiations with Marcus were done - and Mordecai asked him to discreetly relay any intel directly to him and no one else -, Mordecai stopped by the HQ, mostly out of habit. Roland was there, as he always was, looking tired, as he always did.

“Hey,” Mordecai greeted.

“Hey.” Roland straightened from where he’d been slouching over a report. “No luck?”

“No. A few small leads, that’s about it.” Mordecai shrugged. “You?”

“We found a new powercore, finally,” Roland said. He rubbed at his face and neck. “A few wounded, but none dead.”

That was what passed for good news lately, Mordecai thought wryly.

“And Brick?” Roland asked.

For a moment, Mordecai thought maybe Roland was asking about what had happened in Prosperity Junction. But Roland hadn’t been at the HQ at the time, he’d been out on the field.

Right?

“He had spiderant all over him,” Mordecai said, gesturing to his face and chest. “Went straight to take a shower.”

“Gross,” Roland agreed with a smile. He looked back at the report.

Mordecai opened his mouth, then closed it without saying a word.

He and Roland had gone back to a cordial relationship after New Haven, but their friendship had been severely strained. They worked together pretty well, but hedged around most personal topics, especially Brick, with an awkwardness that hadn’t relented at all. They were more colleagues than friends, at the moment. Mordecai’s petty side thought Roland had it coming after New Haven, after the way he never apologized to him about letting Brick behind and how he’d only kept pushing Mordecai and Lilith instead.

But right now, Mordecai really needed someone to talk to and, for the first time, regretted letting the distance between him and Roland stretch on. Brick wasn’t doing well. Mordecai wasn’t doing well. They weren’t doing well together, and Mordecai could feel the words piling up in his throat, threatening to burst out of his mouth in desperation because he was in over his head so badly, and he had no idea what to do to make things right again.

Roland looked up at him.

“Everything alright?” he asked, suddenly worried.

Asking Roland to be his friend now, all of a sudden, after months of distance, wasn’t really fair. And Mordecai had no idea how to begin explaining it all without making it sound like he was failing at everything.

Plus, Roland looked tired and concerned and frustrated all the time lately. He hadn’t had much patience with anyone’s personal problems either, too busy with… well, holding Sanctuary together, and keeping the Raiders going, and fighting Hyperion. Nothing major.

“Yeah, yeah. Sorry, just tired,” Mordecai heard himself say. “You look like hell, by the way.”

Roland snorted. “Thanks.”

“I’m serious. Go get some sleep, Roland,” Mordecai said with a smile, as if the moment of concern would make up for months of resentment and silence. “We have a core, people are alive.”

Roland looked mildly surprised, but he smiled in return. “In a minute. Are you heading home?”

“Yeah. See you tomorrow.”

Mordecai clapped Roland in the back, a little awkward, and left before Roland could say anything else.

* * *

Brick was eating when Mordecai got home. They didn’t have any furniture besides their hastily made bed, so Brick was sitting on it, cross legged. When he saw Mordecai, he pointed to a take-out container like the one he was holding.

“Got you somethin’ to eat,” Brick said around a mouthful of food.

Mordecai smiled, unexpectedly relieved. He took off his goggles, sat down next to Brick and opened his take-out.

“The only thing they had you might like,” Brick added when he saw Mordecai’s disappointed frown. “Shouldn’t be so picky.”

“I know.” Mordecai poked at the food with his fork.

Before Mordecai got around to start eating, Brick spoke again.

“Hey.” He searched around and handed Mordecai his flasks, the ones that had been hidden in his backpack. Mordecai froze. “Found these when looking for soap or somethin’. Drank half of one. Mean stuff.”

Mordecai didn’t move his eyes from the flasks. His face felt hot and whatever little appetite he’d had was lost.

“You want me to apologize?” he asked eventually.

Brick left the flasks on the bed, between them, and continued eating. “I dunno.”

Mordecai looked up at Brick’s face, but couldn’t meet his eyes.

“I couldn’t sleep, Brick,” Mordecai said hotly.

“Yeah.”

Nothing else came. Mordecai stabbed at his food again. “You’re not gonna threaten to leave me if I don’t stop?”

The bitterness in his own voice surprised him. He’d never held it against Brick, the way he’d pressed Mordecai to quit. Dating, let alone living, with a drunk wasn’t something Mordecai would wish on anyone, especially not when he’d spent so much of his childhood failing to understand how his mother put up with it.

Plus, he had needed that push, that threat, to actually quit. He probably needed it now, too.

“I could,” Brick replied mildly. “Is that how it’s always gonna be?”

“There isn’t gonna be an ‘always’,” Mordecai argued immediately. The burn of embarrassment, which hadn’t been extinguished, flared up to new heights. “I thought you were dead, Brick! I couldn’t sleep, I couldn’t _think_. Unless you plan on doing that again, it’s not gonna happen again.”

He heard the mulish, childish conviction in his voice and clung to it like a lifeline. Thinking he’d never be tempted to drink again, that he wouldn’t ever consider it, it was more naïve a belief than he could afford to hold. But if it helped him get through the moment, Mordecai would stick with it.

“Yeah, but I’m not dead.”

“And I haven’t had a drink since I found you,” Mordecai added.

Brick looked at him in the eye for the first time since Mordecai had gotten home.

“I don’t care what you’ve done, or why,” he said. “What are you doing _now_? What are you keepin’ these for?”

Mordecai frowned and opened his mouth to argue. If Brick didn’t care why, then how could he judge? How could he _understand_?

Brick raised his eyebrows and Mordecai closed his mouth again.

Brick had never had patience for excuses. And he’d never get it, so what was the point of explaining himself, really? The bottom line remained the same, whatever the reasons and whether Brick got it or not: drinking made things easy, but it also made things worse. And Mordecai knew it.

“I’m throwing it away,” Mordecai said. He grabbed the flasks and stood up.

 _Not that it makes much of a difference_ , he thought once again. Alcohol was easy to find in Sanctuary. But at least it wouldn’t be within easy reach, and that had to count for something, right?

The bathroom had the closest sink. Mordecai uncapped the flasks, poured it all down the drain, and felt nothing. There was no relief, no absolution, no burden lifted. When the flasks were empty, he just left them in the sink and looked up at his reflection in the mirror.

First steps were the hardest, he told himself. Still, he felt foolish for hoping something would happen; maybe Brick would forgive him, maybe he’d stop wanting to drink. Maybe things would magically be alright, just because he’d poured his booze down the drain.

Mordecai sighed. He opened the tab, let the water pool in his cupped hands and splashed his face a couple times. The water was cool and smelled like rust.

Brick was finishing his food when Mordecai came back to the bedroom and he offered him a small smile.

“I’m still mad at you about Prosperity Junction,” Mordecai said when he sat down next to him again. “This doesn’t change that.”

Brick paused his chewing. “Thought so.”

“Are you even a little bit sorry?” Mordecai asked with a frown.

Brick thought it over for a moment. “A little. Shouldn’t have gone off like that.”

He said it casually, like it didn’t really matter. Mordecai’s frown deepened. He wanted to push Brick for more than that, a lengthier apology maybe, but he held himself off at the last moment. Brick hadn’t tried to get him to feel guilty just now, he hadn’t asked for reasons or excuses; he’d only asked about _now_.

_What now?_

“Don’t do that again. Please?” Mordecai said.

Brick nodded and looked at him until Mordecai looked back. “I don’t like it when you’re mad at me,” Brick said quietly, a hint of a smile pulling at his lips.

Mordecai chuckled, short and bitter. “Yeah, well. Same.”

Brick pressed a kiss against his forehead. Mordecai sighed and leaned against Brick’s side.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Music Mood: [José González - Far away](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7IkvAb6THQY)
> 
> You can find me on [Tumblr](http://www.wilwarindi.tumblr.com/)
> 
> Hammerlock voice: Convenient ECHOs, ho! 
> 
> I had to cut this chapter in half, cause it was getting to be unreasonably long. Did you get nervous about Shep Sanders at all? Please let me know :)
> 
> And just for clarity’s sake: I do not endorse or support Rocko in the slightest
> 
> Have a comment? Leave a comment!


	13. Collateral damage (AKA: Breaking points)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Featuring: Unrelenting force meets immovable object, Something’s gotta give

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: some more violence, heavily implied gore.
> 
> Thanks, as always, to biggestdisappointmentinwarfare and FangFero for their constant support. You are the best.
> 
> [EDIT: I've edited the original length of this chapter, because it was really too long, by moving a few scenes to the previous one.]

Oasis was a surprisingly thriving town, at least compared to the rest of Pandora. Standing on the boardwalk, you could forget there was a war out there. Maybe it wasn’t as crowded as it’d once been, but neither Mordecai nor Brick had been there before Hyperion started making everyone’s lives miserable, so they couldn’t tell, really.

The shoreline was far from the boardwalk itself, but the sights were still pretty. The sea has been receding, they were told, as it often happened on Pandora. The seasons lasted for years and the summer was still coming in on this side of the planet.

They weren’t here to see the sights, though. Marcus’ price for digging anything he could find on Shep Sanders’ friends had been to go retrieve his nephew from Oasis. If that sounded too easy, though, it was because said nephew had been kidnapped by pirates who were demanding a ransom paid in Marcus’ guns. Marcus, being Marcus, laughed good and long at the idea of paying a ransom. He’d sent a few weapons crates, and now he wanted Mordecai and Brick to get his weapons back - _all of them_. And his nephew, too, if possible.

The exchange was the first part, and it would have been a lot easier if Marcus’ nephew hadn’t fallen for the pirate that kidnapped him and absolutely refused to leave. He'd been locked in an empty house since his capture and was now holding to the doorframe of the house with both hands and refused to go anywhere with them

This was the point where Mordecai regretted having thrown out his booze.

“Hey, kid,” Mordecai said in a long-suffering voice, “right now, your uncle’s asking us to get you to Sanctuary. But you can come back later, I don’t care. We're not gonna stop you.”

The guy, in his early twenties, was bawling and shaking his head. “No, I can’t! I love them!”

Mordecai sighed and nodded to Brick who grabbed the boy, tearing his hold in the door easily, and threw him over his shoulder. Brick adjusted his grip so he wouldn’t be kicked too hard by the boy’s flailing legs.

Marcus’ nephew protested and cried ineffectively.

“You sure he’s related to Marcus?”

Mordecai shrugged. “That’s what he said, I dunno. Deal’s a deal, though.”

“Hey, calm down,” Brick told the boy who ignored him completely.

“Who’s your pirate, anyway?” Mordecai asked, mostly to stop the loud wailing.

“Th-they’re the l-love of my life,” the guy said between sniffles.

“Captain Bonny, right?”

“Y-yeah.”

Mordecai and Brick exchanged a look.

Brick shook his head. “Sure.”

Captain Bonny had contacted them a couple times on their way here, and they sounded almost desperate to get the boy out of their hands and back in Marcus’. In fact, Bonny waved at them from their hut, perched high on the cliff's wall looking down on the rest of the camp, as they left.

Brick and Mordecai secured the boy on the sandskiff, tied him to the gunner seat, and made their way back. It was much quieter without the constant crying.

“Oh, man I hate sand,” Mordecai grumbled, checking his rifle again. “It’s grainy and annoying and it gets everywhere. Look at this! The scope’s gonna get scratches!”

Brick snorted. “Must be fun to go the beach with you.”

“Don’t like the beach.”

“That’s my point.”

The pirates had been going through the weapon crates and didn’t notice they were back at first. Mordecai climbed to the roof of a hut and aimed down his rifle, meanwhile Brick kept making a beeline towards the pirates.

The first calls in alarm came.

“We’re gonna be taking those guns back now,” Mordecai warned them. “Nothing personal.”

The pirates looked at them, looked at each other, probably did some quick mental math, and began shooting. They always did.

“You asked for it!” Brick shouted with a grin.

Mordecai dropped the few that held swords first, then moved on to the gunners while Brick charged directly at the big buy holding a couple of anchors. The big guy used the anchors as a shield until Brick was close enough and then tried to hit him with them.

Brick laughed and put his shotgun away to free his hands. “C’mon!”

Mordecai cast off Bloodwing to keep them all distracted and focused on the rest while Brick and the Anchorman kept fighting. Few people could go toe to toe with Brick and he seemed to be enjoying it, at least.

“What the hell?” came Captain Bonny’s voice through the ECHO. “What are you doing?”

“Taking the guns back to Marcus,” Mordecai replied, following with his scope a pirate that kept throwing explosives at him.

“We had a deal!”

Mordecai killed the pirate and took a quick look around to see how Brick was doing. “I don’t know how long you’ve been on Pandora, but you don’t mess with Marcus Kincaid.”

“So, you’re just his henchmen, is that it?”

There was something in their voice that made Mordecai think Bonny might be trying to distract them. He looked up at the captain’s hut, and surely enough, he saw them making their way down a ladder. Mordecai aimed and shot near their head, and watched in satisfaction how Bonny flinched and dropped down the ladder.

“That was a warning,” he said. “We’re not henchmen, but Marcus has a lotta people who owe him. That’s us. So, piece of advice: don’t fuck with him and never trust him.”

“We could have killed that annoying brat!” Bonny shouted, still hiding from Mordecai’s line of sight. “I know I wanted to after he got it in his head that he’s in love with me.”

“If you had, we’d be here to kill you,” Mordecai pointed out. “Right now, we’re just here to get him and the guns back.”

Brick made a pained sound and Mordecai’s head whipped around to look for him. The Anchorman was still alive, if barely, and had managed to hit Brick in the shoulder. Mordecai aimed his rifle on the pirate, but not before Brick yanked one of his anchors away and used it to beat the pirate in the head until he fell to the ground and stopped moving.

Brick hit him a couple times more, to make sure he was dead, then dropped the anchor on the pirate’s body. He turned to Mordecai and grinned, wide and proud and a little manic.

Mordecai looked at Brick up and down, trying to assess the damage. “Tell your men to back off, Bonny,” he warned.

“That’s _Captain_ Bonny.”

“You wanna be captain of a dead crew?” Brick said. He rotated his injured shoulder carefully, but it didn’t seem to hurt much. “How many you have left, again?” Captain Bonny didn’t reply. “Or we can just keep killing them. What’s a few more?”

Captain Bonny made a frustrated sound. “Alright! You made your point! Take the bloody guns and get out.”

Mordecai dropped from the roof. He kicked one of the dead pirates and searched around them for any loot.

“What’s with the dumb scarves, anyway?” he muttered.

“What?” Brick said.

“They’re all wrapped up in scarves. It’s hot as hell in here.”

“It keeps the sand out,” Captain Bonny chimed in. When Mordecai looked up again, he saw them looking down with their hands on their hips. They ran a hand over their head, but didn’t try to attack them again.

They look defeated, even from this distance, and that was the only reason Mordecai refrained from saying again that the scarves looked dumb as hell.

They took all of Marcus’ guns plus whatever they could loot from the dead pirates and made their way back to Oasis.

“That was stupid,” Brick said as he boarded the sandskiff.

Mordecai snorted. “Yeah. But it was our part of the deal.”

“Marcus said this is a long-shot, right? Why are we even doing favors for him?”

Mordecai didn’t move his eyes from the dune ahead of them as he tried to steer the damn sandskiff. Sandskiffs were slow and hard to control, and whoever designed them clearly never tried to actually drive them, in Mordecai’s opinion.

“Yeah. Better than nothing, though.” That much was true.

“Nah, we should be out there ourselves. Looks to me like Marcus is just getting us to do favors for free.”

“If you got a lead or a better idea, I’m all ears,” Mordecai said mildly.

Brick turned back to watch the sands and didn’t say anything.

“If he can’t find anything, he owes us one,” Mordecai added. “Either way, we get something out of this.”

“I guess.”

They didn’t say much else the rest of the way, and by the time they got to Oasis Marcus’ nephew had fallen asleep. He woke up when Mordecai turned off the sandskiff engine, but thankfully the boy had decided to give them the silent treatment and didn’t go back to crying. When Brick pulled him upright, the boy glared at him and made his way off the boat on his own.

Brick huffed. “Suit yourself.”

Mordecai pointed with his head towards the Fast Travel and Marcus’ nephew went to it without a word.

“It’s pretty here,” Brick told Mordecai.

Mordecai looked around and shrugged. “Sure.”

“I mean, the sunset or something,” Brick added, shifting a little.

“Ah. I’m colorblind, Brick. Sunsets have never looked special to me,” Mordecai reminded him.

Brick nodded and kept looking away, at where the sun had been setting for over an hour now. The expression in his eyes was a little distant, a little sad. Melancholy had never been Brick’s thing, though.

“Brick?”

Brick heaved a sigh. “I’m fine.”

He looked at Mordecai and smiled a little; he was probably trying to pretend things were alright, as he always did, but there was something vulnerable in his face. It wasn’t immediately obvious, but Mordecai knew him too well not to notice.

Mordecai tugged at the collar of Brick’s shirt. “Hey. Love you.”

Brick’s smile widened, and there was relief in his eyes now.

“Love you, too.”

Mordecai tugged him down again. Brick kissed him for a long moment, one hand coming up to cup his jaw.

Brick leaned his forehead against Mordecai’s.

“You look pretty in this light,” he said suddenly.

“I thought I look pretty in every light,” Mordecai quipped automatically.

Brick raised his hands and pulled Mordecai’s goggles off. Mordecai squinted his eyes for a second when the light hit them and looked at Brick in confusion.

“Yep. Pretty.”

Mordecai felt his face heating up, and that only made him feel more embarrassed. He’d never quite gotten used to taking compliments, especially unexpected ones.

“I’m sure you do, too, but right now everything looks yellow except your eyes,” he mumbled.

Brick grinned and kissed him again.

“C’mon, let’s get this guy back to Sanctuary,” Mordecai said eventually.

“Alright.”

Brick gave one last look around, taking in the sight, before heading to the Fast Travel.

* * *

“You let the pirate go, huh?” Marcus said after they returned his guns and his nephew to him.

Mordecai shrugged. “You didn’t say you wanted them dead.”

“I would have thought it was implied.” Marcus didn’t sound angry about it, though - he sounded a little amused, even.

“Then you should have said so,” Mordecai replied. Marcus raised one eyebrow. “I figured they learned their lesson. And one dead pirate is one less client for you, right?”

Marcus laughed. “Maybe you’re right. And if they give me any more trouble, _you’ll_ have to fix it.”

Mordecai shook his head. “Nope, deal’s a deal, and killing them wasn’t part of the deal. You’ll have to offer me something, Marcus. I don’t work for free.”

Marcus narrowed his eyes, and Mordecai thought maybe he shouldn’t have been so upfront when Marcus hadn’t given him any intel on Shep Sanders yet. But then Marcus clapped him in the back, hard enough to make him stumble.

“You've got more business sense that my nephew,” Marcus said with obvious approval. “More balls, too.”

Brick snorted. “Having met your nephew, that’s not much of a compliment.”

“That kid’s driving me crazy,” Marcus muttered. “Next time, I won’t even try to pay the ransom. See how he likes that.”

Brick and Mordecai exchanged a look.

“You mean, this has happened before?” Brick asked.

Marcus only grumbled.

* * *

The Eridium Blight mission went without a hitch. They found the intel the Raiders needed on the latest Hyperion mining operations and sabotaged a few pipelines on their way out. The last part wasn’t really part of the mission, but Brick had wanted to make that detour and Mordecai hadn't had any objections.

When they turned in the intel to Roland, Mordecai gave a short mission report before Roland even asked. Brick remembered not too long ago, when Hyperion had first started coming after them, Mordecai resisted the idea of militarizing their lives: he scoffed at having to explain himself to people, at having to follow orders, at having to be a soldier. A year and a half later, he was acting like one.

It was easier, really. Following Roland’s lead had always been the path of least resistance. Roland was a leader, born and trained; he took charge of any and all situations without any kind of effort - in fact, Brick would bet Roland didn’t even know how he did it, and how he always assumed others would do as he said without question.

It had served them, that much was true, but things had changed since New Haven. They’d lost too much, too many people, but their tactics had barely changed. They needed to adapt.

Roland looked over the intel.

“This Eridium mine in the Nexus looks like the easiest target,” he said.

Mordecai shook his head. “ _Too_ easy. They’re cutting all access to the Nexus except for one, we’d be walking into a trap.”

Roland sighed. “Right. What do you think?”

Mordecai looked intently at the list of locations. “These two mines are run by bandits. Always easier to take those.”

“Yeah, but they’re too close to Hyperion outposts.”

“If we make it quick, shouldn’t be a problem. Those are the easiest. The rest are run by Hyperion themselves, so.” Mordecai shrugged.

Roland nodded, frowning at the map.

“We could take the Hyperion outposts first, then the mines,” Brick suggested.

Roland looked up at him. “Huh?”

“If those mines are close to outposts, we take the outposts first. Two birds, one stone.”

Roland looked at Mordecai, and not like he was asking for his opinion on it, more like he was asking him for an explanation for Brick’s interruption. Roland was always doing that, lately; turning to Mordecai after Brick said something he didn’t like.

“Why not?” Brick pressed, crossing his arms.

Roland looked at him, then back at Mordecai, and eventually at the map. “These outposts are built for defense. Taking them out would take us too long, and by the time we were done they would most likely have organized a defense for the mines.”

“Then we split up. Create a diversion.”

“Brick-”

“I can do it myself, if that’s the problem,” Brick cut him off impatiently.

Roland gave him a somewhat incredulous look. “How is that a solution?”

Mordecai finally intervened. “Not alone, you’re not,” he told Brick. “If you go, I go.”

Brick smiled at him. The support was a little late, but it was still appreciated.

Roland looked between them and sighed. “Let me think about it. We’re not doing this unless I’m sure it’s not going to end up with all of us dead.”

Brick scoffed. “We’ve done things that were a lot more dangerous.”

“Brick. I said I’d think about it,” Roland said, and his tone was final.

Brick didn’t see why Roland was always the one who decided everything, including operations and where conversations ended. And he was getting really sick of how Roland was always trying to get Mordecai to side with him against whatever Brick said.

“Hey, Brick, c’mon, let’s go get something for dinner,” Mordecai said before Brick got a chance to start arguing.

Brick tapped his foot for a moment. “Fine.”

Roland nodded once at Mordecai as they left.

Brick waited until they were across the square and away from the HQ before he said anything else. He stopped walking and turned to look at Mordecai.

“Don’t do that.”

“Do what? Stop you from saying something you’re gonna regret?” Mordecai replied without missing a beat.

“Why are you taking his side?”

Mordecai’s eyebrows shot up. “‘His side’? Really? What are you, twelve?”

“Roland keeps treating me like I am. He doesn’t listen to anything I say, ever.”

Mordecai opened his mouth, then closed it. He pinched the bridge of his nose. “Goddammit, you two,” he grumbled. “We’re all on the same side, here, you know? If you keep pissing each other off we’re not gonna get anywhere.”

“I didn’t start this.”

“Maybe you did,” Mordecai snapped. Brick looked at him in surprise. “Look… Whatever. You’re gonna have to work together, Brick. So at least _try_.”

“Why is this _my_ fault?”

“I didn’t say it was. But you’re not helping, either.” Mordecai walked past him.

“Why, because I’m not gonna jump every time he orders me to?” Brick shot back.

Mordecai didn’t dignify that with a response.

* * *

Marcus sent Mordecai a message late on that day.

Mordecai sat on it for one long, restless night. Brick’s nightmares happened almost every night, and that one wasn’t an exception. Brick didn’t like to be touched right away after waking up from a nightmare, but eventually he curled up on his side and let Mordecai hold him.

“You’re alright. Just a dream,” Mordecai murmured over and over.

“I’m sick of this,” Brick muttered against his chest.

“I know. But I don’t know how to fix it.” Admitting it made Mordecai angry, but what else could he do? He kissed the top of Brick’s head. “Go back to sleep, I’m here.”

By the time he got up, bleary eyed and with his stomach tied in knots, Mordecai was convinced he was making the right decision - or as close to the right decision as he could make in such a situation.

After breakfast, Brick wasn’t too keen on staying in the HQ and meet Roland, so he headed towards Sanctuary’s gates to see if he could find anything to shoot. Mordecai took it as a good omen that he didn’t have to actively find a way to keep Brick away.

When Mordecai found Roland, he was in his armory, gearing up.

“Roland.”

“Hey,” Roland greeted him. “Do you think Brick can give me back my shotgun? We’re leaving soon and I need it.”

Mordecai ignored the passive-aggressiveness of that statement and went straight to the point. “I need your help.”

Roland didn’t even look up. “Can it wait? We’re in the middle of an operation.”

“No. I need your help _now_ , Roland.”

Roland finally registered the stress in Mordecai’s voice and turned to look at him. “What is it?”

Mordecai looked back at the room where some of the Raiders were milling about. “In private.”

Roland nodded and Mordecai lead him upstairs. He bumped on someone on the way, and when he distractedly apologized he noticed it was Rocko - probably scoring a free meal again.

“Oh, hey,” Rocko said with a wide grin that made his face look even more punchable than usual.

“Eye’s lookin’ good,” Mordecai drawled and kept going.

Roland was looking decidedly worried by the time they got to the command center. Mordecai figured he might as well go to the point again.

“I have a lead on Shep Sanders. I think I know where he is. I need you to go with me to get him.”

Roland frowned. “Why me? I have other things to-”

“Because I do, Roland,” Mordecai gritted out. Roland kept frowning. “Because… because Brick isn’t handling this well, alright?”

Roland’s expression turned into one of careful concern. “What does that mean?”

“It means ‘not well’,” Mordecai snapped. He closed his eyes for a second and took a deep breath. “It means I’m worried about him and I need you to help me with this.”

Roland thought quietly for a moment. “So, you don't want him to know. He’s not going to like this.”

“No. But I’ll handle it. I just need us to get Shep Sanders here safe.”

“What’s going on with him?”

Mordecai tapped his fingers against the holster of his revolver. “It’s…” He looked down at his feet, trying to decide how much he should say. “What the hell do you think happened to him in the two months Hyperion had him?”

A look of realization crossed Roland’s face. “Oh.”

“Yeah, ‘oh’. Now, you’re gonna help me or not?”

Roland, to his credit, didn’t even hesitate. “I am. But I - I’m sorry.”

“Yeah,” Mordecai said dryly. “He’s not gonna like that I told you that, either. But what’s one more, at this point.”

Roland looked like he wanted to ask about it, but eventually he changed his mind. “What do you think, just us?”

Mordecai mulled it over. “No, maybe a few more hands. We have one shot at this.”

“Who do you want to bring along?”

Mordecai was surprised at the question. Something in Roland’s attitude had changed drastically if he was handing Mordecai the reins on this; maybe Mordecai should have talked to him before now, after all.

“Williams. And I guess Porter and Balewa.”

“Williams’ partner died in New Haven,” Roland reminded him. “Might not be the best pick.”

“Right. Damn it.” Mordecai liked working with her, she was level headed and capable. But putting Shep Sanders in front of her might be too much. “The others?”

“I think you spend more time with them than I do,” Roland pointed out with a wry smile. “But not that I know of.”

Porter was relatively new to the Raiders, Balewa wasn’t. All of the old ones Mordecai could think of had lost people in New Haven, and he wasn’t sure how steady they would be when presented with the man that had betrayed them to Hyperion.

“Sam,” Mordecai said. Roland looked confused. “New guy, came with us when we found Brick.”

“The one with the black eye?”

“No, the other one.”

“He’s… a little young,” Roland said.

“He is. But at least he’s not gonna try to put a bullet in Shep Sanders’ spine.”

Roland looked unsure, but ultimately gave in. “If you’re sure.”

“He’s a good kid, deserves a chance. And he can speak Spanish,” Mordecai added with a smirk.

Roland chuckled. “There’s something to be said about favoritism here,” he said. “You want to leave now?”

Mordecai nodded. “Yeah. I just want to get it over with.”

“Let’s find them, then.”

* * *

Neither Mordecai nor Roland had been in Liar’s Berg before, but they had some forces here, and so they had the Fast Travel codes. There was an impressive amount of people around the town, and most looked alarmed at the sight of their small armed group. Some scampered to their homes while others kept a wary eye on them.

“I think they recognize you from the posters,” Mordecai told Roland in a hushed voice.

Roland pursed his lips, but didn’t reply.

Marcus’ intel lead them directly to a large house, a little away from the rest. Roland told the other Raiders to check for exits while he and Mordecai went to the front door, but before he even got a chance to knock, a woman opened the door.

“Gentlemen. Can I help you?”

Mordecai stared at her, stunned by the gesture and the polite greeting. There was a bandage over her left eye, and she held her hands folded in front of her in a serene pose. She looked at each of them, waiting patiently for a reply.

Roland seemed as surprised as Mordecai, but recovered more quickly. “Ma’am. We’re looking for someone. We heard you can help us.”

She nodded and adjusted her headscarf, even though it seemed perfectly in place. “Who are you, exactly?”

“We’re from the Crimson Raiders,” Mordecai said. “And you’re Iris, right?”

Her composure was too perfect for someone who wasn’t expecting them; she didn’t react to the fact he knew her name. She turned her one eye to Mordecai and gave him a level look.

“I am.”

“I think you know we’re looking for Shep Sanders,” Mordecai said simply.

Iris didn’t even flinch. Mordecai would bet she was a sniper, like him. In fact, she probably was, given the ECHO he’d found on the Trash Coast.

“Why would I know that?” she asked.

Of all the things Mordecai expected to find, an unflappable woman wasn’t one of them. He looked at Roland, suddenly at a loss.

“I’ve been tracking you, from Prosperity Junction. If you don’t know where Shep is now, you know where he was,” he said. Marcus’ intel said a man matching Shep’s description had been in Liar’s Berg, but she didn’t need to know that.

“I’m afraid I don’t. I left Prosperity Junction after Hyperion took control of it. But, if you’ll excuse me, I need to go meet my husband.” She walked between them and started making her way towards the rest of the town.

Mordecai rushed to keep up with her. “Your husband Shen?”

“Yes.”

“I met a boy called Adam and his sister in Prosperity Junction,” Mordecai said. Iris stopped walking and turned to look at him. There was a glint in her eye, and Mordecai had the impression that it showed who she really was under the demure act she was playing for them: determined. Dangerous. “He liked you. Why didn’t you bring him here, too?”

“How is he?” Iris asked tersely. ‘ _Is he still alive?_ ’ was what she meant.

“He was alright, last I saw him.”

Iris looked at Roland for a second, and the threatening look was gone, just like that. She sighed.

“I knew Shep Sanders, and so did my husband. We left Prosperity Junction when he said staying would be dangerous for him and for us. We don’t know where he went,” she said looking down. “My only regret was leaving Adam and Victoria behind. We thought it might be too dangerous for them.”

It sounded like a confession. Mordecai might have fallen for it if he didn’t know better, and if she didn’t seem so damn calm about it all.

The other Raiders had caught up with them, but they hung back. The people of Liar’s Berg were watching them from a distance, most looking curious, some looking worried.

“You wouldn’t mind if we talk to your husband, right?” Roland said, stepping in with a polite smile. “He may remember something of use.”

Mordecai wasn’t sure if Roland had meant that as a taunt, but the dangerous look was back in Iris’ eye. She didn’t appreciate being overlooked.

“I’m sure he doesn’t. But you may ask him,” Iris replied and pointed ahead of her.

A man had walked past the staring crowd and was approaching them in long strides. He looked every bit as nervous as Iris didn’t.

“What is the meaning of this?” he demanded. “Who are you? Why are you harassing my wife?”

“They’re not harassing me, dear. They’re only asking if I know a man called Shep Sanders,” Iris said, raising her hands in a placating gesture.

Roland cleared his throat. “Sir, we know Shep Sanders has stopped by your house very often. We were hoping to meet him.”

Iris gave him a sharp look, then turned to glare at Mordecai. He shrugged in return.

“What - we don’t…” Shen stammered, looking at his wife in alarm.

Iris lifted her chin. “Are you going to kill him?”

Roland and Mordecai exchanged a look.

“For now, all we have are questions,” Roland replied. It wasn’t the most reassuring thing he could have said, in Mordecai’s opinion.

“It wasn’t his fault!” Shen said, looking between all of them. “Please, don’t - Please, hear him out first.”

Iris took one of his hands between hers, and that seemed to calm him down some. He looked at her with gratitude and fear. Iris’ expression was unreadable.

Back in Prosperity Junction, Adam had said that too, that Shep hadn’t betrayed them. If Shep Sanders had people who were still loyal to him, there _might_ be some truth to it, Mordecai thought. He was curious about what had happened, at the very least, but he wasn’t going to discard any possibility yet. Shep could also be lying to everybody.

“What now?” Shen asked.

This was the tricky part. “Where is he now?”

Iris hesitated for the first time. “In the Highlands, working. Hyperion is planning to build a new city there.”

Mordecai had stumbled on news of the project at some point, but he didn’t know much about it. He didn’t know Shep Sanders was working for Hyperion, not for sure. He'd considered the possibility, but hadn't known where to look for him.

“When’s he coming next?”

“Tomorrow,” Iris said.

“Uhm…” Shen muttered.

“What?” Mordecai asked, eying him suspiciously.

“I - I called him when I heard you were here.” He squared his shoulders, and there was a sudden calm upon him. He looked like a man facing his firing squad. “I told him to run.”

Iris closed her eyes, but her hold on Shen’s hand tightened. “He won’t,” she said with grim certainty.

Maybe it was the way she said it, or maybe it was just who she was, but Mordecai was inclined to believe her. Or maybe it was the fact that, if she was wrong, then they had lost Shep Sanders again.

Roland looked at Mordecai. “I guess we can only wait for now.”

Mordecai sighed. “If he doesn’t show up, then all of this was for nothing.”

He might have rushed into this too much, after all. All he wanted was to get this done as soon as possible and put it behind them, especially since having to chase after Shep Sanders again without letting Brick know would complicate everything.

“We found his friends. We started with less than that,” Roland pointed out. He turned to Iris and Shen and said: “Would you like to go back to your house in the meantime?”

Iris shook her head. “I’d rather stay in public.”

Roland looked briefly surprised. “Alright.”

They stood around awkwardly, and after a while even the curious crowd started to disperse and the movement of people picked up again. Mordecai wasn’t sure how long they should wait before giving up. He’d told Brick that Roland asked him to go on a mission at the last minute (which wasn’t too far from the truth), so at least there wasn’t a time pressure from that front. But he didn’t want to go back to Sanctuary empty handed.

Mordecai had begun to plan what to do to continue chasing Shep, what intel he needed to look for regarding the Hyperion city and where to find it, when there was a shift in the milling people.

“Commander!” Shep Sanders called, walking quickly towards them and looking at Roland. He was wearing a full Hyperion uniform, and that might have been why people had parted around him.

Roland turned from talking to the Raiders, his face stony. “Shep.”

Shep looked older than Mordecai remembered. He held up his hands up in a gesture of surrender.

“You found me. I’m turning myself in.”

“No, what are you doing?” Shen exclaimed. Balewa, who was closest to him, stood in his way to keep him back. “I told you to run!”

“Sorry,” Shep said with a sad smile. He turned to Roland again: “I wondered when you'd find me. I’m tired of hiding, commander. But please, don’t - don’t hurt them.”

Iris was holding Shen’s hand closely, and was staring at Shep like there was no one else around. Shen was shaking slightly.

“I won’t,” Roland said. “You have my word.”

Shep nodded and smiled in obvious relief. “I’ve always known you to be fair. That’s all I ask.”

“Hyperion says you betrayed us, Shep,” Mordecai said. “Why?”

Shep looked between him and Roland, unsure. They only looked back at him and waited. “They came after me in Prosperity Junction. They found… They captured them-” Shep looked at Iris and Shen “- and they…” He swallowed heavily, looked down at his feet and continued in a rush. “They blinded Iris, right in front of me. Said they’d keep going unless I…”

Iris’ expression didn't change, even when Shen slid an arm around her and pulled her close.

“Unless you gave them the Fast Travel codes,” Roland finished.

“Yes.” Shep was shaking now, too. “I didn’t want to, but I lost my family once, commander. I couldn’t do it again.” There was a long silence. “So, please. Do what you must, but please don’t hurt them.”

Shep’s family had been killed by Sledge and their skins had been turned into tents, or so Zed had told them back in Fyrestone two years ago. Mordecai had thought Brick was dead without any proof and the pain and regret had been overwhelming. Facing that loss again would be… yeah.

Yeah.

“Mordecai?” Roland said. Mordecai looked at him, confused at being suddenly pulled from his thoughts. “This checks out with what you know?”

Mordecai blinked. “I don’t - I only found his name. All intel said he gave them the codes, but I never looked for the details.” It seemed like a stupid oversight now, but Mordecai hadn’t had any reason to think Shep hadn’t given them up willingly.

Roland sighed and seemed to steel himself. “Shep, you’ll be coming with us to Sanctuary.”

“No!” Shen said.

Roland ignored him and kept going. “You won’t be harmed. You’ll tell us everything you can on Hyperion and Mordecai will see if he can confirm your claim. And I guess… we’ll have a trial later, and decide what to do,” Roland added, sounding resigned. “Porter, secure him.”

Porter approached Shep who put his hands up again.

“Shen, it’s alright,” Shep said. “They’re not Hyperion.”

“Why are you working for them? If they did that?” Mordecai asked.

“They didn’t leave me any choice. After they broadcasted my name, what else could I do? Anyone who knew me would have turned me in to you for a bounty.”

Porter finished searching Shep for weapons. He stood up and nodded to Roland. “Got his ECHO. He’s clean.”

“Commander,” Shep said suddenly. “Please, let my family go to Sanctuary.”

Roland paused for a moment, then turned to where Iris and Shen were still holding each other close. “You’re free to come to Sanctuary, if you want. And you’ll be free to stay or leave after the trial, whatever happens.” He didn’t sound thrilled to be making the offer, but Mordecai couldn’t blame him.

“We’re going,” Iris said without a second’s pause.

“If there's anything you want to take with you, go get it."

“Make sure they don't take any weapons. From what I hear, she's a good shooter,” Mordecai said to Sam and Balewa. Iris gave him an inscrutable look. “Hey, I just don't wanna get shot in the back, lady.”

“As if that would serve any purpose,” Iris replied dryly. She and her husband went back to their house, followed by the Sam and Balewa.

Roland turned to Mordecai and let out a heavy sigh.

“What are you thinking?” Mordecai asked him quietly.

Roland shook his head. “It fits Hyperion’s MO.”

Mordecai gave him a look. “Yeah, but what do you _think_? You think he’s telling the truth?”

Roland looked back at Shep, then at the house where his family had gone to. "I guess. Yeah, I do,” he said begrudgingly.

“Me too.”

“Damn it,” Roland muttered. He put his hands on his hips. “This complicates everything.”

“Why?”

“Because if he'd betrayed us of his own free will, that'd be one thing. But now, no matter what we do, no one's gonna be happy at the end of this.”

If Shep had indeed been coerced into betraying New Haven, then finding a sentence that appeased most people would be a lot more difficult. Every person who'd survived New Haven had lost someone during the attack; a neighbor, a friend, a lover. But having his family threatened, that was hard to argue against.

The people in Sanctuary wouldn't riot or turn on them; they couldn't afford to. But they could definitely make things more difficult for the Raiders, and they were already fighting a war on the outside of the city. They'd have to handle this a lot more carefully now.

“Yeah. I'll dig into it,” Mordecai said.

Roland nodded.

* * *

Brick didn’t find much to shoot at Sanctuary’s border, only a few rakk, and those were more annoying than challenging. He made his way back to the city and went to the bounty board, hoping to find something to do while Mordecai and Roland were away.

There were a few easy bounties, and he was trying to decide on one when Rocko appeared by his side.

“Hey, Brick.” Rocko was moving a pistol from hand to hand. It looked like a cheap Tediore one, at first glance.

“Hey.”

“Found this in a box. Figured no one wanted it,” Rocko said, showing him the pistol. Brick shrugged. “You’re looking for work? I thought you were out there with your boyfriend.”

“He’s doing something, and I’m bored,” Brick said. “Might as well make some money.”

“Really? ‘Cause I bumped into him and heard him say something about this guy you’re looking for, Shep Sanders?”

Brick turned to look at Rocko. “What?”

Rocko waved a hand. “Yeah, he was talking to that Roland guy.” Brick stared at him and Rocko shrugged. “Hey, that’s what I heard.”

Brick wasn’t sure he bought it, but why would Rocko be making this up? There was one easy way to figure if he was lying, though: Brick headed towards the HQ. Rocko followed him.

It took Brick a little while to get the system working - technology had never been his thing - but it wasn’t too different from the system they’d had in New Haven, and soon the feed from Mordecai’s ECHO showed up on one of the screens.

 _“What are you thinking?”_ Mordecai’s voice said.

Roland shook his head. _“It fits Hyperion’s MO.”_

 _“Yeah, but what do you_ think _? You think he’s telling the truth?”_

Roland looked back and Mordecai’s ECHO followed his line of sight. There, right there in front of them, was standing Shep Sanders with a Raider by his side.

_“I guess. Yeah, I do.”_

_“Me too.”_

Brick’s thoughts screeched to a halt. Mordecai knew. He knew where Shep Sanders was, somehow, and he’d told Roland instead of him. There was no other way this could be happening.

Brick took a step back from the screen. Rocko was by the door, watching the scene and twirling his gun again.

“Where are they?” Brick asked.

Rocko shrugged. “I dunno. Shouldn’t it say there, somewhere?” he approached the screen too.

Brick looked at the console where he’d input the order to connect to Mordecai’s ECHO. “Liar’s Breg?”

Rocko followed his eyes. “Berg. Liar’s Berg,” he corrected, and Brick was too distracted to get mad about that. “Never been.”

Brick repeated the name in his mind, turned on his heel and left the room. Rocko trailed behind him again.

* * *

Iris and Shen didn’t have many things to take with them. They packed everything and were ready to leave in just a little while. When they started to move, Mordecai stayed at the back, trying to figure what to do when he got to Sanctuary. This wasn’t going to go down nicely with Brick at all, but things were already done and Brick couldn’t do much to change them now.

The Fast Travel activated when they were getting close to it. Mordecai recognized the figure that was being digistructed even before his ECHO gave him a name.

“Shit,” he swore and stopped in his tracks.

Brick stumbled for a second and looked around until he found their group. His eyes zeroed in on them, and Mordecai could feel the heat of his anger even from this distance. He didn't think he'd ever seen Brick this furious with anyone, especially not him.

“Shit!” He shouted it this time and darted forwards, pushing the Raiders aside. “Brick! Brick, wait!”

Roland didn't notice Brick until he heard Mordecai's voice, caught on his own plans of what their next steps would be. Mordecai bumped into him but didn’t stop; he kept running while Brick strode in their direction.

It took only one look for Roland to realize Brick wasn’t going to listen to reason.

“Get back!” he told the Raiders without moving his eyes from Brick. “Keep them back!”

Roland made to draw his weapon, but he wasn't sure it was a good idea to do so and, in the end, he hesitated for a moment too long. Brick pushed past Mordecai without even slowing down and barreled straight into Roland. Roland felt the impact of an hand against his chest and was sent sprawling backwards on the ground.

Mordecai chased after him, desperate. “Brick, no! Wait!”

Mordecai caught a glimpse of the Raiders’ terrified expressions when Brick closed his hands around Shep Sanders’ collar.

“ _You_ ,” Brick snarled.

Everyone, including Porter, had backed away from Brick. Mordecai couldn’t blame them, but he kept going, without thinking, because this was _Brick_ , and the only person he might listen to right now was him, and if he didn’t…

“Brick, wait!” Mordecai shouted again. He latched on to Brick’s arm and pulled at it with all his strength, feeling not unlike a child trying to get their parent to move.

Brick pushed his arm back to get him to let go and his elbow caught Mordecai in the face.

Mordecai saw white and the world lost directions all at once. There was a sharp pain in the middle of his face and on his arms and on his lower back. He couldn’t tell up from down for what seemed like forever, as his brain scrambled for a grip on consciousness and orientation.

Mordecai blinked, hard, and his ears were suddenly ringing with screams. He felt as if he was pulled back into himself, just enough to realize what had happened: he'd fallen back and smashed his elbows on the ground to break the impact. The pain in his face hadn’t dulled, and judging by the trickle of warmth down his chin, his nose was bleeding.

His nose wasn’t the only thing bleeding. He caught sight of a dark drop falling from Brick’s elbow and followed its path of origin up Brick’s forearm. He didn’t have a good angle to see where it came from, but when Shep’s screams got even louder Mordecai was suddenly glad he couldn’t see what was happening.

His stomach turned, violently. Mordecai’s whole body felt sticky and wrong and limp, and he could only hope he didn’t actually throw up, because he didn’t feel strong enough to avoid retching all over himself.

There was a sickening, wet crunch and Shep’s screams stopped all at once. But there was another voice right under it that Mordecai hadn’t noticed until now, and, even if he didn’t want to look, his eyes turned in the direction of Shep’s family. Iris had broken down; whatever inhuman resilience she seemed to possess had shattered. Shen was holding her up from where she’d collapsed on the ground and he looked only this close from collapsing as well.

Mordecai closed his eyes and tried to pull himself together, to take a deep breath, anything.

Brick’s grunts of effort caught his attention and Mordecai thought he might throw up after all.

There was a heavy thud of a dead body hitting the ground. Mordecai didn’t want to open his eyes.

A cold, shaky hand touched Mordecai’s shoulder and he flinched. He opened his eyes, finally, and saw Sam kneeling beside him. The kid looked pale even to Mordecai’s colorblind eyes. Sam tried to pull him up, and even though most of Mordecai wanted to just lie there forever and not have to face this, he accepted the help and stood up on trembling legs.

“Brick.” Roland’s icy voice cut through the sudden, awful silence.

Brick was panting, Mordecai noticed. He turned around, both his hands covered in blood, and there were blood spatters over his face and neck. It wasn’t entirely different of how he looked after some battles, and yet it was.

Brick looked at Mordecai and froze. Mordecai pulled away from Sam and wiped the blood from his face and realized his hands were shaking. He balled them into fists to make them stop.

“Brick,” said Roland again, approaching him slowly. “You’ll be escorted back to Sanctuary, you’ll pick up your things and you will leave. You won’t set a foot on my city again.”

Brick blinked slowly. “You’re kicking me out?”

“Yes.” Mordecai had never heard so much fury in Roland’s voice, let alone in a single syllable.

“What?” Mordecai croaked. He turned to Roland. “What are you doing?”

Roland didn't look at Mordecai. “Exiling him.”

“No. Roland, don’t do this,” Mordecai pleaded. His stomach was still churning, and he could still hear Iris’ cries from the background, but he shut all of that off. “You don’t have to do this.”

“Of course I have to!” Roland snapped. “You saw what just happened!”

“They killed my dog,” Brick said, and then all of a sudden he began shouting: “Hyperion killed my _fucking dog_ , Roland! They killed so many people! They killed Pierce and half the Raiders and - and Dusty! They. Killed. Dusty!”

He was screaming, he was furious, but there was something pleading in his voice - though, maybe only Mordecai could hear it.

Roland shook his head. “No. I knew most of the people who died much better than you, so you don’t get to throw them at me right after you crushed an unarmed man’s skull in front of his own family,” his voice was low and it trembled with suppressed anger. “You’re out, Brick.”

“Roland, don’t,” Mordecai tried again. “Please.”

“I said no. I won’t have someone like _him_ in the Raiders. I won’t have a bloodthirsty psychopath staying in Sanctuary,” Roland said, his jaw tense. He spared a brief glance in Mordecai's direction. “I’m sorry, Mordecai, but that’s final.”

“Roland -”

“Fine,” Brick said.

“What? No, Brick -”

Brick wiped his hands on his shirt. “Screw this,” he muttered.

Roland pointed at the Fast Travel and Brick went to it without looking back. Balewa and Porter followed him at a careful distance. Only then did Mordecai see Rocko, hanging around the Fast Travel and watching them - and when had he even come here? Why?

Everything in the past few minutes was a blur.

Roland approached Shep’s family, and suddenly, he looked completely at a loss of what to say.

“I’m - I’m sorry,” he said quietly. They didn’t react. “Nothing I say is going to fix this, but I didn’t - we didn’t mean for this to happen. And I know… this is probably the last thing you want, but you’re welcome in Sanctuary, at any time.”

Shen looked at him, his eyes filled with resentment and tears. “Leave us alone.”

Roland nodded. “I’m sorry.”

Roland turned and his gaze fell on Shep’s body for a second before he closed his eyes tightly. He took a deep breath, opened his eyes again and unraveled his scarf from his neck. Roland approached Shep’s body in a few steps and used his scarf to cover what remained of Shep’ head.

He stood up and looked at Mordecai, who was still rooted to the spot, watching between the Fast Travel where Brick had just disappeared and Roland.

Mordecai’s mouth twisted when he saw Roland looking back. “Fuck you,” he spat.

Mordecai strode towards the Fast Travel.

* * *

Brick was still at the apartment, still looking for his things, when Mordecai rushed in through the door.

“You’re not leaving,” Mordecai said.

Brick didn’t look at him. “You heard him. I’m not welcome, so I’m not stayin’.”

Mordecai made a frustrated sound. “Fine, then I'm going with you.”

“No, you’re not.”

The reply was immediate and brooked no argument. Brick had never been good at saying “no” to him, as a rule, except when it was strictly necessary. It felt like a blow.

“The fuck I’m not,” Mordecai said regardless, crossing his arms. “If you go, I go.”

“I can't carry you with me,” Brick said with finality.

Mordecai frowned. “'Carry me'? When the fuck have you ca-” He stopped talking abruptly. “Oh, you asshole.”

Most of him couldn’t believe he’d just heard Brick say that to him. But another, older, part of him rose up and howled in rage and embarrassment. A part that expected things to crash and burn, to fail horribly, to be disappointed yet again.

He was broken, wasn’t he? He struggled with life, he drank - he _depended_. He begged to be held down and fucked, he begged to be picked up and carried.

Brick finally, finally, turned to look at him. “You lied to me, Mordy.”

Mordecai, his mind reeling, struggled to find something to say. “I - I had to.” He hated how his face burned, how meek his voice sounded. He’d done what he’d done for several reasons, but he couldn’t find them when confronted with that look on Brick’s face.

Brick snorted. “Sure.” He walked past Mordecai and towards the door. “You found your way back into a bottle, I’m sure you’ll find your way back to Moxxi. Or Roland, even. That’s what you always wanted, right?”

Brick slammed the door behind him as he left.

Mordecai was rooted in place again, and he struggled for a few deep breaths. He struggled to believe this was really happening and to forget what Brick had just said, because he couldn't honestly have said any of that to him.

* * *

Roland was waiting at the Pierce Station when Brick got there.

“My shotgun,” was the only thing he said.

Brick opened his inventory and looked for Roland’s shotgun. When he found it and digistructed it, he threw it at Roland’s feet without looking at him once.

Rocko was waiting by the station, leaning against the wall. “Hey, where are you going now?” he asked.

“Hell if I know.”

“I’m coming, too. I’m sick of this place.”

Brick shrugged. “Suit yourself.”

* * *

Mordecai threw everything he owned in his backpack and stored it in his inventory. He called for Bloodwing and made a beeline for the Fast Travel. Brick was already gone, thankfully, but he crossed paths with Roland, who was talking to someone at the Square.

“Where are you going?” Roland called, chasing after him. Mordecai ignored him. “You're leaving too? _Now_?” Roland stopped walking. “Should have known you'd go after him.”

Mordecai stopped dead in his tracks, turned around and headed straight for him. Roland shifted his weight back as a reflex, but didn’t even raise his hands, not actually believing Mordecai would try to hit him.

Mordecai grabbed Roland by the collar and shoved him back with all his strength. He knew he couldn't take Roland in an actual fight, especially not when he was so angry. Roland staggered back a little and stared at him.

“Shut the fuck up,” Mordecai snarled. “You have _no idea_ what they did to him. For _months_.”

“And that makes it alright? What those people had to see?”

“Of course it fucking doesn't!” Mordecai shouted. “I tried to stop him!”

“Brick is dangerous,” Roland said, narrowing his eyes. “Maybe you don’t want to see it, but he is. And not even you could get him to stop.”

“He didn’t know! He didn’t know Shep wasn’t - didn’t sell us out! Brick thought he had, and you can’t tell me you didn’t want him dead too before today.” It was a desperate argument, and he knew it. Mordecai held on to it with teeth and nails.

“Yeah, I did, and that’s why I _asked_ Shep Sanders why he’d done it. That’s the rational thing to do!”

“You weren’t tortured for months!” That gave Roland a little pause. “And he never gave us up, Roland! How the fuck - how the fuck was he supposed to take it... to deal with the guy who betrayed us, who was the reason he even got captured in the first place!”

“You wanted to keep it from Brick. I think this is why. You _knew_ he was going to kill Shep,” Roland argued. Mordecai looked away. “This is exactly what you wanted to avoid, so why are you defending him? You saw what he did.”

“He lost it,” Mordecai admitted. He was aware that was a monumental understatement, but kept going anyway. “But I _know_ him. This isn’t him, this is what they _did_ to him.”

“You're biased,” Roland said, shaking his head.

“So are you! Get off your fucking high horse, Roland. Let's have _you_ tortured for months and let's see how well _you_ handle it.”

“I wouldn't have smashed a man’s head in in front of his family!” Roland snapped.

Mordecai looked away, wishing that he could stop hearing the screams in his head every time he thought about it. Just one more thing about today that he wished he could erase from his memory completely.

“No, you wouldn't,” he conceded. “But we sure as hell wouldn't have kicked you out even if you had. Not everything is black and white only when it fucking suits you.”

“He was unarmed and his family was _right there_!”

“Fuck you! I know that! It was fucking awful, but you didn’t have to kick him out. That was _your_ choice, and you could have chosen something else. You keep that up and see how many friends you have left at the end of this.” Mordecai made to turn around, stopped, and faced Roland again. “But you already kicked Lilith out, of course you can do that to the rest of us,” he added in a low voice. Mordecai may be angry and an asshole, but he still wasn't going to yell about Lilith where everyone could hear.

Roland looked equal parts taken aback and furious.

Mordecai resumed his path to the Fast Travel and Roland didn't try to stop him this time. Mordecai selected the Frostburn Canyon on the Fast Travel menu and left Sanctuary.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Music Mood: [Café Tacuba - Aviéntame](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MDWe9-6q0Qo) | [Faultline (feat. Chris Martin) - Your Love Means Everything Part 2](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D4HZlXkthMs)
> 
> You can find me on [Tumblr](http://www.wilwarindi.tumblr.com/)
> 
> So, uh, maybe you’ve noticed this fic has never been tagged as a fix-it. This is why >:)
> 
> Rocko followed Mordecai and Roland to hear whatever they were talking about, BTW. He didn't take the comment about his eye very kindly.
> 
> About Oasis: I’m pretty sure the drought and death of everyone but Shade couldn’t have happened too long before the DLC, and this happens about 3 years prior to BL2.
> 
> I had entirely too much fun with the OCs, this is why it got so long. I’m almost sorry, but not really.
> 
> Have a comment? Leave a comment!


	14. Open wounds (AKA: Fresh starts)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Featuring: The grieving process (pt. 1), 100% more Lilith (yay!), Unreliable narrators, Fresh starts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Music mood:** [Daughter - Shallows](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qPK67Px8sR8)
> 
>  **Warning:** Alcohol use/Alcoholism
> 
> Special thanks to snoozyfern who beta-ed this chapter, and biggestdisappointmentinwarfare and FangFero for being them.
> 
> OK! I'M FINALLY BACK! This took me so long cause, as usual, it was getting too long. When I reached 29 pages and over 11k words, I decided enough is enough and I split it in half. Next chapter should be done soon, though, so that's good news!
> 
> But hey, I made a (late) Christmas fic! You can find it as part of the CoF series, which is now a thing. Expect more side fics to come eventually.
> 
> I hope you all had a happy holidays and a happy new year! Here's for 2018!
> 
> [EDIT: I UPDATED THIS ON THURSDAY, BUT AO3 DIDN'T LOG THE DATE! AGAIN! I'M SO FUCKING MAD]

  _People who believe they’ll be happy if they go and live somewhere else, learn it doesn’t work that way.  
Wherever you go, you take yourself with you._

\- Neil Gaiman

* * *

There was a bitter cold wind blowing through the Frostburn Canyon when Mordecai arrived. He shivered and looked at Bloodwing, perched on his shoulder. His bird had his feathers puffed up to fight off the cold.

“Go find Lilith,” Mordecai said. He’d never been here before himself; he'd only seen bits of it through Roland's ECHO feed.

Bloodwing didn't immediately react so Mordecai petted his head and cooed at him to ply his will. Bloodwing stretched his wings and took flight in the grouchiest way he could, and his attitude got a brief smile out of Mordecai.

Bloodwing didn't like the cold.

Mordecai wrapped his arms around himself and took cover from the wind as best as he could. He didn't know how far Lilith’s hideout was from the Fast Travel, and so he could only wait from Bloodwing to come back.

It was easy not to think when the cold was so bad. Mordecai stomped his feet and grumbled under his breath about how weird Pandora’s weather was.

Lilith materialized in front of him with a small explosion a few minutes later and Mordecai almost jumped out of his skin, even if he _was_ expecting her to show up like this.

“What happened?” Lilith asked urgently.

Mordecai tried to convince his heart to drop down from his throat. “Jesus fuck! Stop doing that, will you?”

Lilith ignored him. “What happened? Is Roland OK?”

Of course she asked about Roland first. How could she still care so much about him when he'd sent her away so easily?

“He's fine,” Mordecai replied stiffly. “Can I stay here? I can't be in Sanctuary anymore.”

Lilith blinked, clearly not having expected that. “Why?”

“Long story.”

“You had a fight with Roland?”

“Yeah. Can you just let me… I'll explain later, but I'm freezing here.” That wasn't the only reason he wanted to avoid the question, but it was still a good reason.

“Yeah, sure. C’mon. It's a long walk to my place.” Lilith lead the way and Mordecai followed her, arms still wrapped around himself.

“How'd you get here so fast? Blood isn't even back yet.”

Lilith gave him a smirk. “Magic.”

Mordecai snorted. He looked up, searching for Bloodwing, but couldn’t see him. Mordecai guessed he’d catch up with them soon enough.

* * *

Bloodwing found them soon and he seemed a little less grouchy after his flight. He perched on Mordecai’s shoulder for most of the walk to Lilith’s place, huddling close for warmth, except when the movement of spiderants caught his eye. Then, Bloodwing took flight, but he remained near Mordecai and Lilith, flying in watchful circles around them.

The bandits that populated Frostburn Canyon didn’t bother them much. They’d already learned not to get in Lilith’s way, she said. She’d killed enough of them to get her message across, and it was better to have bandits that feared her as neighbors than wiping them all out and having to do the same with whoever decided to show up in their place - because there would be more bandits that replaced these.

“Sure.” Mordecai nodded, not really interested, not really capable of thinking about it. It sounded like it made sense, anyway, and Lilith knew what she was doing, surely. She’d survived this long.

Lilith’s place was an old Dahl mining ship, she told him, much like Sanctuary, only a lot smaller. Practically every single Dahl building on Pandora had something to do with mining. Sanctuary had once been the star of the Dahl fleet, or something, but Lilith's base was one of the more common ones.

There were several incendiary traps guarding the entrance to Lilith’s safe house that she’d been setting to keep bandits away. Lilith warned him every time they came across one, and Mordecai followed her directions mechanically and without a word.

“Home sweet home,” Lilith said when they reached the entry.

“Cozy,” Mordecai muttered, watching the giant, heavy metal doors. There were skulls on pikes around it, and a few charred dead bodies strung from the ceiling. A lingering smell of burnt flesh emanated from them.

Lilith smirked. “That’s what I said. To Roland. He didn’t agree.”

Mordecai snorted. He wasn’t at all surprised by that.

The bunker’s blast doors lifted slowly but surely, with a constant whirring sound. Once they were inside, Lilith had to smash a button on the control panel to get the blast doors to stop rising and close again. It worked on the third try.

“I need to fix that,” Lilith muttered to herself. She turned around and signaled ahead. “Go on. _Mi casa es su casa_.”

“Ugh.” Mordecai’s lip curled in distaste. How he hated that line, the terrible accent it was always spoken in, the fact that every English speaker in existence thought it was a hilarious thing to say to him. You’d think they could at least not use the formal form of “you”, try to make it sound more natural, but they never did. “Don’t ever say that to me again.”

“Why not?” It was hard to tell if Lilith asked that with genuine surprise or if she was faking it to annoy him.

Mordecai wasn’t in the mood for explaining, so he didn’t. He went in, looking around at the place, and Lilith followed him. Behind the blast doors the cave continued into a room that looked only partly finished. There were pipes on the ceiling, large containers and a few pieces of broken machinery laying around.

“This way,” Lilith said.

Past the entrance was a walkway connecting the tunnel with the ship proper. The structure wasn’t small, but it felt like it was when compared to the icy cavern in was lodged in.

Mordecai had seen Sanctuary and other remains of mining ships here and there, but he’d never seen one like this. It was suspended in the middle of the cave by giant metal cables tied to massive anchor points nailed to the rock walls. There were metal pipes sprouting from the ship and heading into the tunnels around the main cave. The ship didn’t have any walls, or they had been taken down, and when Mordecai looked up he saw what he thought might be the remainder of the ship’s roof, now almost entirely destroyed but also kept aloft by a massive body of ice.

Under the ship, the cave dropped for hundreds of meters into a mass of ice and ice stalagmites. 

The main space of the ship was round and was mostly empty save for some ammo crates and some old machinery probably dating from the original mining operation. On one side there was an ECHOnet setup and multiple screens showing video feeds from all over Frostburn Canyon.

It was also, incidentally, fucking freezing in here.

“Aren’t you cold?” Mordecai asked.

“No. Perks of being a Siren,” Lilith said, wiggling her fingers in his direction, where a few small flames danced.

“You can’t do that all the time, though, right?”

Lilith didn’t exactly go through life surrounded by flames. Not literally, anyway.

Lilith shrugged. “I just don’t get cold easily.” She signaled for him to follow her. “I have some clothes around here, something should fit you.”

Mordecai wasn’t too thrilled by the suggestion. Him being colorblind and all, Lilith could easily give him something ridiculous to wear and he wouldn’t know any better. She was definitely capable of that. But, then again, he _was_ freezing, and who cared anyway? It was just the two of them in this frozen hellhole.

And if worse came to worst, he had some warm clothes in his inventory, but for now he might as well see what Lilith had to offer.

Lilith guided him the left, up some stairs and into a sort of smaller room - which, again, failed to be an actual room by the lack of walls - and rummaged around some crates.

“Where... I put them…” she muttered, and then said: “Ha! Here.”

She reached inside a crate and pulled out an armful of clothes, which she then threw on the crate lid. They looked like bandit’s clothes. There were a few masks, one clearly a psycho’s mask, and a few that looked like gas masks. Most of the clothes looked too big to fit any of them properly, but considering Mordecai had sort of expected small sweaters with pandoracorn motifs on them, he could work with this.

He was still stunned, though. “Why d’you have these for?”

Lilith shrugged. “Just in case.” Mordecai stared at her, a little wary and a lot confused. Lilith had never been one for hoarding things or planning ahead. She rolled her eyes. “Look, I’m all alone here. I need to have a little of everything.”

“These are huge for you. They’re huge for _me_.”

“I can’t exactly go shopping at the moment. I’m supposed to be dead,” Lilith said dryly. “I needed spare clothes. You’re gonna take something from here or not?”

Mordecai studied the clothes. They looked clean enough somehow, and he ended up settling for a large jacket. It was dark, and so the color couldn’t be too bad.

“What happened to your nose?” Lilith asked suddenly. “I just realized.”

It took Mordecai a few seconds to realize what she was talking about. He touched the bridge of his nose carefully and found it was a little swollen and still sore. Mordecai touched along his nose and found it hurt closer to his eyes, so he took off his goggles to keep studying the damage.

“Wow, ok. That looks bad,” Lilith said, sounding impressed.

“I hope it’s not broken,” Mordecai muttered. He grimaced when his fingers came across a particularly sensitive spot.

If it was broken, then… what? He wasn’t going back to Sanctuary, so Zed was out. And Zed was what passed for a good, reliable doctor around Pandora, so what was left? He’d have to suck it up, even if a broken nose would be a bitch to deal with.

“Looks like your eye’s gonna blacken.” Lilith grabbed his chin and tilted his head down so she could get a better look. “Yeah, your right eye, at least.”

Mordecai pulled his chin free. “You got a mirror anywhere?”

Lilith guided him to the only other separate room. This was where she slept, judging by the unmade bed, the desk and tv and firepit, and a few personal items lying around. She reached under the bed for a backpack and dug inside it.

“I should have one here.”

Mordecai looked around. “Don't you have a bathroom, somewhere?”

“Yeah, I'll show you later. Here.” Lilith handed him a small, square mirror.

Mordecai studied his reflection. There wasn't anything too obviously off, besides the swelling. There were still traces of dried blood around his nose he hadn't even noticed.

_A hard, sharp pain between the eyes that he should have seen coming - why didn’t he see it coming? Because Mordecai could get through to Brick when no one else could. Because Brick would never hurt him - and everything went white and the world lost directions._

Mordecai wiped the dried blood away with the back of his hand, with quick, angry movements.

“Here, let me try something,” Lilith said.

She pulled his chin down again - by the goatee, which made Mordecai squawk in surprise and indignation - and put a hand over his nose. Lilith narrowed her eyes, a deeply focused expression on her face.

Mordecai waited with sudden apprehension for something to happen.

“Lilith…” he said when nothing did.

Lilith let him go. She frowned and tilted her head to the side. “I thought I could… Never mind.”

“You thought you could what?” Mordecai asked.

Lilith had a talent for destruction, not for healing. Of their little group, Roland was the one who dealt with things medical. Also, Lilith would have a Zed-like approach for medicine if she ever tried, Mordecai guessed.

“I just… I've been healing better, lately. Faster. Thought maybe I could use that to help others,” Lilith said with an awkward shrug. “Maybe it’s a new power, I don't know.”

“Healing faster? Why?”

Lilith looked away and shrugged again. “I don't know. I just have.”

There was a blunt edge in her voice that hadn't been there before. But before Mordecai had a chance to think about it, Lilith looked at him again.

“So, what happened in Sanctuary? You said you had a fight with Roland?”

Mordecai tensed, and he promptly forgot about Lilith’s defensiveness.

He didn't know how to tell her what had happened. There was just so much leading up to it, and it had all gone so wrong. There would be questions and there was so much to tell, so many tiny details, but he didn't have the energy to put it all into words.

Mordecai had to push down the urge to run away. He had fled Sanctuary already, he had nowhere else to go after this.

“It was…” Mordecai muttered.

“What?” Lilith pressed.

“Can you just give me a minute?” Mordecai said, annoyed.

Lilith’s eyebrows rose. She crossed her arms, but didn't say anything else.

Mordecai moved away from her, towards the edge of the room. He could see where the cave opened up into the tundra and Elpis and Helios up on the sky. There was an impressive amount of natural light in here, he suddenly realized, even though he should have noticed before.

Mordecai put his goggles back on, even if they dug into his swollen nose a little. He turned back to face Lilith, but he kept his eyes away from her.

“Roland kicked Brick out of Sanctuary.”

Lilith blinked. “What? Why?”

Mordecai’s stomach turned again. How to explain it all?

“Brick killed Shep Sanders,” he mumbled.

“Shep Sanders? The guy that betrayed New Haven?”

“Yeah.”

Before he could elaborate, though, Lilith cut in again: “OK, but why would Roland do that? That guy betrayed us all.”

“That's what I'm trying to tell you, ok? Just give me a minute,” Mordecai snapped.

Lilith gave him a look. “Why do you get like that?”

“Because I'm trying to tell you what happened, and you keep interrupting me. I'm gonna a tell you, just stop… throwing questions at me.”

Lilith huffed. Mordecai refrained from telling her this was hard enough without her putting pressure on him. She wouldn't get it.

“Roland told you I found Brick, right?” he asked. He should have started with that.

Lilith nodded. “A few days ago, yeah. He sent a message.”

“He wanted to find Shep, so we went lookin’ for him. But he was angry. He wasn’t handling it well, he was too… rough on people.” Mordecai didn’t think those words really conveyed what he meant, but he didn’t want to explain that point right now. “So, when I found out where Shep was, I didn’t tell him, I told Roland.”

There was a look of realization on Lilith’s face; she knew where this was going. It helped get the words out, somehow.

“I dunno how he found out, but he did. He just showed up and killed him.” Mordecai could say it easily enough and remain detached. The fact was simple: Shep was dead. What wasn’t simple was everything _around_ his death. “He was mad.”

Lilith snorted. “Yeah, I bet. But I still don’t see why Roland would -”

“He didn’t do it,” Mordecai cut in. “Shep, he didn’t do it.”

Lilith’s eyes widened as she took that in. A moment of silent understanding passed between them.

“Ah,” Lilith muttered.

“Yeah.” Mordecai looked down at his hands. “I mean, he did, but Hyperion forced him. Hurt his family. That’s what he said, what they all said, but to be honest, I think they were telling the truth. Brick didn’t know, though. If he had, he wouldn’t have killed him. He wouldn’t.”

Mordecai believed that, without question. He did. Brick was many things, but he wasn’t cold-blooded - quite the opposite, in fact. His impulsiveness had been a problem before, but never like this; never on this scale.

“Ok, that’s… that’s different,” Lilith admitted. “Still, why kick him out?”

Mordecai could hear the screams again, loud and clear and immediate. They had been lodged in his head and he couldn’t shake them off, no matter how hard he tried to forget or distract himself, they came back in full force at the slightest provocation.

“I dunno,” he said, his mouth turning into a bitter frown. He crossed his arms. “Because he’s Roland and he’s incapable of listening to anyone else. I asked him to wait, I asked him not to do it. He didn’t listen.”

Neither Roland nor Brick had listened to him. As usual.

“Wait, where’s Brick? You didn’t go with him?”

Mordecai stiffened. Why did she have to sound like she was accusing him of something?

“I wanted to. I tried to. He didn’t let me.”

“Why? What happened?”

Mordecai rolled his eyes; there Lilith went, butting in again. He rubbed his face, his fingernails scratching on a few traces of dried blood he had missed before.

“I have no idea,” he said. “He was mad, but…” He shrugged defensively, embarrassment weighing heavily on his stomach. “I told him he didn’t have to leave. He said he was. I said ‘ _fine, then I’m going with you_ ’. He said ‘ _no_ ’.”

“But -”

“What the hell do _I_ know, Lilith?!” Mordecai shouted. “Go ask him if you wanna know, ‘cause I sure as hell have no fucking clue.” He pushed off the wall he’d been leaning against and paced around. “You think I’d be here if I could be with him?”

Lilith frowned. “But what did he _say_? I don’t know what happened and I’m trying to understand, so stop yelling at me!”

“It’s hard, ok?! It’s hard to talk about this, so stop pushing me!”

Lilith threw her arms out. “Fine, be that way.”

“No, don’t put this on me,” Mordecai argued, even as she walked away from him. “I told you already to give me a minute! I came here and I wanna tell you, ‘cause you’re the only person on this shithole of a planet that gives a damn, but give me some space, alright?”

Lilith stopped walking and sighed. She stood there for a minute, facing away from him, then turned back around. Mordecai couldn’t help a pang of relief - everybody else seemed to have walked away and given up on him today.

“Ok. Sorry.”

Mordecai glared at her. He didn’t know why it was so hard for Lilith to grasp the concept of allowing him some space.

Still, he had come to _her_ place, out of the blue, asking for a place to stay. If she was impatient, it was because she cared and wanted to know what had happened - even Mordecai could give her that.

“Sorry for yelling,” he muttered. “Can you just let me talk at my own pace?”

Lilith gave him a thoughtful look. “Only because you apologized,” she said in the end.

Mordecai smiled briefly. “I _am_ sorry. I don’t wanna pick a fight with you too.”

“You want a drink?” Lilith offered.

Suddenly, all Mordecai wanted was something strong to drown his misery in. “Yeah. Please.”

Lilith hesitated. “You’re still drinking, right?”

Mordecai’s shrug was his only answer. He didn’t have any booze on him, but if he did, he’d be drunk right now. What was the point of lying to himself, of trying to avoid it? He _was_ a drunk and nothing would ever change that, least of all Brick; he’d been pretty clear on that. Especially not now, after having left.

Lilith didn’t seem to think that reply was sufficient, but eventually shrugged too, which was good enough. Mordecai didn’t expect her to try to save him from himself. She deserved better than that, and she knew better than to try at this point.

“You have anything?” Lilith asked.

“No.”

“I have a couple bottles.” She pointed with her head and Mordecai followed her.

Lilith fetched a pair of beer bottles from under her desk, uncapped them and handed one to him. Mordecai took a long pull with relief and sat down on a nearby couch. Lilith sat down next to him and drank from her own bottle.

Mordecai didn't want to keep talking just now, but the silence wasn't entirely comfortable so he searched for another topic.

“How are you, by the way?”

Lilith shrugged. “OK. Surviving.”

Mordecai looked down at his feet. “Sorry I hadn't come by before now.”

“You heard Roland: no contact,” Lilith said. She sounded remarkably chill about it, considering how hard she'd fought against it when Roland first brought it up.

Mordecai frowned, his thumb peeling off the bottle label. “That's not fair.”

“You agreed with him. It's what needed to happen.”

There wasn’t any recrimination in Lilith’s voice, and yet it felt like one. Mordecai fidgeted in place.

“I mean, yeah, I did. But I didn't think it was fair. It's not.” Mordecai’s shoulders curled up defensively. “I mean…” He shrugged helplessly. He _had_ agreed with Roland, even if he knew it was a shitty thing to do to Lilith.

There was a brutal logic to sending Lilith away, to keeping her off of Hyperion’s radar: it was a simple, drastic solution, not unlike sweeping her under the rug, throwing the problem away. It was effective as a solution, but there was that pesky human element Mordecai had conveniently decided to ignore being as he was only concerned with finding Brick and removing the threat of Hyperion striking them again.

Sending Lilith away meant she had to scrape by with barely any help from them. She was, for all intents and purposes, completely alone here. And now, in light of recent events, it was painfully obvious Mordecai hadn’t thought of her at all when he’d backed up Roland. He sure as hell hadn’t tried to fight to keep her in Sanctuary as much as he’d tried to fight for Brick.

( _Not that his opinion had affected the outcome. Roland had made the decision, first and last, both times. Not him._ )

Mordecai wondered where Brick was right now and his stomach twisted in shame and regret.

“Roland’s not always right. _Clearly_ ,” Mordecai said between clenched teeth. “I shouldn’t have listened to him.”

Lilith shrugged again. “Dude, we _all_ agreed. Me too.” That wasn’t how Mordecai remembered that going. “... Eventually.” Yeah, that sounded more like it. “Roland had a point, I wasn’t safe in Sanctuary. Can’t say I love the accommodations,” she said, looking around, “but it beats getting killed. And it’s just for now, while we regroup.”

Mordecai watched Lilith out the corner of his eye. There was a note of stubborn conviction in her words that Mordecai was very familiar with: it sounded like she was doing her best to convince herself of this, and doing so by shutting her eyes and ears to what was in front of her.

Lilith had never been naïve, so it was surprising to hear her say something that reeked of self-deception. There was something about how she clung to a hope that was so evidently unfounded that gave Mordecai a wave of second-hand embarrassment.

Regroup? They _had_ regrouped when Brick had come back, and instead of getting better (like he’d hoped, like they _needed_ to do) things had fallen apart. To be more precise, they'd gone to shit. Now Brick was who knew where, Roland was in Sanctuary and Mordecai was here with Lilith. What regrouping could happen, with all of them scattered all over Pandora?

“Yeah,” he said anyway.

What else could he say? Lilith wouldn’t appreciate him tearing her hopes down - she must’ve known on some level that she was being painfully gullible and having Mordecai point that out would only make her feel stupid. What else did she have, anyway, besides the vague hope of one day being able to return? Lilith wasn’t cut out for living alone like this, and yet she was doing it anyway, even if it was hard and boring and dangerous. If foolish hope was the only thing keeping her here (safe from Hyperion, alive, alone), then what right had Mordecai to take it away from her?

“So, you're not going after Brick?” Lilith asked after a long pause.

Mordecai snorted. “No. Why should I?”

Lilith sat back. “‘Cause you love him? ‘Cause you were looking for him all this time?”

“That was different.” Mordecai didn’t want to think too much; he could feel the weight of messy feelings that threatened to crush him if he let them, so he was doing his best to keep them at bay. Talking about facts was easy, but dwelling too much on things was dangerous. Lilith wouldn’t settle for that reply, though. “They’d caught him. Now he chose to leave.”

He didn’t say “leave _me_ ”, but it still rang in his ears as clearly as if he’d shouted it.

“Yeah, but…” Lilith trailed off. “It’s Brick. I’m sure he didn’t mean it.”

Mordecai laughed, dry and bitter. “He did. Trust me. He was pretty clear that he didn’t want me to go with him.”

Lilith seemed about to ask something, but then changed her mind. “Alright.” She finished her bottle and patted the couch they were sitting on. “You can crash here. We can move the couch to the other room, if you want some privacy; it’s cold, but I should have enough blankets. Finish that and we’ll set you up before we get too drunk.”

Mordecai sighed privately in relief. Lilith seemed to have finally gotten the hint or gotten tired of prying details from him. For now, at least.

He’d run here blindly, because where else was he supposed to go? He could stay here for the time being and… well, he had no idea what came next; but he had a place to sleep, and that was a win. He’d find something to do, some way to repay Lilith ~~for letting her be sent to this freezing wasteland~~ for taking him in, a way to help her fight off bandits or something.

* * *

Brick was limping when they came out of Sawtooth Cauldron and his abdomen still hurt from the shotgun blast Mortar had given him as a reply to his question as to if he could join his band. The limping had nothing to do with it, though; Brick’s shield had absorbed most of the impact, but after that he’d killed his way out of the Cauldron and twisted his knee while throwing one of the last bandits down the cliff. It was the same knee Athena’s shield had hit him on back in New Haven. Brick didn’t appreciate the thought that it probably meant that knee was a weak point.

Mortar had escaped. Most of the men that had been surrounding Brick and Rocko hadn’t.

“So. That went well,” Rocko drawled. Brick grunted. “Any other bright ideas?”

Brick didn’t care when people were being sarcastic at him, as a rule. He never had. Today, though, his mood was very much not at its best.

“If you got suggestions, let’s hear 'em,” he said. “If not, shut the hell up.”

Rocko didn’t even blink. “Why do you need those morons?”

“I ain’t taking down Hyperion on my own. If I could, I would have done it already.”

“I don’t know about you, but I’m done taking orders. You wanna do that again?”

Brick frowned. “I _said_ -”

“Yeah, yeah.” Rocko waved the rest of Brick’s words away. “Question still stands. Don’t you wanna call the shots? ‘Cause, I dunno, back in prison I thought you were a tough guy. Didn’t take you for anyone’s bitch.”

Brick blinked, more surprised than anything else, but outrage soon caught up with him when he realized, yes, Rocko had just called him that.

Brick stood closer, loomed over him, and Rocko just crossed his arms and stared.

“What you just say?” Brick growled.

“You heard me. I thought you were tough. I thought you wanted to kill Jack. You talk big game, but then what? We got to Sanctuary and all of a sudden it was all ‘ _Roland said this_ ’ and ‘ _Roland said that_ ’.”

Brick’s jaw tightened at the mention of Roland’s name. “Why the _hell_ are you here?”

“Cause I was sick of that place, and your little friends. But if you just wanna be another guy’s goon, I’m just gonna go off on my own.”

“And do what? Are _you_ gonna call the shots? Cause it looks to me like _you_ wanna follow _me_ around. What’s that make _you_?”

Roco shrugged. “A guy who wants to stay alive.”

“But you want a bigger guy to hide behind, right? Like a little bitch.”

Rocko grinned. “Hit a nerve, huh? Look, I pick my battles. Thought you were a guy to follow, but maybe I was wrong.”

Brick looked at him up and down. He knew what Rocko was doing; it was glaringly obvious, to be honest. But what the hell, it had gotten him riled up enough to keep fighting instead of slumping down in defeat.

Brick grinned too. “Asshole. So, what’s your angle? You want me to do all the work?”

Rocko seemed surprised by the sudden turn of mood, but it didn’t take him long to catch up. “Why not? It worked at the prison.” Brick hummed, not exactly thrilled with the idea. “I was there for almost a year, Brick. No one even got close to escaping. You got there and in a couple weeks you had them all lined up behind you.”

Brick hadn’t quite thought of it on those terms, but he could see what Rocko was getting at. Still...

“You‘re sayin’ you want me to have my own clan,” Brick said, just for clarity’s sake. Rocko nodded. “That’s gonna take forever. Why d’you think I wanted to come here? These guys have a setup.”

“I mean, if you wanna get back in there and take another shot at Mortar, go ahead. I’m stayin’ here and enjoying the show, though.” Brick huffed. “And what’s the rush, anyway? Got anywhere you gotta be?”

Brick gave him a warning look, but he knew Rocko was right. There was no going back to Sanctuary or anyone he’d left there. Not yet, at the very least.

“Fine. I don’t like this place, anyway,” Brick said, looking around at the wasteland that was the Eridium Blight. It had always been a craphole, but it hadn’t been so bad before.

 _Mordecai had said that, those exact words, when they’d been here just a few days ago._ _Another reason to stay the hell away from this place._

* * *

Mordecai’s first week was spent helping Lilith fix the blast doors (and, as it turned out, between the both of them they made one barely decent mechanic), setting up a couple new sensors to monitor the canyon, going with her to hunt and scavenge, or curled up on his couch in a drunken haze when he could be doing none of those things.

Lilith prodded for a few more details one of the latter times and Mordecai was drunk enough to actually answer her questions. The booze also made him numb enough to keep him from crying in front of her, somehow, and for that he was thankful.

Mordecai could hear himself talking, his head lolling back and staring at the cave ceiling, and he only caught most of his own words. He was telling Lilith about Prosperity Junction and a boy named Adam and Brick being angry, so so angry.

“But why was he so mad? I mean, Brick’s got a temper, but still…”

“They tortured him, Lilith, what do you think?” Mordecai said, more tired than angry. Honestly, how hadn’t she gotten that yet? “What d’you think they’d do to any of us if they caught us?”

“I - Yeah. Right. Sorry.”

Mordecai shrugged. The apology was meant well, but he didn’t deserve it; he hadn’t been the one who’d gone through it, that was Brick.

“I know that’s what Jack would do,” Lilith added. “I’ve known since Elpis, trust me.”

“How could you let him go?” Mordecai asked before he could stop himself. He’d wondered that many, many times.

Lilith, though, didn’t get as mad as he would have expected. She huffed, but that was it.

“He got lucky. We rigged the laser to explode and he left before it did. After that, we thought smashing the Vault treasure and his face would be enough to stop him.”

She was angry, yes, but not at him. If she blamed herself… well, Mordecai wanted to say he didn’t think it was her fault, hers and Roland’s, but he did. They should have killed Jack when they’d had the chance, no doubt about it. Just put a gun to his head, how hard could it have been? Mordecai wasn’t actively pissed at them, exactly, but when things got especially grueling it was hard not to think about it, how everything that had gone wrong on Pandora could have been avoided if Lilith and Roland had just pulled the trigger.

But none of them liked to talk about Elpis much, so what had really happened wasn’t entirely clear to Mordecai. And what difference did it make, at this point? Jack was alive, killing people left and right and enslaving the rest, and threatening to burn the entire planet to cinders before he was done. That was what was happening, and they had to deal with it; there was no use in wondering about what ifs.

“What did Brick say, though? Why are you so sure he didn't want you to go with him?” Lilith asked after a long pause.

Mordecai groaned, but he realized he'd have to elaborate a bit more before she understood.

“‘Cause I offered and he said ‘ _no_ ’. I said ‘ _fine, if you go, I go_ ’. He said ‘ _no_ ’. I was gonna leave with him, no questions. But he said…” Mordecai bit his lip for a second. He could barely feel it, but it still grounded him a little. “He said I could find my way back to Moxxi. Just like that, just ‘ _you found your way back to drinking, you can do the same with her_ ’.”

(That hadn't been all of it, there was the final addendum about Roland; the final low blow, the worst, most ridiculous part of it, especially considering how angry at Roland Mordecai was. But Mordecai wasn't going to tell that to Lilith, now or ever. He didn't need to tell her that; he could keep that burning shame and indignation to himself.)

Lilith blinked. “Oh.”

“Yeah. Clear enough for you? He didn’t want me to go.”

“Because of the Shep thing?” Lilith asked. Mordecai shrugged. “Seems a bit much.”

Mordecai opened his mouth to argue, but he didn’t know what to say.

He’d done his best to understand Brick since finding him again, putting him first and putting himself in his shoes. Mordecai didn’t blame him for Shep’s death or for leaving Sanctuary either, not with the way he'd been lied to and the way Roland had sent him away.

But leaving _him_ …

One the one hand, Mordecai had never fully understood why Brick stuck with him. Brick could do better than Mordecai, broken and messed up as he was, a part of Mordecai that he may never fully outgrow sneaked around his ear and whispered that maybe Brick had finally caught up with that fact. Over a year of them being together, and Mordecai thought he’d killed those insecurities already, but it seemed they’d only been dormant. And he had lied to Brick, even if it hadn’t been a personal matter, even if he’d only done it to keep Brick from doing something he’d come to regret.

On the other hand, they _had_ been together for over a year and they’d just been through so much, and yet Brick had dumped him just like that, so quickly. Brick had turned on him without a second thought, without a moment of hesitation. If he hadn’t meant to break things so thoroughly, then he should have stopped himself. But he didn’t. No, Brick had said what he’d said knowing full well what it meant.

Had he always been with a foot out the door, had he always been ready to leave? After all he’d said, with words and without them, the meaning unspoken but loud and clear in a thousand looks and gestures and moments. Words were cheap, but the rest of it…

Brick hadn’t planned it; he wouldn’t have had the patience for it, if nothing else. Brick had meant every word he'd said, when he’d said it, but he’d also thrown it all away in the blink of an eye.

Easy come, easy go.

Had Mordecai really meant so little to him? Had he just gotten bored with it all and decided it wasn’t worth it?

Mordecai took a deep breath to steady himself and a drink from his bottle for some added numbness.

Lilith stood up when something on one of the screens caught her attention. She muttered to herself while watching and switched between different camera feeds. Mordecai had noticed she did that often nowadays, talking and muttering to herself, even though she hadn’t done that before coming to the Frostburn Canyon. At least, not as far as he remembered.

Mordecai sat up straighter and closed his eyes for a long moment, focusing on his anger instead of his heartbreak. Heartbreak was useless; anger kept you going. Anger got shit done.

He'd been bending over backwards trying to justify Brick, to understand him, but he couldn't take it anymore. He couldn't bear to be hurt and helpless and also defending Brick in the same breath. He was mad. He had the right to be mad. He'd done some things wrong, but he hadn't deserved to be cast aside like that, to be trampled over.

“Why us, Lil? How can they just… turn around and leave us behind just like that? Send us away. Why's that so easy for them?”

Lilith, who had never been good at self-pity, who was still angry enough to set the entire Frostburn Canyon on fire and then some, who had no idea how she was waging a one woman war against an entire bandit clan even as she did it - she shrugged.

“They're assholes,” she replied.

Mordecai laughed.

“I like that better than my theory,” he said. “My theory was I'm an unlovable piece of shit that people use and throw away when they get bored.”

There was a short pause.

“Bleak,” Lilith said, giving him look that was part sardonic and part impressed. “And dramatic.”

“I'm good at that.” Mordecai grinned without any humor. “Sounded a lot less dramatic in my head, sorry.”

Lilith made her way back to where Mordecai was and took the bottle from his hand.

“You are not unlovable, and neither am I,” she said firmly before taking a drink.

“Just a little rough around the edges,” Mordecai quipped.

“Exactly.” Lilith flopped down next to him on the couch again. “I just had to go and fall for a guy who's always taking charge of every mess he sees. The bigger the mess, the more responsible he feels.”

Mordecai snorted. “Yeah. Well, Brick’s never tried to fix a goddamn thing in his life. He _makes_ a mess every chance he gets. I never thought I'd actually see him care about Hyperion.” He took the bottle from Lilith and drank from it. “I guess that's what gettin’ tortured will do to you.”

Mordecai let his head roll back again. He was beginning to memorize the patterns of the cave ceiling because he kept looking for familiar shapes in the rock and shadows much like one could do when looking at clouds.

Mordecai was thinking of how to say what he wanted to say next, so it surprised him to hear the words already coming out of his mouth.

“I always thought he loved me more. I felt bad about it, sometimes. Like I… wasn’t trying hard enough, or giving back enough. Appreciating him enough. Then he was dead, and I…” He closed his eyes, and could see the cave ceiling clearly against the back of his eyelids. “Then he wasn't, and all I could think of was that I had to find him, that I had a second chance to do better. But it wasn't enough. Too little, too late. He just picked up everything and left, just like that. Never even looked back.” Mordecai chuckled bitterly. “And I’m like: ‘ _what do I do with this_?’ All this love I didn’t even know I had, I didn’t even know I was capable of. It seemed so small next to his, and now it’s everywhere.” He rubbed his face and made to stand up. “Sorry. I’m gonna go check on Blood.”

Lilith stopped him from escaping by pulling him into a hug. Mordecai hugged her back with relief.

“Why do we always end up crying?” Lilith asked with a watery laugh.

“I dunno. I’m sorry.”

Lilith tightened her embrace. “Don’t be. You’re right.” She sighed. “I don’t know what’s worse: that, or being the one who loves the most. ‘Cause I think that’s where I am.”

“Couldn’t tell you, I always end up on this side of the fence,” Mordecai said with a wobbly smile. “I don’t know how to love people until they’re gone.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Boy, had I missed writing Lilith.
> 
> Comments are always welcome and appreciated :D
> 
> [You can find me on Tumblr ](http://wilwarindi.tumblr.com/)


	15. Ghosts (AKA: Eternal return)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Featuring: Lilith’s fanboy club, Resurface, Stones in glass houses, Mordecai “What Is Tact?” the Hunter, Lilith “I’m Not Being Defensive, You Are!” the Siren, Tough love, Return

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Alcohol use/alcoholism, discussions of addiction, drug use, depression, some violence
> 
> Special thanks to snoozyfern for beta-ing this chapter. Also, to biggestdisappointmentinwarfare and to AStateOfMindOverMatter for their support.
> 
> Music mood: [Radiohead - High & Dry](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7qFfFVSerQo)

  _The way it seems like we’ve hidden all that was ugly under our fresh start_  
_until the friction of our movement starts churning all that was hidden back to the surface._  
_Because it always resurfaces. Because the dead return, because light reverses._

\- Joseph Fink. "Alice Isn’t Dead" _, Part 2, Chapter 1: The Last Free Place._

-

Mordecai was woken up in the middle of the night by Lilith shaking his shoulder. Mordecai blinked, disoriented from being pulled from the middle of a dream. It took him a seemingly endless moment to register where he was, what was going on, and the fact that Lilith was talking to him

“Hey, c'mon.”

“What?” Mordecai said, struggling to catch up.

“We got company. Bloodshots again.”

Mordecai knew she was fighting the Bloodshots, but he didn’t know they’d come after her in Frostburn Canyon. “Wait, ‘ _again_ ’? How often they do this?”

Lilith picked up his boots from the floor and threw them at him. Mordecai sat up, blinked hard to focus and put the boots on mechanically.

“They came here a lot after I burnt their camps. Haven’t tried to kill me in a while, though.” Lilith sounded amused by it.

Mordecai finished tying up his boots and stood up. He picked up his goggles and strapped his shield and ECHO on while Lilith checked her inventory on her HUD.

“Still got your Firehawk pistol?”

“Lost it in New Haven. But I don’t need it anymore.” Lilith closed her HUD and gave him a bloodthirsty smile. Mordecai frowned, puzzled. “The local bandits are stalling them at the entrance of the Canyon. C’mon, we can snipe a few from here.”

Mordecai whistled for Bloodwing to join him. Lilith headed towards the edge of the platform, right past her many screens, and signaled to the metal walkway on the other side of a considerable gap. The stairs that lead to the walkway had been missing since Lilith had first gotten here.

“After you.”

“Uhhh…”

Mordecai watched the gap with wary eyes. He _could_ make the jump if he really tried; he’d already done it a couple times, but he was still half asleep and half drunk. If he screwed up, he’d fall to the yawning abyss of the cave under the Dahl mining ship, and he had an inkling not even the best shield could help him survive the impact in one piece.

Lilith huffed. “Fine. Let’s try this.” She gripped Mordecai’s arm tightly. “Hold on.”

“What? Why?” Lilith ignored his questions. Her brows furrowed in deep concentration. “Lilith, what -”

A sudden light blinded him. Mordecai tried to shield his eyes, but he was too late. His grunt of pain cut off when all the air left his lungs. He felt as if he was being pulled from inside and below, turned into something thin and long, or shattered into pieces, and then he was back with his feet in solid ground, and Mordecai doubled over, coughing, and gasping for breath.

“What-?” he croaked.

“Awesome, right?”

Mordecai looked up at Lilith, but he could barely make out her silhouette against the cave. Bright spots of light were dancing in front of his eyes, so he blinked fast, trying to dispel them.

Mordecai stood up straight again. “What the hell was that?”

Lilith laughed, exhilarated and nervous. “I phased us. Moved us to the other side of the gap. I hadn’t tried taking anyone with me yet. No one alive, I mean. But it worked!”

“What? ‘ _No one alive_ ’?” Mordecai asked. Lilith shrugged, and he decided to leave what sounded like a creepy conversation for later; they had other things to do right now. “I can’t see shit.”

“What?”

“There was a light. I didn’t close my eyes in time and now I can’t see shit. It’ll pass.”

“Ah. Well, close your eyes next time,” Lilith said.

“What? No, no next time,” Mordecai argued. “I thought Fast Travel was bad.”

“How do you plan on going back?”

Mordecai grumbled. “I’ll walk.”

His eyes had almost completely adjusted to the darkness now. When he looked back, Mordecai saw they were in fact on the other side of the gap. He’d believed Lilith, but it was different to see it for himself.

Lilith rolled her eyes. “Stop complaining. This is badass.” She started walking. “This way.”

Mordecai followed her as closely as he could, trying not to trip over any rocks.

“Is that how it always is for you? When Phasewalking, is that how it feels?”

Lilith made a thoughtful sound. “Not really. No. Phasewalking is just, y’know, walking.” Mordecai snorted. “I sort of… step into this other place, but I’m right here.”

“You almost go blind, too?”

“Pff, no.”

“It felt like I was being squeezed,” Mordecai added.

“Yeah, this trick does that. It’s less ‘walking’ and more ‘teleporting’,” Lilith said with a grin.

They were reaching the end of the tunnel. Sounds of screams and light from torches were coming from the outside.

“I didn’t know you could do that,” Mordecai said. “You always said it _wasn’t_ teleporting.”

Lilith didn't reply.

From the end of the tunnel Mordecai could see the entrance to the Canyon below them. He had a good view of the Bloodshots, in their red armors, and the local bandits, a lot of them pyros. The pyros had found a good position to bottleneck the Bloodshots and were holding their ground.

Mordecai digistructed his sniper rifle and was surprised to see Lilith do the same. She’d always left the long-range combat for him and sometimes Roland.

“You know how to use that?” Mordecai asked with a smirk.

Lilith didn’t even look at him. “I’ve had time to practice, lately. It’s easy to do from here.”

“Wanna see who can kill more?” Mordecai suggested, and felt a distant pang as soon as the words had left him. He and Brick were always counting kills, so much so it had become an unspoken game for them. But, well, not anymore. For obvious reasons.

“Sure. Loser pays for beer.”

Mordecai smiled. Lilith was good at keeping him distracted, at keeping him present.

The Bloodshot attack didn’t last for long. Between the pyros and their sniping - and later, also Lilith’s phasewalking - they made quick work of the Bloodshot troops. Only a handful of them escaped. By the end of it, Lilith looked pale and out of breath and covered in ash, but she was grinning.

Mordecai jumped down to join Lilith and kill the last stragglers. After the last ones disappeared from view he gave her a smug smile. “32. I win.”

“Bloodwing’s kills don’t count.”

“Yeah, they do. He’s _my_ bird.” Mordecai had had that argument with Brick a couple times and he wasn’t going to budge just because Lilith was a sore loser.

Lilith looked ready to argue, but before she could, she wobbled on her feet and grabbed Mordecai for support. Mordecai steadied her has quickly as he could.

“Whoa. You ok?”

Lilith nodded. “Yeah, yeah. Sorry. Must be more tired than I thought.” She laughed, trying to downplay it, but it didn’t quite make the desired effect.

“You sure?”

“Yeah.” Lilith turned around and froze.

Mordecai turned around quickly and saw the Frostburn Canyon bandits staring at them. Pyros, burning psychos, a few midgets; there must have been about forty of them, all standing still and in complete silence.

“Uh…” Mordecai muttered, a hand going for his revolver.

“It’s - it’s fine,” Lilith said, although she didn’t sound entirely certain. “They’re, uh… they’re some sort of cult.”

Mordecai kept watching the bandits. “Cult?”

“Yeah.”

“Cult of what?”

“Cult of… me? I think?” Mordecai turned to look at Lilith, stunned. “Yeah, they think I’m - well, the Firehawk, they think she’s… their god? Or something? I haven’t exactly _asked_ them; they freak out every time I get too close.”

“And you didn’t mention that before?” Mordecai hissed.

One of the midgets fell to their knees and started crawling up to them. Mordecai gripped the butt of his revolver, but Lilith gestured for him to wait and, after a second of hesitation, he decided to follow her lead. The midget bowed their head a few times, and Mordecai could hear them mumbling something about the Firehawk and fire and glory.

The midget came about halfway between them and the mob of bandits, left something wrapped in cloth on the ground, bowed their head a few more times, then crawled back. They kept reciting litanies the entire way.

“What the hell?” Mordecai muttered, quietly but with a lot of sentiment.

“I, uh - Looks like an offering?” Lilith ventured. She sounded confused, yet also... flattered, somehow.

“You’re gonna pick it up?”

Lilith took a careful step forwards, but nothing happened. When she took a second step, though, most of the bandits backed away from her. A few fell to their knees, threw their arms in the air, or pressed their faces to the ground.

“PRAISE THE FIREHAWK!”

“GLORY TO THE FLAME!”

“EMBRACE THE FIRE!”

Mordecai flinched, taken aback by the sudden shouting. The bandits kept screaming praises for a few moments, but none of them moved any closer.

“Huh,” Lilith said.

She kept walking, more confidently now, and the bandits that were still standing kept moving back. Lilith picked up the item and took a peek inside, but Mordecai couldn’t see what it was from where he was standing.

Lilith looked up at the bandits gathered around her. “Uhm. Thanks. For, uh, this,” she said, sounding awkward as hell.

“PRAISE THE FIREHAWK!” one of the bandits yelled again.

“Yeah, ok. Just - keep killing the Bloodshots,” Lilith added. She backed away to where Mordecai was standing, though she never turned her back on the cultists.

“THE FIREHAWK HAS SPOKEN!”

“Jesus,” Mordecai said, quiet enough that only Lilith would hear. Lilith gave him a significant look. “How long has _this_ been going on?”

“Uh, couple weeks? A month? Something like that.” Lilith pocketed whatever it was that they’d given her. “This is the first time I’ve gotten close to them, actually. They really kept freaking out.”

“They haven’t tried to get into the bunker or something?”

“No. They actually seem to be protecting it. From other bandits.”

“So far,” Mordecai pointed out.

“Yeah. That’s why I keep the traps. I don’t count on them not trying to kill me at some point,” Lilith said. The whole thing was weird as hell, but that might be the only reasonable attitude to have, Mordecai guessed: keeping them around to guard her place, but also keeping her guard up for when they inevitably turned on her.

Lilith grabbed Mordecai’s arm. “You ready?”

Mordecai startled and tried to pull himself free. “No!”

“Oh, c’mon, let’s show them a little godly power,” Lilith said with a grin and her tattoos began glowing.

Mordecai had enough time to close his eyes and shield them with his free hand this time. The feeling wasn’t as bad the second time, now that he knew it - much like Fast Travel. Still, he reeled for a second and gasped for air when they came through on the other side.

When he got his bearings again, Mordecai realized that, wherever they were, it was pitch black and freezing.

“Where are we?”

There was a flicker and a crackle of flames. Lilith held up her left hand, now covered in flames, like a flesh-made troch. A _living_ flesh-made torch. Mordecai knew that didn’t hurt her, but it still was a creepy thing to think about.

“Huh,” she said.

That… didn’t sound encouraging. Mordecai sighed. “What now?”

Lilith looked in all directions around and then up. “I think we’re _under_ the ship.”

Mordecai followed her gaze. They couldn’t see anything above them, even with the light from the flesh torch (and, yeah, that was still a gross thought). All they could see was an inky void above their heads, and Mordecai had the sudden feeling he might fall into it. He bent his knees, trying to ground himself, and looked quickly away from it. He reminded himself that he couldn’t fall _up_. Not even on Pandora.

“How did we end up here?”

“I - I haven’t had a lot of practice with this.”

“Why not?” Mordecai asked irritably.

“It’s new. And it takes a lot of energy.” Lilith rummaged around her pockets with the hand that wasn’t currently on fire until she found something. She pulled out the gift from the cultists and fumbled with it until she unwrapped it from the dirty cloth. “Good luck they gave me this. They do know what to give to their god.”

Mordecai stared at the glowing rock in Lilith’s hand in utter confusion. It looked blue, but Mordecai knew of only one type of mineral that glowed and it was supposed to be purple to people who weren’t colorblind.

“What - Is that Eridium?”

“Yeah. Hey, watch this.” Lilith took the chunk of Eridium in her burning hand and squeezed it. The tattoos on her arm flared out, the light so bright in the otherwise completely dark cave that Mordecai had to squint. Lilith closed her eyes with a satisfied smile on her face, just for a second, and when she opened them they glowed blue - no, _purple_. Mordecai could bet they were actually purple.

Lilith opened her left hand, and, like a magic trick, it was now completely empty.

“What the…”

“Pretty badass, right?” Lilith said with a wide grin. “Eridium actually gives my Siren powers a kick, makes them even more awesome.” She laughed. “I figured it out when I liquified a guy.”

Mordecai realized his mouth had been hanging open for a few moments now. “You… What?”

“Long story. Or, not really: I found Eridium, saw one of the cultists and tried to grab him and… he melted. It was _awesome_.” Lilith grabbed Mordecai’s arm. “Hold on.”

Mordecai didn’t waste any time trying to argue; he only held his breath and closed his eyes. When they phased again and came out on the actual ship, he didn’t choke and wasn’t blinded, so it turned out to be a good idea. Lilith looked around and gave a satisfied nod.

“Ok, getting the hang of it now,” Lilith said, sounding proud of herself.

Mordecai blinked and searched for something to say.

“You’re not gonna liquify me, though, right?”

“No. Probably not.” Lilith shrugged and then just looked at him, expecting a reaction, but when none came she shrugged. “But _I_ think it’s pretty badass. Being an all-powerful Siren.” She giggled. “I need to get the hang of the phasing bit, but the healing and the extra power are awesome.”

Lilith sighed. Mordecai suddenly realized why the look on her face seemed a bit off, but also a bit familiar: she looked drunk. Or, similar to when she was drunk - and he’d seen her down in her cups a couple times since he’d gotten here.

“Lilith?” Lilith looked at him. Her eyes were slightly unfocused, and she seemed euphoric, but also pale. “Are you ok?”

Lilith huffed. “Yeah, why wouldn’t I be? You _saw_ what I just did, right? I _absorbed_ Eridium. I took its power and used it to phase us between two places.” There was a definite note of defensiveness under the boasting, though.

Eridium drove people crazy, that was no secret. It was, in fact, the reason why Pandora was so full of psychos and mutated bandits. Mordecai had always kept away from it, partly because of the aforementioned reason (and he had enough bullshit going wrong in his head to want to add Eridium to the mix) but also because a _mineral_ that _glowed_ didn’t exactly fill his heart with confidence. Eridian artifacts were safe, for the most part, but raw Eridium was different. The whole madness and mutation side effects sounded too close to “radioactive” in Mordecai’s book, and you didn’t go plunging your hand into radioactive things.

Unless you were Lilith, apparently.

“That stuff is dangerous,” Mordecai said.

“For other people, maybe. But other people aren’t Sirens.” Lilith held up her left hand and a fireball formed around it again. “Other people can’t do _this_.”

“Yeah, but…” Mordecai trailed off. He felt something was off, but wasn’t sure what, or how to explain it, and Lilith didn’t look like she would welcome any unfounded criticism right now. “I dunno, it can mess with your head.”

“Oh, please.” Lilith discarded his words with the wave of a hand and went in the direction of the screens.

Mordecai decided to drop it for now. He had nothing to say that would get Lilith to listen to him.

“Bloodshots all left?” he asked.

“Yeah. Seems so.”

“So… Cultists, huh?”

“Yep.”

Mordecai sidled up to her. “You know why? Why do they think you’re their… god or whatever?”

“Nope. Who cares? You know how crazy this planet it.”

“Eridium crazy,” Mordecai muttered to himself without thinking. Lilith ignored him. “You never mentioned them before.”

Lilith shrugged. “They’re just a bunch of weirdos. You can throw a rock and hit three of those anywhere on Pandora.”

“These ones live just outside.”

“And they’d never tried to hurt me, or you.”

“True,” Mordecai admitted, “but still, a warning would have been nice.”

Lilith didn’t reply. She seemed satisfied with what she’d seen in the video feeds and turned to him. “Feel like hitting a few Bloodshot camps? They’re not gonna expect it so soon, and I should teach them a lesson for coming after me again.”

“I barely got any sleep,” Mordecai said.

“Get a coffee or something. We can catch them with their guard down and make it quick.” It didn’t sound overly tempting to Mordecai. “Look at it this way: we can make a quick run now or get swarmed tomorrow.”

Mordecai was no stranger to running on little sleep and willpower when he had to, but even he needed more than two hours of rest to function properly. It was just part of getting old, and he felt like he was about a hundred years old right now.

“Lilith…”

“Mordecai.”

Mordecai sighed. “Fine. Coffee first, though.”

* * *

Lilith’s power was different. Mordecai hadn’t really noticed until he paid attention. She did a lot more damage than she used to. Her phaseblast was strong enough to knock even the sturdiest of nomads off their feet, and she kept entering and exiting Phasewalk so often that Mordecai had trouble following her movements.

Lilith laughed, as she often did, even when one of the last nomads caught her side with their shield. Lilith disappeared and reappeared behind them in the blink of an eye. The fiery explosion was blinding and when Mordecai opened his eyes again, there wasn’t much left but the shield (with a screaming midget still chained to it) and a few smoking remains.

Mordecai shot the midget in the head and watched the bandit camp as a whole from his vantage point atop one of the tallest buildings. He shot a couple marauders and Lilith finished a screaming psycho.

“I think that’s all of them,” he told Lilith through the comm.

Lilith nodded, laughed, and stumbled on her feet. She braced herself against a metal railing, but eventually her knees gave out and she sank to the ground.

Mordecai put his rifle away and went down the stairs as fast as he could. “Hey! You ok?”

Lilith nodded again and swallowed. “Yeah. Yeah. A little woozy.”

She picked herself up again by the time Mordecai got to her side.

“What the hell? Why does that keep happening?” Mordecai said.

Lilith frowned, but she tried to be dismissive. “I’m _fine_. I’d just never used this much Eridium in one day.”

The off feeling was back. “How much did you use?”

“Two pieces. Usually I can manage with one, but phasing both of us takes more energy.”

“We should go back to your place.”

“I’m fine. We have one more camp to wipe out.”

“Your hands are shaking, Lilith.”

Lilith looked down in surprise. She watched her hands for a second, then pressed her palms flat against her sides. “It’s - It’s fine. Just need a little rest. But we can’t stop now, c’mon. Only one more camp -”

“When was the last time you ate anything?” Mordecai asked. There was a growing anger rising up his throat, a tight feeling in his chest.

“A _few hours ago_ ,” Lilith replied, annoyed. “Look, what’s the point of going back now if we’re gonna come back again later anyway.”

“You haven’t eaten in hours and you barely got any sleep. You look like _shit_. No, we’re not going anywhere.”

Lilith pushed off the railing she’d been leaning against. “You don’t wanna come with me? Fine. But I’m going.”

“Screw you, Lilith.” Mordecai’s voice was shaking now. “You wanna end up dead? Fine! I’m not going with you and watching you get killed.”

“What the hell,” Lilith said. “So, what, you’re so worried about me, but you’re gonna let me go alone?”

“If I can’t stop you, yes. If you’re not gonna listen to me, how the hell is it my fault?” Mordecai snarled. Lilith watched him, her brows furrowed in confusion and anger. “You wanna keep going when you can barely stand up? That's _your_ fucking choice.”

“If you help me, we can be done now.”

Mordecai shook his head, his pulse hammering in his ears. “No, I'm not gonna do this bullshit again. You wanna keep going? You wanna kill yourself? Don't involve _me_.”

“Wait, ‘ _again_ ’?” Lilith asked. “What are you talking about? What do you mean ‘again’?”

Had he said that? He thought he had, but why would he...

It fell into place all at once; the off feeling, the anger, the silent horror, the desperate need to get her to stop, to make this not be his fault.

 _His mother’s eyes, half lidded and glassy; her hand soft and cold and weak, touching his: “_ Mi vida, está bien. Estoy bien. Ya me levanto _.” It was past noon and she was barely conscious - again - and all he wanted was to throw away all of her sleeping pills and wake up pills, and God knew how many more of them, or maybe burn them to ash. And later, years later, when he tried telling her to stop (no, he didn’t “tell”, he yelled; Mordecai was seventeen and angry and hurt and scared, near paralyzed by impotence). Her eyes, big and pleading; her hands cold and shaking, cradling one of his own: “_ las necesito. Mi vida, por favor entiende, las necesito _.”_

A painful lump formed in Mordecai’s throat; his thoughts scattered in all directions, too quickly for him to catch. The tightness in his chest got worse, his breathing coming fast and shallow.

Mordecai stepped away from Lilith, trying to get a grip on himself, trying to push it all back in. It’d been twenty years, twenty fucking years, and suddenly here it was again, in all its overwhelming pain and guilt. He hadn’t even thought about it in ages, and now it was right in his face again, like not a day had passed.

Mordecai hit his temple with the heel of his hand, as if that could dislodge the memories and with them the horrible feeling nestled deep in his chest, as if that could bring him back to the present.

“Mordy?” Lilith called, sounding worried.

That hurt too, but in a more immediate way. “Don’t call me that,” Mordecai snapped. He looked at Lilith again. “Lil, don’t go alone. Let’s just… let’s just go back to your place.”

He was _begging_.

“Why _not_? I told you, it’s just one more hit.”

“You’re _not_ ok,” Mordecai gritted out through clenched teeth. “You really can’t see that? You almost passed out twice.”

Lilith crossed her arms and shifted in place. “I can keep going, I just need to rest.”

Mordecai barked out a laugh. “Can you? What _for_? What’s the point? We killed enough of them already, let’s just go home. Before you pass out for real this time.”

Lilith looked away for a second, biting her lip. She wasn’t happy, but she was at least thinking about it. Eventually, she uncrossed her arms. “Fine. We can come back another time and finish the job.”

Mordecai didn’t need her to like it, he only needed her to agree. “Ok. C’mon, let’s get out of here.”

Mordecai headed towards the car. He wouldn’t hear a word about phasing them anywhere again; they were using Fast Travel, dammit. Lilith didn’t even bring it up once, though.

* * *

Lilith all but collapsed on her bed and slept like a stone for over twelve hours. Mordecai, on the other hand, tossed and turned for hours on the couch; to his utter lack of surprise, his insomnia was back. Mordecai’s mind kept working on overload, jumping between one half-formed thought to the next, and all he could do was let it happen.

He itched for a drink, but remembering his mother always came with a heavy dose of mixed feelings about drinking in particular.

Mordecai fell asleep late, and he still woke up before Lilith. By the time she got up, Mordecai (true to form) had burned the eggs he’d tried to make for breakfast, and he’d made a new batch. The second time he kept a close eye on the them and managed not to screw up again.

He was taking the frying pan away from the stove when Lilith walked in her little cramped kitchen area. She wrinkled her nose.

“Ugh, you burned food _again_?”

“Morning,” Mordecai replied dryly.

Lilith looked over his shoulder. “See? You _can_ make decent food if you don’t get distracted.” She headed for the coffee. “And you better clean up the burnt stuff before it petrifies on the pan this time.”

“Yeah, yeah. Bite me.” He’d forgotten to scrub a pot just a couple times, and now she didn’t let him live it down.

They ate in silence for the most part. Mordecai watched Lilith every now and then, trying to get a sense of how she was feeling. She looked tired but mostly recovered, and she ate her food eagerly.

Mordecai leaned back in his seat.

“The Eridium thing is pretty cool,” he said, and he knew it was a blunt as hell opening line, but he didn’t know how else to do it.

Lilith looked at him in surprise over the rim of her coffee mug. “I think so.”

“I was kinda freaked out when you did it, but yeah, pretty cool. And now you can actually teleport.” Lilith snorted. “How d’you figure you could do that, by the way?”

“I - Well, I wanted to phasewalk, but I phased somewhere instead. At first I thought I’d imagined it.”

“And you mentioned you’d never taken anyone alive with you before?” Mordecai asked with a sharp smile.

Lilith laughed. “Yeah, I phased a dead guy once. I wanted to see if I could.” Mordecai stared at her. “What? Better to check, right?”

Mordecai gave her a skeptical look and Lilith flipped him off, which made him laugh.

“How does it feel?” Mordecai asked.

Lilith seemed surprised at the question, and Mordecai wondered if she had already figured out that he was (slowly) making his way to something and what it was.

“It’s, uh… It feels _good_ ,” Lilith admitted with a wicked smile. “It’s like I’m… OP’d.”

“Oh… _Peed_?” Mordecai repeated slowly.

“It means - It means ‘overpowered’. Never mind.” Lilith dismissed it quickly and thought for a moment. “It’s like… It’s like I’m suddenly at full capacity, above full capacity. Like caffeine, but _better_. I can do _anything_.”

Mordecai drummed his fingers on his leg as he pondered how to proceed.

“I’ve been here for like two weeks and you hadn’t mentioned it. Or the cultists.”

Lilith huffed and stood up. She took her empty plate and coffee mug to the sink and Mordecai followed her. “I told you the bandits around here are afraid of me. The rest is just details.”

“For you, maybe, but you’re their _goddess_ ,” Mordecai pointed out. Lilith smiled. “But the Eridium?”

“Well…” Lilith leaned against the sink and pulled the sleeves of the too long sweater she wore to sleep over her hands. “Roland didn’t have the best reaction when I told him.”

“You told him?” Frankly, Mordecai didn’t know why he was surprised. Maybe because Roland hadn’t told _him_ about it.

“Yeah. I’d just - I’d just liquified a guy. I thought maybe… well, maybe I could use it. Go back to Sanctuary, use the power boost to kick back against Hyperion.” Lilith shrugged awkwardly.

“Roland didn’t agree?” Mordecai asked dryly.

“Not… exactly. He sort of… left. Before I could make my case.” Lilith looked really uncomfortable and Mordecai wondered what exactly had happened. “But I’ve been getting used to it. At first, I, uh, passed out a lot. But not lately. It’s been getting easier, I just needed to get some practice with it.”

Mordecai’s stomach tightened. There was his proof and his cue, but it still wasn’t a good feeling to find out he was right.

“Lilith… I… I don’t think you should use Eridium,” he said. “You know it’s dangerous.”

Lilith huffed. “Why not? It gives my powers a kick. And I’m a Siren; I’m different.”

“No, I saw. You make more damage now.”

“Yes, and I can teleport. And I can heal faster,” Lilith added.

“But you also almost passed out twice. Something that makes you pass out unless you get used to, it's never a good sign.”

Lilith watched him for a long moment. “You know, you don't have a lot of moral standing to tell me that. You know what they say about people in glass houses.”

Mordecai had expected her to say something along those lines, of course, so it didn't sting much. “I know. I know I'm the last person you wanna hear this from, but I'm also the only one who knows what it's like.”

Lilith narrowed her eyes. “Who knows how _what’s_ like?”

“Gettin’ hooked on something.”

Lilith scoffed. “Please. I’m using it to do awesome stuff, not getting _hooked_.”

“And you think anyone who gets hooked on stuff does it on purpose? You do it ‘cause it helps, ‘cause it feels good. ‘Cause you need it.” Mordecai shrugged.

“And how the hell are you so sure that’s what’s _gonna_ happen? You’re just being dramatic.”

There were times when Lilith seemed like a kid to Mordecai, and this was one of those times. But she _was_ a kid, wasn’t she? What was she, twenty-three? Twenty-four? And with a mess of a life that she seemed to be handling, somehow, for the most part. Still, if anyone had said any of this to Mordecai when he was that age, he would have told them to go fuck themselves, too.

God, he really felt old.

Mordecai tried for a change in tactic. “I’m not. Not _sure_ , but -”

“That’s right, you’re just talking out of your ass,” Lilith cut him off. “You just assume everyone’s like you.”

That one did sting. Mordecai soldiered on regardless. “I’m not _sure_. But I know Eridium is dangerous, and I saw _you_ when you used it. You looked high.” Lilith scoffed again. “You’re gettin’ used to it, so it’s not gonna do that for much longer. You’re gonna do whatever the hell you want, I know, but don’t be an idiot, Lilith. You’re not an idiot.”

“Ok, stop,” Lilith said. She crossed her arms and stared at him in the eye. “I don’t know where the hell you think you’re coming from, but don’t talk to me like that.”

“I said you’re _not_ an idiot,” Mordecai repeated.

“Oh, my bad, _thanks_!” Lilith replied with scathing sarcasm. “You say you don’t think I’m an idiot, but you’re talking to me like one.”

Mordecai pursed his lips. “You do remember when you were trying to get me to quit drinking, right? You treated me like an idiot, too.”

“Yes, because you had a problem. I don’t even know what _this_ is, to be honest.”

“This is me, trying to help you _before_ there is a problem,” Mordecai retorted. “You don’t wanna end up like me, Lil.”

That actually gave Lilith pause. She took a step back and watched him for a moment. “Ok, I’m sorry about that. What I said about you.”

“Whatever,” Mordecai grumbled.

“But why are you making such a fuss over this? I don’t get it. You think I’m so out of control, so… so weak to let it get to me? ‘Cause yeah, it feels good, but that doesn’t mean I’m gonna turn into some sort of Eridium junkie.”

Mordecai forced himself to count to ten before replying to that.

“It’s not about ‘ _weak_ ’,” he said, and he couldn’t entirely hide how much that word had hurt. “It’s about… It’s about two things: it’s useful, yes, and it feels good. Even if it also makes you pass out or throw up or your hands shake, you’re gonna keep using it. _That’s_ the problem.” Lilith opened her mouth, so Mordecai quickly added: “And if you’re not gonna stop, at least be careful. Don’t use it unless you absolutely have to.”

Lilith sighed and shook her head. “I - Ugh, what do you want? A pinky promise? Why are you freaking so much about this?”

Time for some blunt honesty, Mordecai decided. “‘Cause you’re my friend and I love you.”

Lilith blinked, startled. Mordecai would think it hilarious if not for the fact that, well, she was surprised at hearing something like that. He wasn’t good at using his words and neither was she; they loved each other, and it went without saying most of the time. Still, there were times when he wished he was just a little more open about things.

Although... yeah, seeing Lilith gaping was _always_ funny.

Mordecai smirked. “You’re my friend and I get to worry about you. You took me in. You have my back, I have yours.”

Lilith gaped for a moment longer, then eventually pulled herself together. She cleared her throat. “Oh, dammit. Way to make me feel like an asshole.” Mordecai watched her with eyebrows raised. “I’m - I’m sorry. About what I said. Ok?”

Mordecai made a thoughtful face. “I’d ask for more groveling, but honestly, just promise me you’ll be careful with Eridium.”

Lilith rolled her eyes. “Ugh, fine. I will.”

She held up her hand with her pinky finger stretched out. Mordecai chuckled and hooked his pinky with hers. They held on for a moment before nodding to each other and letting go.

* * *

Mordecai and Lilith tracked down the rest of the Bloodshot forces in Three Horns over the following days and wiped them out. After the flurry of activity, things got quite again. There was only so much to do besides surviving out here when the Bloodshots pulled back into their stronghold.

They considered the thought of taking out the stronghold itself, built on the remainders of a Dahl dam, but the Bloodshots would be on high alert and their base was basically unassailable. Lilith suggested phasing them inside the dam and taking them by surprise, but Mordecai argued for waiting for a while instead. It was strange arguing for a cautious, “wait and see” plan, but ultimately it didn't make a difference and it kept Lilith safe.

Waiting for their time to strike wasn’t too different from not doing anything, though. The following weeks went by slowly, each day pretty much the same as the previous one. Helping Lilith hunt and scavenge could only be new and distracting for so long, and after that the old thoughts, the old anger crept up on him again.

If there was one thing Mordecai hated, truly hated, it was routine. It was _boring_ \- and being bored, it led to him doing stupid things. It led to him doing less and drinking more. It led to him being caught up in bad moods more often.

Lilith had let him be, for the most part, but more and more often he could feel her patience fraying; and yet, he didn't seem to be able to gather himself enough to be present and pull his own weight most days. Mordecai didn't want to have a fallout with Lilith too, but he didn't feel like he was actually going to be able to avoid it.

The thing about running away from your problems was they always caught up with you sooner or later, and then there you were, still miserable only with a different background.

* * *

“Hey, Mordecai, come over here!”

Mordecai sighed, rolled off the couch and went to meet Lilith by the screens.

Lilith pointed at the video feed she was watching. It showed a group of Raiders taking cover and shooting at someone or something. Lilith shared a lot of surveillance equipment with the Raiders; she could access their video feeds to keep an eye on them, and she always had at least one radio channel tuned to their frequencies.

“They're calling for backup,” Lilith said.

“Where are they?”

“Tundra Express.”

Suddenly, from the radio came Roland’s voice: “Reiss? Reiss?! Where are you?! The varkids are swarming up behind us!”

Hearing his voice, and the urgency with which he spoke, it felt weird. There was the immediate need to jump into action, basically a knee-jerk reaction born of years of shared battles. There was surprise and annoyance at how Roland sounded exactly the same as always ( _Why should he sound any different, though? No reason, and yet there the surprise and annoyance were_ ). And there was also… nothing. A blank sort of feeling, a muffled indifference born of weeks and weeks of resentment.

“So?” Mordecai asked. _Why should I care?_

Lilith gave him a look. “So, Reiss is pinned down by bandits. He’s not going anywhere.”

Mordecai shrugged. “They’re gonna make it. They always do.”

He turned around and headed back to his couch. Lilith followed him.

“Gear up, we're going,” she said.

Mordecai snorted but didn't stop walking away. “Why, ‘cause of some varkids? They're gonna be fine.”

“How many times have you heard Roland calling for backup when he didn’t need it? He’s not one to cry wolf.” Mordecai shrugged, flopped down on the couch, and grabbed his bottle again. Lilith tore it from his hand. “Really? Are you _that_ petty?”

_Yes. You haven’t seen half of it._

It wasn't that he was _proud_ of how petty he could be, exactly; not on paper, not because of the pettiness in itself. But there was a sense of pride in holding on to his anger, especially when he didn’t have much else to hold on to.

“He’s gonna be _fine_.”

Lilith narrowed her eyes. “Is he? Is that why you’re sitting on your ass when Roland’s calling for help, or is it ‘cause you don’t _want_ to help?”

“He. Is. Gonna. Be. _Fine_ ,” Mordecai repeated. “Why are you so desperate to go help him anyway? He threw you away, why do you even still care?”

Lilith looked like she wanted to slap him, and even if he meant that as an actual question, Mordecai found a (rather large) part of himself agreed with her. Hell, he might even thank her if she did slap him.

“You’re telling me, if it was Brick calling for help, you wouldn’t go?” Lilith said acidly. “You wouldn’t want me to go help him?”

Ok, a slap Mordecai would have taken. This, though, this hurt a lot more.

“Don’t,” he growled.

“It’s the same thing.”

“It’s _not_.”

“It is. The only difference is you can’t pull your head out of your ass and look around long enough to see other people are hurting too, but that doesn’t stop us,” Lilith said with a deep frown on her face. “Not all of us can drop everything we’re doing to sulk and drink for weeks. We got shit to do to stay alive, so we have to keep going.”

The way she said it, Mordecai had a feeling she’d been meaning to tell him that for a long time. Lilith had probably only been waiting for the right moment, for the right opening. And despite it all, Mordecai knew she had a point; he’d been sinking into the inertia of sameness, even if he hated it (and probably _because_ he hated it), and he hadn’t been doing much of anything but drinking lately.

Mordecai stood up and glared at her. “If you want me to leave, just say it.”

Lilith huffed. “What I _want_ is for you to grab your shit and come with me to _help Roland_.”

“Fine.”

Mordecai picked up his ECHO and gear, and Lilith left to grab her things. When he was all set, Mordecai called for Bloodwing and watched the screens for a moment. Roland and his team had backed away into a small cave, but they were merely holding their ground and waiting for things to change. Reiss was still pinned by bandits, although he was making his best to shake them off.

“Ready?” Lilith asked.

Mordecai turned his head and caught the fading ~~blue~~ purple shimmer on her eyes and tattoos.

“Lil…” he muttered. Lilith hadn’t used any Eridium since the Bloodshot attack, as far as he knew, but he still didn’t think this qualified as enough of an emergency to justify it.

“No time for Fast Travel,” Lilith said. She grabbed Mordecai’s arm. “Hold on.”

Mordecai closed his eyes and held his breath. No point in arguing now.

They phased in a cave. Mordecai’s ECHO took a moment to catch up with their new location; it glitched for a second, then informed him they were in fact in Tundra Express. He opened the map on his HUD and could see Roland’s position further up the cave, though by no means close to them - just close enough for his ECHO to supply his location. Mordecai never did remove Roland from his list of main contacts, although he’d thought about it, but as it turned out, that might have been a good thing.

Lilith digistructed her SMG. “Ok, let’s move.”

Lilith ran, and Mordecai did his best to keep up with her. When they came across a colony of varkids, Lilith shot as she ran, but she didn’t stop, and Mordecai cursed and did the same. Lilith was faster than Mordecai, though; the varkids closed up on his heels soon.

Mordecai wheezed, his lungs felt as if they were on fire. “Wait!” he shouted to Lilith.

Mordecai stopped, turned around as quickly as he could and shot his revolver. Bloodwing left his shoulder and swooped down on the closest varkids, but there were too many and they’d soon get overwhelmed.

Mordecai heard an explosion, and a few seconds later, Lilith phased back with a fiery blast in the middle of the swarming varkids. The creatures screeched and skittered away, the sound loud and piercing enough that Mordecai grimaced and scrambled to cover his ears. Goddammit, he hated varkids.

Most of the varkids that had survived were on fire, and all of them backed away. Some dropped dead on the tunnel, but the rest of the swarm didn’t even stop on their way back to their colony.

Mordecai struggled to catch his breath. “Thanks.”

Lilith patted his shoulder. “No problem. C’mon.” She started running again.

Mordecai groaned internally, but he followed her anyway.

They ran across a few more varkids on their way, but not enough to force them to stop again. Eventually they could hear the gunfire from the Raiders further along the tunnel, and Lilith picked up speed somehow. Mordecai could barely keep up before, and now he was definitely left behind. Lilith disappeared around a corner and when Mordecai finally got there too, he could see the group of varkids that had Roland’s team pinned down. The tunnel through which he and Lilith had come joined a big cave from below, which was a shame since Mordecai always preferred to have the high ground, but it was moderately hidden from the bulk of the swarm.

“ _Reiss_?!” Roland’s voice said through the ECHO; a demand but also a warning.

“On my way!” Reiss replied, out of breath.

Mordecai took a couple deep breaths and digistructed his sniper rifle. He aimed at the varkid pod closest to him first and pulled the trigger. A moment later, an explosion illuminated the cave and made him squint. For half a second, Mordecai thought he’d somehow caused it, but when he looked up from his scope, he saw Lilith standing in the middle of a blast crater.

Lilith looked around and disappeared again.

“What the-” Roland said, stunned.

Mordecai smirked to himself and kept shooting the pods.

Lilith’s phaseblast was powerful enough to cause the swarm to panic. The varkids spun around in place, trying to locate her without result and she kept hitting them where they were grouped up closest to one another. Mordecai and Bloodwing focused on the adult and badass varkids flying overhead, and between them and Roland’s team doing the same, they thinned out the swarm considerably on just a few minutes.

By the time the varkids began to run, Lilith phased near Mordecai again. She looked pale and exhausted; she braced herself with a hand against the cave wall and caught her breath and her knees seemed ready to give out. She was smiling, though.

Mordecai watched her with mild concern, but without lowering his rifle. “Ok?”

Lilith nodded and stood up straighter. “Yeah. Yeah.”

“That was badass,” Mordecai said with a begrudging smile. He looked through the scope again. “Sit down and let us handle the rest.”

Judging by the sound, Lilith followed his advice and sat down on the cave floor.

“Reiss, the situation is under control,” Roland said, serious and strained and tired. “Take your time.”

“Really?”

“Yes, really,” Roland said dryly.

“Oh, good,” Reiss said, his footsteps slowed and stopped. He took a couple gulping breaths. “Sorry for the delay, sir.”

“Not your fault. We'll talk when you get here.”

All of the remaining varkids had left or were leaving now. Mordecai lowered his rifle and looked at Lilith, who was standing up with some effort. He offered his hand to pull her upright, but she waved him away. She was almost to her feet, anyway.

Mordecai searched for something to say. “You were right, he needed help.”

Lilith gave him a look. “Not just him. The people he's with, too.”

Bit of a dirty move, that. Taking the moral high ground.

“Them, too,” Mordecai admitted, quirking an eyebrow.

Lilith pulled another chunk of Eridium from her pocket and squeezed it. Her left arm, her whole body lit up in ~~blue~~ purple light.

“Lilith -”

“No, you don't get to say anything about this right now,” Lilith cut him off. She shook herself, and there it was, the slightly drunk look again - but all her weariness seemed to have evaporated, too. “That's better.”

Mordecai looked at Bloodwing, perched on his shoulder again, now covered in varkid entrails and blood. Bloodwing stared smugly back at him and proceeded to clean his feathers.

“Ok, new plan,” Lilith said. Mordecai looked back at her. “You're going back to Sanctuary.”

“What?” he asked, stunned.

“You're staying here, and I hope you go back to Sanctuary,” Lilith amended. Not that it was too different. “They need you here. There's more useful things you can do here than in Frostburn Canyon.”

Mordecai scowled at her. “Is that why you brought me here?”

“No, I wanted to help Roland. But I've been thinking about this, and you need something to do to keep you on track.” Lilith glanced back, probably at where Mordecai’s own HUD was marking Roland's location. He seemed to be moving closer towards them.

“Look, if you just wanna get rid of me, you could just have told me to fuck off,” Mordecai said between clenched teeth.

“Would you stop that?” Lilith snapped. “You think I _wouldn't_ have told you to fuck off if I wanted you to fuck off?”

That… was hard to argue against.

“I don't always like having you around, you sure as hell get on my nerves sometimes,” Lilith added. “But guess what? You're also my friend. And I don't love everything about you, but I love _you_. So, here's some tough love for you: go back to Sanctuary, talk to Roland, and get your shit together. Find stuff to do, keep distracted, and stop drinking for fuck’s sake! Don't let Brick or anyone else stop you from getting things done.”

Mordecai stared at Lilith, trying to process any part of that.

“Lil…”

Lilith looked into the cave, where they could already see Roland’s figure approaching. “Tell Roland to watch his back next time. I can’t always drop in and rescue him.”

“You’re leaving? You don’t wanna say ‘hi’?” Mordecai said with faint sarcasm, mostly out of habit that out of the desire to taunt her.

“Not really. I know Roland’s way of showing gratitude for saving his life is gonna be scolding me, and who has time for that.” Lilith patted Mordecai’s arm. “Take care. Come visit.”

Mordecai laughed, startled and bitter. Yeah, he _sure_ could believe she wanted him to go visit after she’d just kicked him out, sent him back to Sanctuary like a misbehaving child.

Lilith’s body lit up again. “Watch your eyes,” she warned.

“Wait, I left things at your place!” Mordecai said. The light surrounding Lilith flared out and she disappeared. Mordecai squinted and when he opened his eyes again, he sighed. “Damn it.”

Roland had shielded his eyes with a hand. When he lowered the hand, he stared at Mordecai for a moment, and Mordecai stared back. It was hard to read much into Roland’s guarded expression.

“Mordecai.” There wasn’t as much contempt in his voice as Mordecai had expected, to be honest. Roland sounded wary and serious, but that was it.

“Roland.”

Roland approached him. He watched around the cave a couple of times but didn’t say anything until he was close enough to hold a decent conversation - but not too close, either.

“Lilith left?”

“Yeah. Said she didn’t have time to listen to the scolding you pass as gratitude,” Mordecai said with no small amount of satisfaction.

Roland frowned, but he took a few seconds to reply. “So, how’s Brick doing?”

Mordecai sucked in a breath. His lip curled slightly, and he struggled to find something to say that would hurt Roland at least a little bit as much as that had hurt him.

“I thought if you were here, he’d be here, too,” Roland added. If he was trying to twist the knife he was doing a good job of it, and Mordecai didn’t know how to retaliate.

But... Roland looked only vaguely curious about that; he wasn’t gloating. It didn’t fit.

Mordecai pressed his lips together, took a deep breath, and tried to take some distance from this - get some perspective. Roland wasn’t the type to twist the knife. He wasn’t vicious by nature, and he hadn’t been goaded into it in the few seconds they’d been talking each other.

So, why ask about Brick? It took a moment, but Mordecai eventually remembered Roland’s words when he’d left Sanctuary last month: “ _should have known you’d go after him_ ”. Mordecai never did correct him on it; he didn’t want to let Roland know that Brick had left him, and why should Mordecai have told him anything?

“I wouldn’t know. But I bet he’s doing way better than Lilith is,” Mordecai replied stiffly. “Living alone doesn’t agree with her.”

There was a look of confusion on Roland’s face, soon replaced by understanding. “You’re… You’re staying with her?”

“Yeah.”

Roland opened his mouth, but he didn’t say anything. He looked young, all of a sudden - young and unsure. Like a man his age and not a veteran soldier, for once. No doubt, he wanted to ask how Lilith was - and more sincerely than he'd asked about Brick -, but the moment passed, and the words didn’t come out. Roland’s expression closed off again and he hid behind his Commander mask, cold and serious and unflinching.

Roland cleared his throat. “Why didn’t you leave with her, then?”

Mordecai’s knee jerk reaction when caught unaware by questions was to deflect with sarcasm or tell the truth, but he stopped himself from doing either. He sure as hell didn’t need to tell Roland he’d been left there.

“Well… There’s not a lot to do in Frostburn Canyon,” he said, figuring Lilith’s words were as good an excuse as any. “It was getting boring. And you just almost got killed by varkids, so it seemed like a good moment to drop by.”

Roland frowned again. “So… What? You’re coming back to Sanctuary?”

“You’re welcome.”

It wasn’t as if Mordecai had anywhere else to go. He had a Hyperion bounty on his head, and there was also one for Bloodwing. He guessed he could disappear into the wastelands, but it would take more effort than he was willing to put into it, and he’d have to be watching his back constantly if he did.

Roland studied his face, but he didn’t say anything. Eventually, Roland made a non-committal hum and turned around.

“We have a couple wounded, but nothing serious,” he said and lead the way to where he and his team had been taking cover. “We were on our way out.”

Mordecai followed him and looked around at the cave. “Why the hell are you here? This place is crawling with varkids. This isn’t even an Eridium mine.”

“No, we’re here to repay a favor.”

“To who?”

Roland looked at him over his shoulder. “To a, uh, a demolitions expert.”

Mordecai suspected Roland wanted him to ask for details, so he didn’t.

“And that made you come to Tundra Express in person?” Mordecai asked instead.

“Not exactly. We were already here. Before we got a chance to destroy the Eridium shipment we were after, someone else blew it up. That’s how we met Tina. She gave us a couple more bombs to close up the mines and in return, she asked us to kill some big, old varkid.”

Mordecai wanted to ask how in the hell that could have happened, but in the end, he didn't. That story made about as much sense as most of their old missions had, including the guy that had tried to get them killed and later paid them to recover his porn from several dumpsters all over New Haven. Life on Pandora was like that.

“And that’s how you almost got swarmed by varkids?” Mordecai said.

Roland ignored him. They’d reached the group of Raiders by now. There were six of them, some holding bandages to wounds, but most of them sitting down and looking exhausted.

“Alright,” Roland said in his command voice. “Reiss’ team is close by. As soon as they’re here, we’re going back to Sanctuary. Be ready.”

The Raiders nodded and made noises of acknowledgment.

Before Roland went to talk to anyone else, Mordecai touched his elbow and signaled him to get a word in private. Roland looked more surprised at the contact than anything else, but he followed Mordecai.

“Before we go back, let's make one thing clear: you need intel, I want money,” Mordecai said. “You pay me for my work, and that's it. That's all there is to it.”

Roland gave him an unimpressed look. “Are you done?”

Mordecai blinked. That wasn't the reaction he'd expected, but he did his best to hide his surprise. “Yep.”

“Alright, understood. I wouldn't expect anything more from you, anyway,” Roland said and went back to the Raiders. He didn't sound angry, he sounded fed up.

Mordecai tried to hide his annoyance. He liked having the last word, especially when he felt he had the moral high ground, but Roland had all but dropped the mic. There was no way for Mordecai to add anything else after that.

To cover up his embarrassment, Mordecai opened up his map and searched for Reiss’ position. The sooner he got here, the sooner he could go back to Sanctuary and not have to see Roland.

“Hey. You're back!” a voice said.

Mordecai looked away from his map in surprise and saw Sam, the kid that had come to Sanctuary with Brick. He was smiling broadly, although he stood at a somewhat awkward distance from Mordecai.

“Oh. Uh, hi.”

“I didn't think - Well, I thought after…” Sam trailed off. “I'm glad you're ok.”

“Uh…”

Mordecai remembered Sam, sure, but he hadn't thought about him once since having left Sanctuary. Seeing Sam happy to see him, it made Mordecai feel like a jerk, and also like there was a spotlight suddenly shining over his head. He sure as hell wouldn't have expected anyone in Sanctuary to miss him or be concerned by his well-being, let alone Sam. Mordecai barely even knew him.

“You're coming back, right?” Sam asked with a hint of hesitation.

“To Sanctuary? Yeah, yeah.”

“Good.”

Mordecai opened his mouth to ask… he wasn't entirely sure what. Maybe if Sam had thought he'd left with Brick, like Roland had; or maybe what everyone else in the Raiders and Sanctuary thought had happened - not that he cared what their opinions were, exactly.

“What happened?” Mordecai asked instead, gesturing at the bandage on Sam's forehead.

Sam touched the bandage. “Oh, that. Varkid spit. Nothing glamorous. I hope it won't leave a scar.”

Mordecai shrugged one shoulder and finally closed the map on his HUD. “Most people like scars. You can always make up a good story for it.”

Sam hesitated for a second. “‘ _People_ ’?” he asked with a wry smile.

“Yeah. Girls _and_ guys,” Mordecai replied knowingly. “And people who are neither.”

There it was, that unspoken kinship queer people developed without even realizing. That was probably why Sam had given any crap about him leaving, now that Mordecai thought about it.

But then, of course, Mordecai’s treacherous mind supplied the image of Brick and the scar over his lip - how it moved when he talked and smiled and laughed. And it _hurt_.

Sam shuffled his feet and smiled, a little awkward. “Uhm. Good to know.”

Mordecai did his best to push past the unwanted memory and the stab of pain it had brought. “Trust me, kid. I do know.”

Mordecai looked in the direction from where he expected Reiss would arrive. He wanted to move and get away from here. He’d have to sort out a lot of unexpected problems, including where he was going to live now and how he was going to get his things back from Lilith, but as much as the prospect exhausted him, it also beat standing anywhere near Roland and thinking about Brick.

There was some truth to Lilith’s words: he needed to keep himself distracted. Now, Mordecai hated going back, as a rule; he was good at burning bridges and bad at rebuilding them, but he saw no other options. And it was true that in Sanctuary there were more things to do and more people to interact with than in Frostburn Canyon, so he could at the very least give it a shot. He could always leave the city again, if it became unbearable.

Mordecai didn’t enjoy thinking that Lilith was alone again, but she’d sent him on his merry way, right? Any guilt he felt, he could shift to her, and in the meantime, try to get Lilith back to Sanctuary as soon as he could. He could do his part - for her, if not for anyone else.

_Yeah, right. When had anything he’d ever done actually influenced the events of the war or made things better for anyone else?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave a comment if you liked this chapter :)
> 
> Music mood: [José González - Crosses](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X4N4sPl4DSQ)
> 
> Mordy's and Lilith's friendship gives me so much life, you guys. I'm sad to see her go again. 
> 
> You can find me on [Tumblr](http://wilwarindi.tumblr.com/)


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